Getting out of an abusive relationship...

Kendall - posted on 04/12/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I became pregnant at 16 (I am 17 now) with my ex-boyfriend, we were together for two years. Things started going down hill after I found out I was pregnant. He begged, and harrassed me because I wanted to keep my daughter. I cried myself to sleep for nights because of the horrible things he would say to me. He made me feel like I was a bad person for wanting to keep her. Finally, he got used to the idea, and accepted that he was going to be a father. Throughout my pregnancy, we would fight. We would be having a good day, and he would be doing all of these nice things for me...then all of a sudden he would turn mean and start cussing at me (which being pregnant and emotional) was hard for me to take, so I would cry. These fights got to be worse everytime, and they were always over him doing bad things. I got so upset all the time, I would worry about miscarrying my baby. Thankfully, she remained healthy. Once the baby was born, our fights started escalating into violence. I never really did anything that horrible for him to get upset with me. He would always just get so upset if I did not do what he wanted, or if he could not see the baby for some reason. He choked me one day when I was over at his house, and ever since then things really have never been the same. I told my parents, they wanted to press charges at first, but I begged them not to. My family has had several conversations with his parents but, his parents always twist things around and manipulate the situation by saying it is my fault for everything. On Easter Sunday, I found out that my ex was out doing drugs and seeing another girl, so I ended things. Ever since then, he has been constantly harrassing me by calling me names, sending all of these texts and constantly calling me. I only have stayed with him this long because I was scared of him taking me to court. I do not trust him alone with my daughter, so I do not want him to have any rights. Being with him, I have been contstantly scared of him getting mad at me. I could not go out and do simple things, without him...and if I did he would yell at me. I felt so trapped, and I still feel that way. I just do not think I can ever get away from him because I have a child with him. I really have not done anything to deserve what he has done to me, but he still tries to manipulate me and make me feel like its all my fault. I did not let him see our daughter for a week because of all of the bad things he did, and it probably was a mistake because he has been harrassing me for days over it. He called me the "C" word and wished I was dead, and said all of these terrible things to me...like I AM the bad person. He was the one who has been screwing up this whole time! I am so tired of being walked all over. I just do not know what to do. There is more to the story, but he has done so many bad things I have lost count. Any advice??? I did speek to a lawyer, to know what my rights are, but it still has not reassured me. If he were to ever get any rights of my daughter, I would be a complete wreck and scared for my daughter's well-being. I don't even want my daughter to have anything to do with his parents. I do not trust them, either. I know when we go to court he is just going to manipulate everything and get them to be on his side. I just hate this situation so much.

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5 Comments

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Sarah - posted on 12/26/2011

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I am in a very similar situation right now. Age, years together with ex. But my ex was never physical abusive but he and now his parents are very verbally and emotionally abusive. I was served with papers when my boy was 3 weeks old. His dad signed the BC and an affidavit saying that he would have my last name. Well now him anf his family are wanting to reverse the affidavit and make his last name theirs, have MINIMUM joint custody, and over nights. My baby has just turned 3 months. In Mississippi, father has just as much right as the mother. Doctors say that overnights away from mother are not good until they are 3. But anyway... I'm scared very much for my child too. I don't trust any of them. But you need to document and take notes of everything. Pictures, whatever. It is very tough and extremely scary. But through everything, God is in control. He knows what is going on. And He protects his children. I know it's very hard to do, but give all your worries to Him. I have to remind myself that every day. Cause I don't like when I don't have control of things. But just trust Him to protect you and your baby. And stick close to your parents. When friends and boyfriends leave you, they'll always be there. Trust me.

Chelsie - posted on 04/25/2011

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Press charges for everything. police reports are the only thing the courts will look at!! The more reports on file the less likely they will let the father see the baby. Make sure that everything is reported for the safety of your baby. Get a restraining order if you fear the father will do anything and if he breaks it report that too.

Annabeth - posted on 09/20/2010

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I was in a very similiar relationship with my ex. We were together for just over a year and we have a 2 week old son. He was on drugs, would abuse me over anything and everything. He would go off if i went anywhere without him knowing exactly where i was going, when i would be back. He got even worse when i fell pregnant. He never wanted the baby and resented me for it. He tried to convince me to have an abortion but i refused. He would accuse me of cheating on him constantly, he still says the baby isn't his. I finallly left him 6 months ago and now that i have had my son he keeps calling, messaging me. He showed up at his parents house this weekend and went off at me, he punched his brother in the face for defending me. He goes off over the slightest thing and is now accusing me of sleeping with his brother. Which is bullshit but to him i am. I am scared to go to the police because i am worried it will make him worse. I do not want him anywhere near me or my son but i am not sure how much longer i can put up with him abusing, ringing and harrassing me. This probably won't help you very much mainly because i am kind of in the same situation but feel free to message me if you want to talk

Alexa - posted on 06/13/2010

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First off, change your numbers and block him from all of your online stuff. Keep all the texts/messages and file a harassment charge against him & possibly a restraint order. If he tries to get custody and there is that on his record it wont look good on his part, plus if he is harassing you its necessary. Maybe then he will realize that you are serious about putting an end to the way he is treating you. Since you do have a child with him I recommend seeing a lawyer and getting legal papers written up regarding custody. If you are concerned for your child's safety then I would really stress that to the lawyer.He will probably only get supervised visits or every second weekend at most. Just remember a happy, safe, stable home is more important for a baby than having the daddy around. Its taken me 5 months to learn that, and now that I've realized it I'm a lot less stressed out. It is also possible that if he is doing drugs and there is record of him being violent (take pictures of any bruises ect.) that he will have to pay child support and have no visitation rights. So if he is ever physically violent again press charges.

Stay strong, and remember that even though he is obviously a moron... You got a beautiful baby girl out of it who will give you more love than any man will ever be capable of. :)

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