Ashlee - posted on 08/17/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )
So the BM is pushing really hard to put my SD - who is not quite 5 - into counseling for "depression and anxiety" related to the split household situation. She claims SD is upset about leaving her mother's house and seems not to want to spend time with her dad (my husband).
Our only experiences with any sort of distress at all are when SD is first coming to our house after a long visit at her mother's (lasts about 3 minutes), when she's being disciplined, when she's exhausted beyond the point of coping, and when she's on the phone with her mother. The rest of the time she spontaneously tells us she likes our house, she loves us, and exhibits no worrisome symptoms at all! We have a great time together and she and her dad are CLEARLY firmly attached.
But BM has been out to separate SD from her dad from the beginning, claiming he's a bad influence (hmm - if being college educated, from an intact family with no history of domestic violence or drugs, and in a stable married relationship can be a 'bad influence'). BM herself has a host of self-confessed emotional family issues, and we feel she is projecting her own anti-daddy issues onto her kid, trying to drive a wedge.
Our biggest worry is about what SD will tell the counselor, and whether it will be at all an accurate reflection of how she really feels. She's a pleaser and is very good at telling people what they want to hear - which means that if either BM or the counselor has an anti-dad bias, she'll play it up even if it's not what she really feels. Then we're in serious psychological trouble for SD later!!
What do you think? Should we agree to put SD into counseling to see if there are any issues, and risk letting BM prime her to tell the counselor that she doesn't like her Dad? Or do we object, let her start kindergarten this week, and let the teachers decide if they see any issues?
Please help. So worried about putting SD into a tough spot where she's torn between how she really feels and what she feels she ought to do.