New here with a question...

Roxanne - posted on 08/23/2009

Just thinking about what I would say to my 8 year old twins if they responded that way I would tell them, yes I am upset at you. You know that this behavior is (insert comment here) and you know how to act responsibly and I expect that responsible behavior from you.



My oldest twin (they are the 8 year olds) throws temper tantrums like that all the time. Slamming things, stomping around etc. That one has a temper and she has a hard time controlling it. She usually gets a response of knock it off Tarma when she starts it.



If she does not then she is sent to her room and stays there until she has got herself under control. She is told in no uncertain terms that her behavior is NOT acceptable and she can go to her room until she can get it under control. And NO ONE is allowed in until she does get it under control. And as long as she isnt kicking the walls or being destructive I ignore what goes on in there.



When she is ready to talk about her behavior then she can come out. I would also suggest that if she is slamming her door that much then remove it. Warn her that is what you are going to do if she does it again. And when she does (because she will) then remove it. It saves you from having to repair it at least.



Also, avoid arguing with your 8 year old. By debating the issue with her, you are giving her the upper hand and allowing her to turn it into a debate and turn it around on you. Just tell her you aren't going to argue with her about her action and if she keeps arguing, well...I put mine in the corner still. I count them to three and then at three they stand in the corner.



If it makes you feel better, I am going through this with my 16 year old right now. He wants to argue about EVERYTHING and act like a martyr. I do still get drawn into the arguing the behavior with him occasionally. He wants to feel like an adult when he doesn't have the maturity to act adult. It is not easy. So good luck to you.



Oh and after we started sending Tarma to her room to get her temper under control on her own and let her choose her time about coming out she has been getting better about getting her temper under control.

Jessica - posted on 08/14/2009

Thank you Sharon. I've tried charts and talking with her during calm times, but it goes right out the window when she gets mad. I also think it's a way to attention getting, and she understands that it is the wrong way of going about it. I praise her for good behavior, and she does respond well to that. It's only when she does get into trouble or she hears something that she doesn't like that it really starts. If she would just say "o.k.", and correct the misbehavior, all would be well. But she just insists on pushing on, and making it worse. I know she's upset with her self for getting into "trouble" in the first place, and she takes it out on me. How can I teach her to internalize it and fashion it into a learning experience for the next time? She isn't like this at school. One other hting that is right up there with this problem is her bargaining. If we say no, and continue to say no, she behaves the same way. As if we are horrible, lol! Though, I think this might be very normal, lol!

Sharon - posted on 08/14/2009

Sometimes I take a few minutes to talk to my son, who will be 8 in Nov,when he is calm and being good. I talk about why it is good to listen and follow directions, even when we do not agree with what the adult is saying. For my son the difficult times occur when it is shower time, bedtime, and time to turn off the playstation. I let my son know that I am expected to be at work at a particular time, do certain things at work, and not do things at work (like talk on the phone, watch tv, sleep). We also discuss that it is not nice to say that someone is being mean, unfair, or is anything else at these times. At one time I created a chart with the important things for the day on it. The morning listed get dressed, eat, and brush teeth (to name a few) along with use nice words & follow directions and then had a place to earn a check/sticker. I did the same thing for the afternoon and evening. This had great results, although some days are not too good still. Good luck. Talk to your pediatrician too, since some of these concerns could be due to competition with the 18 mth old for attention.