Custody change equals behavior change. Can someone please help?

Amber - posted on 02/29/2012 ( no moms have responded yet )

Recently my 6yr step daughter came to live with us. It's been almost 4mths. In the beginning things were fine. She recently, over the last mth or two has changed dramatically. I know she doesn't WANT to live here and wants to live with her Mother; however, her Mother is not capable of caring for her properly. She has no job, is sleeping on her Mother's couch. Before custody was changed, she picked the child up from my house one wknd and moved her 2 1/2 hrs away w/out notice to me or courts. Cause she didn't have anywhere to live here in town as she had already exhausted all her options of staying with friends. She moved our child around 3 times in less than 3mths before finally going out of town. She dresses the child in clothes that are wayyyyy too small for her, doesn't take her to dr when/if needed. After the court date where the custody was changed from her having full to us having joint legal/physical with the child to reside with me and see her every other wknd, she went home and told the child that daddy was taking her away and wanted me to be her new mommy and that's why he wanted her to live with him. She kept the child from us for another week after the court date, absolutely refusing to give her up. Now the child is disobeying worse than ever, has said she wishes she could kill her daddy, I am ugly and stupid and just told us yesterday that she is acting like this so maybe we will get tired of her and think she is ugly and send her back to her mommy. We have discussed this with her over and over and over again. We have told her that we are NOT taking her away from her mommy and that the judge makes the decision and that we have to go by what the judge says. Whether she wants to be here or not it really is what is in her best interest. The mother told her she was going to move back to town; however, that has not happen and is not going to any time in the near foreseeable future. She has very recently started seeing a new guy and has no plans of moving. She had a job in Nov but after court she quit it and hasn't had one since. The mother is NOT able to put the child's needs above her own. I mean, the courts don't just change a custody order for the fun of it. There has to be a good reason for it. She still is not following the dr's orders when she has the child on her wknds. She is supposed to wear eye patches 2hrs a day to help strengthen her bad eye and mother doesn't make her wear them, she has eczema and needs a lotion on her daily to control it and keep it at bay and mother doesn't put it on her. She went with her for 4 days, came home and the eczema on her arm was coming back and she only wore the eye patch twice... The child JUST now got out of bed and told me " maybe i wish I could be bad and go to jail so you guys won't make me live here anymore." I am at a loss as to what to do. We were taking her to counseling; however, we do not like the therapist so we are finding a new one. Does anyone have any insight or advice they can offer? I have never been through this before. This poor baby is acting in some ways I have NEVER seen a 6yr old act before. She also says she doesn't love any one anymore, not even her mommy. When we say I love you, she either doesn't say anything or says, you know I love you too. She didn't used to be like that. She used to be very loving and caring and respectful. She is NOT that same person now. She has told kids at school and soccer she wants to beat them up or choke them. Very uncharacteristic of her... :/ Does anyone have some advice or insight they can offer? It's greatly appreciated. =)