Letting go of custody

Sandra - posted on 10/02/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My son had always said " I want to live with my dad". So when he was 14 I gave his dad sole custody and moved from Ontario, Canada to NY,USA. This has been the hardest day of my life. Letting go and giving the responsibility away was a scary event that I knew was in the best interest for him as I knew I wouldn't be stable for a while either. The biggest heartache I had ever concurred.

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Mary Ann - posted on 10/07/2011

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In 2004 I allowed my then 14 yr old daughter to stay with her dad and moved 1000 miles away to live with my husband after my remarriage. It was very hard but obviously someone had to move. He had the much-better job situation so that was the deciding factor. There was resentment toward me from my two oldest (still away from me, I have one teen who lives with us) from my divorce from their dad onward. I struggled and still do to get over their resentment and rejection. It's hard to be hurt by people you poured so much love into. But I am not going to let it run me over. I feel for you. I believe a long-distance parent/child relationship can thrive.I continue to try against a lot of complacency and indifference and resentment to communicate and give and love. Do all you can to keep communication frequent and thriving. Skype, text, call, email-get creative. Send goodies.PRAY. Hope this helps.

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Kayla - posted on 11/23/2012

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I completely feel the same way. I feel like half of me died..the day that I let them go. You did it for the right reasons. You werent being selfish when you agreed with your sons decision. I try to remind myself all the time why I agreed to the terms that I have. Im a good person who loves her daughters more than anything. Stability is what they needed. I needed to get back on my feet. It wouldnt have been fair to drag them through that.

Kayla - posted on 11/23/2012

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Thank you for sharing. I really needed to know that I am not alone. I do get them for the holidays. I am going to be driving 1100 miles to get them on December 17th and I cant wait. I know the hardest thing I will have to do is drive them back around New Years. I can't imagine how I am going to be when I have to give them back.

Kayla - posted on 11/22/2012

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I am a recently divorced young mother of two beautiful girls who currently has joint custody with my ex husband. Because I was the one who decided to leave my husband and I couldn't afford to support myself fully let alone take on my two girls as well I decided that it would be better for them to stay in their home that they were accustomed too and I would come visit. I sank into a horrible depression because every time I would visit my daughters would cry and beg me not to leave. It broke my heart and pushed me even further into depression and I ended up isolating myself completely from everyone..even my daughters :( He took them to Oklahoma (16) hours away and everyday I cry. I skype them. and sometimes my youngest who is 6 is sad and cries and I feel absolutely helpless. Sometimes they don't even want to talk to me. The communication between my ex and I is very brief, and he doesn't really include me in any decision making at all.

I battle my depression everyday. Some days I dont even make it out of the bed I feel like half of me died and I dont know how I am suppose to somehow cope with this like its suppose to be normal. I feel so alone. My family tells me to snap out of it. If it were that easy of course I would. I have tried various depression medications but they do not magically bring my daughters back. But I am grateful that they help me get out of bed in the morning on most days. I feel completely lost.

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