heart broken mom

Melissa - posted on 02/16/2012

They most definetly can have extreamly violent outbursts. My son also has both conditions and he's gone as far as him saying he was going to kill everyone and himself and trying to stab himself in the face with a pen while in class. (Btw, if your wondering, this was last year and he's in a specially designed class that combines anger management and independent learning.) So no, he might not be bi-polar. I'd keep trying to find a person specialized in pediatric psychology to officially test your son. Some insurance companies will cover the cost of behavioral tests with a doctors referral. Some schools, like the one my son is in, have special classes designed for ADHD/ODD children. If your school district doesn't than you can try for open enrollment in a neighboring district, if it's not too far, that has a class like that one.

Alahnna - posted on 02/16/2012

My son has ADHD/ODD and it is a daily challenge. I would suggest getting him in to see a child psychologist for diagnosis, as they will know exactly what to look for and how to go about getting a formal diagnosis properly. There are so many doctors out there that just want to throw medication at the problem instead of looking into seeing exactly what the problem is first. My son was bounced around from doctor to doctor until we got to a psycologist and I finally feel like we;re starting to get somewhere. We've had trouble finding a medication that works consistently, but it is slowly getting better. Hang in there and try to ignore what others say. It's hard, but until a person has actually been in your shoes, they cannot truly understand what it is you deal with. I have been told many times how my son needs to be disciplined more, a good slap on the ass would work, ground him, be more strict, etc. All this from people who have only seen him have a meltdown in public and didn't even see the beginning, or the end. Seems everyone is an expert on your child but you these days

Wendy - posted on 02/13/2012

i know that it can be fustrating alot of times especially when everyone is telling you what to do with your child when obviously you know your child best. you are the mother. my 12 yr old was diagnosed with ADHD/bi-polor when he was 6, he is on focalin and resperidone and methilphinidate. i hear all the time mostly from family members that he is just spoiled, i baby him too much, there isn't nothing wrong with him he just needs a good spankin. well i have tryed everything and found that with the right medication and knowing what my child needs he can really be quite sweet. he is very interesting, creative and very much into sciece. all it takes is alot of patience and understanding. and you will be able to advocate for him when nobody else can. and yes my son has gotten very violent that is part of the disability, good luck!

Brooke - posted on 01/19/2012

The way you described dealing with your son is the same way I had to learn to deal with my son who is also 7. When he learns that the fit does not get him what he want and you are willing to listen after he has calmed down , they will start to get less and less. I know it is heartbreaking , every time we change meds. or have to deal with a situation due to ADHD my heart breaks and I want to scream I HATE ADHD. But just hang in there till you know in your heart that you have done everything you can for your child. You are his best (sometime only) advocate, the more knowledge you have the more power you have over the sit. Hang in there it does get better

Dancingwolf - posted on 10/22/2011

That is a great idea..i will try that :)

Jennifer - posted on 10/22/2011

Forgot to mention, I'm trying to "go green". Green is a very calming and soothing color, especially for people with very busy brains or angry tendencies. Maybe you could try making your son's room a calming place. Could you paint the walls or hang some green pictures or landscapes? And make sure he gets lots of time outside, sunshine, trees, and nature all seem to help.

Jennifer - posted on 10/22/2011

There are good days and bad days, but I promise you... it does get better. Your son will improve. Just keep learning, researching, and trying new things, and remembering to tell him you love him and enjoy the happy moments. I have been there too, feeling hopeless and like the pain will never end, but it gets better and easier to parent a difficult kid. For me, one of the hardest things was to not take my son's behavior personally. I have to remind myself all the time that he isn't setting out to do wrong or hurt my feelings. As frustrating as it is for parents... think about how hard it must be to be that kid... the one who feels like he can't do anything right, can't please his mom or teacher, its hard for him to make friends, hard to do his school work. Try to keep frustration out of your eyes and voice because he will see/hear it. I recently began to say something like this to my son when he comes home from a bad day at school "What you did was wrong, but I am not going to get upset about this. I love you and I need a few minutes to think about how you and I will handle this." Then I just take that 5 minutes and that way I don't get too angry with him. I can plan out my words so that they are encouraging yet firm. It's really been helping. Yesterday he told me that he likes how I'm not mad all the time anymore. I'll take that as a win.

Dancingwolf - posted on 10/21/2011

ya i find i have to remove him from the situation not only so no one gets hurt but so he understands that mom saying no means no, i pick him up and put him in his room and i say i love you and we will talk when you are calm..i guess what i worry about is it will never end and i wish i understood why he reacted that way..TY Jennifer for great advice :)

Jennifer - posted on 10/21/2011

I'm sorry for your troubles. It's hard, I know. Try not to escalate the situation at all. When your son is in that angry fit, he is not open to your guidance or redirection at all. Anything you say or do is just going to escalate the situation. I've had success by simply saying to my boy: "We will talk about this when you are calm. I love you." And then I just walk away and wait it out. When it's over I try to listen to him calmly without interrupting, then respond. It doesn't always work. But I have discovered as long as I stay calm and don't engage in his tantrum, it goes much better.

Dancingwolf - posted on 10/21/2011

He is 7 and and has a doctor diagnose adhd,still looking into the odd though.The teachers seem to be ok they are working with me, in that case i am lucky.I have worked with my child for so long now with his adhd behavior teaching him he needs to listen and it took awhile but he has learned...but what i am having isues with is the sudden angry violent outbursts he has usually that come when he is told no for something he wants (him losing control of the situation..odd has to have control )occasionly it is over nothing though.Its like he is fighting for his life at the moment it leaves me so heartbroken that he has to be so angry to harm me cause i said no.But i understand that it is a condition.We have been waiting for a pediatrition for a bit now we got into one and the pediatrition with out getting to know my boy looked at me and he said ummm maybe he reacts off you, try ignoring his behavior,well i can t avoid using the word no and i am not going to ignore him while i am getting kicked in the face and bitten :( so i changed drs. My boy has the sweetest personality he is so loving, he just can not take the word no for some reason .

Jennifer - posted on 10/21/2011

It's sooo frustrating when Doctors, teachers, and others think they know your kid better than you. How old is he and has he been tested for any of the conditions you mention? My son is ADHD. He really doesn't have mood swings other than what I think is normal for a pubescent boy of 11. He has the outbursts leaning toward violence, but hasn't caused any physical harm to himself, others, or walls or anything like that. Can you get a referral from your pediatrician to go to a child psychologist and have your boy tested? Just remember you know your child better than anyone. Don't be hesitant to tell doctors, teachers, or anyone that. Try to be open to their suggestions but set that boundary... and I would demand further testing. Good luck!