How do I tell people my son is on meds?

[deleted account] ( 11 moms have responded )

So we just took that big leap of meds after trying everything with our son. He was almost kicked out of preschool because of the severe form of adhd he has, and we didnt know what else to try. After doing diets, sports, plain energy burning 5 yr old stuff...everything. We were even having daily meeting with his preschool, but none of it was working. It wasnt until he started hurting himself and others that we did it. It has helped him to focus and channel the energy, without making him a zombie. BUT...
We live in a really liberal place where people firmly believe that meds are not the way to go. All of my friends and family have an opinion on what is best for eathen and what we should do and blah blah blah....some has helped but most has just been annoying.. I am also told frequently that i have a bad child. I just want a way to tell the people that matter about or decision without having to be preached at that we are doing something wrong....
Before i rant on anymore, does anyone have any advice?

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Tiffany - posted on 05/19/2009

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My first suggestion is to only tell people whom have a need to know (those giving the meds)... As far as friends/family, what purpose is being served by sharing that information? You have done what is necessary for your family - there will be people who will criticize your decision, but until they've been in your shoes it isn't their place.

Phyllis - posted on 05/15/2009

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In my case it is my husband who is against the meds, but I wont back down, b/c I know whats best for Jesse. I did compromise and only give it to him on school days, and so far I can handle him at home. (although my patience is wearing thin) We were on meds daily. As far as people that NEED to know...school officials, caregivers etc...you need to give them as much info as you think they need, and do it very matter-of-factly. This is what he is on, when he gets it and what to expect. I told Jesses teacher, Jesse wont likely eat his lunch at school, don't force it, its the meds. I find the school more accepting than family has been. The nearest family to me, if they get all preachy about it, I fake an appointment and drop Jesse off There, unmedicated for the day...they usually dont mention it again...lol

Rabecca - posted on 05/14/2009

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I think you will always run into people who think things about your parenting style or lack of .Your choices you make about your child ect.. But you have to just follow your heart of course no loving parent is going to make a choice to hurt there own child so do what you think is best I know I get just pi**ed off at peoplw who think to juged me because i choice to use medication especially those who did not know my son before medication he was out of control really like a mentally disturbed person at times .Is medicaion always the right choice of course not but that does not mean some childern dont actually need this to have the life that they deserve.I would just tell them you chose medication because you love your son and you will do anything to make sure he has the fullest life he can and that is also what your doctor has recommended as well you dont need to explain yourself to anyone hes your son and all youwant is whats best for him

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[deleted account]

Hi I find this a very interesting thread. Medication enables people with ADHD to maintain concentration long enough for them to learn the skills to function in society. If other people are giving you an issue about your son being on Meds ask them this: If he was diabetic would they even question you about putting your child on meds?



On the other hand due to the stigma that people have with ADHD I think it is very important to only tell people you have to about it. You need to protect your family as well.

Becky - posted on 07/15/2009

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So interesting to read all this. My son is only considered borderline ADHD. He has always slept well thank goodness because I just can't cope with lack of sleep myself. But the difficulty making friends because he acts silly and doesn't know "when to stop", being disruptive in class, playing to roughly and having a hair trigger temper etc etc all sounds so familiar. It took ages before we realized and then could prove to the school that other children were setting him up as well. Just like another mum said her child did to his brother! "Bullying" comes in all degrees of subtlety. Children very quickly pick up on the fact that if one child has a problem with behavior management it is easy and fun to get them in trouble then sit back and watch the fur fly.

I have always been reluctant to put him on medication due to the longterm side effects. I didn't feel the benefits were worth the risks in his case and it is important for them to learn to manage their behavior anyway. ADHD will not usually be an adequate excuse if he gets in trouble with the police. WE tried a program called 123 Magic and it works somewhat. The biggest difficulty I found was that you must remain calm at all times. That's a joke sometimes when you can't even keep up with their thought processes! But it does help tremendously if you can manage it. I also found that giving praise was hard because you feel like you are treating them like a toddler giving praise for tiny little things when they are 10y old. But the school uses it as well and the consistency is critical to help them know what is expected and acceptable.

We have also recently started giving him small doses of caffeine twice a day. He tried coffee but didn't like it so now has the equivalent of about 25mg caffeine before school and at lunchtime in the form of diet coke. If something requiring concentration is happening in the evening he will get a third dose in the late afternoon. He has tried higher doses but long term side effects of high dose caffeine in child can be bad too. Also he became very angry and difficult to control-more so than normal. It seemed to be when the caffeine began to wear off. He very much liked the higher doses but is much more stable on the tiny dose. We have also started to be careful about processed sugar and certain foods/drinks. His friend with ADHD has a diet with as little processed sugar as possible including fruit juices and you wouldn't know he had any difficulties.

The main problems that concern me apart from helping him to acheive his potential acdemically and socially are that years of being constantly in trouble and struggling to behave have had a detrimental effect on his self esteem and confidence. He covers it up very well once you know what to look for it is clear. Exercise is great. Having something that they can do well and doing lots of it and getting lots of praise for it is also great. And for mums and dads good support from people who actually have experienced living through it not just learned about it from the books! You aren't alone out there and there are ways to cope and survive and seen that delightful child that is hiding underneath all the other stuff.

Danielle - posted on 07/14/2009

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i am in the same boat you are my 3 yr old just got put on some meds for adhd. we were at our ends i didnt know what to do from the time she got up till the time she went to bed she was non stop climbing on furinture tables it didnt matter to her. when she couldnt have her way she would fall to the floor screamin, kickin doors, jumpin up and down and this would go on for hours if i let it. the doctors couldnt beleive she acted this way. they didnt want to put her on no meds so they referred us to child and parent therapy who put her on some meds. and every since i have been giving them to her she has really improved. i know some people look down on people for giving kids meds but i really was to the point i thought i was going to have a nervous break down.

Amanda - posted on 06/10/2009

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Don't tell anyone your son is on meds. except those who truely need to know, like his school, doctors, babysitters/daycares, those are the only people that are a need to know basis, if you feel uncomfortable to tell any of your family or friends don't tell them it's none of their business anyway! Opinons are like a#*holes eveybody's got one!! If people tell you that your son is bad then don't hang around them and if you don't know them tell them to stick where the sun dosen't shine...you and your son don't need any negative energy, especially, when you and your son are dealing with something that can at times be out of your control! People who don't have an ADD/ADHD child or deal with them on a regular basis have no idea what its like! Negative comments, opinons, only hinder any progress that you have made with your child! My son is 9 and has ADHD & Dysthemic Disorder he is like a sponge when it comes to negativity, he sucks it right up and turns it on himself and it hurts so much to watch him do that to himself because of someone elses stupidity and ignorance! Good Luck to you and your son, there will be brighter days ahead, just stay positive, as hard as it may be at times stay positive for him if nothing else!

Debi - posted on 05/28/2009

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Your story sounds exactly like mine. I, too, have issues with telling people, they somehow make me feel guilty when I know this is the right thing for him. I only tell the people who need to know, teachers, school counselors (anyone who has a direct effect on his education), coaches if necessary and family.

Natalie - posted on 05/24/2009

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i have had the same thing with some people, there nothing wrong with him hes just lively, i think ok u spend a hole wk with the child, no meds, let them have any food they want & u will soon see that they are more than lively. my middle 1 has been on med since 6yrs old & older 1 has just started them (1wk) & school has already said theres a big differance. got 2 go boys r not in beds

Rabecca - posted on 05/14/2009

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I think you will always run into people who think things about your parenting style or lack of .Your choices you make about your child ect.. But you have to just follow your heart of course no loving parent is going to make a choice to hurt there own child so do what you think is best I know I get just pi**ed off at peoplw who think to juged me because i choice to use medication especially those who did not know my son before medication he was out of control really like a mentally disturbed person at times .Is medicaion always the right choice of course not but that does not mean some childern dont actually need this to have the life that they deserve.I would just tell them you chose medication because you love your son and you will do anything to make sure he has the fullest life he can and that is also what your doctor has recommended as well you dont need to explain yourself to anyone hes your son and all youwant is whats best for him

Rabecca - posted on 05/14/2009

520

15

70

I think you will always run into people who think things about your parenting style or lack of .Your choices you make about your child ect.. But you have to just follow your heart of course no loving parent is going to make a choice to hurt there own child so do what you think is best I know I get just pi**ed off at peoplw who think to juged me because i choice to use medication especially those who did not know my son before medication he was out of control really like a mentally disturbed person at times .Is medicaion always the right choice of course not but that does not mean some childern dont actually need this to have the life that they deserve.I would just tell them you chose medication because you love your son and you will do anything to make sure he has the fullest life he can and that is also what your doctor has recommended as well you dont need to explain yourself to anyone hes your son and all youwant is whats best for him

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