self esteem in add childern

Roxanne - posted on 03/12/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Does anyone have any ideas on how I can build my sons self confidence? He was diagnosed this yr as having ADD which wasn't a surprise for us, his Father has it so does my little brother. My sons 8 in aug. still can't ride a two wheeler because he doesn't believe he can so he falls off , constantly telling us hes stupid, dum all the things that breaks our hearts. He can swim but only if he can touch he failed yet another run of swimming lessons because he wont swim were he can't touch.. If anyone has any ideas please I'm all ears. I'm afraid of all this negativity he feels about himself ! We tell him every day what a smart great guy he is we praise him countless times but it feels like it falls on deaf ears..Please help if you can

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Connie - posted on 06/15/2010

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I have a 10 yr old daughter that has ADHD and one medication that I would recommend is called Daytrana. It is a patch that you put on him in the morning and it is a slow release. As long as he is not skin sensitive it is a great medication. The medication works for 9 hours and an extra 3 hours so a total of 12 hours. Talk to his doctor about it. Just make sure that you have insurance for it because it is expensive. I wish my daughter could stay on it but she is allergic to it. It really worked for her.
What medications is he taking now? You may be able to crush the pill or open the capsule and put the medication in applesauce or yogurt which is what I had to do.
Let me know
Connie

Nichole - posted on 04/13/2010

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i'm 28 and self-esteem in us is hard. we already know we are different, so do the other kids. i found that if i couldn't do something right the first time i tried something, i never tried again. Its hard to explain even as an adult i still have problems with that. we judge ourselves, our actions in our own head. If we cant get it right the first time it makes things worse, because we have no other way to understand why we couldn't do it other than we are stupid. my parents struggled with this issue with me for years. even now i find that while i know that this kind of behavior is destructive, i still do it. when i was on medication i didn't understand why i was "special". having to be forced to take medication only re-enforced the feeling of being stupid (as a kid). we want so bad to be like "normal" (if thats even possible) kids, but its just not possible. i sometimes feel that it's my fault that i am the way i am. my parents tried countless things from journals to therapy to try and fix this, all i got out of that was how to hind my feelings from my parents, and to pretend to be the person they wanted me to be. Everyone in my life has told me that you have to find ourself. but how do you find yourself when you are on medication that makes you feel different, when your always told that your not behaving right, when everyone around you has given you the "label", how do you know who you are when teachers treats you differently than other kids?
Once again im 28 years old i'm add/adhd with odd. i struggle daily with this, i stryggle with the lies, the anger issues, i constantly feel that im a failure, even when i do something grand. i'm learning things that i should have learned in high school. and there's nothing anyone can do to help me. i have to figure it out on my own. reading these posts just make me cry because i know (from my own expierances) how hard it is for the children, and how hard it was for my parents to try and deal with me. they read the books, tried everything, but little was known back in the early 90's and little was known about this. all i can say for other mom's with children like me is dont give up!!

Kathleen - posted on 03/27/2010

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With the negetive attitude he has of himself, you decide (in your own mind) what he really enjoys and go from there. Does he like lego's or building things? Is he mechanically inclined, because the erector sets are great. Karate is wonderful, the craft will help build his self esteem. My son is almost 13 and a sheer bundle of go, go, go. Most of his friends sleep until the afternoon on the weekends, not my son, he's up even earlier than on schools days.
My son loves sports so I have him involved with all the sports I can. He actually loves basketball, building paper airplanes, gardening, baking and now he skateboards. He is getting very good.
If your son likes to read, start a star book. Each book completed have a "reward" at the end of completed two or three books. Keep it at two or three books, because the ADD and ADHD children will feel as if they will never make it the fifth book.

I hope some suggestions help you. Good luck and feel free to contact me if you ever want to chat. My 12 year old is ADHD, but I have a 27 yr old severely Bipolar son too.
I've had some practice ;)

Roxanne - posted on 03/22/2010

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So I took my son out the other day for a bike ride, he did GREAT I made him say I can do this,I believe in myself, Mommy believes in me I can do it!!! I made him say this almost ever time he took off he fell a lot but unlike last yr no tears he didn't get frustrated and better yet he never put himself down once I was so proud of him!! He still can't ride a two wheeler but I have hope that maybe someday soon he will thanks for all the positive ideas

Nicole - posted on 03/15/2010

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I think the best thing is to have open communicastion and explain to him what self esteem is. In my research I've learned that ADHD children lag behind emotionally and socially so they may be the focus of ridicule by their peers. They also do not have developed internal voice or thoughts. So help your son by having him tell you what he likes about himself. Ask him what kind of friend he'd like to be. Ask him open ended questions about goals and hopes for the future. Encourage his thoughts and creativity. Have him look himself in the morror and tell himself these things. I do that with my son and he still has his dark moments. He may be dealing with depression or even bipolar. Consider that ADHD usually has comorbity and over laps with other mental illnesses. But be encouraged because our sons are brilliant and practice makes perfect. We will train these young gentlemen to become outstanding men!

I thought my son would never get away from his training wheels. We took them off when he was 7 and he would just bail and jump off the bike. So we put them back on. Then we moved into a community with lots of kids and they are all on their bikes with no training wheels. So we took him to the park a few times and rode a few trails with the training wheels on and he saw how fast other people rode their bikes without the training wheels. One day my girlfriend came over and suggested we leave just one training wheel on. That helped him get the feel for balancing. He asked for the other off only a few minutes later. He was riding on 2 wheels! He had to get the hang of steering and now rides without fear :)

Fear not, put it on God's hands. I have my son pray about what hes scared of. I tell him give your fears to God and take His strength :)
Be encouraged!
:)

LorAine - posted on 03/12/2010

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My son will be nine in May. He does the same thing so I don't think that I can give much advice. It is very heartbreaking. But as for the riding a two wheeler, my son was scared and said he couldn't do it. His cousin came over and they learned together. It was kind of a fun game for them. I didn't hold on to the back or anything. They both just kept trying to get on and ride. My son was the one with knee, elbow,wrist pads on as well as a helmet. He was scared. After about an hour and a half they were both riding well and they had fun learning together. I'm sorry that I can't help you much but I just wanted to let you know that there are others in the same boat. Mine yells at me when I try to tell him good things. He doesn't want to hear it.

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