Considering adoption

Heather - posted on 01/24/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I am a stay-at-home mom with a 19 month old daughter. My husband and I are looking to adopt a boy that is a little bit older than our daughter. My husband's reasoning is so she will have an older brother to protect her. I am adopted myself. My grandparents adopted me and I've always wanted to return the favor to a child someday. I grew up in a house full of girls so I am wondering if adopted an older boy would be the right choice and are there any conflictes between the biological child and the adopted child?

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Brandy - posted on 07/12/2010

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My parents did a family placement that "surprise" turned into adoption. They where 3 and 5 when they where placed and it has been a very rough road leading up to the adoption and after the adoption. I know it isn't for everyone and I would recommend you find someone who does adoption counseling so you know a little bit of what to expect. Also anyone who has adopted either a newborn all the way up to a teenager should read the book's 'Adopting the Hurt Child' and 'Parenting the Hurt Child' both by Gregory Keck. My husband and I haven't adopted yet but we do plan on it starting the process in about 3 yrs. I am giving you this info based on what I've seen with my experience through my parents and through couples at my church who have adopted from all age ranges.

Celeste - posted on 06/13/2010

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I would advise you to stay more open to who you adopt, it could take a very long time to have such a narrow range of what you want. Many adoption agencies won't let you specify sex. I do know that adoption is a magical process and you will get your child. One thing that helped me open my horizons is watching Adoption Story on the discovery channel. We have adopted a perfect baby girl. She is of another race than us and came from some difficult circumstances but I have no doubt that she is my child and was meant for us.

Susan - posted on 02/03/2010

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You know best what your family needs to be. If adopting an older boy is what is in your hearts, do it. You will have the family you are supposed to have!

I knew I needed to adopt 2 children at the same time, and several adoption agencies said we couldn't. Russia allows adoption of unrelated siblings at the same time, and so we adopted 2 toddlers--6 years ago. I love our family and would never want it different. (And toddler adoption was wonderful. Read "Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft." If it doesn't scare you, it's right for you.)

Rebecca - posted on 01/29/2010

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we just got our adoption final so we have 3 bio girls and then 1 boy and the girls love as if he is one of our own because he is. He is the youngest at 18 months the girls are 8,10,13 we wouldn't do an older child because of the ages of the girls now i don't want to take that away from our oldest but to me at that young they are not going to know any different

Jenn - posted on 01/28/2010

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So many things make up family, especially these days. If you have room in your hearts and your house, finding another person to join your family is a wonderful thing. Everyone is different and you and your husband have to search your hearts to find what journey is right for you. There are a lot of choices out there when it comes to adoption and adopting an older child in my opinion is awesome because they sometime get cast aside because of their age, but you also have to take into consideration that child may come with emotional baggage and be prepared to handle that. I have a 15 year old step son, he has 2 brothers from his mother who are 9 and 3 and now he has a 2 year old sister we adopted, he looks at each of his siblings and loves them even though not a one of them is completely a biological sibling, he tells me "family is just the people we have the privilege to love who if we are lucky love us back, no matter where or who they came from", he is a smart kid!!!I If I were you I would research adoption agencies and find one that fits you and they will be able to talk with you, provide you with lots of options and help you find your next "baby" whatever that may be!!

Alea - posted on 01/24/2010

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I have a 6 year old son who was adopted at 11 months. When he was 5 I had a bio baby girl. Adoption is a famaliar word to him and his place of birth...although now he is just biginning to really understand what it all means. Who knows what the future brings. We don't make an issue out of bio vs. adopted. When he asks questions...like why he was not in my tummy and Mary was...we answer them honestly. One thing that I have always told my son is that although he did not grow in my tummy he came from the same place as my daugher...he was sent to us from God. I have cousins that one is adopted and a year later that had a bio. They are in their 30's and are still close. We never talked as a family that this one is bio and this one is adopted, they were the same my cousins. I am proud of my son's adoption story. Since I have told him all about his adoption and he is starting to understand it now, I leave it up to him to bring up and it is his story to share. I look at my kids together and I don't feel any differently towards them. Seeing the love they share as siblings and the relationship they are building is such a special experience to witness.

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