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How to deal with a biolgoical parent in an open adoption?

Kelly - posted on 05/12/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

12

0

My daughter was born early this week. I had a relationship with her biological father while I was going through a divorce but decided to go back to my husband. Against the wishes of the biological father, we've decided to put my husband on the birth certificate. Our attorney said m ex stands only a small chance on winning paternity rights given the circumstances, and court cases I've researched have confirmed that. My husband will be her "real father" since her biological father does not live close enough to be one. I told him that I don't know what type of relationship he thinks he's going to have with my daughter from where he's living, but said he can visit if he thinks he can handle it. I don't want my daughter to think I kept her bio father from her. So far things have been going great here and everybody sees what a great man my husband is for stepping up and doing what the biological isn't doing.

He's not happy about this but I've tried to explain since he's not close enough to enjoy full rights then there's no reason for him to have any responsibility. I said open adoptions work well for children in similar situations. It hasn't been easy so far he seems like he's playing the victim and trying to make me feel guilty. It could potentially cause annoyances and interference in my marriage. Any ideas on how to deal with him? Probably just something he needs to learn to accept and it will work itself out? How about if he does visit? How should I explain who he is if she has a "real father" here that she calls dad and that raises her?

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2 Comments

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Medic - posted on 05/15/2012

3,922

19

Ok your husband is not her REAL father....he is her adoptive father....he is her daddy but her REAL father is her biological father. Your concerned with annoyances in your marriage when YOU caused this. I would be honest with her. Some parents make babies some parents raise babies and they are not always the same. Just tell her from birth so it will always be something she hears.

Louise - posted on 05/12/2012

5,429

69

I think right from the word go you need to tell her that her daddy chose her to be his daughter and that he loves her very much. When he does visit (if) then you should tell her when she is older that this is the man that helped to make her, but daddy is the one who chose her.

If the man lives miles away then he is not likely to nip around uninvited is he. But if you are honest from birth then it is no great almighty shock to her when she is older that dad is not her dad. I grew up with a step father from the age of 2 and I always knew he was not my biological dad and I accepted that, it made no difference to me. Now I am 42 I am in contact with my biological father although we have not met yet. It does not mean I love my step dad any less. Being open and honest is the best way.

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