How is it going?

Karen - posted on 11/04/2008 ( 8 moms have responded )

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My relationship with our birthmother has recently changed. She is more withdrawn and flaky. I miss her, and am frustrated. I'm 3 1//2 years in - anyone been in it longer that has an open adoption relationship?

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H. Ruth - posted on 01/06/2009

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It sounds like she may be trying to move forward. That is what happened with our daughter's bm. She literally disappeared from our lives after our daughter turned one (she is now 4 1/2). We've seen her once since then and had a really nice visit.

We were warned by the agency we went through that this would likely happened and that we were not to think that it was our fault. I came to the decision that if she wanted contact with us and our daughter then it was up to her. I would call occassionaly and if she was in, we would talk.

Our daughter's bio-family does try to make an effort. We send cards and pictures once or twice a year (depending on how busy I am) but we mostly let physical contact be up to the bio-family. When they do want a visit (even a surprise one) we do our most to make sure it happens. We know that we need to keep this avenue of contact open even if our daughter's bm isn't interested.

Vera - posted on 11/18/2008

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I have a ten year old and our relationship has changed a bit... I still try to send pictures as much as possible but as our daughter grew... our lives got busier... there have some opportunities of late for a meeting but my daughter does not want to meet her at this time... she does however like to pick out pictures to send... we have let her lead how she wants to procede... we just like our daughter to know that the option exists... I think the open thing is great...!

Crystal - posted on 11/17/2008

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I am the birthmom to a 7 1/2 year old daughter, and have a very open adoption with her & her parents. The first year was especially difficult for me, but we still kept in close contact. Since her birth I have moved from MN (where she lives) back to Az & have a younger daughter. Through the years our contact has become a bit less frequent, but for no particular reason other than busyness in both families. Her mother & I are particularly close and still chat on occasion. We always make it a point to exchange gifts at Christmas & Birthdays as well as a visit when ever I'm home to visit my family. They have been very generous with allowing my parents & even grandparents have contact. LOL, they even all got together without me for my cousins graduation! We all realized and agreed early on in our adoption process that difficult or not, our openness would benefit our baby girl...that commitment is what kept me going sometimes.

Jodi - posted on 11/17/2008

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We have a five year old daughter that we adopted at birth. We became friends with her birthmom during pregnancy. We consider her our friend and extended family. It was a fear of mine that she would distance herself from us when she got married and had another child. Although we didn't talk as often, we continued to keep in touch and we even try to get together at least once a month.

User - posted on 11/17/2008

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We have a 21 month old that we adopted at birth and we have never met or had contact with his birthmother. It was her decision to have it that way as we are in an open adoption. I do hope that one day she does want to meet us all.

Karen - posted on 11/07/2008

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Wow, thanks ladies, really helpful. I still see our birth mother so even though its much less than before, sounds like its more than most. We are quite close to her mom though which has been great. thanks!

Dana - posted on 11/06/2008

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We adopted our son 8 1/2 years ago in an open adoption. The last time I heard from our BM was about 3 months after our sons 3rd birthday.

Mary - posted on 11/05/2008

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I have a four year old that we adopted at birth. The first year I heard from the birth mother alot, but since then I have not. It was just too hard for her. I do keep in touch with her mother and send her lots of pics and she sends gifts and updates. That way the birth mother can look at things when she is ready. This was a terribly difficult decision for her and I think she just needs to get some distance.

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