How to deal with a babydaddy that threw me and my baby out when she was 10 months old?

CYNTHIA - posted on 01/29/2010 ( 16 moms have responded )

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MY BABY'S FATHER AND I SEPARATED WHEN SHE WAS 10 MONTHS OLD. HE THREW US AND OUR THINGS OUT. WELL NOW MY DAUGHTER IS 2. WELL I ALLOWED HER FATHER TO KEEP HER XMAS EVE UNTIL XMAS MORNING. WHEN SHE CAME BACK HOME SHE HAD A BUSTED FINGER? THE DRIED BLOOD WAS STILL ON IT AS IF IT WAS NOT CLEANED UP. HE FAILED TO INFORM ME OF THE ACCIDENT AND THEN WHEN I CONTACTED HIM ABOUT THE INCIDENT HE COPPED AN ATTITUDE WITH ME. I KNOW THAT HE HAS A NEW WHITE GIRLFRIEND AND HER THREE CHILDREN, THEREFORE I KNOW THAT HE SOULD KNOW HOW TO HANDLE CHIDREN GETTING HURT. AM I WRONG IF WHEN HE ASK IF SHE CAN COME OVER, I SAY NO. IM TRYIN SO HARD FOR HIM TO BE IN HER LIFE BUT SHE IS ALL I HAVE AND IM GOING TO PROTECT HER AT WHATEVER COST.

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User - posted on 02/01/2010

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I forgot to mention one other thing. Girl men are stupid and selfish but you guys have a kid together and everyone desearve to have a relationship with there daddy. No matter how screwed up they are.

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16 Comments

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Charon - posted on 02/22/2010

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hey girl im on the other side of the grass. my hubby has a lil girl n she dnt want the lil girl around me i mean im the one who helps him pay childsupport when he dont have all if it she thinks that i will hurt a child i mean come on but er child need there daddy jud like i told her i tried talkin to her but it seems not to work so its up to u cuz when i wasnt with him i still sent the kids over to c him u have to understand thatu have to b the bigger person n listen to ur heart n give it to god if u jus have that mother feelin that ur baby shouldnt be over that then dn send ur baby but if u r jus mad tht he is wit the other girl then that is no reason to not let him see hid child

Andria - posted on 02/17/2010

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My advice to you sister, is to just leave him were he at, and keep it moving! If he was not concerned about the welfare of his on child, and did not repect you enough to make sure you and your baby was ok, then you shouldnt even have to ask what to do! Its hard raising a child but get stable and quickly on your on. Dont keep him from seeing her but make sure she is safe when she go there, and make sure all communication between the both of you are clear and understood! If he can not be man enough to speak to you when you call and check on her then he dont need unsupervised visits. Build a rapport with his girlfriend speak to her mother to mother woman to woman and let her know how you feel as well.

LeAngela - posted on 02/11/2010

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Hello. I havent read all the comments just a line or two.. Cynthia, follow your heart, and your gut. A womens gut or first intuition is almost the correct one without a doubt. YOU have to be her protector, her guide and her fight at this moment in her life. Try to be open minded and let God and karma work it way into how it will really be dealt with. When it comes to you protecting your child when you feel she's in harms way NO is not wrong. Good luck with Trying to have a mature conversation with him.

Tasha - posted on 02/07/2010

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I agree with Tonya! Don't pay that drama mess any mind. That's childish! You just do what you gotta do, and let your daughter be around her dad, women like that just aint classy. Represent for your daughter, how to act in situations like dat NOW, while she's young, she'll be much more respected and not to sweat the Bullshyt! Thats 100% BS and it aint worth her wasting your time, well your daughter's quality time with her FATHER. Now if its to the poit you scared she gonna treat your child wrong, i don't know what to say then.

Bri - posted on 02/06/2010

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I disagree w/Rell...yes, a child should know who their father is, but if the fathers role is more detrimental than beneficial, then I'm sorry, as a mother-you have the right to protect ur young. His triflin GIRLFRIEND (not even WIFE) is just THAT-TRIFLIN! Put her in her place one good time and from there on out-don't even entertain her...He would get supervised visits and that's that...if being in his child's life is important to him, then he would do whatever necessary to be with and see her...if he's not willing to do that-for egotistical reasons-then once again-his true colors are being exposed and he's not interested in what's best for his daughter...

Kim - posted on 02/06/2010

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Hi Cynthia, your first job is keeping your daughter safe, which means from absolutely anybody (including her dad). Listen to your hear, if you are uncomfortable sending her over there again...DO NOT DO IT!!! If he wants to see her, he can have supervised visits until you feel comfortable. If he does not agree, then so be it. Personally, you do not have to try hard for him to be in her life, if he wants to be in her life he will be in her life. It also appears that he has a problem with you because he cannot have a civilize conversation with you about you all daughter, so listen to your HEART!!!

Kenyetta - posted on 02/05/2010

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NO MATTER WHAT THE DAD SHOULD HAVE TOLD U THAT YO DAUGHTER HURTED HERSELF NO MATTER HOW SMALL IT WAS GUESS WHAT . WE ALL KNOW THAT A LIL CUT COULD HAVE GOTTA INFECTED AN TURNED INTO SOMETHING WORSE FROM THERE IF C.C DIDNT NOTICE IT . IF HE WOULD LIKE 2 TAKE PART IN HIS DAUGHTER LIFE HE SHOULD EARN IT SHOW THAT HE TRULLY WHATS 2 B WHAT A FATHER IS SUPPOSE 2 B AN WHAT THAT LIL GIRL NEEDS HIM 2 B . UNTIL HE BECOME A RESPONSIBLE ADULT SUPERVISED VISIT I AGREE IS THE SAFEST WAY 2 GO........NOW A DAYS SAFETY IS A MOMS FOMOST CONCERN

Rell - posted on 02/05/2010

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well i disagree with crystals reply.. just bc the dad didnt inform the mom that the child got hurt is not a good reason for him not to be in her life.. come on now. she needs to know who her father is. now if he was beating on her thats a different story..

Kenya - posted on 02/02/2010

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THE BIG PICTURE IS YOUR DAUGHTERS SAFETY. IF HE COULDN'T TAKE PROPER CARE OF A BUST FINGER, THEN WHAT ELSE WILL HE NEGLECT WHEN SHE IS IN HIS CARE. YOU ARE TO LOOK OUT FOR YOUR DAUGHTERS SAFETY AT ALL TIMES. IT WOULD BE A COLD DAY IN * * * * BEFORE HE WAS WITH HER WITH OUT MY SUPERVISION. THE CALL IS YOURS.

User - posted on 02/01/2010

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I total understand where you are coming from but we as black women need to understand that alot of or brotha's have no idea what a man is suppose to act like let alone a father. I say you should tell him exactly what you expect from him as her dad. that way when he messes up you can be like dude you fukd up. Now you gonna have to do things totally on my terms or not at all. I try to be fair because all my cousin are guys with baby momma drama. You probable gonna have to be the one to show him what a daddy is suppose to do. His girlfriend is irrelevant.

CYNTHIA - posted on 02/01/2010

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To Bri: The girlfriend's children do not belong to him. They all have separate dads

Bri - posted on 01/31/2010

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I mean, him kicking the mother of his child out ALONG w/HIS OWN flesh and blood shows alot of his character right there. There is clearly a lot of immaturity going on here. No matter WHAT has transpired between you and him-yal should always be able to come together as ADULTS and PARENTS to dicuss your child. The other chick also needs to respect it. They both lack respect and the sad thing is, kids are such sponges-they soak up everything and they can sense what's going on. You don't want to subject your child to that. MY personal thought and suggestion is-he didn't care about your child then when he kicked yal out, so will he REALLY care now?? If they can't be respectful and respectable, then bon voyage! See the thing is, a child needs a FATHER or father FIGURE in their lives...your daughter could JUST AS EASILY "calling someone else Daddy"...and maybe her biological father needs to be reminded of that ((after you try speaking to him civilized))...I mean hell, give him supervised visits if need be...but seriously-the other chick needs to go somewhere....are her kids HIS too??

Crystal - posted on 01/31/2010

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I agree with you completely, if he cant even contact you and inform you on incidents that happen to your child he do not need to be in her life at all. Mistreating a child because of his own personal feelings towards you is unacceptable because a child did not ask to be here, so suffering is no option. Tell him to play daddy to his girlfriends kids!

CYNTHIA - posted on 01/31/2010

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THE OTHER WOMAN HAS A BEEF WITH ME FROM THE PICTURE THAT THE BABY FATHER HAS PAINTED OF ME. I SAW HIM PUBLICLY ONE DAY AND I WAS TALKING TO HIM ABOUT OUR DAUGHTER AND SHE JUMPED OUT OF THE VEHICLE CURSING AND GOING ON LIKE A WILD PERSON. SHE DON'T WANT HIM DEALING WITH ME PERIOD POINT BLANK. TO BE HONEST SHE DON'T KEEP HER THREE CHILDREN UP TO PAR, THEREFORE IT IS REALLY HARD TO BELIEVE THAT SHE WILL KEEP MINES UP TO PAR.

Tonya - posted on 01/30/2010

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Cynthia, I have been in your place. Though it was hard at times, these are the things I did. #1 - check your heart. If you have any feelings for him it will create more problems. Those feelings will cause you to act out of your rejection, anger, and hurt which clouds your decision making. When my feelings were in check, things were a 1000 times easier. Forgiveness is the only way this will happen. #2 talk to the other girl. This one was super hard but a girlfriend of mine suggested it to me and it worked. The bottom line is you want to know who your daughter is around and if she will take care of her. I simply met with the other lady at McDonalds. We came to an understanding of my expectations of how I expect my children to be treated and how I care for them. That meeting changed everything because we spoke mom to mom. #3 set boundaries with the dad. You really need to get to a place where you can talk ONLY about the daughter. Set rules. My rules were be on time, stick to the schedule, and mutual respect. The rule thing was not easy to accomplish but after a while it became normal. My children are now 18, 16, and 14. As they got older, I taught them the rules and they respect them. Cynthia, you can do this. Your daughter needs her father sorry or not, let it be her choice. If he is truly sorry, your daughter will see it for herself in time.

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