Am I considered Jealous?

Jackie - posted on 03/17/2010 ( 12 moms have responded )

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I have a wonderful and beautiful 7 months old baby girl. For the past couple of months I have felt like I have missed out on some thing in life like Baby Showers and Wedding Party type stuff when I was pregnant and when I got married. I am happy with my daughter and my marriage...



When I was pregnant my husband's family didn't do anything for me or my daughter, no baby shower, no baby gift, no congratulations. We weren't married till two days before I gave birth due to waiting on the state to grant him his divorce.



When we got married, it was a quick marriage because I due any moment at the time before I was going to give birth. We had planned to get married at the beginning of 2009 or atleast by summer but couldn't due to the state didn't grant him his divorce till Aug. So we didn't actually have a wedding just went to the court house.



Now, I feel like I missed out on both events.. I had one baby shower from my family before we even found out what we were having and nothing at all from his family. We haven't done anything about a wedding or a wedding party and its not looking like we are going to due to the fact that his family has a bunch of weddings already going on this year.



His first marriage was a full wedding, dress, cake, party, guest, friends, family everything.. I told him that and he feels that because that marriage failed that it was that big of a deal.. His family also threw a big baby shower for his ex wife and they got lots of gifts and everything..



I have told my husband how i felt about it and now he is saying that I am just jealous.. This is my first and what seems like my last child and this is my first and I don't plan on a divorce..



Do you think I am jealous??

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Joanne - posted on 03/17/2010

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Jealous of wanting the "dream" that you've probably had every since you were a little girl? Nope, not at all. Sometimes it's hard to see things for what they are...rough...and not as planned when you had this dream of everything perfect, right down to the games played at these parties. It's ok to wish for that, and to have wanted that. Know that he is with you, loves you, and sometimes life makes you work for any little bit of happiness. Love him and your baby, let that "dream" unfold and enjoy the ride.

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12 Comments

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Lillitu - posted on 03/25/2010

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first off, there is nothing wrong with jealousy. it is a signal for you to listen to.

tell your husband that a wedding is important to you and you wanna plan one.

Janette - posted on 03/24/2010

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You are definitely not jealous and your husband sounds very insensitive. Every girl dreams of their wedding from an early age so it is only natural you want a REAL one. Unfortunately your husband had the grand wedding and baby shower already so maybe his family just does not want to do it again. They are the ones missing out! If it were me I would plan a shower and simply not invite them. That should get the point across!

Gotsome - posted on 03/24/2010

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I think your desire to have a traditional wedding, wedding shower, party etc is exactly what every girl wants & plans for from childhood. I think wanting a baby shower is what we hope for & in some cases rely on to be able to start ourselves off with our first child. I think if the "ex" hadn't ever been in the picture no one could accuse you of being jealous - these are normal things every woman dreams of. Having said that, who could blame you for coveting what "she" had & what you've had to give up. Maybe explain it that way to your husband - I think he could be a little more sympathetic here.

Cristina - posted on 03/23/2010

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yah. maybe your inlaws thought that marriage and baby showers has nothing to do to last a relationship. (After of what happened in the relationship of your husband with his ex-wife..) The most important is that you love and respect each other.

Rachelle - posted on 03/23/2010

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you know i didn't get anything or support when i was pregnant from his family and they wouldn't talk to us for a year and now i see how they all act with the next preggers and call it jealousy but it pisses me off so much knowing that they didn't even try to make up for it with us. now there is a wedding comming up and she was so nasty to me and wont even look at my daughter i refuse to go to her wedding and i have been secratly planning my wedding just to out shine every one in his family i'm going big big big!!!! i will make it so they can't ignor us!!!!

sorry for my rant no i dont think your jealous you missed out on things that you wanted so i'd say its more of a disapointment for you maybe try to get your husband to see it from your point of view he may have had those first but you didn't and would like to expirance them too

Megan - posted on 03/23/2010

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No you are not jealous. I understand what you are feeling cause I am going through a similar situation. The only difference is that my husbands stepson is expecting a baby in 2 wks.



Continue to be honest with your husband and try to explain to him that you aren't jealous, but that you feel like they aren't joining in with your happiness and joy.

[deleted account]

I dont think you are jealous at all. I ahve a similar problem with my husbands family. They have done nothing for him or our children since we have been together. His mother and father seperated before he was born and his stepfather physically abused him as a child but his mother has never done anything about it she is still with that man ( who i despise) but he still loves his mother so much that he always wants to be thier for her ( even when her partner his stepfather was in hospital for a minor problem) which i find hard to stomach as they havent beent here for either one of the births of our children. Have not come to either of their 1st birthdays. And didnt care when our son had bleeding on the brain. Didnt even call to ask how he was. they have never sent a b'day card or anything for any special occasion.

So i was just wondering ( i'm not trying to sound rude) but does it matter that they didnt throw you a baby shower when your family did?

How much does your husband have to do with his family?

And if your family is going to be there to support you and your husband wants it then why not go ahead and do something to celebrate your marriage? ( if His falimy dont turn up or care about it It might get how ur feeling accross a bit more) Make it about your family and the love you have for your husband. Dot hings for your self and try not to worry about his family as long as you have the love of your family and husband thats all that should matter.

Jane - posted on 03/19/2010

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No definitely not jealous. Envious maybe of what his ex had, when you didn't but def not jealousy!! I think you really need to explain to your husband what you feel, and let him know exactly what you are feeling. Sounds also like a little bit of resentment towards his family, as they don't really seemed to have embraced you and your gorgeous daughter!! Talk about that too..you deserve better!! Good luck hun x x

Shaina - posted on 03/17/2010

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Not at all. I totally understand what you mean. At least youre being honest with your self and your hubby!

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