Am i wrong, Am i just being over protective?

Jo - posted on 08/11/2010 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Im not sur if im in the right community but here goes........

I had a baby boy 6 months ago. My partner lives at home with his granparents and I live with mine. This is because we cant afford our own place and are saving. Due to his work shifts I stay with him 4 days then go back to mine for 4 days when he works.
His family are really interfearing always disagreeing with my choices when it comes to the baby (even what i dress him in). We have no privacey they always come in and out of our room distubing baby.
Because they disagree with the way i do things for example, they dont agree with the temp of the food i feed my baby and think it should be warmer & there for my baby wont drink his bottle if they try feed him.
The problem is my partner wants me to leave the baby with his mother but i dont want to because i feel that they wont respect my choices and do what THEY think is best and there for wouldnt even be able to feed him while im not there or keep to his routine.
Im comfortable leaving him with my mother because we live with her she knows his routine and helped inforce it. Also i dont feel my partner even know the babys ways so how could his mum? for example we went to the park and my partner got the baby out of the pram because he was crying but after he did the baby began crying even more. I asked my partner if the baby was hurt and he said no he was just playing up. So i checked baby over and he had a bruiz and cut on his thigh from scraping it as my partner got him out of the pram. I knew straight away that it was a hurt cry and my partner didnt. When ever baby cries they dont check to even see if something is wrong and always say its his temper or bellyache, when at times its because he wants food, changing or maybe just his mummy.
I just see how distressed my baby is when they try and inforce what they think is best and dont like the idea he may become that distressed when im not around.
Another thing is when i did leave the baby with his mum in the past she had my partners ex-girlfriend round (as she is friends with her) i know this because she has a picture of her holding our son in an album on show in her livingroom. Which i didnt like one bit!
My partner doesnt understand and thinks im being unfair. I think im just doing what is best for my baby, a safe, known environment with his usual routine.
When i tried to explain how i feel about his family not listening to me about the baby he agrees and says just ignore them.
Thanks for listening I know its a long ramble lol!
But am i wrong? some views would be great. Thanks.

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Joanna - posted on 08/11/2010

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i think your completely right. i trust my baby 100 % with my mum but its different with a partners mum, especially if theyre controlling and take over. stick to your guns...no-one knows your baby better than you!! and also know whats best for them. a routine is really important, so your doing the right thing!and also, if it was my husbands mum letting my baby be held by an ex without my say-so id have a few words to say. its not a nice position to be put in. i hope you manage to sort things out.good luck x

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10 Comments

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Lucy - posted on 08/17/2010

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i dont trust anyone with my babies only my parents, i think alot of people are the same when it comes to the in laws.

Kayla - posted on 08/16/2010

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I don't trust anyone with my babe. he cant go to the "in laws" atleast until he can talk. NO WAY!!

You are def. not overreacting!! Just being a good mommy.

Sarah - posted on 08/16/2010

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well, if they can't understand that a baby's routine is important and that it is for his health and well being then they're idiots. Put your foot down and if they can't follow your wishes, don't let him stay. If your partner complains that your mom watches him and not his, explain why, but don't cave in. You need time to yourself and if your mom is the only one you trust, so be it. Your partner needs to understand that part of being a mom is worrying about your lo!

Jo - posted on 08/16/2010

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I have no problem with them watching the baby when he's a bit older & easier to understand as I feel the baby would let them know If he doesn't want to do something or doesn't like something but again I would not like his ex coming over. But at the moment they try to false the baby to do thing such as sleep when he doesn't want to & this gets him in a right state screaming & holding his breath & they refuse to stop till I take him off them. I know they will spoil him witch is fine but they should still respect my wishes when it comes to his routine & everyday care. I wish it was as simple to just not let them babysit but I find myself just staying with baby all the time not having a break or see friends to avoid the arguments with my partner about my parents watching him. I just wish they would all take a back seat & let me do things at my own pase. It's not like they don't see him they see him all the time. I know they only want to see him with me out of the way so they can play mummy & do things there way. I hate the idea of that & know I can't trust them to do things the way I ask. 1 example being when he was younger I left him with them for a night as my partner asked me to so we could go somewhere very early the next morning I gave them instruction of his routine & they changed it to suit them. His bath time was at 6pm then bed at around 8 they bathed him at 8pm & didn't put him to bed till 10pm & from what I can tell from the milk returned he hardly took any feeds. I'm just so uncomfortable leaving him with them & would just be worried the whole time anyway.

Brianna - posted on 08/16/2010

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OMG THERES A PICTURE OF HIS EX HOLDING YOU BABY AND ITS IN THE ALBUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!.... im soooo angry for you and i dont even know you! lol i dont blame you for feeling the way you do. my inlaws like to try to feed my baby food that she hasnt had before that i dont want her to have. there are ALOT of food allergys in my family and no food allergys in there family so they dont understand. I have family members that if they eat or even touch a egg, fish or peanut they could die in minutes! Ive told them shes only aloud to eat what ive brought for her and nothing else but they dont respect my wishes. My hubby tells me all the time that i should let my inlaws babysit but i just dont lol not unless i have no choice cuz no one can.

Sarah - posted on 08/16/2010

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while I think you're right to expect anyone who watches your lo to follow your rules, I do think the grandparents just really want to spend time with him. My mother-in-law spends a Lot of time with my lo, but that is b/c I know that she will do things the way the baby is used to it being done. However, I also know that as baby gets bigger, it is normal for grandparents to spoil her and do things a little different than what hte parents do- that's why kids like to visit with their grandparents, it is different and fun, bt it should still be safe! At first, I was very scared to leave my lo with my in-laws, but now she loves going with them and it is good for me to get some alone time. I also think it is good for baby to have such a great relationship with her grandparents. There is only one way for them to learn about him and that is by doing it, scary as that may be.

Brittany - posted on 08/16/2010

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i def relate to this my baby is 4 months old and my mom is the one who watches him the most i dont even like other ppl holding him its just the motherly instinct coming out !

Jo - posted on 08/16/2010

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I'm so glad it's not just me. It's driving me crazy! My partners just won't see where I'm coming from. I'm actualy thought of leaving him because of it the only thing stoping me right now is the fact he would have access to my son but I know he would just have his mum look after him which means they would get exactly what they want which is me out of the way to da things there way. My partner asked if they could see baby few hours boxing day so I said ok we would come over boxing day morning then go back to mine to see my brother & sisters who are coming for dinner my partner laughed & said no we don't want u to come just the baby! I couldn't believe my ears! I told him flat out NO & how I didn't like the fact he was requesting I wasn't there as though we were no a couple. He even had the cheek to tell me I had to make Copies of every picture iv ever taken of my son to give to them. Again I said no I would pick some I didn't mind sharing with them which I thought was fair. I can't take much more if this. It feels like my partner can't seperate them from us as babys parents. It really feels as thou he thinks there the parents aswell. Maybe I just being daft but feels like partner wants his mum to play mum & I'm fighting to be my sons mother

Nellie - posted on 08/11/2010

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I can relate to this in a way. I live on my own and my daughter's father is not involved, but everyone keeps telling me how I have to be raising my daughter. I don't have a car yet so I rely on my parents for transportation and I also do laundry at their house and they think that this gives them the right to tell me exactly how to raise my daughter. They used to have a dog who bit someone not to long ago so they decided that they had to put him to sleep. Because they thought he was way to dangerous around strangers. And yet my mother would freak out at me whenever I noticed the dog trying to get closed to Kayla I would instantly grab her and mover her away. My mother claims that he's just trying to smell her and that I have to allow this. Umm, hell no! They put that thing to sleep because they're worried he'll bite someone and yet they trust him around they're 8 week old grand-daughter? I've also been told that I have to let her cry while I eat supper and that I feed her too much and all this other crap. And it's not just them. I can't count how many times I've been told that I just have to let her cry herself to sleep. It pisses me off. Anyways, point being that I know how you feel, but I have no idea how to help as I'm trying to figure that one out for yourself. Maybe if you find a solution, you can let me know.

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