baby and daddy

Kelsey - posted on 10/24/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

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my 5 month old daughter used to love to cuddle and play with her daddy but from the time she was 3months she has started to not like it as much and my boyfriend feels that she doesnt love him as much as she loves me and he is feeeling really bad about himself...what can i do to help him see that his little girl loves him? and how do i get my little one to enjoy spending time with her dad as much as she loves spending time with me?

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11 Comments

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Tamara - posted on 10/26/2009

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It's most likely just a phase and she'll get out of it, he doesn't need to feel bad about himself it's not him. He needs to continue to try to spend time with her, don't stop just because she doesn't want to spend time with him right now. All kids go through phases that they quickly out grow.

Michelle - posted on 10/26/2009

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i know what you mean about the computer games lol my little girl loves to play with her daddy on the playstation. she holds the remote (the one that doesnt work) and pretends shes playing lol.

Kelsey - posted on 10/26/2009

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thanks michelle and yes i always have supper ready and on the table when he gets home as well as his chores that did not get done from the day*little things like laundry or feeding pets* and it is hard as you said he would do bath time with her but he doesnt get home till 11:15ish and shes in bed from 8-1/2am so i always bath her before bed. And i know wat you mean about beiong pushed....some days i ask him to do something 3 times and he just replies i heard you the first time im coming calm down i just tell him im trying to get him to interact more with rylee..we have found onething she likes tho an thats watching him play his video/computer games because they have lots of sound effects and she just laughs at everything.



i just wish i was easier for him to play with her but its starting to get better iv tried a few ideas others have suggested and it seems to be helping thanks again!!

Michelle - posted on 10/26/2009

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isnt it nice Kelsey to hear of all these mums n dads in the same/or have been in the same position as you and your partner.

Its very hard when daddy works long hours. my partner was always at home during the day with me and our baby for the first 18 months. he worked 3/4 nights a week and late nights too. so when he started this new job which is 11 hrs a day, it was tough...he now works 6 days a week and a total of 65 hrs each week.

I think you need to sit down with your partner and have an open chat about how you want him to do more with your little girl. its tiring for daddys to work long hrs, but its also tiring for mommys who look after the baby all day and night.

can i ask what you do for him to show your appreciation..such as cook him a real tasty meal for when he comes home, or start the shower for him???

I find that when I do these little things for my partner he responds in such a better way than being just grump and wanting to sleep. We sometimes dont get to talk much these days cus we live apart due to financial reasons (and this is even tougher now) but when we do spend time together we make sure we talk about a wide range of things and about the day weve had just to keep the communiaction going. Men dont like to be pushed into doing things...but us women have to show them the way in which we need things doing.

im ranting now lol...thanks guys for the real nice comments...x

Sarah - posted on 10/26/2009

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Hi Kelsey,
My son was like this wth his Daddy at around the same age as your daughter is now and his Daddy also worked really long hours (14 hr days). I arranged Tom's routine around so that he would go to bed about half an hour to an hour after Daddy came home so he gets to spend time with him. Also hubby may be tired from work but he can dedicate that half hour or hour to his son and rest afterwards lol. Thomas now absolutely adores his Daddy to the point where when Daddy comes home, i might as well not exist hehe. He has a special smile for Daddy too. Baby will decide when she is ready to be nice to Daddy although the things above will help. My hubby wouldn't feed or change nappies when all this was going on (still doesn't like doing it now lol) but i made sure he spent time with him. My son was the same to me for a while while he was trying to find his independence and it is heartbreaking. I thought how i do absolutely everything for him and i'm not even entitled to a cuddle! Luckily he is now very affectionate. It might take time but take heart in the fact it will get better and one day you'll be shoved to the side like i am when Daddy comes home hehe. I do think the park idea mentioned above would be great because she will only know Daddy there and so he will be her comforter, as long as he is prepared to take the screaming while she becomes accustomed to that fact lol.
It does get better and i think it could also be because she is hitting a milestone. Thomas always seems to disown me when he is just about to do something new like crawling. Soon he'll be walking - i know this because he's not talking to me at the moment lol. Good luck hun and keep your chin up. Just remind your man that you and he made this beautiful little girl and you love him for it and when she understands what love is, she will love him for it too xx

Lindsay - posted on 10/25/2009

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That happend with my son and his dad as well. I'm a stay at home mom so I do most of the feedings and changings and even the playing, but when my fiance gets home he wants Ethan and sometimes Ethan wanted no part of that so what we did was make it daddy time at night and I would let him do the diapers and bottles and after a wk or so it got better. Now on saturdays it is daddy and Ethan time all day and they both love it they have so much fun and I love it too because I get to be me and not just mommy. Evne though Ethan is better now it is still funny when I walk in the room I'm the one he will look at first. Jest try letting him do specuial things with her so she knows and hang in tehre it does get better. Just try and reassure him.

Jillian - posted on 10/24/2009

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i have this problem too, unfortunately daddy doesnt want to do thing that will build a better bond with her, like feeding her the solids, as nurse her he cant do that, change her or take her for walks, he just wants to cuddle her for a few minutes and hand her back to me, and then he wonders why she doesnt like him sometimes, well duh!!! i wish he would participate more but its not like i can force to do anything without causing strain in our relationship, its very frustrating sometimes!!

Kelsey - posted on 10/24/2009

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thanks alot michelle.. yea i found it really weird because for the first two weeks when i went to school at the begining of the year he babysat her because at the time he wansnt working then when he went back to work he was gone for about 10 hours or so and when he came home he would shower and then come a cuddle with us and watch a moive or take her out for a quick walk around the block. she loved it.



now iv been home from school for a few weeks because someone in my family had h1n1 and we had been in contact with them and everyone got sick*just a virus* and nobody was allowed at school for two weeks. we have a new school policy that says for anyone with a cough cold fever or hot/cold flashes you are not allowed to attend school until all symtoms have gone away our school has had 21 cases of h1n1 in the past month. because of this i have been the only one at home with her and we spend alot of time playing and reading stories and listening to music so now when daddy comes home late at night around 10ish he gives her a kiss and then we do wat ever and then when she wakes up first thing in the morning he takes her for a short while so i can make up a bottle then he gives her to me and goes back to bed.



After that all she seems to want is mommy and it doesnt so much frustrate him but it does me. I just wish there was more time for him to interact with her during the daytime so she can see how much daddy cares and will give her watever her little heart desires and teach her all the wonderful things she needs to no. hes such a great father and i dont like seeing him down. anyways i will try the things that you have suggested and hope that they help out =) thanks again for the advice

Michelle - posted on 10/24/2009

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hey Kelsey...this is a really tough time that most parents will go through and i know exactly how it feels. Your little girl is still very young and she does not know what 'love' is yet, all she recognises it as is being close to either parent, being given her needs when she wants them and learning through touch.



I suggest you get your partner to try a few things with her..bare in mind if your partner isnt feeling good/having a bad day/stressed etc... your little girl wont want to spend time on an 'uncomfortable' daddy.

Try these: letting daddy bath her when she needs it

getting her to lie on the play mat and let him play with her, just pulling funny faces and making funny noises.

letting daddy take her out for a walk in the pram



let him do these things by himself without you in the room.



she has to learn that you are not always gonna be in the same room as her and that daddy can do the things you do too.



you need to give him support too. he may have low days when he feels hes not getting anywhere with her...just tell him he needs to persevere.



I went through this too and I felt so bad for my partner. but the reason for my daughter not wanting to be on her daddy is because he was stressed and upset about other things going on outside the home and she picked up on it.



you have to let them bond. I recon if he took her to the park without you, took a blanket and some toys, and sat down on the grass, she would happily spend time with him learning new things.

Babies thrive on learning...when shes in that big open space without you, the only other person she knows she can count on to keep her safe is her daddy.



I hope this helps hun x

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