Can you hold a newborn too much?

Jessica - posted on 04/30/2010 ( 196 moms have responded )

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I get told a lot that if I hold my baby too much, he will be spoiled. He is only one month old-is spoiling that much of a possiblity at such a young age? How much snuggle time is too much?

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Elysia - posted on 05/05/2010

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no not at all, i held my son every second i could. I hated putting him down and im glad i did cause now at 13months he is to busy exploring to worry about to much cudling with his mummy.

Kristina - posted on 05/05/2010

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Don't believe it for even a minute! Enjoy every minute! They get too big WAY too fast! My little guy isn't so little anymore. He's 20+ months and he's been walking and running around since he was 10 months, getting more and more independent everyday. I love the phase we're in now cuz I can get a hug on demand. He snuggles for a bit but then it's Go GO GO! I don't remember exactly what age I was told to be aware how much I was holding Alex, I think it was 8 months. You'll be able to tell when you should lay off a bit. Besides, the older he gets, the heavier he gets and i'm sure he'll be in a swing/bouncy seat/excersaucer or doing tummy time while you have other things to do. Enjoy it while it lasts! :)

Nicole - posted on 05/05/2010

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You cannot spoil a baby at such a young age! Hold and love on him as much as you can, because once he starts walking, you will have to catch him if you want to cuddle!

Miranda - posted on 05/05/2010

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Spoiling a baby before 6 months is impossible. I say if you want to hold your baby and snuggle all day, do so! My son is 7 1/2 months and I still have plenty of snuggle time with him.

April - posted on 05/05/2010

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I'm fairly sure its a positive thing for them to be held. It's always difficult for parents of babies to know exactly what they should expect from their babies at these tender ages. The only thing I can really suggest which guided me with their growth progression is this iPhone application which went through month by month.
http://itunes.apple.com/app/baby-growth-...

Ashley - posted on 05/05/2010

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Holding your baby is not going to spoil him. When he is that young he needs to be held alot. I hold my daughter all the time and she is 5 months now. Her pediatrician has said that holding her is not going to spoil her and he knows what he is talking about. He was my husbands pediatrician so I trust what he says since he has been around for so long and everyone I know takes their kids to him.

Tiana - posted on 05/05/2010

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i dont think so, but people told me that too with my daughter and now with my son. they will get used to it though, have you noticed that? my son is only 9 weeks old and he already wont sleep in his bed for very long, but in mine he will sleep all night.

Beth - posted on 05/05/2010

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Absolutely not. Everyone told me that as well so I just stopped telling them what I was doing! My daughter told me (obviously in actions) when she was ready for different things i.e playing on the floor , bouncy chair etc...When she needed lots of holding she told me that too.
Always do what feels right and what works for you!

Nicola - posted on 05/05/2010

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no. you can't spoil a baby by giving it to much love and attention. lots of love and cuddles is what they need

Samantha - posted on 05/05/2010

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i got told that too lol but i just couldnt put him down! erm i dont think you can spoil a baby! every1 also used to tell me if i held him too much while he was asleep he wouldnt sleep when i put him down!! which i can say he sleep beautifully now! he sleeps where ever i put him lol on the sofa, in his prams my bed etc! so i would just do as you feel right!! :)

Vanessa - posted on 05/05/2010

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Don't listen to those idiots who tell you that. Newborns need as much love and attention as possible. They are scared and have no idea what is going on. Hold that little one as much as possible.

Lynette - posted on 05/05/2010

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It does not hurt one bit to hold your baby all the time !!!! I wondered the same thing and my mom and mom in law told me it does not hurt a thing ..... In fact they said Hold them as much as you can now b/c once they get a certain age they won't hardly let you hold them !!!! I honestly don't know how people think that holding a baby too much is going to hurt them, it won't one bit !!!!!! Babies need they bonding and love !!!! So you hold your baby as much as you want !

Penny - posted on 05/05/2010

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hold him as much as you want -love him and cuddle him as much as you can. Enjoy your newborn - time goes far too quickly.

Joey - posted on 05/05/2010

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You can't hold a newborn too much! Babies can develope "skin" hunger and it can slow thier developement. That is why bigger city hospitals allow volenteers to come in and snuggle with the babies that were born addicted. It helps them to feel secure. Aound 4-6 months is the time to start allowing them to self sooth. Good Luck and Congrats!

Ingrid - posted on 05/05/2010

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My son was a "high-need" baby and the sooner you respond to their cries and tend to them the better for their development. My son who would NOT STOP crying all day and night is now happy, independant and very loving. :)

Jessica - posted on 05/05/2010

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Everyone's comments and stories have greatly helped me! I appreciate all you guys time!! thanks ♥

Krystal - posted on 05/05/2010

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Honestly I felt the same way,so from the moment he was handed to me in the hospital I held him constantly.Looking back I wish I didn't hold him as much,because now that he is 11mths and crawling and almost walking he will not let me be alone.It's like i cant do anything he wont stay with anyone for more than 30mins and he whines all day so in my opinon yes it does lead to a spoiled baby.

Andrea - posted on 05/05/2010

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NO! Cuddle him all you want honey! :o) They LOVE being close to you and NEED to be close to you at this age. They need to bond with you. Smother him with cuddles and kisses :-) x

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I agree with Kimberly, I did exactly the same thing, i had the time, and to be honest - it was just lovely to sit and hold my beautiful baby...I wouldnt have changed that for a minute, it was such a time of bonding, and exactly like most people have said, it is what they need. The only mistake i feel i made was as he got older i continued to hold him all the time after he had fallen asleep...and pick him up as soon as he made the littlest noise...now i have a baby that looks around for me everytime he stirs and wont sleep in his own cot. but i can deal with that as long as he is loved and feels safe and secure. the only thing i would suggest is as they get older once they are asleep put them down, and avoid getting them up for the smallest little noise...they might put them self back to sleep if u just wait and see (i was just so excited for some interation time with my bub that i never gave him a chance to resettle himself!)

Kimberly - posted on 05/04/2010

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Depends who you ask!! :) I think we all hold our first ones "too much." We have the time, and there's not much else we'd rather do! Plus we're so darn tired from being up all night, it's nice to just sit around during the day! But they certainly do become used to being held, and don't want to be put down! which i found frustrating at times... it is good for them to lay on their own & look around at things, and also to sleep when they aren't in your arms. But it goes by too fast that they are so little... :(

Amanda - posted on 05/04/2010

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you can never hold a baby (newborn) too much. except when they sleep, coming from personal experience. but holding them all the time is just fine. you can bond and they know you are there for them.

Melissa - posted on 05/04/2010

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No, there is no such thing as spoiling your baby to much. This is how you create your bond with your child. Don't let anyone tell you different. You are their protector, provider, and caregiver/ You are letting your child know that you are there for him/her no matter what.

Brandy - posted on 05/04/2010

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i dont think u can spoil a newborn or a baby mabey after they get older but not right now my whole family say's u can but i dont think so

Traci - posted on 05/04/2010

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I am in the middle of reading The Science of Parenting, which goes in depth to show how not responding to babies can cause vast hormone and chemical surges that can actually hinder brain development. Whether you want to take it for fact or not, it's certainly something to consider, and has really strengthened my desire to learn the cues my daughter is giving me.

It's really a great read, and I've found it really fascinating on how our responses to our children directly affect their growth and development.

Kyla - posted on 05/04/2010

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You go ahead and hold your little one as much as you want, you cannot spoil a newborn, and they don't know any different. You just carried him around for the last 40 weeks, why stop now. And enjoy the snuggles as much as you can.. time flies and pretty soon they are 9 months old and have realized crawling is more fun the snuggling with mom! I would love to snuggle a one month old again!

Crystalyn - posted on 05/04/2010

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Hold him as much as you can!!! There's nothing in the world as sweet as a tiny new baby, and they grow SO fast!

Aicha - posted on 05/04/2010

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No babies love to be held when they are small now my daughter would rather crawl than snuggle and be held it is such a short time that you have to snuggle your baby enjoy it

Leah - posted on 05/04/2010

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Holding your newborn build trust and helps you bond with your child, I help mine all the time up until he didnt want held anymore. Now he is almost 2 and he almost never wants held. My advise just hold him until he doenst want held anymore! I miss it!!!

Rachelle - posted on 05/04/2010

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i dont beleive that you can i held my daughter all the time ... then again i belive being spoiled isn't a bad thing

Ashlie - posted on 05/04/2010

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the same thing happened to me to. everyone was telling me not to hold her all the time she will be sooo spoiled, but then i turned on dr.phil one day and all these experts said there is no such thing has spoiling a child under 6 months! My daughter is 7 months old and he is very independent and curious, def not spoiled by any means!

Teresa - posted on 05/04/2010

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My grandmother used to give my Mom heck for never putting me down. Now there is research that shows a baby's brain stem does not grow if it is not cuddled. I say cuddle as much as you can as long as you can! (I don't know if this a coincidence but I was cuddled more than my siblings and I ended up getting a LOT more education than them. Interesting eh?)

Krista - posted on 05/04/2010

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Since breasts were made to feed babies, it stands to reason that arms were made for holding them. It is so asinine to assert that an infant can be spoiled by recieving ample amounts of comfort, safety, protection, and love. Not to metnion the FACT that infants NEED to be held and touched as much as possible. The stimulation they recieve through their skin is the catalyst for the development of their brain. I would be interested to know where this idea first came from. Really. My guess is it was born out the feminist movement. Hold your babies! Their brains depend on it!

Doris - posted on 05/04/2010

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Hi Jessica,

Here is a great article about your concern, and no such thing as spoiling at 1 month!

SHUTDOWN SYNDROME

Throughout our 30 years of working with parents and babies, we have grown to appreciate the correlation between how well children thrive (emotionally and physically) and the style of parenting they receive.
"You're spoiling that baby!"
First-time parents Linda and Norm brought their four-month-old high-need baby, Heather, into my office for consultation because Heather had stopped growing. Heather had previously been a happy baby, thriving on a full dose of attachment parenting. She was carried many hours a day in a baby sling, her cries were given a prompt and nurturant response, she was breastfed on cue, and she was literally in physical touch with one of her parents most of the day. The whole family was thriving and this style of parenting was working for them. Well-meaning friends convinced these parents that they were spoiling their baby, that she was manipulating them, and that Heather would grow up to be a clingy, dependent child.
Parents lost trust
Like many first-time parents, Norm and Linda lost confidence in what they were doing and yielded to the peer pressure of adopting a more restrained and distant style of parenting. They let Heather cry herself to sleep, scheduled her feedings, and for fear of spoiling, they didn't carry her as much. Over the next two months Heather went from being happy and interactive to sad and withdrawn. Her weight leveled off, and she went from the top of the growth chart to the bottom. Heather was no longer thriving, and neither were her parents.
Baby lost trust
After two months of no growth, Heather was labeled by her doctor "failure to thrive" failure to thrive and was about to undergo an extensive medical workshop. When the parents consulted me, I diagnosed the shutdown syndrome. I explained that Heather had been thriving because of their responsive style of parenting. Because of their parenting, Heather had trusted that her needs would be met and her overall physiology had been organized. In thinking they were doing the best for their infant, these parents let themselves be persuaded into another style of parenting. They unknowingly pulled the attachment plug on Heather, and the connection that had caused her to thrive was gone. A sort of baby depression resulted, and her physiologic systems slowed down. I advised the parents to return to their previous high-touch, attachment style of parenting to carry her a lot, breastfeed her on cue, and respond sensitively to her cries by day and night. Within a month Heather was again thriving.
Babies thrive when nurtured
We believe every baby has a critical level of need for touch and nurturing in order to thrive. (Thriving means not just getting bigger, but growing to one's potential, physically and emotionally.) We believe that babies have the ability to teach their parents what level of parenting they need. It's up to the parents to listen, and it's up to professionals to support the parents' confidence and not undermine it by advising a more distant style of parenting, such as "let your baby cry it out" or "you've got to put him down more." Only the baby knows his or her level of need; and the parents are the ones that are best able to read their baby's language.

Babies who are "trained" not to express their needs may appear to be docile, compliant, or "good" babies. Yet these babies could be depressed babies who are shutting down the expression of their needs, and they may become children who don't ever speak up to get their needs met and eventually become the highest-need adults.

Hanah - posted on 05/04/2010

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I don't think he can be spoiled at this age. However, I was advised not to hold my daughter too much or else she'll get used to it as she grows older (and heavier). Naturally, I ignored that advise and ended up with a baby that needed to be carried as long as she is awake. I had to do my house work, cooking, and even going to the bath room with the little one in a sling. She's almost a year now and she still likes to be carried even though she can walk, which really puts a strain on my back. With my next baby, I'm not going to spend all my time carrying him/her. I think I'll only dedicate an hour a day for that

Natalie - posted on 05/04/2010

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i snuggle mine all the time... i didn't get to do that a whole lot with my first and this one doesn't seem any worse for it... actually he is kinda a mommas boy ( i love it though) otherwise he seems great happy healthy little man... i can put him down when i need to and he seems ok so i think that is all you really need otherwise snuggle away ... plus they love skin to skin makes them feel secure

Amy - posted on 05/03/2010

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I was told that babies who are held more are more confident in the long run. just a side note :)

Tonilyn - posted on 05/03/2010

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Absolutely not!! My doctor told me to spoil him at this age. There's no such thing as "too much" with a newborn. So, snuggle away!! :) I held my baby a lot when he was first born. I slept with him until he was about 2 months old. I did not have a problem getting him to sleep on his own in his crib. He cries when he's hungry, eats and goes right back to sleep. He comforts himself to sleep. I hold him a lot during the day too. He entertains himself while I clean, take a shower etc. He is a VERY happy baby. All smiles all the time :) So, I don't think there is a problem with cuddling your baby when you want/need to. Every baby is different. Some need more attention than others. Only you know what's best for your baby. You'll know when it's "too much".

Sasha - posted on 05/03/2010

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no i was told that there is no such thing as spoiling your baby. that's what you suppose to do it's your baby and he /she will only be a baby once. :}

Amy - posted on 05/03/2010

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I read in one of the baby books that if you don't respond to a crying newborn it's much like they are feeling no one cares about them, that no one will take care of them, and they won't develop trust in you! And I just think of a sad sad baby, all alone in a room, without love...and it breaks my heart!! I do get frustrated sometimes with my daughter who is almost 3 months old, but I rarely can stay that way. She cries and then my frustration immediately switches to comfort mode! I do sometimes try to let her cry herself to sleep, when I know she is exhausted and just wants to fight the sleep for some reason. But mine doesn't like to be held as much as sitting up in front of us having face to face time. It makes me sad already she is acting so independent!! Enjoy the cuddles!!

Tracie - posted on 05/03/2010

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I used to get told that all the time!! My son is almost 5 months old and I have held him as much as I wanted to along with the rest of my family. People are always telling me that he is the happiest baby they have ever seen. He is a good eater and he has great development. He isn't spoiled the least bit!!! Cuddle while you can!!!

Bri - posted on 05/03/2010

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who told you that?? your baby just came out of you....which was a tight warm space. newborns can't be held enough!!!! no snuggle time is too much. it is really super good for them to be held and snuggled by you because they are starting to bond. im jealous. my son is 14 months now and a tank. so cuddle and kiss as much as you can becuase those days FLY BY!!!! congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Annie - posted on 05/03/2010

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My mother and my Dr told me that you can't spoil a baby. They need the establish trust and security. My partner always told me that I held our son too much. Now he is 7 months and is not shy, loves to flirt and is the happiest baby I know! I think the most important thing is to love that baby as much as you can!

Tonya - posted on 05/03/2010

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There is no such thing as to much snuggling with an infant. They need it as well as you do! Wont be long, you will blink...and just like that..he will say MOM! Dont do that and GROSS! Enjoy it while you can.

Valerie - posted on 05/03/2010

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No such thing!!!! They need to feel loved and needed. There is no way they can feel spoiled! Love that baby of yours!! :)

Brandy - posted on 05/03/2010

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So not true! It is impossible to spoil a newborn. They only react to their instincts at that age and only cry because something is making them unhappy. Extended crying has recently been proven to cause small amounts of brain damage and it is also proven that babies who are left to cry may grow up to be emotionally stunted and unable to properly express or understand how they feel as adults.

Sandy - posted on 05/03/2010

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I held my son as much as I could (too much for many) I even bought slings because I have back problems and they helped a lot. Now at 14 months he is very happy, self reliant (been that since 5), rarely cries and only snuggles when he wants to sleep (that is still my favorite time of the day). I will have to agree with most other moms: there is no such thing as too much cuddling. Enjoy your baby as much as you can! Do what you feel like and trust your instinct. YOU are the mom and YOU know best what is good for you and your baby

Ashley - posted on 05/03/2010

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I dont think you can hold a baby too much, but i also think they can get spoiled. My daughter spent the first 2 months in the NICU and i was up there every day for about 10-12 hours straight holding her, its all io could do. She was in a hospital 2 hours away from my home so i had to leave my husband and son at home and i stayed at the Ronald Macdonald House so i could be with her. I needed to hold her all the time for my sake, it killed me to be away from my husband and especially my son who was only 18 months at the time, and holding her helped that. I had 1 nurse who tried to tell me that i was wearing her out by me holding her. i had a big problem with that nurse and never had her again. after saying all that, i brought her home when she was 2 months old and then i was taking care of her and my son, i couldnt hold her constantly and she didnt like it (i had her spoiled) but after a while she figured out that i would take care of her when she needed something and hold her when i could. She is now 6 months and hardly ever sleeps with me and i put her to bed now when she is awake and she puts herself to sleep so she doesnt depend on me to hold her to go to sleep. So i say hold your baby as much as you want, spoil them, its ok! but also when they start getting bigger make sure he knows that he doesnt have to be held 24/7

Jessica - posted on 05/03/2010

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One person mentioned earlier about a study and orphans. It was this. They did a study with infant orphans. They loved and cuddled one group responding to their cries and the other group they did not cuddle them. (They did care for their needs but no "extra" love) The ones in the latter group failed to thrive and some died as a result. I have been on both sides of the fence and am on my third child. My first I held her constantly, breastfed on demand, and slept with her the entire time. Four years later I gave birth to my second daughter...Much Smarter and listening entirely to the belief that she could be spoiled ;) ...I scheduled her and fed only on schedule and did not sleep with her. Here I am on my third 5 1/2 years later..These are my thoughts and what I researched. Children held close to their mothers tend to be more secure, less colicky, and they bond well with their mothers. I have two slings which allow me to hold my little guy close and still move around. I incorporated both philosophies in that I do lay him down for a nap instead of him being reliant on me to hold him while sleeping every time but I do cuddle him and close my ear to those that say I must put him down for fear he will be a "spoiled" baby. My little guy was not growing, has reflux, and is colicky and the best thing I can do for him at 6 1/2 weeks is to hold him and cuddle him. When I put him in the wrap it is almost instantaneous that he settles. Trust your heart. I let people decide for me with both really and I lost something in the process that I can never have back. I agree with the other mom to look up attachment parenting. Also just a thought...I would rather have a "spoiled" baby than one on the other end of the spectrum. Good Luck

Veronica - posted on 05/03/2010

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I really react strongly to that suggestion - that you can spoil your child by giving them what they need. Babies need to be held, to be close to their caregivers. They need to know that their needs will be met so they can feel safe and secure to become the person they were meant to be. I think it is important for the mom to be able to get basic things done, and sometimes that means the baby cries a little until you can get to them, but just sitting there letting them cry doesn't teach them anything except that when they voice their needs you aren't going to listen. That's not the message I want my kids to hear.

Allison - posted on 05/22/2010

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You absolutely cannot hold a baby too much. They need to start to learn self confidence, but not until 3 or 4 months.

JENNIFER - posted on 05/18/2010

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I had people tell me the same thing about holding a baby too much. My doctor told me that you cannot spoil a newborn. I've also read that it makes them more secure to be held and snuggled.

Demetra - posted on 05/14/2010

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You are doing the right thing, hold your baby as much as possible. I held my little girl as much as possible, and she's now a confident and loving little girl. I ask you, How can such a pure love spoil a child?

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