Conflict over baby name!

Kandy - posted on 03/31/2011 ( 26 moms have responded )

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I am almost 26 weeks pregnant with my second baby boy. With our first son the agreement was that my husband would be able to pick the baby's name if it were a boy and I would pick the baby's name if it were a girl. Well in April 2010 we welcomed our first son Liam into the world. Since the baby was a boy my husband got to name him, and my husbands family had a lot of input on his name.
We had agreed that no matter what I would have the final say on our newest additions name boy or girl. Well in February we found out that we were having another boy, so the tidious process of choosing a name began. Finally I found a name that I really like and my husband likes it as well, so when my MIL asked if we knew what we were going to name him we told her the name. She jumped into a mini frenzy over how the boys' names would sound too much a like and started throwing other suggestions our way.
I want to name the baby after my Grandfather who passed away 10 years ago. Not only for the reason that he is my grandfather but for the reason that at the age of 16 my Grandfather lied about his age so that he could serve our country in WWII. When we told my MIL what we wanted to name the baby and why her response was "So".
Her and I have never gotten along and it makes me upset that she would disregard any feelings that I have on the subject because she doesn't like the name... The babies name would be Leo, so it is not like we are naming him some off the wall name or anything. But what should I do, cause I honestly feel like I just need to tell her to stick it but I am not the disrespectful type. I want to respect my husband as well for it is his mother. We have found alternative names that we like but none of them have the connection that the first name we picked out had. What should I do? Should I continue looking at other names and hope that one will captivate me the way that that the first did. Or should I disregard her opinion all together and name the baby after my Grandfather?
I know that this seems like an odd question but I need some unbiased opinions on the matter.. So please help and thank you ahead of time.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Elfrieda - posted on 03/31/2011

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Hey, I'm all about the lack of direct conflict. :) To me, having the "orders" relayed through the SIL is a good thing. Just keep being vague and agreeable, and do your own thing. "Oh, yes, those Biblical names are really coming back into fashion, aren't they? Have you heard that Jacob is number one on the baby name charts? Isn't that interesting."



I would encourage you to keep strong and not get into arguments about what to name your son. It'll make for a few awkward moments until he's born, but probably all will be forgiven and forgotten once he's here, no matter what you name him. (also, I wouldn't get into it with SIL, but Liam is not a biblical name, either, so it already breaks the matching set of grandkids. Might as well keep going!)



Just so you know, I come from a large, opinionated extended family. On my dad's side there are 1 grandmother, 5 uncles, 5 aunts, and 21 cousins, all of whom want to run everybody else's life to some extent. My way of respectful non-compliance has been working for me so far! I get to be close to my family without having them run my life.



I hope you feel better about all this soon. It's hard when you feel disapproval from people you respect, but you need to do what's right for your husband and kids, too.

Elfrieda - posted on 03/31/2011

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It's a bit tricky because the MIL was so involved in naming the first one.

If I were in that situation, I'd go all close-mouthed about it. Say, "We're thinking of several names, and haven't decided yet. Oh, you think "Alex" is a nice name? Yes, it is nice, isn't it? Well, I still have a few months/weeks/days to decide."

Then when the baby's born, name him what you like and tell her after it's done. Grandparents have no business naming their grandchildren. She'll be so happy to hold her new grandson, she won't care what his name is!

Meaghan Van - posted on 04/03/2011

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Listen... this baby is yours... not your MIL's she had her go at naming her babies, and now it is yours. If you both are lucky enough to agree on a name, and it has significance for you... then you should name him that name... Besides Leo is a good strong name... something he will carry well through his life. Dont let inlaws ruin this exciting bit of pregnancy for you... you will only regret it later. I think the best way to let your MIL down is to just tell her point blank, that this name has special significance for you, and that you're sure that, by intoning that it is a bad name she surely wasnt trying to hurt your feelings, and that in time she will like it as much as you do. hope this helps

Kimberly - posted on 04/06/2011

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i went threw the exact same thing with landons middle name the fathers middle name is allen my dads first name is alan just the spelling of a word caused havec i gave in and its my dads spelling and to this day i hate the spelling but i caved in to my dad who said he would have my aunt joan get involved and yell at me i couldnt take it any more and wish i would have stuck to my guns and named him how i wanted

Sheena - posted on 04/04/2011

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It is your baby you pick the name. Let her know that her opinion was appreciated and you name him after your grandfather just like you and your husband agreed. If she doesn't like the name then she can give him a nickname or whatever she wants. Bottom line is that she needs to respect boundaries and she obviously doesn't you don't need to be rude about it, but you can nicely tell her that the name is not up for negotiations. Your husband should support you on this and talk to his mother about being too overbearing. Good luck!! Whatever you do DO NOT change the name because of her; if she gets her way and knows that she can influence you so much as to not honor your grandfather by naming YOUR son after him, then there is no telling how much worse your situation will get. Stand your ground and put your foot down or else she will only get worse.

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26 Comments

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Kandy - posted on 04/18/2011

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Thank you all for your advice. You have made the decision a lot easier. I appreciate you all taking the time and helping me out.

Christine - posted on 04/07/2011

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When I was born my parents didnt know if i was going to be a boy or a girl...SO being a girl they hadnt had a name picked. My Grandmother (Dads mom) always wanted a son named Christopher...she had 10 kids and none of them were a Christopher. SO my parents named me Christine thinking she would love it and be glad someone used to name...well a similar name i guess. When my grandma found out she was less than impressed... She said "Oh well i dont really like that name" :( my mom was crushed because she wanted to name me something else anyways.....SO my point IS that MIL's are always going to have somethign to say no matter what you do....SO go with the name you like. She will get used to it OR maybe you could name him somethign that Leo would be short for and she can choose to call him Leo or the other name--I have another story like that to lol
Good luck and remember that the name only matters until the baby is born then you will love the baby no matter what...and so will your MIL

Jasmine - posted on 04/07/2011

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You should name ur son whatever u want! ignore what ur MIL says or anyone else for that matter... He is your son and u will be the one using it most often lol i really like the name leo :)

Mandy - posted on 04/06/2011

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it's your baby, name him what you want.
and if she has a problem with it, too bad!

Naheeda - posted on 04/05/2011

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Leo is a nice name. I think you should go ahead with the name you and your husband agree on. Your MIL will learn to live with it. In fact she should respect your choice. I can understand the pressures of family but really it is no one else's business. You don't want to regret this decision.

Talitha - posted on 04/05/2011

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I would say go with the name you like and you choose. You will regret it for the rest of your life if you choose a name that you don't like just to please her. If you have never gotten along anyway, letting her decide is not going to change anything. Just my opinion. When we chose our sons name (Wyatt) my fiance's mother said"Oh well people will call him Why and you dont want that". My response was, no they won't, and if they do and he doesn't like it he will say so.

Helen - posted on 04/05/2011

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It is none of any bodies business apart from yours what you choose to call your son!

Personally I would tell your MIL to back off, so what if she doesn't like the name - it's up to you and your husband!

Have to say that this is one reason why I refuse to say what we are calling our baby (due 21st April by c section) and why I did exactly the same with our son - if you don't tell, then you don't get this sort of negativity and argument.

Good luck - and stick with Leo - its got family connection for you and it is a nice name, whatever your MIL says!

Julie - posted on 04/04/2011

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i also have a very opinionated mil and she started throwing names at us and they were some crazy off the wall names but she is our daughter and we picked out her name it was also left up to my husband to tell her to stop because i am not a very nice person sometimes because i am very opinionated as well so i left it up to him to deal with her and tell her that it was our decision so that way it didnt start any problems! good luck with everything

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Liam and Leo are lovely together and are both beautiful names, what is important is that you and your hubby love the name not what everyone else thinks - they will come to love it too.

This is the reason we decided not to tell anyone what we are naming our child this time round, because everytime we told someone we liked Ethan if baby was a boy (our son is called Ethan) everybody went oh that's nice what about... and it really annoyed me. This time round if people don't like the name they won't say anything because that is the babies name and it would be rude to say anything nasty. My dad was the worst person with being rude about the name Ethan - but he told me yesterday that we were completely right in naming our son Ethan as it is perfect for him and suits him really well and he actually now loves it, so I know that if they hate it once they get used to the name it grows on them. Good luck.

Belinda - posted on 04/04/2011

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As long as you and your husband agree that you both like the name and want to use it, it really doesn't matter what anyone else has to say about it. If you MIL complains or makes any remarks about it, you can just politely tell her that you and your husband like the name and plan to honor your grandfather by naming your son after him. She already got to name her children, she doesn't get to name yours too.

Erin - posted on 04/03/2011

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I would just pick what you like. I have two boys also named Eladio and Elias. With our first we agreed on Eladio only after I changed the spelling of it and his middle name is Rico after his dad. I got more crap for that name on my side of the family mainly because people had a hard time pronouncing it. So when my second baby came everyone asked me if I got to name it, even though I had helped name our first. Well it turned out I did get to name him all by myself because their father and I were having problems so when he came early his dad said name him whatever I wanted. So I came up with Elias Oakley. Oakley is my grndpas middle name and was supposed to be my name if I had been a boy lol but I loved it so that's what I picked. Everyone said id get confused because they are similar but that's what I wanted I didn't want them to be reaaly different from each other. And honestly it doesn't matter how similar or different they are you'll still mess up the names a time or two! I think Liam and Leo would be adorable for two brothers.

Michelle - posted on 04/03/2011

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It's your baby not hers. You do not have to be disrespectful about it. Maybe your husband standing with you and kindly letting her know this will be the baby's name will help. It's fine for her to offer her opinion but it"s your and your husbands baby to name. She'll get over it after the baby's born if not before anyway.

Stifler's - posted on 04/03/2011

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I would just tell her "oh we've chosen something else... it's a secret". Then name him Leo. HAHA.

Victoria - posted on 04/03/2011

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This is why you should never share the name before the baby is born - once the baby has the name people are less likely to say anything negative.
Too late now though! lol
Name your child what you and your husband want - no ones elses opinion counts and they will accept and love your child regardless and they will get over their own selfish reactions.
I would sit down with your MIL and say you are sorry she does not like the name but you hope she will learn to accept it and leave any further negative comments alone.

Sharon - posted on 04/02/2011

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Name him the name you want, and your husband. In my opinion, you MIL has had her kids and her choice of names, now it's yours & hubby's turn.

Aicha - posted on 04/01/2011

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Name the chid what you want remember you will be yelling the name for the next 18 years

Kylie - posted on 04/01/2011

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if you and your husband like then name ignore anyone else. it's not their choice at all

Brianna - posted on 03/31/2011

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who cares what she thinks.. just name him lep and after hes born and its final she wont even care anymore

Kandy - posted on 03/31/2011

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Elfrieda- That is how we have been since her first comments about the name we had picked out. Another complaint that she had is that we will be only ones in their extended family to have a child without a biblical name of some sort. So the only names that she is really giving us are biblical names. Neither my husband or I are a big fan of that. The other issue is that she will not give us her opinion directly she always tells my SIL to tell us what she wants.

Brittany - posted on 03/31/2011

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I would just name him Leo. You are the mother of that child. That name means something special to you and you have every right to name him that. Personally I think that its cute they have similar names. Liam and Leo sound like a great pairing! :)

Aimee - posted on 03/31/2011

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i would if you were the one to name this baby you should go with your heart and let the legecy live on

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