Cry it out method a yes or no?

Jenny - posted on 09/05/2012 ( 38 moms have responded )

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I'm leaning toward doing this. My daughter is 4 weeks old and still sleeps on bassinet in our room. I want to transition her into a crib into her own room. I know she is gonna cry but i got to do it. I have a 7 year old daughter and she still sleeps with us. Totally my fault. I'm learning from my mistakes and want to make this one sleep in her own room. My 7 year old is trying to sleep in her own room. I just want my bed back! So how does this work the CIO? I'm not being mean either i love my baby just need her in her own room soon. So if you got only mean comments please dont leave them! Thank you

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Eva - posted on 09/06/2012

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4 weeks is way too young to be "sleep training". At that age, a baby is still adjusting to the outside world; when they cry, it's because they NEED something, food or a clean diaper or comfort, not because they want to drag mom out of bed or disturb her rest. It's also been proven that leaving a child to "cry it out" can actually be detrimental to their neurological development. I can understand being sleep-deprived and needing your own space, but there are ways to go about accomplishing those things that don't involve compromising your baby's well-being.

Dianne - posted on 09/07/2012

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I don't believe it letting babies cry it out. If they are crying it means they need you and even an animal attends to her young cubs if need be. The only thing you are teaching her by crying it out is just that mommy won't be there when she needs her to be.

Read this article - you might find it interesting.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/mora...



Move her to her own room at about 6/7 mths and don't stress if she comes to you at night like her sister - children are only so small for so long and eventually they will be out of your bed.

I know you want your bed back - but I promise you when they go to their own beds you will miss them :)

Amy - posted on 09/05/2012

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4 weeks is too early to sleep train. How do you put her to sleep in the bassinet? Do you just put her in it and leave her or is she asleep when you put her in there. If you want to transition to a crib I would do it the same as how you are doing it now. My 6 year old still crawls into bed with us in the middle of the night about 75% of the time so I know your frustration, and although I didn't want to go through the same thing with my daughter I didn't move her to her crib till she was 4 months old. I would breastfeed her and place her in the crib when she was almost asleep, some nights she put herself to sleep some nights I had to go back in after letting her fuss for a few minutes. Some nights when all else failed I would just rock her to sleep because I wouldn't leave her to cry for too long.

Nathalie - posted on 09/14/2012

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I used to do the same thing. If you're worried about SIDS just make sure there are no stuffed animals or loose bedding like comforters or blankets in the crib with her. Here are some statistics I found about SIDS.



Babies of mothers who smoke during pregnancy have a 3 times greater risk of SIDS

Babies who breath secondhand smoke have a 2.5 times greater risk of SIDS

Babies who sleep in an adult bed have a 40 times greater risk of SIDS

Babies who sleep on their tummies have a 5 times greater risk of SIDS

Babies who sleep on soft bedding have a 5 times greater risk of SIDS

A Scottish study showed that 87% of SIDS deaths occurred in unsafe sleep environments, only 13% were found in a crib or bassinet



If you eliminate the risks you can sleep easy. Honestly I would try not to think about it too much....you need your rest too!

Amanda - posted on 09/06/2012

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We do not believe in cry it out. I believe it's inhumane. Now, that being said we still do sleep training. First, 4 weeks is way to young to even consider that! At that age they have actual needs all the time that should not be neglected. Crying is their way of talking, people should listen. People say its 6 months that you start, but it's actually 9-12 months. We started at 12 months. We would put him in his crib, leave the room, let his fuss(not full out cry) for a few mins until it starts escalating than go in, comfort, repeat. It took but a few nights. Make sure it's done for naps too. With putting her into another room right now, sometimes babies dont even notice it. Those that do, make a fuss. At that age and this is happening at night, pick yourself out of bed and go to baby and nurse her and put her back to bed. If she wont sleep, rock her, walk her, bounce her. Kids who are left to cry it out have trust issues, and nerve issues, neurological issues. What kids need from us is love, not abandonment. Our oldest is 4 and was sleeping in our bed everynight. If he came into our room we would bring him to his room and explain it to him. Put him in bed and go. If he comes back, close his door for a bit, freak him out a bit.(when kids are this age, letting them cry for a bit is completely different, they have understanding) we did this a few times and problem was solved. A more I tense version would to literally put a lock on the door. Good luck with what you choose!

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Stacy - posted on 10/03/2012

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I know that young youll probably still be getting up alot for feedings and possible diaper changes, Id say keep her in the room where you didnt have to get up and do alot of running at night. I kept mine in our room until 5 months, When they are that little I believ that they need the attention expecially when they cry at night, something is bothering them they need your help to calm down feed change diaper whatever it may be. Since you do want your room back do what you think is best for both of you, I just wouldnt recommend the cry it out until she way older

. They are building the security wiht you and the father expecially when they are very new to the world. They need that connection, when they are that small they dont have any other way of communication other than crying, so when somehting is bothering them they will cry and need their parents. I didnt start the cry it out method until 10 months old. I waited and followed his cues onto when I noticed that he was beginning to understand that if I cry because Im in my bed and I dont want to, mommy will come to me. I started out letting him cry for 5 minutes. I would then go in his room, let him stay in his bed and repositionhim with blanket on him pat him with my hand and very quietly tell him it was ok and explained that he needed to stay in his own bed and it was time to sleep. I would then walk out and do that every 5 min. After a month or so I started waiting 10 min. But seriously after two months (maybe a lil less) of him crying as I put him to bed, he stopped. I did not take long at all! I was reallyblessed, but truthfully I think it was the consistency and the nightly routine that we have that has really helped. He goes to bed at 9 and sleeps till 8. We will have occasional nights/naps that he will fuss, but we continue the same method and it has worked perfect. I see it as they really need the security from you, but as they are old enough for this method they need to learn how to calm themselves down.

BTW IDK how you slept with a child! I thought I was missing out that I wanted him to sleep with me for us to be close, and I tried it one night for 30 minutes, and I had to put him in his bed, He was soooo scrurmy I couldnt take it! lol I still wish sometimes he could not all thew time but sometimes lol

Tinker1987 - posted on 10/01/2012

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4 weeks is way to early. they are growing and still need to get up for feedings.for the 7 year old. you may have too sleep with her in her bed a night or two. or at least stay there until she falls asleep. try Encouraging her by letting her pick out a new bedroom bedding set or something along those lines.Good Luck to you.

Ania - posted on 10/01/2012

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Not all the kids are good sleepers and not all respond well to CIO. It is very individual. You cannot treat every baby with the same sleep training method. Some moms sound like they know exactly what works apparently for everyone. It does not. We get annoyed when our kids start to fall back and sleep worse and worse as they get older (between 3-6 or even 9-12 months of age) but it is NORMAL. Some of them mature faster than others and they can self soothe very early and others cannot. Depending on their sleep temperament different method should be applied. The range is wide. My pediatrician recommends sleep training between 4-6 months that is a huge window.

Mummy - posted on 10/01/2012

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I think 4 weeks is too early BUT I do believe in crying it out.. My oldest never slept until 18 months old after trying every trick in the book we decided to try cry it out within 3 days he was sleeping through 12 hours... If only I tried it sooner haha! With my second I had the most amazing advice have to me which was a swaddling!! He slept through from 3 weeks old hes now 15 month n had about 6/7 sleepless nights ever... Maybe you should try swaddling?? Xx

Emma - posted on 09/25/2012

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Sleep training is NOT detrimental to the child as

Long as its age appropriate. I sleep trained my first at 10 months old because I could no longer function on 4 hours of sleep a night! Then I sleep trained my second at 5 months because a frequently waking baby in a household of multiple people (including my 2 year old) means NO ONE gets any rest. The longer u wait the harder it is for them. It used the sleep sense solution as a sleep training guide. Worked amazing for both. I also scrapped the soothers during the training because a child will never learn to self sooth with props!!! Anyway just remember that whatever ur choosing to do, it's neither right nor wrong. U do whatever works best for ur circumstances. Good luck.

Carissa - posted on 09/22/2012

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I really do understand wanting your own space and not wanting your baby sleeping in your room. I have had two kids in my room until a few nights ago;) However actual sleep training at 4weeks could cause SIDS one of the theories about it is that the stress hormones in the brain get really high and baby is deprived of oxygen leading to death or something. That being said however there is no harm in your baby crying for a couple of minutes. Babies cry all the time whether going to bed or not. You can still put your baby in another room and respond when they cry. They absolutely need you but getting your own space and cio don't have to be synonymous So go ahead and put your baby in another room just dont leave them to their own devices for at least 5 more months. (this is what 'the experts' say I didn't make up six months)

Monica - posted on 09/18/2012

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I did let my 2nd child cry herself to sleep because I was to darn tired from caring for her 18 month old sister. She figured it out quickly ( 2 weeks or 3) and she's a sound sleeper. Fast forward 8 years later with my new baby....I couldn't let him CIO/each child is different. He's now almost 3 years. He wakes up once at night. now But because he is the last I didn't care and am enjoying the snuggle time. If your breastfeeding you might as well throw a mattress on the floor and sleep with the baby. The important thing here is that YOU get sleep momma! Good luck! This too shall pass.

Darlene - posted on 09/14/2012

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my baby girl sleeps with me and she is 4 months and 2 weeks old and i was thinking of finally putting her in her crib, but i am so afraid of the SID that i still let her sleep with me. She is my first child and i am sooooo over protective of her. i still wake up 3 or 4 times during the night and just watch her sleep and make sure she is breathing..

Jenny - posted on 09/13/2012

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Thank you all for your help!! I'm not doing the cio now. Maybe a better version of it when she gets a bit older. also I have to put her in a crib instead of bassinet because she moves alot and is already out growing it. I also want her to get used to crib. Thank yuo all again!

Nathalie - posted on 09/13/2012

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We put our son into his own bed from birth. I would suggest letting your little one fall asleep in your arms and then moving him/her into their crib once asleep. Just a suggestion.

Keya - posted on 09/13/2012

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Infancy is prime time for skin-to-skin relationships between baby and parents to be developed. Tactile senses are developed in this way. By NOT providing your baby that, might inculcate a sense of abandonment. There is a lot of research about this that in fact shows that this skin-to-skin joey-style parenting in the first few months of babies lives actually leads to more independent children.

Yes, as a new mother/parent, one is torn between sleep and nurturing, but please remember that this phase is fleeting, and children will very soon learn that they can be independent - in the smallest ways. While this is lovely to see in children, one also feels the sense of loss, if you know what I mean...

My daughter co-slept, and was transitioned to her bed at just after 2 years old, when she was weaned. She is completely independent and has been from the start. No dependency issues at all. She walked by 9.5, was potty trained by 1.9 and she is now 4 and reads by herself, and sleeps by herself too. While I understand that co-sleeping or even extended breastfeeding is not everyone's choice, I will always be a huge proponent for skin-to-skin attachment through baby's infancy. CIO goes against ALL of these, IMHO.

Lauren - posted on 09/13/2012

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First of all let me say that motherhood is one of he hardest things ever! I know I don't know you but just want to say that whatever you choose to do is your choice and you should be supported. Each child, parent, and family is different and what works for you and your family is what matters. I understand about needing to move your baby to her crib. We moved our daughter to her crib at 11 weeks old (my husband was ready at week one but I was reluctant). Moving her to her crib was so much better for all of us. My daughter seemed so much more comfortable and content too. As for the cry it out part, we are going through that too. She is now 16 weeks old and is fighting all naps and going to bed. We are letting her cry some but going in to comfort her. I crying longer than 20 minutes (during this time we go in to pat her and tell her she's ok) we pick her up to comfort her more. I guess what I am saying is this is you and your partners choice. You will know when your child is old enough in that they are crying for no other reason but tired and want you to soothe them. Our daughter only just recently has gotten to that point that I felt that she could cry for a few minutes because I knew she didn't have a dirty diaper, wasn't hungry or anything like that. So if you want this new mom's opinion, I would say try putting her in her crib bedtime and see how it goes. It's a big step for you, partner and baby. I think you might wait until about 3 months to try cry it out but you know your baby. Good luck!!!!

Kelly - posted on 09/12/2012

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we would let our very little babies cry for up to 10 minutes... if they cried longer there was usually a problem (wet, hungry, etc) but if we went in and they were fine, we would give a quick cuddle, tell them it was bedtime and leave the room.... This worked great with our firstborn who settled into a pattern and slept all night from 6wks old - has taken a bit longer with my daughter who was a bit more unsettled but it has worked.... its a bit like crying it out but with a long/short enough time limit to check them

Bekki - posted on 09/11/2012

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I don't understand why the baby has to be in a crib. My baby was in her bassinet from the day we brought her home and in her own room. She is only 4 weeks old!! My daughter is 5 months old tomorrow and I have been wheening her into her crib for the last week but she has always had her own room. Relax! She can stay in her bassinet but still not have to be I your room.

Keya - posted on 09/11/2012

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I think 4 weeks old is FAR TOO EARLY to do CIO. I think you should concentrate on getting the older one comfy in her own place first, before doing this with a 4 week old. She is a new born, and will NOT be able to understand what is happening to her and why. Why would you have to do a CIO to transition her into her crib? I don't think it's healthy AT ALL to let a newborn CIO. It could lead to anxiety in the child, and will forever put a stamp in their mind that sleep = cry/unpleasantness. Babies get used to a pattern very easily, so I would suggest thinking this out. It's a BIG No from me.

I am personally against CIO at any age, but I have had many friends who were/are proponents of this sort of sleep training. NONE of them did it so early, though. 5-6 months is when they started. I suggest you read up about this much more before you subject your newborn to this.

Sonja - posted on 09/11/2012

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Giving her few minute to see if she will go back to sleep on her own is not the cio method. Its good parenting. If you run to them at every little whimper you can disturb her sleep. I learned this the hard way with my first. Now my second is a year old and he cries when I put him down sometimes quite loudly because he doesn't wasn't to be left alone now that is cio. But I only allow for a minute or two then I go back reassure him that he's not alone. Most time it only lasts for few seconds and I don't have to go back in at all. Only other advise is that put them down to sleep in their bed while they're drowsy but not asleep because it can be scary to wake up in a room alone and not remember how you got there. Mine usually wake up happy and playing.

Amanda - posted on 09/10/2012

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I did CIO in a form with my kids and did it EARLY 5-8 weeks and NEVER had the problems that people are saying. I think it is a matter of what makes you comfortable, how many kids you have, your life style (work or stay home). My kids are not neglected, they are happy, well adjusted, good sleepers. My kids don't need to be held to calm down, they are held to be loved and cuddled. So I think those who don't or say it's harmful are not speaking from experience...they are against it because they couldn't do it because they aren't comfortable with it. What you choose is your choice....just know if you do choose to CIO your not a bad parent. There are a million choices you will have to make for/with your child...and whatever you choose someone else will have a different approach. Go with your gut.

Valerie - posted on 09/10/2012

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First off, the CIO method isn't something that you should do until your child is at least 6 months old. It was developed so that kids learn to self-soothe, but a four week old isn't able to do and quite frankly, shouldn't have to. Second, if you decide to do it, then there are several methods. One way to do it is to put your baby in her crib before she falls asleep but is ready for a nap/bed. Try to make this soothing for baby (snuggles, kisses, telling baby it's night time, soft music, etc). Then, leave the room. Baby will start to cry, so then you come back in after a minute. Go through the snuggle process again and help her calm down, leave, and come back after 2 minutes. You repeat this and gradually increase the time between when you leave and come back.



So, I never did this method with my kids, but run a daycare and have seen this work on several children. It wasn't a good option for us however, because I really felt that it was too traumatic for my children. When babies CIO, some can get so worked up that they will never calm down without being held. It can create anxiety towards going to sleep, which could be more problematic in the long run. We did co-sleeping and were able to transition our first to his own bed without any issues when he was about 1.



Do what works best for you and hope you get some sleep!

Amanda - posted on 09/09/2012

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Helen, we never did the lock. That's just what someone suggested. I could never do that, leaving them there and scared and crying all night. Holding the door closed. With our youngest, who is 2, we have. Some nights he comes out of his room soo many times(this is before falling asleep, would never during the night. I would hold him). We put him in his room and shut the door for a bit(he is still not able to open the door, thank goodness!). He cries right away and I just wait a bit. I than open the door and go to him or him to me and we hug and I explain it to him and make sure that I love on him :) that always does the trick. BUT it is a last resort. At this age they're learning everything about everything and learning their limits. They need to be shown these things. They need the discipline and consistency, but most of all, they need LOVE. I hope that explains it better, Helen! :D

Tinker1987 - posted on 09/09/2012

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i dont agree with it. when my son has a bad night i jus let him cry but i go in every 15 minutes i useally only have to do that 3 times then he is out for the night. i read a few bad articles on CIO. i read about the stress they go through when being left too cry. and it can affect them life long.

Amanda - posted on 09/08/2012

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I have 3 children. Oldest slept with us till she was 2 1/2 and had trouble getting to sleep without us...took me 2 weeks to get her to sleep alone. Second & 3rd babies were sleeping through 5hrs and progressively longer at 5 & 6 weeks of age. I did 12 midnight to 6am. I started putting baby to bed..if they cried I'd go in comfort & put them back down. Then I would do 5 mins of crying...and a lil longer after a few days. You know the difference in cries. If baby is clean, fed warm & safe they are fine. All my kids go to bed and sleep through. My youngest is now 10 months. I breastfeed from 8pm-8:30/45 and put him to bed no crying and he sleeps till 7/8am. Feed on demand all day long! Just adjust nap times...most babies sleep 5hrs at some point in the day...it's getting it to be same time everyone else wants to sleep. Your doing good Mama:)

Helen - posted on 09/08/2012

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Amanda, do you really hold your 4 year olds door shut? And were you serious about putting a lock on the door? Sounds a bit harsh, sorry just my opinion obviously but I wouldn't recommend doing that to a child! I completely agree with the rest of your reply though.

Jenny - posted on 09/08/2012

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Thank you all. I think shes to young to. I will not do this until at least 6 months and keep her in my room until 6 months or less.

Brittany - posted on 09/08/2012

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I believe in CIO methods - however absolutley NOT at 4 weeks old, baby is far to young to be left to cry it out. She needs to be fed during the night, she uses the bathroom often and needs to be changed during the night. She sleeps for long periods and is awake during the night, she needs to be calmed to find her way back to sleep.



I implemented CIO with my son when he was 5 months, by the time he was 6 months I was back to work and very rarely did he wake during the night.



He was also fed a bowl of cereal and bottle before bed to help him sleep longer.



She's far to young - try to get through these months, I also have a 7 year old son and new baby, she's almost 3 weeks, although it is challenging sometime, you need to look out for both there interests - respond to baby and she won't cry, letting your older one stay asleep. Don't respond to baby at this age she will cry, for extended periods and keep your whole house up.

Bobbie - posted on 09/07/2012

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I think you can achieve both! She can go to her own room, with a baby monitor. At four weeks she isn't sleeping through the night yet is she? As exhausted as a new mom can get you may find you sleep like a rock and don't wake to feed her without an alarm OR that you don't sleep well without her near you at first. I say keep the 7 year old with you until the baby sleeps through the night. She will be your little alarm clock :)

Also, about the CIO. It can mean different things to different people. I think I know where you are coming from. You don't want to jump up and comfort her when you know all her needs are met and she is just fussy. To that example I say yes. She will learn the skill of settling herself down and sleeping in her own bed will come more easily to her.

BTW- meaning well with the second one can backfire on you. LOL My story - my first wouldn't sleep in her bed for a nap and needed to be cuddled and taken to bed asleep. I thought I would make it easier for everyone, especially my child, with the second. Well, turns out that he was completely inflexible. He would sleep ONLY in his crib. Not the car, not the car seat or even holding him. I became a prisoner in my home daily at his nap times. LOL

Bekah - posted on 09/06/2012

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4 weeks is way too young .... Sleep training should not begin until closer to a year of age!!!

You can let your lo sleep in the crib but if she is crying you need to go to her.

At this age they only have you to rely on and but making her "cry it out" you could actually cause damage.

Mary Anne - posted on 09/06/2012

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Four weeks is way too young to "sleep train". At this age baby is crying because they are needing something. The No Cry Sleep Solution book is very good for getting little ones to sleep and self settle, but even it does not recommend anything until 12-18 months old.

Francine - posted on 09/06/2012

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I'm reading these posts and am wondering why it is so hard for parents to let their kids cry themselves to sleep and I'm not saying to never check on them to see if they have a dirty diaper, need a change of clothes, etc. Mind you I'm dating myself right now since my kids are older (20s) but that's exactly what we did and you know what they are not worse for the wear. Yes it broke my heart hearing them cry but they do need to learn how to sooth themselves at some point and I don't think that at 4 weeks old is too young to start unless mom and dad want to have sleepless nights all the time. If you're always there picking them up, soothing them back to sleep it's easy for them to fall into that routing and they never learn self soothing.

Jenny - posted on 09/05/2012

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Thank you so much. Im gonna stick to it and let her cry it out for only a few minutes.

Geraldine - posted on 09/05/2012

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Hi Jenny. When we were sleep training our first-born, we read a couple books from different extremes and used what we felt were best practices. Both books recommended feeding the child before the last adult goes to bed, i.e. at 11:00. We ended up doing a pretty lenient version of cry it out by waiting a couple minutes and only going to comfort the child if they seemed more upset 2 minutes into the crying then they were at the beginning. She would almost always put herself back to sleep 2-3 minutes after waking and quickly started sleeping through the night without any need for adult company in the middle of the night.

Our 2nd child was more difficult, and I'm sure we were to blame by being more lax. We moved him into his sister's room around 4 months, and we didn't strictly follow CIO because we didn't want her woken up. End result: way more nocturnal visits from child #2 that continued into his 6th year of life! I really loved the 2 minute method and, if I had it to do over again, I wouldn't worry so much about the older sibling. Sleep training provides a critical foundation for children and I recommend sticking to the plan. I know it's so hard to hear a baby crying, but use a timer to help you stick to a plan. Good luck!

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