Cry to sleep! HELP

Leisa - posted on 11/03/2009

Letting a child cry themselves to sleep does work. I know it is terrible to hear them cry and scream, but they have to learn how to get themselves to sleep. It took 4 nights then he slept through the night. I started this when he was 6 months (I read that, that was when their nervous system could handle it). I would go and check on him 15 mins. then 30 mins later and so on adding 15 mins every time. He still wakes up on occasion but I usually go and check on him give him a kiss lay him back down turn on his music and he goes back to sleep. I had to do this because I needed sleep I needed to get up for work in the morning.

Tash - posted on 11/02/2009

My son is 8 1/2 months old and just started sleeping (8:30 pm - 7:00 am) in his crib 4 weeks ago. He was never a good sleeper. We finally figured out that he would sleep 4 - 5 straight hours in a bouncey chair or swing. Then the doctor told us to stop the bad sleeping habits and it was time to start developing some good sleeping habits. We tried everything, rocking, "crying it out", music, rubbing the back, etc. And I felt like the same thing - that after he cried for so long he got himself even more worked up and it took twice as long to calm him down. Right around the 7 1/2 month mark - we decided to stop breastfeeding and switched to formula. He had mastered the art of rolling over so we finally purchased a bumper for the crib. He also started sleeping on his stomach - which I think he is most comfortable. So I am unable to pin-point the excact cause for the change - But I would recommend looking at the big picture. I read all the books, researched online and asked tons of friends and family for suggestions! I was sleep deprived and desperate! But ultimately you have to find what works for you and your daughter! If she sleeps in the swing, than by golly she is sleeping and you can too!! She can sense your feelings - so if you are not okay with her crying it out - than wait! I use to give myself a time limit and if he did not fall asleep after an hour than we tried something new. Good Luck!!

Jennifer - posted on 11/01/2009

I honestly don't beleive in that, make them cry, because you and your child are on pins, and needles. However maybe a warm bath & bedtime story might help. I have two kids of my own: 8 yr. & 14 months, & I have used a little warm pack on there tummy, and that seems to work.

Laura - posted on 11/01/2009

I never rocked my girls to sleep or let them fall asleep nursing. I developed a loose routine with them and put them in their cribs with all necessary items. Once they were fed and changed I would just make sure the room was a comfortable temperature, give them a few binks (in case they throw one out of the crib) turn on the mobile and leave. They would generally lay in their cribs, sing or play and eventually fall asleep. It is important to not let them get too tired before you try putting them down. If they are overly cranky they won't settle down on their own. If they did cry I would go into the room, make sure they have binks and turn the music back on, lay them down and leave-no talking-just a little love tap so that they know they are ok. I'm sure this wouldn't work for everyone but it has worked in our house. Good luck!!!

Jennifer - posted on 11/01/2009

I think its so wrong for people to judge mothers who do allow their child to cry them selves to sleep, perfect example my son has to cry him self to sleep for naps...he will NOT sleep any where but his crib, he does not fall alseep in the car seat or in some ones arms..etc...Now if i were to pick him up after 10 minutes of crying he would skip on his naps in total...hes only 8 months old....do you know what your doing if you take that precious sleep away from your child? My son went from screaming at the top of his lungs when i would put him in his crib to now talking to him self to sleep...babies are smarter than you think, they learn to soothe them selves to sleep, a mobile helped keep my son from crying so much...it slowly went away each night. You most certaintly DO NOT have to let your daughter cry do what makes you comfortable...check on her every 10 minutes, rub her head and tell her mama is here...and that will let her know she is loved and there is some one there, try night lights mobiles...something with comfort, it will eventually go away...do what feels right to you.

Kristin - posted on 10/31/2009

ok, i used to do infant toddler daycare and there is a thin line on the cry to sleep. You want them to get used to regulating her body but also feel loved. I would try letting her cry for 5 min at most. then you can rub her head/ back w/ out picking her up and see if it calms her. If not calmed after 15 min pick her up hug her etc for about 5 min than try laying her back down. It's hard to do if you are tired but try it out for a couple weeks and see if any progress. (also try singing and talking to her) I wouldn't leave heri n the room alone yet... she just started this and it's a shock from being able to sleep on you to you not even in the room at all... eventually when she learns to sleep w/ you in the room but not holding her/ than try her falling asleep in crib w/ you in other room.

Natanya - posted on 10/31/2009

How old is she? I think your doctor doesn't know what he's talking about. Imagine, you being all upset and nobody coming to calm you down when you obviously don't know how to do it yourself! There are lots of methods out there that are documented where you can teach your baby to settle herself in a gentle way. That said, none of them are recommended for a baby under 6 months old. We have been having sleep issues with our 12 month old and we've started this new technique (taught to us by baby specialists, all nurses) where we listen to his cry. We never let him cry for more than 2 minutes solid - and if he's really crying and not just protesting, calling out, or angry, then we go in straight away. When we go in we say something like "ssssshhhh Sam, it's time to sleep, lie down" and we lie him down, facing away from us, and pat or rock him until he's calm. Then we high-tail it out of there. At the beginning he was back on his feet screaming at us before we even got to the door, but we went out anyway, and started the process again. The first night he was up for 2 and a half hours, then gradually less. Some babies respond quickly, others not so quickly - it just depends. But it's nice and gentle and it's giving bub a chance to learn to sleep on their own, and to resettle themselves. Ours responded pretty quickly, there were changes relatively quickly, but the nurses said it can take 2 weeks for it to consolidate, so you need to stick to it. But if you baby is sick then abandon it and start again when she is well. Hope this helps!

Melissa - posted on 10/31/2009

I'm a bit surprised your doctor would recommend you let your baby cry herself to sleep. You may need to stand beside the crib and rub her back or tickle her face to assist her in going to sleep. Eventually she will learn to fall asleep alone. Good luck!

Lucy - posted on 10/31/2009

Hi Tania, my baby is nearly 7months and sounds similar to your daughter. I breastfeed her to sleep around 8.30 and she then wakes up around midnight for another feed and then around 5am for another feed, she then comes into bed with me and sleeps until around 6.30 or 7am.



Personally i think no doctor can dictate wether or not a baby is hungry or thirsty during the night. How the hell can anyone apart from that baby know what they want/need? I feed my daughter when she wants it, im sure when she doesn't need the night feed anymore she will let me know!



Sleeping 12hours without waking is ridiculous!!!! Every baby is different, nobody seems to care at what point babies roll, crawl or walk, its just taken that they'll do it in their own time and there's no pressure, yet for some reason when it comes to sleeping through the night there's this whole big thing made abaout they SHOULD be sleeping this many hours by this age blah blah blah!



Im sure our babies wont be waking up when they're 13 wanting nursing back to sleep, so for now I just say go with it, they're our tiny babies and they need us!

Tania - posted on 10/31/2009

my 7 month old daughter needs a bottle twice throughout the night to fall back asleep...anyone have any suggestions how to cut these out? We put her down at 8pm and she wimpers & then cries for her 1st bottle at 12-1am and then wants her second at 5-6am....my doctor also told us to have her cry it out. There is no need for bottles at this age and he says she should sleep 12 hours through the night....HELP?

Sarah - posted on 10/31/2009

If you feel sleep training is best for you & your baby, go for it. I've heard good things about The Sleepeasy Solution - it's a book that gives you steps to follow - i.e. go in after x number of minutes & pat your baby & speak to them to let them know you're there. There are other methods too - some where you start by sitting next to them with a reassuring hand on them, gradually moving your chair further from the baby, but still in the same room so they can see you & not feel 'abandoned'. If we need to sleep train - you can start at 4 months, we will follow one of the methods that provide guidelines on how to go about it. Moms I know that have sleep trained find it hard the first few nights, but things get better (the baby starts settling themselves down to sleep quickly & peacefully) remarkably fast. It's tricky when your doctor advises you to sleep train, but doesn't tell you HOW to do it. You're not a bad Mom if you decide to sleep train, no matter how many guilt trips you see on this forum regarding cry-it-out methods. I repeat, do what is best for you & baby. Some babies respond extremely well to sleep training, some don't require it, and some moms prefer not to sleep train - it's ALL okay.

Lucy - posted on 10/31/2009

If my doctor told me to let my child cry herself to sleep i would tell him where to shove it and i would find a new doc! I live in the UK and professionals here would NEVER advise you to leave your baby to cry to sleep.



It really upsets me to hear of babies been left for an hour or more to cry! Those poor little babes wil loseall faith in their parents! Parenting is a 24/7 job not a daytime only job!



If you dont want your baby to cry to sleep dont do it!!!

Kathy - posted on 10/30/2009

My daughter is 9 months and I had this problem to, especially when teething. I was told to let her cry herself to sleep but I just could not do it. What I finally worked for me was holding and comforting her till she fell asleep, then after she has been sleeping in my arms for about 10 to 15 minutes, I put her in her crib and if she starts to wake up or stir I rub her belly or back and she falls back to sleep. Every baby is different though. I have 2 older boys and one would not sleep in his crib all night until he was over 1 yr and te other I never had a problem with him sleeping in the crib.

Carol - posted on 10/30/2009

hey sara, i heard the adhd bit as well. it's just very sad to know your lo wants to be near you and you are far away :( like unnecessary suffering imho

*Fluffy Bunnies - posted on 10/30/2009

When your baby cries *your* body releases a hormone making you feel uncomfortable. This makes me think that it's natural to comfort your baby when they cry. It also makes me think that crying it out is very unnatural. It has been linked to attachment problems and I have even heard CIO is linked to ADHD.

Carol - posted on 10/30/2009

i feel bad for babies who have to cry themselves to sleep for longer than fifteen minutes. i feel worse for babies who have to do this is a room seperate from their mumma. i don't understand why people hurry these things. it is surprising to hear a doctor recommending this. how sad :(

Melissa - posted on 10/30/2009

I had that same problem with my son...It just never worked hes now 14 months and finally sleeps through the night

Ronna - posted on 10/30/2009

you absolutely can spoil at baby, but it usually doesnt happen until a child has developed separation anxiety, which typically comes into play around 9 months. personally, my daughter (w/the exception of when she is sick) never really cries herself to sleep...she normally just falls asleep while playing in the crib. however, i have found that when she is fussy & fighting her sleep, it helps her to come in & check on her every 15 minutes or so & assure her that i am there & i lover her. she is very laid back so i dont really have much problems w/her self-soothing or crying herself to sleep.

Brandy - posted on 10/30/2009

There is no need for that. There is a difference between your doctor's medical advice and his opinion and in this case it's opinion and doesn't need to be taken seriously. There is nothing wrong with being a nurturing mother and people seem to have this growing need to push their children to be adults and deal with it but you know what, if you were crying and nobody would help you, how would you feel? How do you think that feels to a little baby? If it doesn't feel right to you or it feels like she is too young for this kind of treatment, then don't stress about doing it because you are her mother and you are right. I don't make my daughter cry by herself and she is 18 months old, very independant, very confidant, very smart, well behaved and well disiplined. So don't let anyone tell you that you will have a whiny, clingy child if you don't do this. This is something for you to decide, not your doctor.

Danielle - posted on 10/30/2009

I had a tough time gettin my son to fall asleep on his own & by himself. i know this is horrible but he would sleep with me. & it only seemed like he wanted to when he was teething. well after we moved. (mind you he started sleepin with me at 5 to 6 months old & when we moved he was 8-9 months old) we started puttin him in his crib & the first nite he cried for an hr & half. & fell asleep the next nite he cried for an hr & it slowly went down. i always made sure to give him a bath in lavender nite time wash & let him stay up for half an hr to an hr after his bath so it would start to relax him & then put him to bed. & he's been sleepin in his room all nite ever since.

Anna - posted on 10/30/2009

http://apps.facebook.com/circleofmoms/gr...

Feel free to join this group on COM, No More Tears. It is for those who don't feel right leaving their child to cry.

You certainly don't have to let her cry. I can't believe doctors actually recommend crying to sleep. It is so awful and all the research shows it is very stressful and traumatic for the child. It seems to be an American thing, as most professionals in other western countries, such as where I live in New Zealand, tell you to never leave your baby to cry, except maybe for 10 minutes if you are going out of your mind with frustration and need a break.

It is absolutely fine to comfort your baby, do whatever it takes to soothe her to sleep - a warm bath with a few drops of lavender oil, a massage, breastfeed or bottle, walking, rocking. You can't spoil a baby no matter what some misinformed people might tell you.

Amanda - posted on 10/30/2009

well it is important for our babies to learn to fall asleep by themselves without rocking or a bottle, etc. I know its hard, my son is almost a year old and he has his ups and downs, sometimes he puts himself to sleep really easy, other times he cries and cries. I try not to let him cry for more than an hour, thats what the experts say- leave them and let them cry for no more than an hour... but I usually only last a half hour! My son too also gets himself so worked up so I fall back to my old habits and help him get to sleep. I've been reading Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Babies and the doctor makes it sound so simple, just let them cry themselves to sleep and each night the crying time will keep diminishing. Well for us moms its not so easy to listen to our babies cry! Hopefully someone will have better advice than me! LOL. I know its hards to listen to the little one cry for a whole hour, but I'm too soft, they really do need to learn to fall asleep by themselves. Only you can know if her cries are from pure distress or just wanting your company.

Kayliecia - posted on 10/30/2009

How old is she?