Jennifer - posted on 12/06/2009 ( 2 moms have responded )
Not really baby related, per se, but I don't know who else to talk to. All my friends IRL know DH also, so can't talk to them.
DH and I are going through a really rough time. We've had communication issues our whole marriage, but never went to counseling. In hindsight, we should've done that before having a baby. Now, we are in therapy, but I'm not sure it's working.
I feel like DH ignores what I tell him I need, and instead guesses about what I need based on my complaints. He has said he does things that he thinks I need (guesses), based on what I complain about. I complain about being tied to LO all the time (I'm a SAHM). I do this because I want him to tell me how much he appreciates me sacrificing my career for our family. Plus, I breastfeed, again because I think it's best for LO. This means she's that much more tied to me. Again, he doesn't tell me or show me he appreciates this.
I have told him all this, including telling him why I complain, and what I need from him when I complain. (I need him to listen, to tell/show his appreciation, and other times to just sympathize and tell me it sucks.)
He doesn't remember the real reason why I complain; instead, he does things like try to put DD down for a nap by himself (which she's not used to.) He's unsuccessful at it, and ends up upsetting her, making her overtired, and delaying her nap by 30-60 minutes. Which makes my job harder in the long run.
I can't get him to understand this. I feel alone, and like I said, I have no female friends who aren't married to DH's friends. I'm scared we won't make it through this rough patch. I'm tired and frustrated with his lack of listening. I want him to listen and respond to the needs I tell him I have, instead of dreaming up ways to fix the needs HE thinks I have.
Please tell me I'm not alone. Please help me.