do you let your baby cry?

Danielle - posted on 12/08/2010

You will find so many different answers to this question.

I was never a cry it out mom. I WANTED to let them cry it out because I'd get sick of walking, rocking, putting baby in the swing, taking baby out of the swing, driving, putting the soother in 700 times, laying baby on their tummy, laying baby on their back, laying baby on their side, etc. But I just could not bring myself to let either of my children cry for longer than 5 minutes. At night I didn't let them cry it all. Maybe that's why my son didn't sleep through the night until he was 10.5 months old. But when he finally did start sleeping through he slept like a champ and still does. My daughter is also 3 months old. In the car, I just can't listen to the crying. While my husband drives, I reach back there and give her a soother. During the daytime when I'm trying to get things done, if she has all her needs taken care of I let her cry for 5 minutes or so. I finish up what I'm doing before I go to her.

Jessica - posted on 11/19/2010

OMG! Sasha they did that to us. although at the age your son was mimicking spoken mine was signing (I sign to him) instead. These 'expert' quoting ppl (we had a support person) talk to you like your imagining it. He was STANDING while holding us (wasn't extremely good at it and didn't do it for long periods) and she said "oh he is just bracing early. He managed to stand on his own (still needed help getting up) and she said "oh he has good balance while bracing" he took a step without help or leaning on us and she looked at us with the "sure he did" look. your is faster in some areas though. Ours is a little more... tantrum oriented. we don't usually have to let it go for longer than 10-15 minutes except on occasions when its napptime, we have company, and he knows they are asking us if they can go get him.

Roxanne - posted on 11/19/2010

I just had a disscusion about this very problem on another community. My son is 6 weeks old and is having the same issue. He will scream he face off until I take him outof the car seat. Today we went on a two hr trip(there and back) to a nearby city, I sat in the back while my husband drove and nursed him while we were both buckled, diffucult but doable. Anyhow, not a peep. He fell asleep the whole ride after some boob. But of course this doesnt work when Im alone and driving... still have to figure something out for that one. Let me know if you do!

Sasher - posted on 11/19/2010

I must disagree with people when they quote the 'experts' as i have learnt so far that almost everything i have been told by 'experts' doesn't apply to ALL babies. Apparently my son wasn't able to hold his head up as early as he did but guess what.. he did and i saw it... my son mimicked his first word at 10 weeks old... yes it was a simple word but he copied his daddy saying 'ow' when my son nipped him, since then he has also copied me saying 'hiya' and 'hello'. also by 6 weeks my son was interested in watching absolutely anyone which my paediatrician said he hadn't ever seen a baby so social at such a young age. Maybe it's just my son but the 'experts' only go on the average babies, not the faster learning or the slower learning ones. My son knew at 2 months that my partners sister and mother would pick him up as soon as he made as little a noise as a whimper. When he is alert, he wants to be held so he can stand up which i have been told not to do at his age... I'm sorry but i'm not going to stop doing this and upset my son just because the 'experts' say i shouldn't do this with him (before anyone says anything, i do not allow him to stand for too long, i switch him between sitting and standing rapidly enough so he doesn't hurt himself but also slow enough so he doesn't get upset). Babies aren't dumb. Just do what you feel is right for you and your child, i don't agree with leaving a baby crying for longer than 5 minutes when they want something but if they are crying for the hell of it i would more than likely finish what i was doing before seeing to them, though i've never had to do it that way as my son will give up crying almost immediately.

Sasher - posted on 11/19/2010

My son is 3 months old and if, during the day, i am doing something then i will put him somewhere safe and go about my business while talking to him, if he cries then i will finish what I'm doing (up to 5-10 minutes) before seeing to him although usually he's just testing me and quiets down after a while, usually when i'm still talking to him.

Jessica - posted on 11/19/2010

we had one but Rowan (now now nine months) was either too heavy (right after the emergency c section) or too big (after I recovered). Is their a good place to look for those?

Kristin - posted on 11/18/2010

The car - I can sympathize! When my baby was that age he hated the car seat, even if I was back there with him. I learned to nurse him while he and I were each buckled in! I agree with the others when it comes to mommy driving - they just have to learn that no amount of crying is going to make mom compromise their safety, and when mom is driving she can't be holding baby. One time I put a blanket over the car seat to block out distractions, and he went to sleep within a couple of minutes. Didn't work every time though. When baby starts taking solids, maybe a snack will help. My bath trick: I would put his baby bath on our shower chair, and let him soak in warm water while I showered. He enjoyed that, and could interact with me, and showering was much more pleasant when I didn't have to listen to a crying baby!

Babywearing - totally worth it. I used the metro wrap by metromamma and loved it.

Iysha - posted on 11/11/2010

My daughter was usually a pretty happy baby so when she cried, there was a reason, so I tended to her when she cried no mtter where we were. But, like I said, my daughter was pretty content most of the time and when she needed something she would cry. In the car if it was a short drive, I'd let her cry. If it was longer (like 30 min.) I would pull over, check her diaper, give her a binky and then move on. Most of the time if she was fussy in the car it was because of her diaper. The binky was given if I had to feed her and we were almost to the destination or if she needed to sleep.



My SIL was a colicky baby (she's 13 now) and my MIL said that with colicky babies sometimes you just need to make sure there isnt anything that is wrong (they're fed, changed, warm, etc) and just let them cry. Now, I have heard that with colicky babies, that's just what you have to do sometimes to keep your sanity.

Jean - posted on 11/11/2010

remember your the adult and your letting your baby control you and if he is now he will soon learn he can cry any time and get your attention and as he gets older the problem will get bigger and go right into his teen. you control him dont make the police have to, that hurts

Amy - posted on 11/11/2010

When my daughter was that young, she was extremely colicky and I couldn't even go grocery shopping with her unless I got up at 5am to go n she was still in a heavy sleep. I was exhausted all day n half the time I'd cry when she did cuz I had no idea what to do to help her. If we took any lengthy drive anywhere (my parents live 1.5 hrs away), she would scream bloody murder until I found that if I just turned up the radio n drove, she'd fall asleep. Normally she takes a pacifier but back then in the car, she wanted nothing to do w/ it. I can't keep stopping or we'd never get anywhere so I had to let her cry (as long as I knew she wasnt hungry or wet) and she got used to sleeping in the car. Honestly, it was like this for five months and we took her to our chiropractor (only becuz we had a family pkg n she was free) and it was like magic. That night, we waited n waited for the madness n it never came. It was such a relief. She's gone once a mth ever since and she loves going. If that's anything you'd be interested in and/or have insurance to help pay, that's an option too. We'll be taking our next child from day one n hopefully it'll work as well the next time around. Hope some/any of this helped, good luck! I feel for ya:(

Lorena - posted on 11/10/2010

Hey Becky, I have two daughters, one is 2 and the other is 3.5 months. In the car you could try putting a mirror in the seat facing him. Babies at this age love to look at themselves, and there are these mirrors made for hanging from the car seat so the baby can look at themselves and you can see them in the mirror yourself. Just about the only thing you can do in the car is distract him. Try to make sure he has his favorite toy to play with or something to do. My daughter used to cry and I would just start singing her lullabies or any song I could think of , Old McDonald had a farm was a big hit.

I also wonder if your little guy could have a bit of acid reflux. My 3.5 month old daughter has it a bit and she doesn't like to lay flat because it is uncomfortable. I have a swing from Fisher Price in the living room and It is adjustable with the recline. I put her in it when I need to get things done. Then she is sitting up a bit and I hang toys for her to play with. I don't always turn it on only if she is really crying. I love my swing! It really helps when you need to get things done, or just sit for a minute and drink a cup of coffee to get your second wind.
Colic is often acid reflux in disguise. Does your baby spit up more than usual, also more than an half hour after his feeding? If he lays flat does he sometimes start coughing? When he's crying is he really uncomforatable, kicking and flaying with is arms, arching his back? If so I would ask his doctor about acid reflux. You can also check out you tube and see videos of doctors explaining what it is and what it looks like in an infant. It is also called GERD or silent infant acid reflux.

It is most important to keep your baby sitting upright for 30 min after a feeding, and to elevate the head end of surfaces he lays on. I have stacked planks of wood under the legs of her basinet at the head end to make it about 5-6 inches higher, and an angled foam cushion in her box (play pen) to have her laying with about a 30 degree rise. This has helped alot with her crying. Good luck, being a first time mom it is really tough to know what to do. Trust your instinkts, nobody knows your baby like you. If you need to let him fuss a bit so you can get things done it is NOT horrible, There is a big difference between letting a baby who is fed, clean, dry and warm fuss a bit and letting a distressed baby cry. You know your baby's cries, trust yourself. Oh, and the baby bellly carrier is also a great idea, I have two of them, one for my husband and a smaller one for me.

Kimberly - posted on 11/10/2010

Hi becky, My son was very colicky, doctors didnt want to say the word colic, at first I thought it was an allergy, Im a breastfeeding mom so my first reaction was to remove all dairy from my diet, that didnt help. I stoped eating all high allergy foods. Nothing helped at 2 months it was confirmed colic, It is very hard to deal with but It will get easier, My son Hated car rides I would try and limit the amount of time we had to take the car, I would also plan things first thing in the morning when he was at his best, I am a single mom so I didnt have the option to sit in the back with him. I tried the grip water that didnt work, The oval drops where a little better but still not worth the money. My little guy wouldnt take a soother, he was most content when he was nursing. I would nurse him every 45 min to an hour, Alot of it was comfort nursing but it worked for us. My son loved being held with his tummy resting on my forearm his legs on either side of my arm we called it the superman hold. Another great position for holding a colicky baby is having babys back against your chest and one hand under the bumb and the other bringing the knees up to their tummy Sounds more awkward then it is.
I know this does not help you decide on letting them cry. I could never let my baby cry, with out doing something to comfort them. Unfortantly with colicky babys they tend to cry even when they are being held. Some babys respond well to grip water or oval drops mine didnt he prefered to nurse or the superman hold also known as the football hold.
A light at the end is once my son was a year and was able to sit forward facing in the car he was much happier and actually enjoys car rides now. There is an end to colic. Mine ended at around 6 months , I hope you find some helpfull hints that work for you and your baby.
Good luck and remember colic usually ends between 3 and 6 months so your almost done with these fussy times.... Keep strong and Congrats......

Janet - posted on 11/10/2010

I do not let him cry. A min. or two, if I have to, but otherwise, no. I pull the car over, put off what I am doing. There is nothing that important that it can't wait. That said, I only have the one child (he is one now), so it might be different if I had other children with needs. I do have a mirror in the car so he can see me, and that seems to help. I have also learned, through trail and error, what he does and doesn't like when driving. He likes music, a bottle, and lots of toys! Good luck and no matter what style of parenting works for you, your baby will be fine! :)

Jessica - posted on 11/10/2010

Michelle was it? Sorry, I am a bit tired. I gotta say, I agree. Its extremely hard to deal with that kind of crying and it's better to let them cry then reach the end of your patience. That is honestly the main reason we started to do it (doesn't need it as much as he used to though). Sometimes baby's just need to cry. I couldn't handle the frustration and lack of sleep. I was afraid Id shake him or something... and my husband wasn't any better. Every baby is different and few fit in the box modern medicine/methods put them in. Knowing that it was getting worse when we entertained him, we had to do the same thing. We couldn't handle days of no sleep cuz he (although tired) wanted to watch us run around in a frenzy. It got a lot better when we put him in his own room. That was all he really needed... but still, sometimes he still just needs to cry, or has a tooth ache(still has a few to go). Bottom line. I am SO glad (oddly) that we aren't the only ones with a baby that just needs to cry. Sometimes I felt (and still do on the occasions we have to still do it) like a bad mom. Although this may sound weird, I am glad we are not alone.

Michelle - posted on 11/10/2010

My baby is 15 months and when we are in the car he gets winey I'll let me just cry. When he was yonger he cried for like 2-3 hours for no reason. and I did everything i could think of to get him to stop and nothing worked. So I layed him down and let him cry. It sounds mean but nothing I did made him stop.

Karlita - posted on 11/10/2010

it's good to let your baby cry it helps there lungs. but i would wait about 15 to 20 min, and if they were still crying then i would pick him or her up.

Amanda - posted on 11/10/2010

To be quiet honest my eldest had colic which was only on a evening my,2nd son has gastric reflux and cried constantly non stop,the only thing that used to pacify him at home was a electric swing as long as it was going,he was pretty content.Taking him in a car was difficult he used to arch his back and he just cried.You cant carry them round all the time,but id say see if anyone can lone you a swing or even freecycle one.good luck x

Jessica - posted on 11/09/2010

Lise. I felt attacked also. To be honest, when you posted those links I really did research them all while writing it, and it is hard to find good information on the internet. I am used to being attacked as I'm a younger mom. Beyond that, a lot of the things some professionals tell you to do are inadvisable. I have been told to deny my child food because he is the size of a toddler. Not the smartest advice a medical professional ever gave me (all we needed was to know what was wrong with him... stomach flu) and we got yelled at cuz he isn't the normal size of a toddler (he is 100% on the height scale and according to it he is two pounds over-weight). Our doctor said not to worry. He is happy, healthy and developing wonderfully... but I still defend myself every-day from ppl who either have a phd (or other degree in medicine) shoved so far up their face they can't see what happens right in front of them, and older (usually not too much older as the grandmas agree with me) parents. You might also want to cross reference more too for internet proof. It was exactly as I wrote it. Watch out for unethical things such as not offering anything but their word... or referencing others who offer no actual proof. Be careful. I wasn't trying to attack you (although I guiltily admit a few unsavory thoughts ran through my head), I was reacting to a perceived attack. I apologize for the misunderstanding.

Becky. Be careful when researching this stuff. always look for charts, statistics done in chart form, and other sites that correspond but are unrelated when researching this stuff. Be thorough. I haven't had the time to do the internet searching yet. The sites like the ones I'm talking about are hard to find. If he eats solids, an extra ounce or two (at most) won't hurt. It actually helps, just don't give him any water bottles if you do this. Never use more formula, but rice cereal should be OK at this point (one tbs is what we do). Just make sure the little one gets one or two (at-least) regularly done bottles a day (we do this to be 'safe' even though we know he gets enough). If your little one has started solids (baby food) and isn't satisfied with just one jar, try following it up with a bottle (ours drinks it all and is barely satisfied), and what they don't drink, put in the fridge. This is another thing that helps us so his food actually stays with him for a couple of hours. Hope it helps.

In case nobody can tell we have the "bottomless baby" issue... so nutrition is NOT an issue.

Heather - posted on 11/09/2010

Becky - I'm not saying your baby isn't colicky, but I know I mistook some of our daughter's fussiness when it was actually fatigue. She needed help going to sleep! She never was one of those babies who just fell asleep in the car or swing, etc. The best thing we did was to help her fall asleep when she'd been awake 1.5 - 2 hours. I found the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child really helpful.

Maren - posted on 11/09/2010

While in the car my daughter would cry. I couldn't do anything about it so I sang. For a time there she would only calm down and stop crying to "Rubber Ducky". As she got older I could add in other songs. I was so happy when she developed object permanence!

Jennifer - posted on 11/09/2010

crying never hurt a baby just make sure they are safe and have all their needs met.

Andrea - posted on 11/09/2010

Use Ovol (in the US it may be called Baby Gasz). It is fine to use it continuously for several months. Use it for a couple weeks when the colic is gone you can stop. If the colic comes back use it again. Keepi it up until he is past this stage. With mt first child I didn't use it much because I was worried about over medicating and he was miserable. With my second my pediatrician said it was fine to use it as much as needed and my second baby had a much happier first six months.

Tine - posted on 11/09/2010

I and my partner are both very certain on not leaving our daughter to cry at any time. Crying means distress of some kind, and needs to be attended to. Even in the car, if she couldn't be distracted quickly, I'd stop and soother her before continuing.
Even boredom feels like physical pain to babies and kids (read 'The Science of Parenting by Margot Sunderland), and needs to be responded to. CIO is a terrible thing, but I think that any time babies, especially tiny ones at 3 months, are left to cry it send them a message that they are not safe, and on a physical level it floods thier little bodies with harmful stress hormones.

Jacquie - posted on 11/08/2010

It can be difficult to get him settled. I know this because my son suffered with colic too. I would give him colic drops in his bottle and they worked a treat! They are called "Colief" drops. It is expensive but well worth it.
When it comes to my son crying during the day I try to keep him as occupied as possible when I am trying to get some housework done. I make sure he has plenty of toys around him. I also keep a drink of juice nearby for him so I can give him a drink when he begins to get a little cranky. He likes the comfort. Maybe you should try this?
When he is fed & has a clean nappy I put him in his pram and take him out for a walk. He enjoys the fresh air, loves to look all around and he usually falls asleep! You should try walking to the shops if you aren't too far away? But definatily try the colic drops I mentioned =)

Lise - posted on 11/08/2010

Stephanie, I feel like you are turning this into some sort of personal attack, which is ridiculous. CoM should be a place where moms come to get advice, and not get hounded. I was passing along information that I have received from credible sources - my pediatrician and the woman from our hospital who taught the "surviving parenthood" classes. The booklet the hospital gave says to never add more or less water than is prescribed in order to maintain the properties of the formula; I can't reference that on here, so I did a search online. I don't have time to go in depth, as I have a job and a 12 month old that keep me busy. But I have heard from those two people and from many others that it is unsafe to add more water.

For the original poster, sorry your message got off track. If you want to add more water, or whatever, talk to the formula company. Research it - do what you feel is best. I was just passing on the information that I have received. If it were my child, I would only make the formula the way it says to on the box.

Kayle - posted on 11/07/2010

During the day when my son decides to throw a fit, I try and figure out whats wrong but if I've tried everything. I stop giving him attention all together and let him cry it out. In the car I turn the radio up because he loves music and that usually helps but if not he crys it out. I'm defiently not going to pull over just because he's fussing.

Jessica - posted on 11/07/2010

Oh gee wow. *sarcastic* an eighteen month old drank TOO MUCH water. In that age group too much formula period would do the same thing. I am a trained homeopathic healer. Also your articles are flawed. Your "how to" article was ... well... lets just try to use nice terms and say either she got shorted on brains or they rotted out. Second, too much of anything is bad. I don't think anyone here put extra water unless necessary. Your K fox is just referencing another article you have and is actually a hoax(still reading you articles so I'll reference at the bottom.). Your "kidshealth" article makes no reference to it whatsoever. Family doctor. org is unethical as they are supposed to provide proof and statistics and that points more to one groups opinion. #6 is unspecific on your other how-to and, as too much formula can also make a baby sick (extremely so... as I said, too much of anything), is most likely set up to discourage ppl from experimenting, and if your looking on "how to" sites you shouldn't be experimenting. E how is also written by the same ppl who yell at you if your baby eats more than other baby's their own age (mine is taller and bigger... in toddler cloths) and therefor not a site that is reliable. Besides, they say to speak to your pediatrician. The one you quoted on this site is invalid as it was started by someone who read the same article you already referenced from Texas. Did you cross reference any of this? Oh and the hoax articles... you really missed the tip-offs? Only the location and age of the child is changed in both. I didn't look at the dates and you would have to dilute more than that to give a child malnutrition. Also, I am not just going to pull random sites off the internet just to be childish. I'm going to cross- reference them first as alot of stuff on the internet is BULLPUCKY. I can "search" my own religion and find a bunch of idiotic sites that spew a lot of bullpucky. I can ask one of the neighbor kids if they stole a cookie off of one another's plate. Guess what? The result is the same. BULLPUCKY. I have my mother in law (an LVN nurse) who hates me, and goes out of her way to find a problem with everything we do... yet she commended adding a little water to stretch. I have my child's pediatrician (also our family doctor), who recommended it with one stipulation... Not to add too much water. Your articles are also flawed as, once a child starts eating more solids, an actual water bottle or two a day is recommended. Worst part. I cross referenced most of your articles with each other. Now, if you may, I have a lot of cross-referencing to do so I can show you SOLID articles.

Justina - posted on 11/07/2010

If I am driving, I'll let him cry until I reach my destination.. Sometimes he just doesnt wan to sit in his seat..

Lise - posted on 11/07/2010

@Stephanie:

http://www.tampabay.com/news/health/arti...
http://blog.homemade-baby-food-recipes.c...
http://kidshealth.org/parent/pregnancy_n...
http://www.kfoxtv.com/news/18450407/deta...
http://www.breastfeeding-mom.com/baby-fo...
http://www.ehow.com/how_2514_prepare-rea... (see #6)
http://familydoctor.org/online/famdocen/... - Always measure carefully and never add extra water to the formula
http://www.circleofmoms.com/after-pregna...
http://www.ehow.com/facts_5332600_adding...

What are your resources that say it's safe (not counting parents who say they did it and their kids are fine)?

ASHLEY - posted on 11/07/2010

When my son was that age and we were in the car I had to let him cry if we were driving. I was breastfeeding so I couldn't nurse and drive. If it was going to take more than 15 minutes to get home I would pull over and offer to see if thats what he was wanting. Other than that I didn't let him cry out of boredom I just kept trying new ways to entertain him. He ended up loving his fisher price jumperoo so from 2 months on that usaully kept him happy long enough to make dinner or whatever. Around 6 months I stopped picking him up right away when he was upset. Before 6 months nursing or a nap usually ended any crying fits.

Jessica - posted on 11/07/2010

Their is always some know-it-all nut-job out there who would testify to ANYTHING just to get money or attention. Shea, your fine. I would be dead with no siblings and my son wouldn't be here either. Its nearly impossible to get it exactly right anyway. Your GP was right. Lise... Be careful what you read on the internet. And I can't believe your pediatrician told you that. My pediatrician TOLD me it was alright. Where did you research this?

Lise - posted on 11/07/2010

That's crazy that a GP would recommend it! I've never used formula, but I'd heard warnings about it from our pediatrician and then looked into it more.

Danielle - posted on 11/07/2010

I let my daughter cry for a bit. I don't like it but I have an 18 month old son too so if I'm fixing him lunch and my 10 week old daughter is squawking even though she's been fed, burped, changed, and cuddled...I have to let her cry. He needs me too. I don't let her cry for longer than 3 minutes or so at this age. I was never really a fan of the CIO technique in the first place. I tried it with my son twice at around 6 months and both times he worked himself up so badly that he threw up so yeah, I guess I'm a Sears type of mom. ;)

Stacey - posted on 11/07/2010

hi there my son is almost ten months now and when im driving i play music of catchy tunes and it keeps him quiet as well as something to hold in his hands

Shea - posted on 11/07/2010

Oh wow i never new that Lisa thanks for that, my G.P suggested less formula more water due to once formula settles in the stomach it hardens...... wow water hay??
iam so shocked that it can be deadly so why are we adding it with the formula in the first place?
does the formula work like a filter?killing off the deadly toxicans in the boild water?
im so confussed now!!!!!!!!!!!

Lise - posted on 11/07/2010

If you go with formula, ALWAYS mix as prescribed and never use less powder to get more water! This very unhealthy for a baby. It can be deadly.
http://www.vcstar.com/news/2009/jan/11/t...

Shea - posted on 11/07/2010

hi this may help. if you baby has colic maybe the seat belt is to much pressure on his stomach so he will cry? crying also help strengthen his lungs so dont stress to much about him crying, also maybe try not feeding him before you put him in the car.also this may help water in his bottles, if your breastfeed try giving him a bottle of formula in the morning and at night and you will fing your baby is full and will sleep longer or if it is formula feed try cutting down the scoups of powder so he's getting more water.... remember colic doesnt last forever gripe water really helps..good luck..............remember it doesnt last forever

Lydia - posted on 11/07/2010

depends on what you are doing. i would not let my baby cry to get housework done. but if you have an appointment or something else important and baby cries in car, you can't stop. however for longer car rides i did stop if she couldn't calm down after 10 minutes crying, and as soon as i took her out she was quiet and than i carried her for 5-10 minutes and she'd go back in the car without fuzz. when she was little she'd sleep as soon as the car started driving.

also if your baby maybe needs more cuddling and cries because he wants to be near you than it's best to just pick him up... if you let him cry it just makes it worse. i used a sling to get stuff done.

Amanda - posted on 11/06/2010

I think it depends on where you're travelling. If you're just driving 10-15 min to a store then I am sure letting your baby cry isn't going to hurt..sometimes pulling over just isn't an option. My son almost always fell asleep but on the rare occasions he didnt talking to him calmed him. Also he really loved the mirror we put up for him..

Meaghan - posted on 11/06/2010

try a baby carrier while you are gtting something done. Its not good for babies to cry too much its a lot of stress on them

Lil - posted on 11/06/2010

I am sure that i have said this before get on the net to PLAYTEX nursers in UK they are a special feeding bottle with a bag that when the baby sucks it don't let any air through then they don't have the nasty pains in there tummy
I was always getting picked on for picking up the baby if she/He was crying i said if a baby cries some thing is wrong they may be bored or want top know someone is around for them,
Try the PLAYTEX nurser it is wonderful my son is now 37 i had a real bad time with him until got that special bottle To me a heven sent gift
Lil

Jessica - posted on 11/05/2010

You say it so much better than me. I always babble and can't seem to shut up. But, I never see what 'Emma' says except occasionally. The gist I get is that someone got offended. That happens though. I am resigned to always offend someone, but back to the point. You just stated what my point was before the boss and mommy thing. every kid is different and all (any child Ive seen anyway) know more than adults give them credit for. I still can't say it right but... I can still try.

Sara - posted on 11/05/2010

i felt so sorry for you emma even if you were doing what that other lady thought you were if it worked for you then thats fine, my daughter used to not sleep at all during the day and wanted me to always hold her and they do get used to it i don't care what some people think they do get used to it. i always was holding and cuddling her but my sister said she is playing you she knows you gonna go in and pick her up i put her in the cot and let her cry i went in after a few mins to assure her i was still there and talked her. it took half an hour for her to finally go off to sleep and she was 4 months i think she was just so tired and the next day i put her in and she cried for a little min and was off to sleep i don't think that makes anyone a bad mother if they find what works for them this is supossed to be a website to help mothers not abuse them for their methods on how they do things

Jessica - posted on 11/05/2010

Look. I already explained that it's different but still similar in some ways (makes me wonder if you read the whole thing). And if you'll be so kind, my mother was killed when I was eight. The lessons that stayed are what I was sharing. Sometimes you have to be "both" of those things. My mother was the best at reading bedtime stories, handling nightmares, and so on and so forth, but theirs a time and place for both roles (in my opinion this differentiation is simply a socially excepted catastrophe). Their is also a difference between "mommy" and "doormat". the "friend" thing I've seen debated over the years is kinda confusing but I call it "doormat" since "friend" is misleading and everyone (that I know) wants to be close with their kids. All I was saying was "mommy" is a role that sometimes includes other roles, such as "boss". And no your boss at work probably doesn't care. That's why it's different. A "mommy" is different cuz they care, and that's WHY I (at-least) have resigned myself to except the unpleasant roles with the ones I like. That is life and everything we do teaches our children something. It's our job to think what that is.

Lise - posted on 11/05/2010

If your boss and mother are basically the same, then I have a totally different life than you. My boss would never comfort me, does not love me, and is there to guide my career. My mother comforts me, takes care of me when I'm sick, supports me, loves me. They are very different relationships.

I, personally, do not want to be my daughter's boss. I don't want to be her "mother" - I want to be her mommy.

Jessica - posted on 11/05/2010

It's a middle ground. Every kid is different. Not every kid cry's just to see the pandemonium of trying to get him/her to stop (my little brother was very quiet). "boss" and "mommy" really aren't all that different. Both need to be respected, and both need to be obeyed. The only real difference is "mommy" chases away the nightmares and (at this stage) getting them to "obey" (listen when you say no) can be the difference between getting their in time to stop a catastrophe and them ignoring you (hence you don't get to them before it happens). Think of it like this (only if you wish of course), a boss pulls "power trips" while a mommy just wants to keep them "safe". At this point (rowan turns nine months soon) my little boy is quite adept at understanding "no" and the tone with it. A light tap (basically a touch) on the hand along with it and he doesn't do it again for awhile. Their memories are shorter than ours but no less intelligent. It is hard to say "no" sometimes though when all you want to do is laugh. A tap on the hand now (what my mom did) may also mean no spanking (I got maybe one a year) later (the lesson is already with them).

Lise - posted on 11/05/2010

You shouldn't be "boss" - you should be "mommy." They are two very different roles.

Deborah - posted on 11/05/2010

i let mine cry ... you have to show them you are boss...... you cant plan your life around them you plan it with them

Lisa - posted on 11/05/2010

well, tough question to answer. i suppose it depends on the cry. knowing baby isn't hungry, i'd start singing a lullaby or turn up enya, or if enya was on and he started to cry, then i'd turn it off. basically anything that is soothing and that changes things up. if i have other kids in the car then baby doesn't cry as much cuz he doesn't feel lonely, when he's got a smiling brother to look at.
if i'm alone and its a longer drive then i pull over every time. with my first he cried non-stop through a three hour car ride when he was 3 months old. I nursed him, changed him, burped him, etc.. and i kept pulling over because he'd get so worked up he's throw up slimmy airbubbles. so since then on long rides someone has to sit in the back with baby.
i also limit amount of time in the car with a baby.
but singing is a great way to sooth your baby and to let them know that you are there.

Kristin - posted on 11/05/2010

If I'm going to be longer than 10 minutes at a task, I see to my bub. If less, like finishing up the dishes, he can fuss until I'm done. My husband travels for work and there are times when it is just me and our three kids. They need to eat, get to bed, and some kind of a routine needs to be followed as the oldest is in school.

However, and this is the important bit, I did not let him cry for more than a minute or two until after he was 4 months old. I would let him cry long enough for me to know what he needed; hungry, tired, lonely, done, leave me alone, etc.. I find it amazing when I am out just how many people assume he wants something when he's fussing himself to sleep. They often make his fussing turn to a full blown screechfest.

I have also found that a variety of location specific toys help with distracting them for a few minutes. We have car toys, kitchen toys, bathroom toys (I like to bathe too). You get the point. These toys are for these rooms, at least for now, and they do not go elsewhere. They are like new every time we are in there.

I am a big supporter of do what you need to do to retain your sanity. If you need to whip out a boob in aisle 17 at the grocery store 'cause he's hungry, go for it. If it's time out in the corner of the library, go for it. I think as parent's we often worry more about the sound bothering someone else than attending to the cause of the crying. Do what you need to do to raise a healthy, well-adjusted, mannered child. You know your child and his wants and needs best. You also know yourself and your to do list. Act accordingly. Good luck.