Do you spank?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/04/2011 ( 79 moms have responded )

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I know this has been discussed to death, but I want to know....do you spank, or use alternative discipline? Do you use your hand to spank, or an object???

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Tammy - posted on 11/21/2011

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Hitting does not generally teach hitting. Children do not need to be taught to hit, it comes naturally. The general rule is to never spank or do any discipline IN ANGER. Spanking can be a helpful tool when a lesson needs to be learned for one of two reasons. 1) The child is not responding to all other measures and what he/she is doing is needs to stop immediately. 2) The child put him/herself at risk or someone else as risk and a sharp immediate response was needed to show the seriousness of the situation.

There are many Moms out there who are very sensitive and cannot spank because it goes against their moral instinct. There are also Moms out there whose moral instincts are very low, and they would spank a child for the simplest of reasons.

The key is to find your moral ground. All Mom's need to have a standard by which to go by. The greatest standard to begin with is to never discipline while you are angry ... after that it is up to you to determine what is best for that particular situation.

...mom of 8 sons and 1 daughter.

Kelina - posted on 11/09/2011

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I agree with Jane some children respond well to positive reinforcement and time outs some don't my son responds well to positive reinforcement but not well to timeouts and well to spanking. My daughter isn't really old enough to be spanked just yet but she has on occasion had her hand smacked. redirection jsut doesn;t work for her, she sets her sights on something and has a one track mind. I should also note I do have to stop spanking my son, not because it is teaching himt o be violent, in fact he doesn't hit other kids and rarely responds that way when hit. The reason I have to stop is he figures if he sees his sister doing something that she's not supposed to be like getting into the garbage he'll spank her! Not that it hurts her she just laughs at him but I don't want him to think that it's ok to spank other kids and we're having a hard time getting him to understand that it's not ok be a mommy or daddy cause he tells her what to do too. Drives me nuts sometimes, lol.

Jane - posted on 11/08/2011

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I don't spank. It was never necessary for my daughter, and it wouldn't have worked for my son. He is ODD and it would simply have given him permission to hit us back.



This is not to say that spanking with a flat hand on well-padded buttocks is never an appropriate mode of discipline. However, it depends greatly on the child and on the infraction. Some children would be psychologically damaged by any form of physical punishment, while other kids, like my son, would embrace it as permission to be physical with others. It also should be reserved for only the most heinous behaviors, such as hurting someone else or exceedingly risky behavior, such as playing with fire or running into the street.



I would never spank a child with an object. You get no feedback on how hard the impact is, while the pain in your hand tells you what force you have used.



There is no "one size fits all" form of punishment or correction. Too much depends on the personality of the child to be able to insist that one specific form of punishment works for all children.

Brittany - posted on 11/08/2011

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ABSOFREAKINLUTELY!!! I do not believe in an alternative discipline because IT DOES NOT WORK!! They don't learn and will not learn to respect people. I smacked my sons hand lightly when he was a baby to teach him not to mess with certain things. I started spanking his bottom when he was about 2. As he got older his attitude got worse. I use a paddle on his bottom when he does something he knows is wrong or when he back talks. Excessive spanking is never good but as long as you are doing it in a calm matter and not getting out of hand with it and not leaving any marks...it is fine. My son has gotten a lot better since I started using spankings as a punishment. The corners and time outs dont freakin work...they don't learn...they get used to it and decide "eh, I'll just get put in a corner so wth...go for it!" Obviously there are ppl who don't believe in it and it works for them but sorry...I will not let my children become spoiled brats. I've seen too many kids who are out of control because the parents don't spank and think just yelling at their kids and sittin them in time out is going to work...NO it doesn't.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/04/2012

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Becky, that is abuse. Your post made my stomach turn, and worry about your child. If you are going to spank, at least do it with your hand so you can see how hard you are doing it. i was spanked with a wooden spoon. At least I was older than 2. Seriously Becky, you may want to hit yourself with the spoon to see how hard it really is. Please stop. ANd a plastic ruler is VERY painful to get hit with. I think you may have crossed the invisible line between spanking and abuse that everyone talks about.

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Beatrice - posted on 11/08/2012

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I think in general (and when I'm my best self) I don't think spanking is necessary and would stay away from it. However, one thing that has not been mentioned is the child's learning/behavior/personality style or whatever you want to call it - every child is different and responds differently to different types of discipline, so I'm cautious about saying that spanking is right/wrong correct/incorrect, etc. There are times when I can see the basis for an argument to spank/swat/pop in certain extreme situations.



HOWEVER: ANY KIND OF DISCIPLINE TECHNIQUE CAN BE MISUSED/ABUSED/APPLIED IN A DAMAGING WAY, etc especially if used inconsistently - it does not have to be physical to be harmful. No matter what technique is used it should be intentional, thoughtful, consistent and purposeful and explained to the child because the purpose of disciplining children is to keep them safe and help them learn how to keep themselves safe and how to act appropriately. If they don't make that connection, the potential for psychological stress seems greater to me.



Also - nothing is worse than a parent who just sits there and tells their child over and over again not to do something while the child repeats the action again and again. That is not discipline, that is laziness. The parent in that scenario has to do something to show the child that if the negative actions of the child don't stop then there will be a consequence - take away the toy, physically remove the child from that situation, (for some parents, spanking) etc. And then the consequence has to actually happen. If I've told my child twice to stop doing something, the third time, there is a consequence and that's it. The parent must be prepared to fight for their decision bc kids can raise a stink. Pick your battles - is it really worth it to make your two year old wear pajamas to bed when she wants to wear her princess dress and tiara? Are you willing to fight for it when she throws a tantrum? If so, just be prepared and don't give in bc if you don't stay true to your word, they quickly learn they can get whatever they want by having a meltdown. Oh, and then they learn that meltdowns work faster in public...



The last thing I'll say is that a friend of mine is a kindergarten teacher and she uses an interesting technique (similar to redirecting) in her classroom. When someone is upset or acting out, then they have the option to go to "the quiet corner" where they can be by themselves but do a quiet activity like read a book or draw. I like this idea bc it addresses a negative action without assigning shame to their actions and so often with really young children, they are still learning how to express themselves and they act out because they don't have the tools to respond appropriately. My friend usually says something like "Hitting is not okay but I can see your really angry. Let's go to the quiet corner to calm down and be by yourself for a while? When your ready to play with everyone without hitting, you can come back." I feel like you are giving the child a practical tool to learn how to deal with his/her feelings. After all, when we are angry we often use this technique. Because the quiet corner is not a "bad" place, it can also be used for other situations - like if you have a child that lost a pet or wasn't feeling good and just needed to be alone but not punished. Of course, this would only work at home...

Lindsey - posted on 11/05/2012

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There is no "right way" to spank a child. Spanking an adult in most civilized societies is considered a human rights violation so why should it be any different when a child is involved? They are smaller, weaker and more impressionable. If you spank Johnny for hitting Sally you just showed Johnny that while it is not ok for him to hit Sally it is ok for you to hit him. Spanking can cause numerous negative short and long term effects. We should be building our children up with positive rewards for good behavior and correcting undesirable behaviors without spanking!!! There are so many other options. Setting rules and boundaries with consequences that are consistent will always be more effective than physical punishment. Spanking doesnt create well behaved respectful adults instead it creates anti social behaviors and distorts judgment

Stefanie - posted on 10/07/2012

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when i use to take care of my neice an nephew i would do time outs or take away a privlige .or something like that .only one time i flip out on my nephew becuse it was a magor safty iusse for all of us to this day he rember it an now being an adult he understands why i lost it an how dangouius it could have been ..i feel like it only ok for safty iusse .i only did it once wiuth his sister .that good for the whole time i was helping to take catre of them .im also can give a really bad look if im getting po lol to

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/04/2012

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When I made this thread, i was hoping no one would use an object to spank, and if they did, I was honestly hoping they would learn something from other mothers in here, and learn NOT to use and object. Especially on such a young child.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/04/2012

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Well, I was spanked with a wooden spoon, and I resent my mom for doing that. So expect the same from your son. If you are going to spank, at least have the decency to use your own hand instead of an object that disconnects you from the pain you are giving him. Own it. Hitting anyone is wrong, and then using an object to do it? Yeah.....whatever. I know plenty of moms who spank, and it hurts them every time they do it. They do it with a bare hand at least.



And BTW I am the one who made the thread, I am well aware of what it asks.

Becky - posted on 10/04/2012

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I do respect your opinion...and there are many moms who would feel the same as you. But there are many who would not. And punching is blunt force, 2year old or not i would hardly compare slapping with spoon to being punched. What i do does not bruise or cause any injury. Yes i tried it on myself and its very stingy, which means its more so to him yes. So i fully intend on continuing to give him stingy smacks when needed. I believe a spanking isnt a single swat, but many swats given in a single session, im not trying to offend or start fights...but the thread ask if you spank and how so i answered.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/04/2012

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Yes, and if really hurts you, it is like PUNCHING or worse to a 2 year old. UNREAL! Do you get smacked with wooden spoons and plastic rulers when you do something wrong?!?

Becky - posted on 10/04/2012

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Hi again, I do use my hand to spank sometimes. I hit myself with the spoon and yes it really hurts, so I can only imagine how it must feel on his bare baby bottom. It must really burn him up, and yes even the plastic ruler felt very stingy to me.

Becky - posted on 10/04/2012

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I am old fashioned and live in the south. I'm a 35 year old single mom with a almost 2 year old boy. I am fortunate to spend lots of time with him. I do spank, when at home he normally only wears a diaper and tee shirt. So when I feel he has been naughty, I take off his diaper and put him over my lap and I spank him. Its also not uncommon for me to have him naked over my lap while I use a wooden spoon on his bare bottom and thighs. For a while I've also kept a thin smooth plastic ruler in a drawer under his changing table in cases he needs some smacking during a change. In those cases I either hold his feet together and lift his legs or have him laying on his tummy to smack. Mostly all spankings take place over my lap in the nursery.

Katherine - posted on 12/21/2011

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I have...not my MO though. I've done it out of anger. Now I count before I do anything and my daughter gets put in time out. She can be soooo defiant though and sassy. It's very hard to keep your cool with her. I guess that's what 6 year olds are like.
Now my two year old (almost 3) smacks me and hits. I have tapped her hand before. Then of course felt horrible after, like I do with my 6 year old. So I try really hard not to hit, slap, or spank.

Christina - posted on 12/20/2011

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I have noticed a lot of rude posts her today and a lot of attacking this is about our choice as parents of discipline, these choices are hard and depend on a lot of facters that no one sees from a lil post on the internet! I have spanked my children, only with my hand its not my first go to punishment but after it has gotten to that point it ends the bad behavior.
God Bless you all and Good luck in finding the discipline solution that works best for your family!

Dora - posted on 12/01/2011

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I don't believe in spanking. I can't see being the one who causes my child o experience pain. As the mother I am here to wipe the tears away NOT create them. I have learned from other mom many different and extremely effective ways to discipline which create positive results. My oldest son is now 3yrs old and thanks to advice from other moms we never had to experience the so called terrible 2's or 3's. Trust me my 3yr old is not an angel but we learned to teach him the difference between right and wrong by communicating. We also don't yell at him. We read an article posted by Circle of Moms talking about what yelling does to a child and it broke our hearts.

Hope - posted on 11/28/2011

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I have certain steps I go through where the last step is spanking, however I almost never get to the second step! My steps are:

1. Counting. Tell them to stop and if they don't on a count of three, they get a time out.

2. Timeout.- usually 5 mins or so (or until they stop crying-for the dramatic ones)

3. If they're really stubborn and start throwing a temper tantrum (throwing things around, on the floor kicking)- that is when I spank. For this reason, I hardly see this behavior from my son because he knows the drill- he knows that I give him chances to straighten up and it works! I hope this helps.

Olivia - posted on 11/25/2011

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I was completely against it, then my daughter started to not listen when I redirected her, continuously removed her from the situation, and every other possible thing (she was too young to understand time-out in the way I thought it was suppose to be done). So if she didn't listen by the fifth time I have her a tiny smack on the butt. After a while that stopped working and instead of spanking more or whatever I re thought about this, I was against it for a reason and I went to figure out what that was again. Needless to say I figured the meaning of timeout and I completely changed my approach.

When my daughter was 21 months I stated putting her in time out in the hallway. I would tell her not to do something (never repeat more then 3-5 times or only once if it is dangerous) I tell her if she doesn't listen she will go in time-out then I would count from 5 (if i see she is complying i count slow) when I am done counting if she hasn't even attempted to listen to me I go sit her in the hallway. Sometimes I will sit with her and some days when I find myself sitting her in the hallway for different things many times in like an hour I will sit there and read her a book.

The whole point of time out is not only for the child but for the parent. It is a calm down period to well calm down for both parent and child and a time for the child to think. When timeout is done(time depending on what she did, but usually no more then a min) I pick her up tell her to look at mommy and I say simply but precisely what she did wrong and tell her to listen to mommy. Then we kiss and hug and I tell her I love her. We have been doing this for 2 months now and it works wonders. She is such a sweetheart and sometimes I don't even need to put her in time out cause she listens now. It is wonderful!!

Annie - posted on 11/25/2011

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We have a very ambitious 2 year old. I never saw any issues with a little swat to get his attention. Why not? It worked for us right?
Well one day I was watching Dr. Phill, well rather listening to him. The episode was about a teenage girl who video taped her parents whipping her with a belt. I turned around to watch the show, and balled my eyes out. What was she feeling at that moment? Not love or security. She was feeling fear, betrayal, disappointment, confusion, your name it.
I am not an avid fan of Dr. Phill, but he made a valid point. Parents spank/swat "sometimes" in heated moment. So the punishment can be harsher and uncontrolled. Take a moment not to use your impulses!
I have not swatted my son since. I find other options to discipline him. I have found that even the tone of my voice gets his attention just as much as a swat. I never want my child to fear me of anyone in that way.

Ashley - posted on 11/25/2011

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I certainly don't like spanking, I have only used it a total of 3 times with my oldest, he was very receptive to other methods of discipline. My little one was a biter for 3 weeks he would randomly bite me or his brother, he bite me on my pregnant stomach with so much force that he nearly broke skin. I still have a bruise. That was when my husband decided a pop on the butt was needed. He spanked him once actually quite lightly but paired with the booming "NO BITING" it scared the little guy enough to come and "kiss" me better he has since not eventried to bite anyone. Also now all it takes is a no or removal from the situation. While it is not my ideal choice for my kids I was a little glad my husband took it out of my hands so to speak.

As a note my husband also is not a fan of spanking but was very disturbed that the little one was biting so hard all the time.



Edited to add

Spanking in our house is open hand straight to butt no angles as it may miss the diaper/butt.

Josephine - posted on 11/24/2011

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this has turned into a really heated debate, it's been interesting to see people's take on it. I am yet to meet someone who uses religion as a reason to smack... But then again, i live in africa and smacking doesn't raise any eye brows. I think smacking is fine but it comes with a huge responsibility that can either make or break a child.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 11/23/2011

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You saw this thread in DM- I started it :)

That said, I spank on very rare occasions after talking, time outs, revoked privledges and youtube videos about distracted driving haven't worked.

I have only used my hand to spank I don't believe in using anything else. That's probably a good thing because it's illegal to spank a child with anything other than your hand in Canada. You can also only spank a child between the ages of 2 and 12. I haven't figured out why yet. It doesn't matter because spanking to me is an absolute last resort. In fact I've found that my other methods work a lot better. My 7 year old behaives better when she knows she won't get something back unless she starts listening or knows there's a reward involved. Right now she has her eye on a Hello Kitty stuffy a friend of mine gave me and I told her she can have it if she keeps her room clean for a week.

Amanda - posted on 11/23/2011

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I smack hands away from dangerous things IF I'm not there to redirect him as he's reaching (ie if had my back turned and he would have his fingers near the outlets). That all being said, We rarely have to spank him. he is generally a very well behaved a little boy. our struggle right now is climbing. yayyy terrible twos!

Mary - posted on 11/21/2011

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And she got dcs called on her? I won't even go there but that's not surprising!

Kellie - posted on 11/21/2011

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Im all for people believing whatever they like, you believe I God! Awesome, you worship the Devil? Not so awesome, but hey, to each their own, but do not hide behind your religion or a book when making decisions that impact others and their wellbeing.

Sure I don't think an occasional smack is going to make a sociopath out of *most* people, but as we are all individuals, there is a small chance it could potentially send someone over the edge. It's also 2011, there are 6,540,900 other things you can do to teach before hitting.

Hitting is about the hitter, not about the hitee. Ever.

Kellie - posted on 11/21/2011

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Naww thanks :)

I also fully agree with you (I love me too) haha lol joking I agree with what you wrote, and how you wrote it. I didn't think you were offensive at all despite not believing.

I haven't read the bible, I don't need a book to tell me how to live or dictate my morals (which are pretty good despite not having read an ancient book that been rewritten time and again).

Oh bugger I hate responding o the iPad, I want to go back through what I've written and can't! Argh. Oh well I'll post and if I need to say more ill just post again lol

Vicki - posted on 11/21/2011

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Josephine I'm sorry if you were offended, but that doesn't change my stance on the bible. I don't understand how people use it as a guide for life but pick and choose which bits to ignore - I was quoting actual bits from the bible. I believe humans are capable of morality and decency without referring to an out of date book.

I'm an atheist, I don't hit my child, I speak my mind and I make no apologies for any of that.

Kellie - love ya!

Katherine - posted on 11/21/2011

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I haven't had to cross this line yet, my son is only 8 months old, but my husband and I have both discussed it and have stated that if the situation warrents a spank on the bum (with a hand) then he will get one. My sons room has NO toys in it, (they are all in his toy room) and if he gets sent to his room he has nothing to play with, it's a time for him to reflect and think about his actions, obviously once he's older.

Kellie - posted on 11/21/2011

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I thought Vicki's post was well said, quite informative and well interpreted.

When people pull that 'spare the rod, spoil the child' crap out they leave it open for rebuttal. Which Vicki did. Quite well I thought.

There is never a need to hit. What if your Husband hit you for doing something wrong? Because I bet you're not prefect and occasionally do the wrong thing. You'd scream Domestic Violence, yet it's ok to hit a small child?

Josephine - posted on 11/21/2011

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Vicki, i took personal offence to your mockery on christianity. You are not christian, that's fine, but kindly refrain from commenting and quoting on a subject you clearly have no knowledge on. If you can openly and publicly mock someone's belief without fear of consequence then i wonder what values or morals you teach your children. you are the book they read from. Is it ok for them to tease or bully someone simply because they do not agree with their political views, religion, sexual orientation, race, gender, hair color, diet or even fashion sense simply because they do not agree with it? You don't know enough to an informed decision and i found it juvenile and disrespectful and please don't say you were just trying to make a point... come on now. I believe a mother knows best to take case of her child but, depending on so many different factors, can use a little guidence. I believe in smacking and make no apologies for it. My daughter is almost 3 and is intelligent, potty trained, very well spoken, polite, head strong and respectful, all of which i taught and nurtured through verbal reasoning. I have used time outs and smacked on the hand or bum. If my daughter still sticks her hand down a toilet 2 time outs later, i'm not gonna sit and explain about harmful germs and my general discussed of seeing little hand down a dirty public, school or neighbour's toilet. In the long run it is difficult to assess from the outside if the type of disciplin used in the home is effective or harmful to a child and that is where dcf becomes helpful. My little cousin found it fun to run into the streets every time we went for a walk and once almost got hit by a car. No amount of threats, time outs or explaining worked. The last time he did it i smacked him once firmly on the bum and he never did it again and that was over 10 yrs ago. He was three. You tell me if i was wrong, should i have taken him to see a police man or fireman or maybe a trip to the local hospital to see a psychologist? Or was it better to address and stop the behaviour immediately?

Kellie - posted on 11/21/2011

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***MOD WARNING***

Let's play nice ladies, No need to personally attack.

***Kellie AP: BaI MOD***

Mary - posted on 11/21/2011

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Omg Brittany a paddle? Um that's abuse...you are on here boasting about hitting your child with a paddle? Wow um..mother of the year..not. Someone needs to paddle you

Britni - posted on 11/17/2011

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I never ever ever use violence as a way to discipline. I am completely against it. Time outs, groundings, taking away a favorite item, extra chores, ect (:

[deleted account]

I cant bring myself to do it...but I dont think its a bad thing. My siblings and I were spanked and we turned out to be well behaved kids. In highschool it was shocking how some teenage kids acted..I wish their parents had spanked them. When you think back to our grandparents time, people were behaved and proper (for the most part) and they were hit all the time. Maybe there is a link as too why kids are being so bad theese days..they arnt fearing any consiquences.

[deleted account]

And our schools use paddles on the children as long as the parents have given written consent.

What the frack...??

Kellie - posted on 11/16/2011

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Buttered, salted or with icing sugar?

I just find hiding behind religion and a book takes away the responsibility of the person who is doing whatever wrong.

If I can't hit you for doing something wrong (because that would be assault) then hitting a child shouldn't be allowed either.

Vicki - posted on 11/16/2011

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Oh yay bible quotes! My favourite source of how to live my life:

As you approach a town to attack it, first offer its people terms for peace. If they accept your terms and open the gates to you, then all the people inside will serve you in forced labor. But if they refuse to make peace and prepare to fight, you must attack the town. When the LORD your God hands it over to you, kill every man in the town. But you may keep for yourselves all the women, children, livestock, and other plunder. You may enjoy the spoils of your enemies that the LORD your God has given you. (Deuteronomy 20:10-14) Awesome, the bible approves of murder, rape and slavery as well as using a rod on a child.

When a man strikes his male or female slave with a rod so hard that the slave dies under his hand, he shall be punished. If, however, the slave survives for a day or two, he is not to be punished, since the slave is his own property. (Exodus 21:20-21 NAB) So it's ok to beat your slave, so long as you don't kill them.

If you haven't guessed yet, I'm not religious. To be honest I think following a book written by a bunch men a loooong time ago, who believed they were channelling the big bloke in the sky is a bit loopy. Even if they were channelling him/her/it it's full of the cultural prejudices and often violent norms of the era. Just as I believe children can learn accepted ways to behave without being hit I believe humanity has innate morality without being preached to by manipulative churches.

Can I have popcorn too please?

Lise - posted on 11/16/2011

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I love the people who choose a random line from the OLD TESTAMENT and use that for support of what they do... I am a christian (catholic) and while I do support the old testament, I also believe the NEW testament replaced it.



So, you spank your child to follow the Bible (spare the rod, and all that)... Does that also mean you believe in the death penalty for contempt of parents (Exodus 21:15, 17; Leviticus 24:17)? adultery (Lev. 20:10; Deut. 13:1-9)? profaning the sabbath (Exodus 31:14)? Everyone LOVES to point out one sentence that supports their own beliefs while leaving out all the stuff they don't agree with...

Kellie - posted on 11/16/2011

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Ohhh were going there are we? I reckon I'll get the popcorn for this one..

Fire away ladies, but remember, be nice...

Brittany - posted on 11/16/2011

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Also...are any of you moms religious?....If so...don't you recall in the bible it plainly says "To spare the rod is to spoil the child." I rest my case

Brittany - posted on 11/16/2011

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In any matter...every child and parent are different. Everyone has their own way of raising their own children. I believe in raising my children by using spankings as a discipline. We've done it with our 6,7, & 3 yr old. All three have responded well to it. When my 3 yr old is of school age, his school will be notified that they are allowed to paddle him if necessary. My children do not fear me or their father. I have never seen such happy and wonderful children as what we have. But like I said...everyone has different ways of raising their children.

Andrea - posted on 11/16/2011

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I spank both of my children when I feel it is needed. Spanking is discipline not child abuse. You do not have to agree with it but it is not abuse. Also we use a paddle, using your hand causes flinching and that would break my heart. My children are disciplined in different ways and even though we do spank our children do not fear us or think that any moment they will get spanked. It's not like that. I have my reasons for doing what I do and do not feel bad about it. I have two healthy well-adjusted children. They know they are loved and they know why we spank. It is most definitely in how you handle ANY discipline, that makes it effective. If you slam a child into a timeout chair or scream at them to go to their room it is no more effective than if I swung at my child wildly out of anger. (Which I have never done). Love makes discipline effective.

Lise - posted on 11/15/2011

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Brittany, theories of behavior totally disagree with you... " I do not believe in an alternative discipline because IT DOES NOT WORK!! They don't learn and will not learn to respect people." Really? I call bull. I have been in behavioral therapy for over 8 years and we work almost exclusively in reinforcement (punishment is unethical unless all types of reinforcement have been tried), and they work GREAT! I worked with a kid who hit/kicked/bit/etc. and when we were done with him, he was gentle and nice and not aggressive. NO punishment needed.



In terms of "respect," my daughter has been using please and thank you, asking "my turn please" when she wants a toy or item, and offers a trade to peers when she wants an item - all without ANY form of punishment (no time outs, no spanking, no yelling). If you show your child how to behave and reinforce it, it WILL work. If you provide your child with an appropriate way to get what she wants, it WILL work. How is hitting a child modeling respect?



I agree with Kellie - punishment only really works when it's done EVERY single time.

Lise - posted on 11/15/2011

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"And our schools use paddles on the children as long as the parents have given written consent."

Seriously? That's archaic. Craziness....

Lise - posted on 11/15/2011

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No spanking, no time outs, so I guess alternative. Function-based consequences.



As for "Teaching your kids that their are consequences for their actions is better than saying "no honey...lets do this instead."" ... How is being hit/spanked/smacked a consequence for an action? My dd makes a mess, she has to clean it up - natural consequence. She runs, she has to stop and return to me - natural consequence. THOSE are consequences that will happen, and follow naturally. You make a mess and someone hits you? Doesn't seem logical.



I have yet to encounter a behavior that needs punishment to rectify, and have worked with children for 8 years in addition to having a 2 year old.

Kellie - posted on 11/15/2011

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Well said Vicki.

and can I say that sounds gorgeous! haha kids are great aren't they :D

Vicki - posted on 11/14/2011

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Wow Brittany your boss spanks you if you mess up? That must suck. If people mess up at my work they get talked to by a manager in a calm way, more serious matters may result in you being moved from your job to something different (ie, not front line with the public) or I guess ultimately sacked. Sounds like the ultimate form of redirecting and natural consequences to me. I'd look for a new job if I was being spanked or threatened with it.

My child (who I don't hit) isn't perfect. He bolts, although he seems to have learnt to stop (accompanied by him shouting 'STOOOOOOOOP' when he reaches roads, carparks etc. He's not even 2 and a half, I'm not expecting him to be perfect. He's learning and testing boundaries, I find he discovers somthing new, tests it out and generally learns from me how far he should take things. I'd rather he discovers empathy and common sense rather than fear of a hand or paddle.

It's bullshit to say not spanking doesn't work. I wasn't spanked, my brother wasn't spanked, my Mum wasn't spanked. Hey we're all fairly decent people despite our non spankiness.

Brittany - posted on 11/14/2011

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I am not from an older generation. I was born in the 80's. And no...It is NOT child abuse. I've asked a police officer myself. The only thing we are not allowed to do is hit in the face...(backhanding for example) Which I would never do. And our schools use paddles on the children as long as the parents have given written consent. A paddle is not excessive. When I say "getting out of control" I mean a beating. I don't beat my children. I think every parent should raise their children the old fashioned way. Main reason why people don't is because they are afraid of getting locked up. I have had DCS called on me because they thought I was starving my child...obviously...NOT the case. I had a dietitian out once a week to prove my son was healthy...anyways...when DCS came out, I voiced my concerns about discipline and I was told...what I was doing was fine. My children are well cared for and hate to boast...but people wish they had kids like mine because they are actually behaved. I've even been asked how I get them to behave so well...and I flat out tell em...we whoop their butts. Know what the response is?...."Good for you...bout time someone actually spanks their kids"

Brittany - posted on 11/14/2011

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I base my "claims" upon the several parents in my neighborhood who don't spank their kids. Teaching your kids that their are consequences for their actions is better than saying "no honey...lets do this instead." HELLO!!! THATS NOT HOW THE REAL WORLD WORKS!! If you screw up at work...do you think your boss would "redirect" you...HELL NO! That is setting your kids up for failure!! Obviously everyone has different views on how to raise kids but my method works...if its not illegal...I do it. I do not EVER abuse my kids but I sure as hell teach them that there are consequences for any negative actions. I don't spank all of the time but it just depends on the situation. Not every situation calls for a spanking but I believe it is better. Yes...I do understand that we teach our children not to hit but spanking them doesn't teach them that hitting is wrong but I haven't had any issues with my kids hitting. I would have to say...my kids are probably the most behaved children anyone has ever known. There has been proof of that. When my husband and I are out to dinner or lunch with our children, we have women come up to us and tell us how well behaved our children are and that they just don't see that anymore. Our children respect authority. And because they are so well behaved...they receive more positive attention. We are't stressing out because we are so busy and the kids aren't listening. I can take all 3 of my children into public without worrying about them taking off, throwing a temper because they cant get a toy or a piece of candy...On top of which...my children are GREATFUL for what they have and don't complain about it...Our method works...believe it or not.

Katherine - posted on 11/13/2011

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I dont spank my kids, I choose to use time outs and communication. Remmoving treasured items and things like that. I didnt like it when my parents spank me and i feel that a parent can loose control by accident and hurt their child. I dont want to be that parent so no spanking

Nadirah - posted on 11/13/2011

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It depends on what he has done. Earlier to day I popped him in the mouth b/c he was talking back, I warned him twice and he kept doing it. Just a little while ago he swatted at me trying to hit me b/c I took candy away from him, I made him lay down for a few minutes. A couple weeks ago I spanked him b/c he ran off down the street and wouldn't stop when i told him to. He ran up on someone's pourch and I don't know those people. For all I know they could have snatched him inside their house and did who know what to him. Not to mention cars and dogs. I felt that was very dangerous. So it depends of the offense. When I do spank I use my hand.

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