Does anyone else have problems with friends without babies?

ShaiLynn - posted on 10/06/2012

trust me i have this problem,i went from social butterfly to june bug in my own lil shell its quite annoying actually, i am 25 with 3 little boys under 5, my youngest is 4months old and i have nursed all of them until over a year in age, still currently nursing,breastfeeding is time comsuming and energy draining but your doing your best. i lost most of my friends when i had my first son due to the same thing, your life has changed and you officially have what is called real problems and concerns, the funny thing is alot of my gfs now just started having their first kids and who do u think they come out of the wood work to get help and advice from?..me..who woulda known?

Alison - posted on 10/01/2012

Oh yes!!! I am originally from AL, but now live in a suburb of Nashville. 3 of my old friends from AL, 2 of which have no kids, came to visit and wanted me to meet them downtown at a restaurant at night when my hubby wasn't home and I had a 5 month old!!! I explained and apologized to them and offered to meet them the next day, but the 2 childless ones quit speaking to me! We had been friends for years and they were even in my wedding.

Also, my longtime friend since 9th grade and I still talk and hang out quite a bit, but I am married, have a house, work full-time and have a daughter, and she's single, childless and lives with mom and dad and has very little responsibility around the house....in her 30's! I love her, I hate to say it but she can be very pushy and a bit overbearing and just does NOT understand at all!!!!! I feel like we have nothing in common anymore! I love her and wouldn't want to lose her as a friend, but she can really stress me out sometimes! For example, she KNOWS that I pick my daughter up from day care at 5, and she goes to bed at 8:30. Between then, she KNOWS I'm doing playtime, dinner, cleaning, storytime, bathtime and bed in the precious 3-1/2 hours I get to spend with my daughter during the week as a working mom, yet she STILL always calls me during those hours to chit chat even though I've asked her not to. Just one example of many! I love her, but I feel like I'm talking to a teenager. :-(

Jolene - posted on 11/14/2010

i agree with Tricia. once you have a child, your priorities change and you realise who your real friends are

Laura Zoey - posted on 11/13/2010

My only friends I met at my LLL meetings so I have no issues! I have a few old friends from church but I just see them on Sundays or special occasions so it's all no pressure.
If someone was like that to me I'd stop answering their calls.

Vicki - posted on 11/12/2010

yes me and my partner found this out, alot of my friends disappeared or the inviatations faded out, i certainly found out my true friends, i noticed the same with my husband that he never got invites and people only want him for something, most our friends now have children .
It was the same when we got married people got funny, goes to show who your true friends are,x

Krys - posted on 11/12/2010

Any friend who turns their back on you when you get pregnant or expects you to harm your baby is NOT a friend. Your already doing the smart thing, coming here and letting your voice be heard. If you have nobody else, you always have us at circle of moms!!

Roxanne - posted on 11/10/2010

I had a best frind who didnt quite get it, while i was preganant she wanted me to go clubbing, as in head banging with her. By the time i was 3 months pregnant we stopped talking and now i am alot more picky about who i hang out with.

Stacey - posted on 11/09/2010

I used to until all my friends had babies too, now they understand. Just be patient and if your friend can't seem to grasp how much responsibility it is, then let HER babysit for a night!

Lil - posted on 11/06/2010

that 9is wonderful don't let your friend make you feel guilty she is the one who is selfish not understanding that you have a small child to look after she did not ask to be brought into the world so let her know now firmly that you are not going out leaving your baby precious baby to go out and get drunk if she don't like or understand that or understand it then she is not going to make as good mother i would tell her you don't appreciate her attitude
how would you feel id you went out and something happened to your baby How would you feel then
Lil

Melissa - posted on 11/05/2010

I host a mom's group in the East Bay in California. It's called Luna Moms Club of San Ramon and Danville. I have been apart of it for a little over a year and have made some really good friends. You can go to www.meetup.com and find a group that meets in your area. I had a hard time finding a group with babies his age but now it seems they are all a little closer in age.

Kim - posted on 11/05/2010

Please go out and find a good playgroup/mothers group, some of my best friends I met in mothers group (6yrs ago!) and dont get discoraged sometimes you have to go a few times before you start to feel comftable with the other mums/dads.
Also check with local council (Australia) to see if they run a first time mothers course, our mothers group formed after doing this course.
Dont worry about your current friends that dont understand they will once they start having kids to and then they will be asking you for advice :0)

Lisa - posted on 11/05/2010

oh a good way to still have fun with your friends is to invite them over to your place for a game night, where you all bring board games and play and drink and have fun. kids are welcome because you just put them all to bed on the floor in a back room. I used to have so much fun with parties like that. and the best part was it was cheap and fun and ended whenever you wanted it to. say 8-11pm!

Lisa - posted on 11/05/2010

haha, yes! I do!! our friends asked if we wanted to drive to Seattle for a day trip. i about died laughing. sorry but babies dont find day long car rides to be fun...
and my friends that like to go out have learned not to ask me, or that i leave early. even though tomorrow is my husbands day off, it doesn't mean its mine! he can sleep in, but I get up all night with the baby, and wake up early with the other kids...so even the husband had to learn that mommy goes to bed early ALL nights of the week.
how do you meet moms? there are moms groups, called MOMS (moms offerings moms support) or MOPS (moms of pre-schoolers), there are church groups of newlyweds, young parents, etc. parks. go to a park or indoor mall with a kids area and let your little one crawl around while you chat up the moms.

Angela - posted on 11/05/2010

This is the reason we don't keep in touch with a lot of our friends from high school. Most of them aren't married and don't have kids, so they don't get that we can't just drop everything and go out and get trashed with them. It becomes difficult when lifestyles change, that's for sure.

Laura - posted on 11/05/2010

I have the same problem! My friends are always frustrated with me because I can't go out with them whenever they want and don't have a 24/7 babysitter at hand. Sometimes when I do have a sitter I just want to relax and sleep anyways!! lol

Jenni - posted on 11/05/2010

Ooooh yes.....I've lost a lot of friends since having our daughter as being one of the first to get married and have children. One of my so called closest friends stopped any contact with me and when I mailed her to find out what was going on she said that my life had changed, not hers and she didn't know if we could salvage our friendship. What can you say to that?!!
I go to a toddler group once a week - good for our daughter to socialise and I get a bit of socialising in too!
Don't bother with friends who don't understand your priorities have changed - not worth your time! :)

Chantal - posted on 11/04/2010

i so get that, except it not just my friends it can also be my husband, he just doesn't get that we have a son who needs us, i dont nurse but my son does wake throu the night and if doen't get me who goes and puts dummy in mouth and his blanket back on him he cries, i know this cos his dad went to do ti one night trying to help and we ended up with a screaming baby. my friends think that i should still be free and ahving fun. however i found it was good to go to playgroups and meet other mums and i became really good friends with them and we catch up during the day with our children and have fun and not only do i so does my little boy. they r not ur true friends if that cant respect that u ahve changed that u r at a different level to them, they never will till they ahve their own but there r some good friends who do understand in a way and respect u for u.

Kayla - posted on 11/04/2010

I haven't had friends that extreme, but I've had friends ask me to go to Vegas for a weekend or just go out and drink, and they are still respectful when I decline. They don't act mad at me, but our friendships have grown more distant because we don't have the same interests anymore. You can look into classes to get your kids involved, other moms are sure to be there to mingle with, or maybe a club in your area for new moms. My hospital provided one for free.

Deborah - posted on 11/04/2010

yes to be honest all my friends have babies for the most part cause the other people i had as friends dont understand you cant go party all the time or do the thing u use to

Liz - posted on 11/04/2010

I am 23 with a set of two year old b/g twins and an almost four month old son. After I had my twins most of my friends drifted away, and never really invite me or my husband to go out with them anymore. I am a stay at home mom, and occasionally when we do get together with some of those friends they make comments about working and whatnot insulting me.

What I did was brought my twins to a play group and met a few friends through there who has kids my twins age. The moms are a little older than I am, but it gives my kids someone to play with and me someone to talk to.

Joy - posted on 11/04/2010

I've had a couple of friends tell me they are afraid of children and will never have their own (one couple got themselves fixed even!) I feel sorry for these people, but have gravitated away from them over the last year or two to other friends who have children or are more accepting. Mom's groups are very helpful. Also, if you belong to or had belonged to other groups, maybe some of your friends from these you hadn't seen in awhile have children of their own. I've found these friends' children are older so they can offer advice in how to raise younger ones sometimes.

Suzanne - posted on 11/04/2010

Maybe you could put a note up in your local shop for a mums and bubs meet up at a park/beach/play centre, what ever is easiest. Then you might meet some mums that live close by. I must admit that i was a little like your friend when my friend had her baby. Maybe try explaining it to her in a context that she would understand, like having to work early in the morning. But she may not understand at all until she is a mum. Maybe you could talk to your hubby and every once in a while you could go out with her. When i was breastfeeding i found these tester strips at my local baby store that tested if there was any alcohol in your breastmilk. I expressed for the night feeds and then tested my milk before the first feed in the morning. Try not to get angry with her it hopefully wont last too long and you wouldn't like to lose a friend over something that she didn't understand. I still have friends without babies, and although we are a few years closer to 30 (Aarrgh) they still go out on the weekends, but have come to realise that i cant do it any more. I hope everything works out for you :)

Emily - posted on 11/04/2010

I have had the same problem. I actually lost someone i thought was a friend because she didn't understand. Any mature person would be able to meet in the middle. So you don't want to hang out all night but that doesn't mean you can't do mani/pedi afternoons or movies/dinner dates to keep up the relationship. If she/he is not willing or on a different level then sometimes you have to let those friends go. Go to the library or find a mom group near you. Most General Hospitals have mom support groups where you can meet new people. Or just your neighborhood parks.

Kayla - posted on 11/04/2010

I have the exact same problem. I don't have any friends really that come over or anything like that because I have a son who is 9 months old, if your looking for new friends with kids, So am I maybe we could get together for a play date !

Amy - posted on 11/04/2010

We have the same problem with our friends that DO have kids. They think it's necessary to go out every wkend n drop the kid off at grandma's house. We have stopped hanging out with them for the most part, unless they're doing something family oriented (rare). We've found that our friends that dont have kids are the most family friendly ones to hang out with. Also, I know it's getting colder out, but going to the park helps in meeting other parents. The kids sort of do the ice breaking for you:) Good luck, I know it's hard!

Natasha - posted on 11/03/2010

If my friends don't want to be around cause I have a daughter, than they obviously aren't real friends!

Stephanie - posted on 11/03/2010

i had a girl that i was friends with and she didnt have a baby and i have a seven month old baby and i dont have a sitter and was not going to take my daughter out and have her around things like that and i finally told her that till she had a baby she would not understand where i am coming from about not wanting to go out. my husband is in job corps so he would not be able to watch her and plus i wouldnt go out with out him with me. so i understand exactly how u feel about that. and i have been trying to figure out just how to meet other moms to

Michelle - posted on 11/02/2010

Libraries and book stores sometimes have story time for kids. You could try to check those out. I have also heard of MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) and PALS (parents and littles). Maybe you could connect with moms through one of those! I hope you find a good female friend soon as they are essential in helping us maintain our sanity! :o)

Kayla - posted on 11/02/2010

I have this problem all the time. They just don't understand the commitment it takes to have a baby. And lots of times, I find that even if I am able to go out that night, I don't want to leave my baby. Sure it's nice to go out sometimes but when you start a family you want to be out doing family things. Friends that do that and treat you like that aren't true friends. If they were they would understand.

Alexis - posted on 11/02/2010

Yes! so many of them ask me to go out last minute or wonder why I don't go to their Halloween parties when I would rather take my son trick or treating. Try joining a playgroup in your area, they are a great way to meet other moms!

Synquis - posted on 11/02/2010

Yea me 2. My so called friends don't call or even text me anymore. I send them messages asking how their doing and they don't reply. They went out and made new bff. So i'm mad that my husbands friends are now my bff. I don't have any female friends anymore and it dose get to me sometimes. But I try not to think about it. The thought makes me sad.

Cara - posted on 11/02/2010

Sounds like crummy friends that just aren't getting it. foudn this great article for childless friends that just don't get it http://moondayschild.blogspot.com/2009/0...
perhaps share that with your friends to get some respect

Toni - posted on 11/02/2010

I am the only one of my friends to have a baby yet they are all still friends with me, they all understand that I have a different agenda, but then my friends supported me while I cried because I couldn't have children so they know how important this is to me. I feel for those of you who are only now finding out about your real friends because they are the ones who stick by you even when they do not fully understand why you are doing things. The others are not really your friends and are not worth you wasting your time or energy over, don't let them upset you.

I made mummy friends by going to mummy and baby groups, I found out about these by speaking to my health visitor and doctor and by looking at the community notice board in the library, I also googled baby groups in my area. Good luck I hope you find some fantastic new friends who will support you as you need.

Nadia - posted on 11/02/2010

I think that you shoulld (in a nice way)let your friend know that your prioroties have changed and that you dont do what you used to because your baby needs you, especially at night. Depending on how close your friend is, she should(hopefully)understand. If she isnt a close mate I wouldnt feel too bad about it. This is something youve gotta be firm about, because lets face it, nobody really knows what it's like to be a mom, until they are the ones with a baby that needs THEM!Hope this helps.

Jackie - posted on 11/02/2010

i fell away from a lot of my friends when i fell pregnant (i was 18) so they just wanted to club, party and find boys. i was (and still am) in a commited relationship by them. many friends grow apart at different stages of their lives. there are always other just around the corner to take their place to/

Nissrine - posted on 11/01/2010

You need to look for mothers groups in your area, that way you'll have friends with kids who GET you & your lifestyle. Don't stress about friends who don't get your priorities, they're obviously not worth it.

Stephanie - posted on 11/01/2010

I guess you have different priorities now and its difficult for your friends who hasn't had children to understand... especially how hard it is just to get out of the house in the first place, and even harder to stay out for longer than a few hours at a time!!

It is also a phase. When they have children and finally understands, you find that your friendship will get closer again.

Meanwhile, there are heaps of mums out there who understands and is going through exactly the same things you are going through! The local mother's group is always a good start!

Melissa - posted on 11/01/2010

I am finding it harder to deal with lately...Everytime I am on facebook I see comments back and forth from the two of them talking about how much they love eachother and their eachother favorite peeps...uugghh I used to hear that all the time now I am outcasted...WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE!

Elisha - posted on 11/01/2010

I must say after reading these's post that I feel really bad for all you mommys. All of my friends have been great but I was also the last one to start having kids but I was always the friend who offered too babysit just so my friends could get sleep. My best friend was living with me while she had her first baby (her marriage at the time wasn't go well now he's ex-husband) and her son was born almost a month early and he was 4lbs, he had to be fed a strick every 2hrs and I let her sleep all night while I took care of him made sence too me sence I was up all night to begin with.

Alison - posted on 11/01/2010

Start by going to your local library. There may be some activities there and there may be a billboard with postings for other activities in the area.

Good luck!

Corinne - posted on 11/01/2010

Out of all the friends I used to have, I only see 2 on a regular basis these days. Neither of them have kids and sometimes look at me a bit strange when I say I can't afford to go out, or do what I want whenever I want to. They don't understand how hard it is to go from earning 2 decent wages for 2 people to live on, to having 1 decent wage split between 4 of us.
I've been going to a lot of Mum and baby groups and now that my eldest is in school, I have other Mums to talk to but it's not the same as having proper friends.

Deanna - posted on 11/01/2010

Usually you can look up mom group in your city or county. those usually work pretty good. You could go do one or more kids activities a week and meet moms that way. i.e. gyms, community centers, etc. (gyms sometimes have kids gym day for a couple hours once or twice a week)

Nikki - posted on 10/31/2010

Aw thanks girls. You're great! I need to FIND moms groups I guess. I go to my first one Thursday but am going to find one sooner. there's a drop in group somewhere too I'm going to look at. People stink sometimes!

Melissa - posted on 10/30/2010

I agree real, true friends should understand! The most frustrating thing for me is my so called friends think I am crazy....I just want to yell No im not crazy you are just shitty friends...but I try to keep the dramtics between my hubby and I ..lol!

Mariah - posted on 10/30/2010

Your true friends will definitely show when times get tough. Your "real friends" should be able to understand that your precious little one comes first in your life above all. If they cannot understand that; then they weren't your real friends to begin with. Your children is your number one priority ...bump everything and everyone else.

Tamika - posted on 10/30/2010

Hey is anyone in Melbourne? Maybe we can meet up and be each others friends.. after all we all understand what's going on ...

Melissa - posted on 10/30/2010

Oh I am in the same situation! I am 34 and most of my married friends do not have children yet....they have been treating me soo bad. I feel like they are the mean girls in high school...truely NEVER thought at 34 I would be experiencing this. They literaly turn their backs on me when I speak, they really never even speak to me, they NEVER ask me how I or my son is doing...I have been killing them with kindness and they dont see it or care. I want to just cut them out of my life but our husbands have been very close friends for many years and one of the husbands is our sons godfather. Its wierd even the husbands have been rude..my hubby sees it but doesnt take it as personaly as I do. In fact one of the couples just got married about 10 hours away from where we live and they didnt speak to us for over a month because we didnt go...they just dont get it or even care to try and get it! Glad to hear I am not alone!

Tamika - posted on 10/30/2010

I didn't really have any friends either and when we found out i was pregnant again with no 2 (making 2 kids under 1) we got soe comments from everyone even strangers. BUT I've joined a mothers group and I think they are wonderful. we are all starting to talk about baby no 2 and I have met other friends by working at a day care.

Are you part of a mothers group? I find them very useful for everything.

And as for your hubbies friends.. Ditch them they are not friends to be making comments like that anyways.

Brittany - posted on 10/30/2010

I don't so much have problems with friends because when I got pregnant they all pretty much fell off the face of the earth. My partner has more friend issues then I do and his friends don't really get mad at him or anything they just shake their heads at him and keep their comments to themselves MOST of the time. We recently told them that I'm pregnant again (we have a 14 month old and baby # 2 is due in March :-)! ) they all just shook their heads and starting making stupid comments about how he "needs to learn how to put on a condom" and stuff like that. I just don't let them get to me, not my friends so they're not my problem.

Chrystal - posted on 10/30/2010

I think there might be baby/mom play dates at bookstores like Barnes and Noble. Maybe you could check it out. You might meet some nice friends that way.