Don't know what to do!!! Please help!

Kat - posted on 09/26/2009 ( 49 moms have responded )

27

33

4

I am 20 yrs old and have just had my 1st baby, she is 6 weeks old now. The day after I gave birth my 18 yr old younger sister found out she is now expecting. I don't know if i am just being unreasonable but i hate the fact she has stolen my thunder as this is my mums 1st grandchild. Am i just being selfish? Should i be happy for her? I really miss being pregnant also although i couldn't love my little girl more than i already do! she is my world! please help me! xXxXx

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Cori - posted on 09/26/2009

623

20

86

no, i totally understand.. everyone wants to be happy for the other people in their family that are having babies and so on and so forth (in my case its my aunt) my son was the first on my side of the family in almost 7 generations and then when he is 3 months old she finds out she is pregnant with of course a boy... its not anything that we can control, we are only human and we like to have something special for a little while at leaste... at leaste i was nice enough to wait until after her daughters 1st birthday party to announce my pregnancy because i of course didnt want to steal her sunshine.... these other women think you arent excited at all for your sister and of course you are... new family members are always exciting and i love my neice/cousin more than anything and i will love my nephew the same when i get to see him in 2 months... i believe its only human to be a little jealous and want that attention back on you just for a little bit but dont forget that your baby will always be the FIRST grand baby and no one can take that away!!!! they will always be extra special, so will the second and third and fourth but not like that first one... grandmas are amazing and can make every child feel so special.. these other mothers need to realize that being human entails all emotions, including jealousy and selfishness and its only human to want that attention for your little one...

Amanda - posted on 09/26/2009

14

37

0

I think you should be happy for your sister! After all your daughter will be going on a year old when she has her baby! Nobodies gonna love your baby any less just because your sister is now expecting. As for are you selfish? Yeah you are. But everyone is a little selfish at times. Not to mention every woman is a bit emotional after having a baby. You should also think of the fact that your sister is only 18. She's very young and would probably love to be able to turn to you for advice and support. I'm 18 with a 7 month old daughter and I have a sister who has a 3 year old daughter. She hasn't helped me 1 time with my daughter! To be completely honest that hurts me! I don't want to be mean but I think you should get over it. Be happy that your children will be able to grow up together! They may even be best friends!



I really hope things get better and work out with the two of you.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

49 Comments

View replies by

Lori - posted on 08/09/2011

13

0

0

Instead of thinking of it as 'stealing your thunder,' think of how fun it will be to have two cousins close in age. You can both celebrate together, and I'm sure you will be a wonderful resource for your sister as she goes through her pregnancy. Enjoy your new baby! I bet your sister will enjoy watching your baby grow and will have many questions for you as the delivery date comes closer. Thunder nothing! You're still in the limelight, girl! And there's plenty of limelight for you AND your sister to share.

Anna - posted on 08/07/2011

18

17

0

Your child will be your Mom's 1st grandchild forever. Your sister's baby will always be 2nd. Enjoy your time with your baby. Let your Mom enjoy her 1st grandchild before the 2nd one arrives and she has to divide her time. But yes, you need to also be happy for your sister (if she is happy for herself).

Maggie - posted on 11/01/2009

45

9

0

WOW.. thats to weird the same thing happened to me as well. I found out when i was in the hospital my sister was having a baby, I to was a little upset but then i started to think she is only 17 and she has got to be scared out of her mind.. and when i sat down and talked to her she was.. She also had so many questions as well and still does.. So maybe take it at that, she could look up to you in the fact that you already had a baby and now you can give her so much advise and little tips.. hope that helps..

Helen - posted on 11/01/2009

29

37

4

Just remember that your hormones are all up in the air at the moment, so your reaction to finding out that your sister is pregnant may be down to that. Are you worried that your Mum might not be about to help you as much?

Tamika - posted on 10/29/2009

1

24

0

wow cass im shocked to hear sams pregnant but like the girls said lilly will have a cousin close in age to play with.. u gotta get use to the idea as well.. but by the time u have read this u will b ok bout it... my niece was was 8months old wen i had jordyn and they all hated it cos apprently i stole the thunder from my sister but they loved having jordyn around.. then wen i was pregnant with liam my sister kaela found out she was pregnant n to b honest i hated it at first but after a while i was so excited spesh wen i found out it was a boy...

Caron - posted on 10/02/2009

9

21

1

I was 5 months pregnant when i found out my sister in law was pregnant. I was super excited that my son would have a cousin close to his age. You should be super excited for your sister and know that she will probably be coming to you for advice on the pregnancy and on what to do once she has the baby. My son is the first grandbaby on my side of the family and I don't feel like my sister in law is stealing the thunder for me. I know that my parents are going to love all of there grandbabies and spend quality time with all of them.

MASITA - posted on 10/02/2009

6

14

0

I do agree with the others!! Does't mean ur sis is pregnant ur child will be loved less..I've just given birth too & my younger sis also found out she's expecting..i feel happy for her too!! My family has all along treat my kids & her kids fairly!! Be positive babe!!

Sharon - posted on 10/02/2009

77

5

10

With a six week old, your hormones would be all over the shop - as well as, you are probably tired as hell and adjusting to being a mum. Dont be so hard on your self for feeling a bit put out - you will probably find in a few weeks you'll feel different. Chin up

Chantelle - posted on 10/01/2009

10

24

0

I think you should be happy for her , Now u guys have something to relate too .. Me & my two friends all had our babies one after another only a month or two apart , it was neat we were all able to help each other out & answer questions for each other .. Make play dates , are kids can grow up together .. u & ur sister can do the Same thing , it's fun u don't feel so alone bcuz u have someone who understands what u go threw as a Mom =)

Chrissy - posted on 10/01/2009

19

42

1

I think that, eventhough your younger sister is expecting, nothing will take away from your baby being the first grandchild. You should be happy for yourself AND your sister as your kids will be fairly close in age....What better situation for cousins to be raised.

Dawn - posted on 10/01/2009

35

17

0

She's probably pregnant because you were. It's called baby fever. Don't be jealous, you will have babies that are in the same age range.

Georgina - posted on 10/01/2009

15

82

0

How wonderful that your girl will have a cousin so close to her age, at least she wont grow up bearing the brunt of everything "because she's older." At least you can give your sister some guidance through her pregnancy especially if she doesn't have alot of friends with kids. Look at the positives, your sister is into the glamorous side of pregnancy right now, but at the end of the day you will both look at your kids & wont be able to imagine life without either of them!

Victoria - posted on 10/01/2009

58

75

1

I know you can't help how you feel but try and focus on the positives. Your child will have cousins her own age and these relationships can be the best relationships in the world. You will also be able to help your sister and I am sure she is feeling a bit scared if she is only 18.

Barb - posted on 10/01/2009

1

4

0

a lil selfish maybe..........just remember your child is the first grandchild and that will never change..........and being first is great to grandmothers

Samantha - posted on 09/30/2009

8

11

0

Yeah that is a bummer. But you can get comfort from the fact that you already did it. You already know what she is basically gonna go through. She's gonna tell your mom that she has cravings or shes tired or whatever and your gonna be able to say....well when I was pregnant........ your baby is still going to be the first. she cant take that away.

Cassandra - posted on 09/30/2009

1

49

0

hi. no i dont think your being selfish at all. every one would feel the same especially that ur little one is the 1st grand child. u should be happy for her but i think u have every right to feel like she has stolen ur thunder, but then she probably should of waited to tell u she was expecting. just thimk now ur baby will have some one close to her age to play with and you will both be able to help each othrer out with parenting. i think its normal to miss pregnancy even though we say i cant wait till the baby is out. then when it happens it like gee i wish i was still pregnant. my babys now 5momnths i still miss it. but wont have another one for a while yet.

Christine - posted on 09/30/2009

3

30

0

do u know what im pretty much in the s\me situation . i have a 19wk old baby boy , then 3wks ago my partners sister found out she was pregnant .his mum was always saying my special granndbaby .now its almost like she not gonna b interested. i really miss being pregnat and im so glad im not the only 1 who missis it

Angela - posted on 09/30/2009

7

34

1

Be happy for you sister because you not only have your child to love but you are alsoo going to be an aunt. All babies are miracles. My daughter and my neice are 13 months apart and they are best friends.

Laura - posted on 09/30/2009

69

8

4

I always manage to get pregnant (not on purpose) 3 months after my niece. I always feel kind of bad about it because each time she has had her babies baptized I have had a brand new baby at the baptism. We tease each other about it but I do feel kinda' bad. Just focus on your sweet little baby and be there to support your sister. The kids will love having playmates in the family so close in age when they get older. If it makes you feel any better your baby will always do things first! Just try to enjoy the family-they won't be babies forever and you'll hate yourself if you let envy sour a relationship with your sister and her baby. Best wishes!!

Toni - posted on 09/29/2009

177

1

9

I understand what your saying.. maybe your worried that your child will become less of an importance to your mom once your sisters baby comes?? well i can assure you that wont be so! the love doesnt divide.. it multiplies!!!! I think you should be happy for your sister and help her through her pregnancy, because youve been through it and can be there for her as another young mom and a sister! good luck to you and your family!

Sonia - posted on 09/29/2009

11

9

1

i know what ur saying I had the first grand baby and my sis in law was PISSED and called me to tell me how could i do that to her and blah blah blah,, needless to say I was very hurt and will never forget that, but i also 7 years later had the first girl in the family and then my cousin had a girl like 3 months later.. so it is a hard thing to cope with when u r wanting more attention for your child but it will get easier and the kids will get to play!!

Joy - posted on 09/29/2009

53

9

3

It shouldn't be competition. Be happy I guess. You have a niece or nephew on the way, and your daughter will have a cousin to love

Alexandra - posted on 09/29/2009

49

22

3

My sister announced she was pregnant with her fourth the day after my wedding. I never felt like she stole our thunder at all, and now our baby is four months younger than hers. I feel pretty lucky that there is someone who has a baby that I trust that I can go to who can help with anything. Also, we never had cousins our own age asnd I didnt't think my little girl would either but it is awesome that she gets to grow up with a cousin her age. And, you now know where to send all those outgrown baby items! Also a plus, it makes shopping easier when there's two people with two babies instead of you and your baby...one for the baby cart and one for the buying cart! Look closely and you will find so many blessings in your sisters new baby as well as your own. And don't forget, she probably never expected to be pregnant at 18 and will need your support. You are now in the most important part of your big sister/little sister phase as she will need someone to look up to.

Sheryl - posted on 09/29/2009

2

9

0

All sounds completely normal to me! Enjoy your little one and be happy for your sis. Everything will turn out fine and now your daughter will have someone close to play with growing up, that helps a lot.

Fernanda - posted on 09/29/2009

2

1

0

Hello Kat,

I'm Fernanda, from Portugal. I totally understand your feelings... Thesame happened to me, i had my baby boy, Gabriel, on the 14 February 2007, and he was the 1st grandchild of my parents. On July the same year, my younger brother found out that he's girlfriend was expecting. Even he is a boy, i felt the same way you described, and i though that i was being selfish... but now, i know that was a natural feeling, so don't worry, i think it's normal to have those feelings... but now i'm very happy that i have a niece, with almost the same age as my Gabriel, and he has alwayas someone to play around. Hope i helped.

Kat - posted on 09/29/2009

27

33

4

every1 that understood my emotions i wld like 2 thank 4 their understanding, n every1 who didnt i wld like 2 thank 4 their opinions although u should all no jus how emotional u were after havin a baby n therefore shld b able 2 empathise lol! but u were all right in ur own ways, i am really happy 4 my sis now (she is 13 weeks) n am jus lookin 4ward 2 givin her the advise n support she may need (i no i did) so thanks agen every1, it really helped! xxxxx

Deborah - posted on 09/28/2009

3

6

0

I say you feel how you feel. Maybe you are being selfish, oh well. Your child is no less important because your sis is having a baby. Give yourself time to adjust to the idea. I bet your baby girl will appriciate having a cousin so close to her age.

Beth - posted on 09/28/2009

78

13

6

Get over yourself. Enjoy your baby. You're both very young but I can't imagine having a baby at 18. You're both lucky to have an family that will provide love and support you as you grow with your kids.

Saskia - posted on 09/28/2009

118

27

8

forgot to say nowadays I have a really good relationship with my sister as we made the same experience it got me really close to her and our little ones are best mates as they are only 5 months apart would't change it for the world!

Saskia - posted on 09/28/2009

118

27

8

It's normal to think that way i guess. When my sister first found out she was pregnant I was jealous as my husband and I have been trying for 18 months already and she just fell pregnant. And 2 months after I found out I was finally expecting my eldest a friend of mine found out she was pregnant too. I was really jealous of both of them as I tried to get pregnant and they didn't, it just happened.

Jessa - posted on 09/28/2009

22

23

1

While i think you should be happy for your sister i can totally see where you are coming from. I am not a person who likes all of the attention on her.. even when i was pregnant i hated people always talking about me being pregnant and how excited they were. But now that my baby is born and i still have friends who are pregnant there is still a little bit of jelousy inside of me. I love my friend and i love my daughter to bits, but i dont think you should feel at all bad about feeling this way... you just have to remember that this is your sister turn to feel all the happiness and glory that you felt.. she will most likely go to you for advice because you just went through the samething she is going through.. if she has questions she will run to you.

Chelsey - posted on 09/28/2009

78

23

10

I think that you should be excited for your sister and not worry so much about it. You can look at it this way your mom will see her for year before the other baby is born. Your mom won't get the one on one time with any other baby. Also when they get bigger they will have someone to play with at family functions.

Martina - posted on 09/28/2009

10

2

1

Hi Kat I know how you feel I had my first child March 2008. He was the first grandchild on both my husbands side and mine however when my son was just 2 weeks old my sis in las announced that she was pregnant although we were delighted for her I felt slightly like you. I eventually got used to the idea and realised that she didn't get pregnant to spite me or our beautiful little boy. As for missing being pregnant I too felt that so much so that I ended up pregnant with my daughter when my son was just 4 months old, its not something i'm advising, however it did turn out well for us as we now have our gentlemans family

Virginia - posted on 09/28/2009

1

9

0

Quoting Kat:

Don't know what to do!!! Please help!

I am 20 yrs old and have just had my 1st baby, she is 6 weeks old now. The day after I gave birth my 18 yr old younger sister found out she is now expecting. I don't know if i am just being unreasonable but i hate the fact she has stolen my thunder as this is my mums 1st grandchild. Am i just being selfish? Should i be happy for her? I really miss being pregnant also although i couldn't love my little girl more than i already do! she is my world! please help me! xXxXx


Dear Kat:



Forget about your sister!!!!!!!!! Life is too short to allow a petty issue like this to ruin what should be a great time. Concentrate on your baby and your relationship with him/her. When thoughts like this surface, kick 'em to the curb. Support your sister and be the better person. It's not the pregnancy, but the parenting that counts.



good luck!

Jodi - posted on 09/28/2009

2,694

52

168

I know exactly how you feel. I gave birth to my little daughter and no less than a week later my sister tells us she pregnant! I felt the same way you do, I think it's normal and natural and nothing to worry about. It will pass! Now, I'm so excited for my sister's baby to be born and for there to be a little guy so close in age for my daughter to play with I can' barely wait! Don't worry about how you feel, just suck up the cute baby moments while you can and try to be happy for your sister. Congrats on the little one and good luck!

Marci - posted on 09/28/2009

12

32

2

I so understand what your feeling, when i was pregnant with my second i found out my stepmom was pregnant also (strange). We both ended up having girls and they were a month apart. I don't really get along with my stepmom, buts its great for the girls this feeling does pass. Also when i got pregnant for my third, my sister also got pregnant. I had my little guy on july 30 and she had hers on sept8, so its the same thing all over again. My parents have been doing very well. This was my third but her first so we give her a bit more attention and help. The grandparents aren't going to stop loving your little one any less, we all know the novelty of babies wears off pretty quick and things just fall into place. It will be really great to have someone that knows exactly what your going through. You can be a huge help to sister as well, it will all work itself out you'll see. This really does pass. Just enjoy your baby, and then when your sister has hers you can enjoy the feeling of holding a new again (without all the work)

Shannon - posted on 09/27/2009

89

19

7

Maybe you should talk to your OB about it. Sometimes post partum depression can be mild and manifest in silly ways. That and I don't know a person with a young baby that isn't sleep deprived and therefore more irritable. May be that without the hormones and lack of sleep you would be happy for her regardless of how new your baby is.

Sheleenya - posted on 09/27/2009

8

8

1

your feelings are very valid. your baby is still the first grandchild and you just have to milk these moments from your parents before your niece or nephew arrives. you can also be glad that these cousins will be best friends growing up together and hopefully you and your sister will get closer too.

Brittany - posted on 09/26/2009

39

18

3

You are being completely jealous. Think of how wonderful it was for you, and your mad at her because she gets to have someone as great as yours? thats just not fair. You should be completly over joyed for her. Unless she went out and got pregnant just because she wanted attention than there is absoloutly no reason for you to be upset. Your so lucky to have your babies close in age so they can play together and grow up together. Dont sit there and think about your 'thunder', you still had the first grand child so suck it up. Your sister is your sister and now you have a niece/nephew, be excited.

Yve - posted on 09/26/2009

55

6

2

-I know how ya feel but you should see it as something to bring you and your sister closer together.
-Your sister Im guessing has a wile to go before she gives birth and in the mean time you mum will have plenty of time to spoil your little girl before granchild #2 comes along.
-Plus you can give her all the clothes and things you dont need anymore. Thats what im doing for my sister.
-plus your child will have a cousin that they can play with :)

Angela - posted on 09/26/2009

4

6

0

Congratulations on your little lady! As others have said, it is common for the "new" news or news of the younger one having a baby to get the attention. Many feel that the youngest moms need the most help and support since many are not mature enough to handle that kind of responsibility. But, relax, enjoy your little one and rest assured that she is going to grow up quickly and you need to treasure this time you have with her. Congratulations again!

Tiffanie - posted on 09/26/2009

79

10

17

I was 3 months pregnant when my sister had her baby. I kept it a secret until two months after her baby was born so that I wouldn't steal her thunder. I think that it was a little silly of my looking back, but our family was happy in the end with both of our babies. They are treated the same and no thunder was stolen from either one of us. Plus I got all of the hand me downs, which saves a bundle! Each of your babies will be special and unique to your family. They will go through stages at different times and your family will be glad to see when your baby walks and when her baby crawls! And just think how exiting it will be when they both play together or share their first Easter together, or whatever holiday comes next. So, I hate to be there bearer of bad news, but it is unreasonable. Just think of the good things and push all the bad away. You cant change a pregnancy, just be happy to be the one to share the mommy-to-mommy advice. All women love to give advice :) And ALL first time mommies need it!

Lisa - posted on 09/26/2009

225

13

13

congrats on your baby!
don't worry about thunder stealing. it happens all the time in families. My sister in law is expecting their 6th child and I'm expecting my 4th...the way I see it is we are making a lot of friends for each other's children! lol.
There does come a point though when Grandma and Grandpa are so overrun with grandchildren that they stop coming to births and birthdays. That is sad. (but we also live far away from the grands)
and you are perfectly normal for being emotional after having your baby. don't worry, give it a few months and you will start liking that soon your daughter will have someone close in age to play with.

Christine - posted on 09/26/2009

208

26

73

honestly i think this is a natural feeling. when i found out that my sister in law was pregnant right around the time i gave birth i was totally jealous but not in an unhealthy way at all. i just missed being pregnant and having mason with me ALL of the time. i was jealous that she now got that. i think it was part of the post partum thing, which you cannot help. now we found out that she is having twins, i am ecstatic. mason is going to have kids to play with close to his age and i dont have to change their diapers (at least not all of the time) and they wont keep me up at night. it will pass, it did for me. plus, you are now an expert on the subject having gone through it yourself, so be prepared to answer questions about pregnancy and itty bitty babies. congrats on your little girl!!

Amanda - posted on 09/26/2009

14

37

0

I think you should be happy for your sister! After all your daughter will be going on a year old when she has her baby! Nobodies gonna love your baby any less just because your sister is now expecting. As for are you selfish? Yeah you are. But everyone is a little selfish at times. Not to mention every woman is a bit emotional after having a baby. You should also think of the fact that your sister is only 18. She's very young and would probably love to be able to turn to you for advice and support. I'm 18 with a 7 month old daughter and I have a sister who has a 3 year old daughter. She hasn't helped me 1 time with my daughter! To be completely honest that hurts me! I don't want to be mean but I think you should get over it. Be happy that your children will be able to grow up together! They may even be best friends!



I really hope things get better and work out with the two of you.

Candice - posted on 09/26/2009

1,721

18

305

yes, unfortunately, you are sort of being selfish. this is a time when you should not be thinking about YOUR thunder..but your child's. This is the time in your life where YOUR needs take a back burner to your child's needs. focus on your new baby. love her. enjoy her. and try to be happy for your sister that she will soon get to feel the intense love that you feel for your child. besides...soon enough you will have something miraculous that you can share with your sister: an understanding of what it is like to be a mom.



but i DO understand it. one of my close friends pretty much stopped seeing my daughter and me at all for the last year, and now she's trying to have her own baby, and a part of me was a bit sad knowing it means she won't make time to see my daughter and i anymore. but the plus side will be that she will now understand what it's like to be a mom, and we may connect on a different level.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms