food allergies/family

Shanna - posted on 02/22/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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So my daughter has alot of food allergies and we were having family over for dinner.(7 adults and 5 kids) We asked them not to bring anything that we wanted to have a sit down dinner with everything that our daughter could eat. We would supply everything! We were going to have Fish(that my husband and father in law had caught), Potatoes(melted cheese potato squares, sourcream(kind of like a hashbrown side dish thing yummy)) and baked potatoes and chips and dip and steamed green beans. well one family members wanted baked beans and another wanted quacamole dip that they had already picked up the ingredients(let alone that we could make that with the right ingredients). But she wanted to bring hers.We had asked them nicely if they could not bring it that we just wanted a nice sit down dinner with not worring about our daughter having to tell her no in our own house, and we did invite them over! one was mad that she had already bought the stuff.We had asked her if she could make it another time or keep it at her house.So we ended up in a fight they didn't want to come over for dinner ! We canceled the whole thing. Because they wanted those two items . They had said that she is use to it. My daughter is 3yrs. old. We do have a 1 yr old. and we ALL eat this way at home. i make everything as much as possible from scratch. Does anyone dealing with this and have any tips on how to get these family members to get it?????? There is alot more to this story but this is the jist of it!

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I remember when my brother was little and his severe food allergies and intolerances meant that he couldn't eat a lot of everyday food items. Watching his little face fall when you told him, 'no, I'm sorry honey you can't eat that it will make you sick' would break my heart. We did everything we could to make sure that most of the food in our household was safe for him and went out of our way to have special treats that he could also eat so he didn't feel left out or restricted. So, I think you are absolutely right to stand your ground about this, as it is your house (and your daughters).

As for helping them to 'get it', I'm not sure. If you explained how hard it is for you to see your daughter disappointed when she is refused foods she can't eat and how hard it is to always be saying no, then maybe they would be more respectful of trying to provide a positive environment for her, even just for one night. If you have done that already and they still have issue, then I don't know. Maybe tell them you feel they are being insensitive towards your daughters condition (but that might spark a whole new argument). Or next time, you could make a pre-planned menu and write it up and send it out with an invite specifying no additional foods please, this will take a bit extra planning and effort, but maybe putting something in writing will help assert your requirements as well as making the whole night feel a bit more formal and planned, thus reducing the possibility of people wanting to bring extra. After all they probably don't take their own food out to a restaurant even if they want baked beans but the restaurant doesn't serve them.

Kayle - posted on 02/22/2010

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You did the right thing standing your ground. It's your house and your daughters house. She shouldn't have to be worried about eating something she's not supposed to in her own home. That's supposed to be her safe place where she doesn't and you don't have to worry. I hope they come around but if not you still did the right thing.

Claire - posted on 02/22/2010

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Hiya Shanna, I can't understand why there was an arguement over them not being able to bring certain foods, they should respect wot u was trying to do for ur daughter. It's fair enough that you wanted a nice family meal where ur daughter could eat anything she wanted and not have to be told she cant have a certain thing.

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