Has anyone been dissapointed with the sex of their baby?

Chelle - posted on 02/12/2010 ( 42 moms have responded )

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When I was expecting my 4th child i was told I was having a girl, I went out bought everything pink and done up the nusery in pink and was so excited i already had 2 boys and a girl, so little sister for my daughter was going to be great. I had to have a c-section and when they pulled the baby out the docter said it was a boy, i said no its a girl he said it is definatly not a girl and showed me the proof.. I couldnt help feeling disapointed, it took me a while to bond with son as i just wanted my little girl.. Its been a while since that day and I love my son more than anything but was wondering if anyone else has felt that way?

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Hi Chelle, I just wanted to say that I know what you are saying as i have been there. I wanted to offer an alternate theory behind the whole 'disappointment' at the baby's gender thing.
When i was younger, i always dreamed i would one day have a daughter, When i fell pregnant, i knew in my heart and soul that my baby was female. I spun many, many fantasies in my mind of us growing and learning together, most of them included frilly pink tutus. I had practically named her, i had bought her clothes, and i was trying to decide whether a Disney princess motif for the nursery was overkill.
At my 19 week scan, the technician told me my baby was... a boy. A boy.
So yes, i cried. I broke down right there on the table and my heart broke as my husband beamed with joy.
So to people who would call me shallow or selfish, and i am not attacking Ashley or anyone else, I will explain it like this:
My daughter died that day. The child i had carried in my heart for almost 5 months was gone, replaced by a male child i felt no real connection with. Dreams and fantasies may not be flesh and blood, but they are still real and i felt like my daughter had been taken from me.
I love my son. He is the reason i breathe and because i was able to find out his sex, by the time he arrived i knew exactly what i was getting and his birth was a very joyous day. There was zero disappointment because i knew my Stanley was coming, not my daughter.
I hope this helps people to better connect with their feelings over having non-preferred gender babies.

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Lauren - posted on 02/17/2010

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yes i sure did... i always wanted boys my entire life... my first was a girl.. a felt a tiny ping of disappointment and got over it w/ in seconds of finding out... my second... i felt it bigger when i found out it was another girl.. it took a few days to get over it to.... and for my 3rd.... well i just knew i would have another girl... but i still prayed hard for that boy and dreamed of a son and i had his name to.... i had since my first baby... but it turned out girl no. 3... and again it took a few days to get over it... im so happy w/ all my girls and love them more than anything i ever loved... you get that right... but i still wish i had a son... and i gave daughter no. 3 that boys name... i had to have atleast that!

Elizabeth - posted on 02/16/2010

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Absolutely. I just had a baby boy 4 weeks ago. It is my second son and my husbands 4th son. We tried for a girl and it didn't happen. I cried after the ultrasound tech told me that I was having a boy. My husband said no more kids so I will never have a girl. I love my boys more than anything but it is difficult when I am in the store and I see baby girls or if i jnow someone who has girls. I have 3 different cousins who each have 3 daughters and my mom had 2. I have healthy children and that is what's most important.

Claire - posted on 02/16/2010

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I can understant what your saying about being told you were expecting a girl then on arrival you were deliverd a little boy, after all that effort you put in and choosing names etc... it must have kinda left you dissapointed and robbed really, Though id have still been over the moon with my new baby, maybe find it funny later on, this thing happened to my friends cousin he missed the delivery and the midwife handed him his daughter and he argued it was his son lol,xx



For me i have an 8yr old daughter and never wanted another after her awful delivery and i had postnatal depression after too, though i later changed my mind though it then took us over 2yrs to concieve again, i eventually frell pregnant with Brooke my second daughter and ilove her to bits but just as much as id have loved a little boy,xxx

Anna - posted on 02/15/2010

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It didnt happen to me, but a former co worker of mine was told she was having twin boys.... went out and bought everything blue and double of it.... gave birth to a healthy 10 lb baby girl :) Suprise!!!! I asked her if she was dissapointed (she never did have a boy... two lovely girls) and she said it was just a shock because she thought it was two boys not one big girl :) She said dissapointment wasnt exactly the feeling but it was something close, happy to have a healthy baby but wondering what to do with all that boy stuff. When I got pregnant she said dont trust the ultrasound lol. I know a lot of men who want boys desperatly (to pass on the seed they all say LOL) and have a bunch of girls but then after that they are happy and love their daughters. Of course you really want a happy healthy baby but it isnt wrong or bad to want one or the other gender and then be a little bummed when its not what you were told. Of course everyone loves the baby no matter what so in the end, the feelings are just fleeting and matter little cuz you love your baby no matter what.

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I just had my first baby in October. I wanted a girl so bad and convinced myself that was what I was having. WRONG. @ the ultrasound I cried and then I felt bad for crying instead of being happy I had a healthy baby, I cried some more! Now, I am soooo happy I have a little boy. For one, if I have a girl, he will be the big brother to take care of her. For two, have you seen the girls clothes??? They are too cute! I would be broke!

Esther - posted on 02/15/2010

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I definately have felt that. I had always wanted a little girl. At my first pg's 12wk u/s, I got told it was twins. I went into shock. There went the theory of just one baby, now I was getting two in one go. At 20wks I was then told they were both boys. My second pg resulted in a m/c. According to the Chinese Birth Chart, it was a girl. My third pg, another boy. My forth pg, another boy. Then last year, a big surprise, it was a girl. Needless to say, I was completely over the moon at finally having a girl. I love my boys to bits, and I will admit I was disappointed at first. But by finding out during the pg's allowed me time to process the information which in turn allowed me to bond with my boys when they did arrive. Things happen for a reason and I've come to understand that if my DD is anything like I was when I was litte, she will need 4 big brothers to keep her in line :-o Most importantly, all my children are happy and healthy and I couldn't ask for anything more. I truely feel blessed.

As much as we like to rely on modern technology, no ultrasound gender result should ever be given as 100%. Only an amnio can provide that accuracy.

Even though I had been told my DD was a girl, I still didn't believe it until she had arrived and I still remember asking my DH "is it a girl?".

Brittany - posted on 02/15/2010

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I got exactly what i wanted. & that was my baby boy first. Now i want a babygirl so my son has a little sister . and im sure if i get another boy, yeah ill be a little disappointed. but ill just be thankful that the little one is healthy. Babys are a great gift no matter what the gender. but id be pretty upset if i was in your position, spending all that money thinking you were having a babygirl. then come to find out its a boy.. i sure hope you couldve returned things. for blue instead of pinkk. Congrats though on your little one.

Tracy - posted on 02/15/2010

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oh yes I have felt the same. When I was expecting my second and found out it was a girl, I was crushed. I already had a girl and really wanted a boy. I cried for days and had bad nightmares about her for months before she was born.

Anna - posted on 02/15/2010

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Sweetie, in essence you have to let yourself grief the loss of what you thought you were having. While I have no doubt that you love your son, you were emotionaly ready to welcome your beautiful little girl into the world, when this did not happen you have to allow that empty space to be mourned before you can truly start bonding with your new wonderful son. God Bless

Siobhan - posted on 02/15/2010

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i was kinda disapointed when i had my boy but i'm glad now that he's just happy and healthy

Renee - posted on 02/14/2010

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After having 4 boys and losing a boy at 5 months pregnant we found out we were expecting again and we were hoping for a girl . When it was time for the ultrasound she told me its a boy 100% i said oh ok is he healthy she said yes but at the stage all i wanted to do was cry.. but now his here i wouldnt trade him nor the other 4 boys for a girl im happy and their happy and healthy and my new boy is 9 weeks tomorrow.

[deleted account]

Chelle, i am pleased to hear that your 5th baby was a little girl and for your sake i hope you feel your family is complete! Own your feelings, grieve if you need to, and don't ever be afraid to tell people off for being complete imbeciles and judging you. Best of luck to you!

Chelle - posted on 02/14/2010

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Madelaine,
OMG... That is EXACTLY how it felt and I only just realised it when i read your post. Thankyou so much you have helped me more than you will ever know xxxxx :)

Nikki - posted on 02/14/2010

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I wanted a BOY my husband wanted a BOY ... all we could imagine was a little boy, from even before I was prego... and luckily enough we got our little boy.

We did talk about it and worried if it was a girl if we would have been as ecstatic, but I have no doubt in my mind I would have loved her just the same, the only thing was I'd be trying to get prego again sooner in hopes for a little boy if our first was a girl

Now the 2nd time around Id be happy either way, but I still kind of lean more towards another boy ( b.c we already have absolutely everything)

Ruth - posted on 02/13/2010

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Aww, must have been a real shock for you when you'd got your head around having a girl. I would have felt shocked myself.
We didn't find out the sex of our baby as we wanted a surprise. For some reason I thought I was having a boy and a few people thought I was too. We referred to the bump as he. When I'd had the baby, I asked Rob what we'd had and he moved the cord and then a leg to find we had a girl. I was overwhelmed with happiness. She was gorgeous.

I have friends who have asked to know the sex of the baby at the 20 week scan so that they can get their head around the whole idea of having the baby in their lives and to bond with the baby. Haven't known someone to be told the wrong sex. I can imagine it must have been hard for you to get your head around actually having a boy when you'd already been imagining your life with two boys and two girls.

Glad you are happy with your baby boy now. Hope the other kids have adjusted well to the new addition. x

Vixi - posted on 02/13/2010

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Its natural to feel like that hun after all you were expecting a little girl and instead got a boy. It isnt your fault and at least you have now bonded with your baby! Will be a story to tell him when hes 18 lol xx

Krisy - posted on 02/13/2010

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ashley i think its good you have an oppinion but people also will have an oppinion back to you. ive actually lost a son and had 4misscarriges and having 3more boys was hard cause your relate them to the son you lost before its been 6years and i miss my boy very much and until i was pregnant with my 4th boy i didnt want a girl but then suddenly i was overwelmed with these feelings desperate for a girl. and when he turned out to be a boy i still love him to bits but its made me more determined to have a girl. i dont think im selfish as 1of my boys has aspergus so wanting a child to be healthy isnt a priority its loving them no matter what boy or girl( or both) sickness or not. ive been through a hell of alot with my children and pregnancies. i think we all have to understand people have different oppinions and accept that. ive alomost lost 1 of my children 3times and my baby who is 8months was in hospital just before xmas and hes now been diagnosed with asthma but that is apart of my children and i accept that with them but i would still like to have a girl but if i do or dont my family is complete either way

Krisy - posted on 02/13/2010

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have had 4boys anmd desperate for a girl, ive 4misscarriages too. doc have said mybe i cant carry girls but id still like to try for a girl i was really disappointed when my 4th was a boy but i love him to bits. now im just debating whether to try again and be disappointed again or heartbroken when its another miscarrige

Chelle - posted on 02/13/2010

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To everyone who replyed to my post thanks for all your support and opinions, to Ashley everyone has a right to there own opinions and you have definatly made yours very clear.. like you i to almost lost a son my first child, he was in the nicu for 7 weeks and he actually died twice and the doctors had to revive him so i completly understand were you are coming from, it took me 5 years to conceive him and to almost lose him was the worst pain a mother can feel. I have also had 2 miscarriages and 1 blighted ovum and i totally agree that every healthy child is a true blessing and a miracle, when my third son was born i didnt " cry my eyes out" but i couldnt help but feel a little disapointed because i had thought for so long that i was having a girl. I dont think its super selfish to want anything in life and then feel a little let down when its not what you thought it was going to be, but that was not my qn... When we started trying for a another baby i didnt care what sex it would be but when i was told it was going to be a girl i just prepared myself for that. And to Jess thanks for understanding me you totally got my qn and im sorry to you both for causing you to argue.

Ashley - posted on 02/12/2010

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absoutely sheree....:)....i'm glad to see you see where i'm coming from.....thanks

Sheree - posted on 02/12/2010

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Exactly, i actually replied to your post before everything started but my internet crashed and i had to reload everything, lol. My friend has been trying for 5 years now, its heartbreaking for her and her husband, and to see the pain they are going through. I agree they are precious and should be loved no matter what. we should be thankful with have them in our lives.

Jess - posted on 02/12/2010

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Its not about not loving your baby and its absolutly not about being ungrateful ! I would have loved my baby regardless of the gender.



The comment about being super selfish is just down right wrong ! We are not selfish, I knew 100% that I was having a girl, but if I had been told it was a boy, my tears would have been from shock, not sadness... And that is why you can't judge people who say they cried or would have cried !

Ashley - posted on 02/12/2010

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absolutely sheree. i agree 100% with you. yes i understand if you've been told it was a boy at 20 wks but then when it's born oh it's a girl you are a little bit upset. but to cry about it? the baby is happy and healthy and thats all that matters. this is what i'm trying to get across but i'm being attacked. i'm not trying to argue anyone just stating how i feel. like i said i feel strongly about this because i almost lost my son. i know a lady who tried for 10 years to have a baby. and when someone is ungrateful because of what they have it bothers me i guess you can say. my father hated my brother because he was a boy. he abused him JUST because he was born a boy and not a girl like he wanted. babies are precious little things and should be loved because of who they are but now what they were born with

Sheree - posted on 02/12/2010

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Ashley, I think you put it perfectly. Its your opinion, and mine and we are entitiled to it. I too had problems having my daughter and have been told I may not be able to have any more. I was convinced she was a boy the whole pregnancy, but i didnt mind either way. I was estatic when she was born and she was a girl, but would of been just as happy if she as a boy. We are lucky to be able to have any children at all. A very dear friend of mine cant have children and reading things like "im not happy with the sex" can be very upsetting. But like i said im my original reply, i can understand why when you have been told for 20 weeks that you are having one sex and the other is born why you would be upset. You've just spent 1/2 your pregnancy preparing for that sex, but the ones that are upset just because are the ones that need to take a good look at themselves.

Ashley - posted on 02/12/2010

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and actually i'm not the least bit rude...i'm a very well liked person. i'm just going through to be a lawyer so i dont put up with people's crap and i dont hide my opinion.

Ashley - posted on 02/12/2010

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LOL WOW ....you really need to go take a pill or something and calm your nerves. and actually go reread the post...it doesnt ask for support at all. it asks if anyone has ever felt that way. i simply said no i havent. you are obviously looking for an argument here and you arent going to get it because i'm not going to waste my time arguing with someone over the internet. i'm no judging someone because they cry their eyes out because they dont get their own way. i dont want to hear oh she's pregnant you know.....so she's upset because of all the emotions. that's crap. my point is you shouldnt care what you have. a baby is a baby!!!! it's not their fault they are born with a penis or a vagina. you obviously took offence to my post well because you happened to be someone who would have been ungrateful if you had a boy beacuse you were going to cry your eyes out if your little girl wasnt a boy. i wasnt being rude to anyone in general but now that you are being rude to me i'll be rude right back. maybe next time you get pregnant and have a child then dont cry or think of crying because you are selfish and dont get your own way with the sex of the child. lol a matter of time before someone called me on my bad manners....funny. bad manners because of my opinion? bad manners because i think it's rediculous that someone cries because they didnt get the sex they want? nope not at all.....

Jess - posted on 02/12/2010

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Ashley you are clearly a very rude person. This post was asking for SUPPORT !!! Where exactly did you offer any of that ????



And given that the overwhelming majority of women who have replied have felt the same way at sometime I think it was just a matter of time before someone called you on your bad manners !



And as for these people you know.... sounds like you know some pretty stupid people ! Don't judge everyone else based on that experience. A pregnant woman goes through a raft of emotions and while not every feeling seems rationaly to you.... it does to that woman !



Who are you to judge ?

Allie - posted on 02/12/2010

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i already had a girl and wanted a boy so when i found out my second was another girl i was upset but got over it pretty fast i was greatful to have another child they are 8 years apart. then i had my son. we tried for another boy so he can have a brother and then when i went for the sonogram and found out that i was having another girl i was so upset. i was so hoping that once she came out they would say boy but when she came out a girl i was still upset. i got over it pretty fast though i love her to death and wouldnt change her for nothing.

Ashley - posted on 02/12/2010

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no actually i dont think it's incredibly insensitive to use that. i know people who have been so pissed at the sex of their baby that they wont even name them. i knew one girl who was so mad that she was having a son....and he ended up being born at 31 wks...she almost lost him. a child is ablessing no matter what and i think it's super selfish to cry because you dont want that sex. you obviously took offence to my post when i didnt even use your name. when it's a child your heart shouldnt want one sex more than the other to the pt where you cry because you didnt get the sex you wanted. for my first son i was convinced and so was everyone else that he was a girl. but the day he was born i didnt cry because he was a boy. i cried because he was my son..i made that precious little thing and to me it didnt matter that he had a penis. there was nothing mean about my post i was saying it how it is. i feel very strongly about this and wont back down because you seem to be offended by it.

Jess - posted on 02/12/2010

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Ashley perhaps you have misunderstood. Its not about being ungrateful for the gifts we have been given. Its more about having your heart set on one thing... and finding out your gutt instincts are wrong. There is a whole world of difference between son's and daughters ! You can't control what your heart wants.



There is countless mothers on this website who have all lost or nearly lost their baby, myself included. I think its incredibly insensative of you to use that, especially when calling us "super selfish".



Perhaps if you have nothing nice to say you shouldn't bother responding to a post !

Ashley - posted on 02/12/2010

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nope cant say i ever felt like that. when they told me my first was a boy i was super happy and when i was told my 2nd was a boy i felt the same way. see the thing is when you almost lose a child you are thankful for whatever it is you have. as long as tht child is healthy thats all that matters. i guess im' a little more sensitive on this topic because i feel some people are super selfish about this. when someone tells me they cried because they were upset with the sex they had i really cant beleive it. maybe for me because i almost lost my son at 2 wks old and having to watch him stay in the hospital for 2 months and everything he went though i would never even dream of crying because iw as upset at the sex. i personally think people should be happy with what they have. think of the people who cant have children or the ones who have lost children. babies are babies. it shouldnt matter what their private parts are

Jess - posted on 02/12/2010

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I was over the moon to find out I was having a girl.... From the minute I found out I was pregnant I was 100% positive it was a girl !



I would have cried if my ultrasound tech had said it was a boy...... I was soo nervous at that ultra sound. It was the first thing they looked at and I swear it took a lifetime for her to give me the news !



But like I said there would have been tears..... So I can understand how you feel. 104 boys are born for every 100 girls born ! So you have a better chance of having a boy than a girl.... So Katt I guess it really takes a man to make a girl !

Amanda - posted on 02/12/2010

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Oh yes, I can certainly understand. I was sooooooo sure I was having another girl with my second pregnancy. I even went so far as to try to shop for little pink things but my husband kept reminding me we didn't know what we were having yet! I was so convinced that I just kept forgetting we didn't know yet! Haha! So when they told me it was a boy at our ultrasound I was shocked to the core and a bit disappointed. I really wanted Bekah to have a sister. It took a good solid month for me to feel ok about the news. Of course I was so thankful he was healthy...that's all that matters at the end of the day. But getting used to all the boy stuff when you're used to all the girl stuff (boy parts included!) is kind of crazy! Oh, but by the time he was born I was all ready for him. I was very excited at the priveledge to raise one of each. With this baby...I'm also convinced it's a girl! Haha! Won't I be surprised in the end when it's another boy! We're waiting to find out this time so I'm trying VERY hard not to lean too hard one way or the other...but it seems so impossible! :o)

Katt - posted on 02/12/2010

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Yes, I felt that way briefly. My boyfriend and I wanted a boy so bad, we wanted 3 boys so when they told us we were having a girl it took a couple weeks to come to terms with it..Of course we love her more than anything and wouldn't trade her for anything. I guess I always knew i'd have a girl my boyfriend is a very sarcastic joker and he was joking when he told his friend "it takes a man to make a man" when he found out he was having a girl. Karma has a funny way of getting back at people. He loves her more than anything and he says often now how he wants girls! I still would like a boy but I would love to have all girls too :)

Kate - posted on 02/12/2010

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When they told me my 3rd baby was a boy l said "no, you got it wrong". We both wanted a girl so much. Then the twins l had last year are both boys. l'm happy to have all boys since boys and girls are so different to raise. But there is a part of me that is sad and disappointed that l may never get to do the pinks and all the frillies with a girl. l have one more shot at it coming this fall, we want one more baby to make our family complete. We are not having another just to try for a girl. lf i had to choose this time, l'd choose another boy anyway. Try to figure that one out.

[deleted account]

No! After 18 months of trying for a baby I finally fell pregnant just before I was due to start fertility treatment (lucky or what?!?!). When we found out we were having a boy I was sooo happy and would have felt the same if it was going to be a girl=]

Jessica - posted on 02/12/2010

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I have heard of them mistaking the gender for a girl when its really a boy. That didn't happen to me, but when I was pregnant with my son (now 8 months) I was hoping so much it was a girl, I really anted a little girl! So did DF. I have to admit when they told me at the 18 week ultrasound it was a boy it took me a few minutes to come to terms with that. I love him of course and wouldn't trade him for 10 girls, but I know how you feel!

Michelle - posted on 02/12/2010

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Yes I felt that way. When I found out I was pregnant I was gunning for a boy and so was the other half...and we found out it was a girl..we were okay, but felt a bit disheartened sounds awful but I love boys...and then she came along and she is the most precious thing in our lives..We are still hoping for a boy next time, if blessed, and I really hope it will happen as I dont think I could have another girl...Brianna is so precious thst I dont think another girl could compare to her, its really strange and I feel horrid bout it. Though next time were not gonna find out the sex cause its just God's will at the end of the day and if we do have another girl, I pray that I love her just as much as I do Brianna.

I would be so sueing that hospital lol for that mistake..they really shouldnt tell you if they arent 100% sure.

Sheree - posted on 02/12/2010

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Not at all. All we have ever wanted was to have our baby and after 2 years of trying, 2 miscarriages, we honestly didnt mind if we had a boy or girl. We couldnt wait to be parents and after all the heartache you really dont mind on the sex.
But i can see why you would be disappointed when thinking for 5ish months that you were having a girl, then a little boy pops out. The same thing happened to a friend of mine, she was told throughout she was having a boy, had to have an emergency c section and had a little girl. She had also brought everything in blue.
I really think if they can't get it right they shouldnt be telling expecting parents the sex of their unborn child, but thats just my opinion :)

Jenna - posted on 02/12/2010

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yes i was disappointed to find out i was having a boy with my second and now my third.. i was so hoping for a girl for my third but its a boy. i have a girl and two boys. I dont know how the people told you were having a girl and it be a boy they were obviously BLIND or didnt get a good look but in any case shouldnt of said if they werent postive. Thats pretty crappy you had to go thru thinking it was a girl the entire time to giving birth to a boy i would of been very disappointed.

Jennifer - posted on 02/12/2010

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Chelle, congrats! When i was pregnant, everyone told me that for sure i was going to be the one to have a the little girl. After people that you that so many times, it starts to sink in, that your really gonna have a girl!! But when i found out, it was a BOY! Of course i was happy, but i was little sad, i wont lie! Its completely normal! You went 9 months thinking that you were going to have a little girl, and getting everything ready for a little girl. All that work you put into getting for a girl and picking out a name, of course you would be a little disappoint, I think alot of other women would be, too! But as long as he is healthy is all that matters!!

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