Having the baby in bed with u

Sharmila - posted on 09/12/2012

i do not have any advice. just a question.....



if a baby, who has not learned to walk or talk yet, is put in separate room and she is not able to breathe suddenly due to nose block or choking, how is she supposed to solve her problem?



A. clear her own nose

B. do first aid on herself to stop choking

C. just practise holding breath (this will help in swimming lessons later in life-as one mom put it-whatever baby is going to need to learn later, she might as well start doing it now, BIG or SMALL...)

D. scream to get her Mom's attention.....oops she forgot to take an appointment with her

E. scheme how to gain control of her mother so that she can get what she wants



Baby should not control a mother's life? I dont know who the baby is supposed to look upto other than parents when scared or needing something at night.... GOD? if someone was not ready to forgo a bit of privacy till the child is able to take care of herself and can wake someone for help, do not have a baby....she doesnt deserve this....may be you did...



This is my first post and i joined this forum to write this if not more....and ofcourse i will co sleep till my 9 month old is ready and comfortable....

Sara - posted on 02/18/2010

My daughter was the same way. We had a bassinet that she cried in every time we set her in it. I thought it was because she wanted to sleep in my arms but actually we think it was just that particular bassinet. We experimented with the crib and our pack and play that had a built in bassinet and found that she would sleep in the pack and play bassinet with no problems at all. I would try to put your daughter to sleep in different (safe) places and see if she likes any of them better. It will be so much easier for you later on to teach her now. And you will get much better sleep if you aren't worrying about holding your baby in bed with you. Good luck!

Andria - posted on 02/17/2010

Do it now. My daughter is a year old and she is bed with me, and now I am having a baby on friday. I would get her in her own bed while she is young. I wish I would have put her in her own bed. I would do it now. Good luck!!!

Candace - posted on 02/17/2010

my son is 4 mths old and has been in the bed with me since about 2mths but he doesnt have the body sensation of myself or his father cause he sleeps at the top of the bed, im on the side and his father is at the end of the bed. so he doesnt even feel our bodies against his to be used to anything and every baby is definitely different. but TRUST and BELIEVE that the sleeping pattern of your child will never be the same until they get older and used to the routine you set for them.

Jodi - posted on 02/17/2010

It's so hard...just do what's right for you. My son slept with me until he was 3 months old...then I moved him into his crib..thought it would be hard..but he took right to it. Just be careful if they are in bed with ya...and once they start moving time to go to the crib! Good luck!

Carol - posted on 02/17/2010

Have you tried the Guardian Sleeper? It works really well to keep a baby safe and comfortable and promote increased sleep. I know a couple who slept with their baby and the husband rolled onto the baby in his sleep and she suffocated. I recommend trying to get her to sleep in her own space now as it will certainly help as she gets older and also give you greater peace of mind. All the best, Carol :-)

Jessica - posted on 02/16/2010

my daughter is 7 months old and i started sleeping with her about a month ago because she would wake up every couple hours instead of sleeping through the night like she had been and now i am able to put her in her playpen without her waking up although i kinda got used to her being in bed with me i still sleep with her when her daddy is at work as he works nights 4 nights a week. so i feel like its ok aslong as you feel comfortable with her in bed with you and use safe guidelines also

Veby - posted on 02/16/2010

Dear Tiffany, I know it is hard and especially people around you telling not to. I have my daughter now 14months and she is still sleeping with us, she never wanted to sleep by her own, she wakes up in the middle of the night sitting on the bed and look around just to make sure that we are around. On the other hand me and my husband are very happy to have her with us, it is such a joy that you can watch her while she is asleep next you. I think most important thing is she is feel comfortable and safe around us. I hope this helps. Take care :-)

Amanda - posted on 02/16/2010

yes every book you read and every person is going to tell you NO NO NO!!! But I had the same issue with my little girl--who is now 5 months and sleeping in her crib. May I suggest a swing. It was a great alternative to having to rock her to sleep. Graco makes one that is under $100 and runs on batteries!!!! My boyfriend and I would take turns sleeping on the couch next to the swing. Yup--she'd sleep in it all night.

But if the bed is the way to go--they sell sleepers for your bed to prevent you from rolling over on your little one.

Stephanie - posted on 02/16/2010

I say that it´s ok to cosleep with your baby. Besides, your baby is only 8 weeks. Don´t worry what others think about it. A small baby and even young toddlers need that attention and to feel safe and that safety comes with being with Mommy and Daddy. Habits will break later. But, don´t worry about that now. Just go slowly and take one day at a time. Before you know it, your baby will be older and sleeping in her own bed.

Christina - posted on 02/15/2010

I had the same problem when my daughter was about 3 weeks. She just stopped wanting to sleep in her bassinet. She will not sleep longer than 20 mins. unless she has skin to skin contact. She is 3 months now and I am finally completely comfortable with this. I feel there are safe ways to have them in bed with you. It is hard though to hear all the unwanted advice! My mom-in-law has a new solution for me every time I see her! Drives me nuts....my husband finally told her she can come and break Ava of this habit any night she wants to:) Every few weeks I try putting her in her crib. No luck yet but I think once she starts sleeping in longer stretches it will help. I breastfeed and she still gets up 2 times a night.

Karen - posted on 02/15/2010

Whatever works! Thats the best advice I can give. The lowest rates of cot death in the world are in developing countries (like those in Africa) whereby most babies are breastfed and nearly all co-sleep with their mothers. There are many different books telling us what to do and what not to do (i.e don't do this you'll spoil them etc) but in the end, you are her mother and you decide what feels the best for you and your child.

I think plenty of love and comfort is always better than leaving a baby to scream.

Tiffany - posted on 02/14/2010

My daughter slept with us for the first 3 months... then we started with her naps, sneaking out from next to her, then letting her fall asleep in our arms then sneaking her in her crib. It worked really well! By 6 months she slept great in her crib. Honestly just do what feels comfortable for everyone. I do advise not to wait too long to get her in her crib but you don't want to do it too soon.

Amanda - posted on 02/14/2010

I still have to fight with kiley to get her to go to bed and She 16 months, If I was you Tiff i would break her of it now. I wish sometime that i would have started her out in her own bed instead of being lazy and putting her in bed with me and kyle. Its just really hard now to get her to go to bed on her own or let alone in her own bed and room.

Mary - posted on 02/14/2010

The first eight weeks was the hardest for our family to adjust to little one. He is now almost three months and sleeping in a co-sleeper next to our bed. I had a long recovery after he was born so it hurt to stand and I was very soar. During that time I often had him in bed with me to breastfeed and we ended up co- sleeping for the first 4 weeks of his life. After I gained strength, I kept him in his cosleeper and nursed him in a rocker instead of bed. He transitioned ok because he was so young. I have read that babies don't begin mature sleep patterns until they are 4 months old. We decided to be a bit flexible for now but enforce a sleep routine and baby in crib at that point.



Do what is best for you & baby.

Lindsey - posted on 02/14/2010

I co-slept with both my daughters, my 1st until she was 2 years old and I got pregnant with my 2nd daughter. We got her a toddler bed and she transitioned into that pretty easily. We had the bed in our room for awhile and then moved it into her own "big girl" room so she was happy. Second DD we co-slept until 10 months (she's 11 months now) we put her in her crib at 10 months when she started waking constantly in our bed, wanting to nurse all night, had to have me in bed with her to sleep. So we trained her to sleep in her crib. Only took a couple of nights and she did great. The only way to get my girls to sleep when they were little was to sleep with us - they would NOT sleep in a bassinet or crib, at all! And I didn't want them crying all night :( and we all needed some sleep! A lot of people were negative but it worked for us!

Ashley - posted on 02/14/2010

My son is 3 months old now and he has slept with us since he was born. He never would sleep in his playyard or his crib. Also, he's breastfed so it's much more convenient for him to be in bed with me- we all get more sleep that way. When he sleeps through the night (ie: doesn't nurse at night anymore) we are going to start the transition of moving him to his own bed... but for now I'm not at all worried about it. We enjoy having our little guy near and he obviously enjoys it too. You do what is right for your family & what works for you-- everyone is different!

Erin - posted on 02/14/2010

My daughter was the same way at first. I think she slept with us for about a month or two. The problem was my husband and I were in constant fear of rolling on her, or a pillow falling on her head or the comforter getting too close to her face so we weren't sleeping well. We tried a bassinet in our room for a few weeks and that didn't work so great either. I would wake to the smallest little peep she made, and would find myself wide awake standing over her,waiting for the wailing to begin.

Ultimately the solution to the problem for us, was the crib. One night as we were about to head to bed, she had already fallen asleep in my arms. I was about to take her to bed with us, when my husband suggested putting her in her crib. I was unsure at first, but we tried it and SHE SLEPT ALL NIGHT! I was in total shock. Ever since then she has been sleeping through the night just fine.

I think you will hear a lot of different responses on this one. A lot of people will actually tell you that my way is wrong, because a baby that young shouldn't be that far from mom. But obviously she is sleeping better now and so are we.

I'm definitely not saying that co-sleeping is wrong. I know a lot of people that co-sleep with their children and all parties involved enjoy it. However with young babies, I do think it can pose a safety threat since adult matresses are usually softer, and adult beds are also equiped with things that can be a suffocation threat to a young infant. Also I'm sure at one point or another you and your partner will want your bed back, and really the longer you wait the harder it will be.

I really wish you the best on this. I truly don't think there is really a right or wrong, its completely up to you and your partner.

Charlotte - posted on 02/14/2010

my baby is the same but what i do is lay him on me till he falls asleep nd i always wear my fluffy dressing gown and he has a blanket like it so i lay the blanket on the bottom of his crib and then when hes vasleep lay him on top of it and he thinks he still on me hehe xx

Amy - posted on 02/14/2010

At 8 weeks, I think you're doing what's best for both of you. And if you're breastfeeding, it makes sense to sleep with your baby. I wish I had slept with my first child; we would've gotten so much more sleep!! I wouldn't start sleep separation until your baby is at least 4 months old. Best of everything to you!



I didn't start putting my son (2nd child) in his crib until he was between 4 and 5 months old

Krista - posted on 02/13/2010

To be perfectly honest, my son slept with my husband and I almost every night until about 1yr old. It has been at this age that he will actually want to go in to his cot to sleep with no hassle at all. There is no such thing as spoiling a baby. They need to know that you are there for them. Having said this, yes, if you drink or do drugs or are a deep sleeper or have medical problems then it isn't such a good idea.

Ashley - posted on 02/13/2010

I did the same thing with my little boy and he slept in our bed until like a month ago and I just gradully started putting him in his crib (in our room) for his naps and now he sleeps in there all night long with out any fussing. Also try a mobile. He loves his that has lights on it.

Amy - posted on 02/13/2010

do it now.. its better for the baby and u..my daughter is 5 and she stills sleeps with us.

Stacey - posted on 02/13/2010

i agree with the comments that say as they get older it gets harder, my son slept in the same bed as me and my partner from about 5weeks and he is now 13months old, we are now trying the cry-it-out method, but as i am 18, at college and still living with my mum it is easier for him to be in my bed as i cant wake my mum or my sibling up in the night and i have to be up for college but i am finding the cry-it-out method is gettin better , we are going in less and less every night as he is going to sleep alot quicker and staying asleep all night, he was sleepin 6.30pm - 9am in my bed and is now doing around the same in his cot, try as soon as your baby has had there bottle and gone to sleep put them straight down, including in the day because then they will get used to not being in there mums bed.

Kristin - posted on 02/13/2010

My daughter wouldn't sleep with out my husband or myself for a long time, either. We took turns sleeping on the couch with her until she was big (and strong) enough to let us know she's there if we should get too close. (about three months old) But to get her to sleep alone, you will need to lay her down and let her cry for a few minutes before going to console her. When she's calm, lay her back down. If she stars crying again, repeat the process until she falls asleep (it could take anywhere from an hour to all night, but it's WELL worth it in the end.). It worked great with my baby, and she's been sleeping through the night since eight weeks old.

Tina - posted on 02/13/2010

I agree Jennifer.....I loved sleeping with my little guy and wished I still could...(mine's crawling all over the place now!) :) Enjoy it ladies. Mother's have been doing it since the beginning of time. Don't be in too much of a rush to make them independent. Fulfilling their sense of security now will make them self confident enough to be independent later! Enjoy your babies!!!! (And stop listening to your mother-in-laws.....I did!!! Hhehehe!!!!!)

Jennifer - posted on 02/13/2010

Ok some moms are going to trash talk cosleeping and honestly it is ultimatly up to you.I cosleep with my 6 month old son & he is fine. It is my favorite time with him, You are the mom just do what you feel is right.

Cynthia - posted on 02/13/2010

to lottie,

my daughter is 3 months and sleeps with us. i believe is way better to keep her with us... i can keep and eye on her. you see she tends on wrapping her blanket around her head and if she is not next to me how would i know she is wrapped in the blanket if shes in the crib or bassinet. with her next to me i can just touch her face and make sure she doesnt have the blanket on her face. but if she is not i might sleep through the night without ever knowing if shes okay...so i recommend cosleeping. me and my boyfriend sleep with the knowledge to becareful the baby is next to us. we also put teddy bears next to her so that way when we roll over we feel the bears and know that we are to close.

Anne Marie - posted on 02/13/2010

We co-slep with our son from the beginning until 6 months. I did hold him to put him to sleep for naps then laid him in the pack n play and he slept fine. At 6 months he transitioned to the crib with only one night of crying and me checking on him. He is a great sleeper, has always slept until 9:00-9:30 am... It is your choice and what your comfortable with. I loved having him with us in bed and I don't think it did any harm... Every family is different, do what works for you and quit listening to others...

Sierra - posted on 02/13/2010

Until they're 5-6 months old, it won't be hard to transition back and forth, mainly because after that they can cry or scream and they know that you will give in and do what they want. Until then, she just wants the reassurance that you are there for her and wants to be near you. Like they say, you can't spoil a child until they're 6 months. They start to have higher levels of thinking and reasoning at around 6 months..something most babies won't have until that time. Do what YOU want because all babies are different; my daughter sleeps in bed with me when she's real fussy, and she transitions back into her co-sleeper just fine each time (She's 14 weeks old). Doing this will give her a secure feeling and she might be less fussy.

Lo - posted on 02/13/2010

it is ok and safe to sleep with your baby! many babies still require the closeness of a body to soothe to sleep. remember, for 9 months your baby's whole point of reference was your body, that's all that makes sense to her. it just takes time for many babies to adjust to life outside the womb. it's unfortunate that we new moms (who are so overwhelmed with new motherhood, and tired!) get a societal message that we have to "break" our children of their need and expectation of being comforted and soothed by our closeness. putting a new baby down the hall in her own room, away from mom with a door closed is actually more dangerous than being close to your baby at night. (remember, SIDS used to be called "crib" death, not sleeping next to a mother death). you can also try putting her in the packnplay for naps, to have her get used to sleeping there. give her some time, she'll adjust. mothers in other cultures have always coslept with their young babies. here in america we're in such a rush to push them away; away in their own beds, away from the breast, away to daycare. let it be. enjoy the closeness of your new baby. this precious period of time will be over very quickly. and remember, advice that other people give you may not be appropriate for you and your baby. some babies adjust to life outside the womb easier than others and can sleep alone at night. other babies need more time, especially if the birth was difficult.

Tina - posted on 02/13/2010

"Honey, I work with troubled kids every day and have for years, and I couldn't agree with you less. I see the products of parents who do not know how to parent and who wish someone would have helped them earlier, but they didn't know the questions. I am not blaming the child. They being learning very early, much earlier than you give them credit for. We humans are a creative and very intelligent bunch and learn very early how to know what works best and what does not, especially where getting our wants and needs met is concerned. I just call them as I see them. I don't expect anyone the take my advice. She asked and I responded as honestly as I knew how. God Bless"



I know you said you disagree..but your response was so jumbled that I'm not really sure what you're disagreeing to!!! Sorry ~

Chrissy - posted on 02/13/2010

I always had my 2 babies in the bed cause i was breastfeeding and it was easy for me but my daughter is almost 3 and still in the bed with us she will not have anything to do with her bed and my son sleep with us for 3 months and then went in his crib no problem and nows how to put his self to sleep with my daughter it seems inpossible cause my kids share a room so i cant let her scream cause she will wake u my son!! good luck but i would break it off now or it will be years lol

Mary - posted on 02/12/2010

at 8 weeks I don't think its a problem but after about 4-5 months I wouldn't do that... Just my personal oppinion... although I did read a few studies about how a baby develops better when they spend the first 8 months to a year in the same room as the parents... helps their self-esteem and stuff like that. My daughter is 8 months old and just barley started sleeping in her own room but we still take naps together (I'm 7 months pregnant). Not only dose she sleep longer when we take naps together but she only has one nap rather than 3 45 min ones and she's happier in the day and sleeps better at night. When she was smaller (and my belly wasn't in the way) I'd sometimes let her sleep with my husband and I for a few hours. I don't think it hurts any.

Kristina - posted on 02/12/2010

I was against my daughter sleeping in bed with us. I said it will not happen, ever..... We have started letting her sleep in bed from time to time now, which started around 7 months. And believe I have plenty of friends that tell me not to let her in, but sometimes you need your sleep. To get her to sleep well we started swaddling her around 3 weeks and that helped a lot. Then we played her white noise CD. And then eventually we cheated and had her sleep in her car seat, in the crib! The transition out of the car seat to the crib went smoothly. Good luck.

Jennifer - posted on 02/12/2010

we ended up doing this with my oldest (who is now 5), and I would say if you are comfortable and your hubby, and baby is sleeping like this, then it is ok. You could probably look into one of those things that goes on the best to lay the baby in, but we didn't have one and she was still ok. It can be dangerious..rolling on top of the baby, ex..but again turned out ok with us. When she was around 22 months old our Son was born, but he was really tiny (barely 5lbs and early) so we kept him in the bassinet beside the bed, when he outgrew it we moved him to the pack n play (beside the bed) and then when he was around 6 months we moved both he and Julie to their own room together...the transition went really smoothly and Julie rarely cames back into our bed. Hope this helps!! Just do what your heart tells you! I asked a nurse about it at the hospital (who secretly told me a baby needs to be near its mother's heart and if it sleeps better there then so be it).

Carolyn - posted on 02/12/2010

I had mine sleeping with me until about 4 months and she took to it ok. It was a little hard at first but it got easier. The only way she would sleep was with me. She is a happy and loving 14th month old now.

Lequita - posted on 02/12/2010

I slept with my son in the bed as well. The best advice I can give you is to put your baby between the wall and you. This will keep your little one from rolling away. Also if you are afraid of crushing your baby put a little pillow between you two when she goes down for a nap. in the future you can help her adapt to her new bed.

Heidy - posted on 02/12/2010

You can try to put her in her packnplay, let her cry for a min or less and then pick her up, until she stop crying, then put her back again you have to do this over and over, it work for me. good luck

Malissa - posted on 02/12/2010

i struggled with this too.. my daughter is 6 months old and sometimes sleeps with us. even though my "rule" is no sleeping in the big bed =) i dont want her to get used to this because it is a hard habbit to break and alot of moms will just get frustrated with tryin to get their baby to sleep in the crib and just want to get some sleep so they just keep them in the bed with them. what i recommend is only lettting the baby sleep with you if she is sick or teething for the first couple days. they depend on you for security but at the same time need to be independent. meaning we want them to do things for themselves but were not trying to send them off to college tomorrow.. its all up to you though.

HAYLEE - posted on 02/12/2010

My daughter slept in the bed with us for almost a year and a half. She is 2 now and we have finally made it to where she sleeps in her own bed every night. When my son was born he started out in his bed because we were not going to make the same mistake twice. he is now 1 and he lets us know when he is ready and we put him in his bed and he goes to sleep, but my two year old still throws fits. so I would not suggest letting the baby sleep with you just so you can sleep. what happens if you sleep really hard and the baby rolls off the bed or worse you roll over on it?

Shyan Catherine - posted on 02/12/2010

Put her in her crib ! I had the same problem as you but I unfortunately never borke my dughter from it so now almost 11 months old she is still in bed with us and were expecting again ! Do it now or you will surely regret it later.

Jasmine - posted on 02/12/2010

I slept with my son until he was about 3 months old and only stopped because my husband was afraid he would roll over him. I found that before I had a baby I moved around in my sleep but when he was sleeping with me I didn't move at all. I think it's a kind of instinct that mom's have. I could tell if he even barely moved. If your not comfortable with that you should consider a co-sleeper. :D Hope that was helpful.

Kellie - posted on 02/12/2010

You do what you want to do. Everyone has their own oppinion. I agree it is a bad habit to get into, but when they get older n dont need so much different care at night (like feedings, n changings) then putt them into their own crib/playpen.. People say you can roll over on them, but personally my body is used to the baby bein with us in bed so our body is set on being careful, almost sleeping with eye open. The other night I was soo happy he slept in bed with us because he had vommited in his sleep n since we were in bed with him we caught it rite away. If he was in his playpen or crib it probably wouldnt have been caught as quickly.. since my son is 9 months hes able 2 roll onto his belly which means hes able to sufficate in his vomit. knock on wood... i havent had ne problems, n hes been sleeping with me since he was a week old. a tip i recommend is to get those sleep sacs, so you dont put ne of your covers on her (she can sufficate). but if u have her in those sleep sacs she will be warm n un able 2 kick off her covers. good luck with ne decision you make.

Hannah - posted on 02/12/2010

Thank you Donna Sieme-Barret for your post! I couldn't agree more! :) At 8 weeks babies do need that extra comforting! Giving your baby comfort is not going to spoil them! Also--OP your baby is really too little for cry-it-out---If you have decided to take this route then please, please wait till your little one is at least 6 months! We have co-slept/partly co-slept for the last 10 months & it has been a very positive experience for our family :) Our son will move to sleeping in his own bed when he is ready to make that transition.

Lorelei - posted on 02/12/2010

That's one of the problems with our country. We're supposed to put our children in cages far away from us, which is why American mommies are sleep deprived for the first couple years of their child's life! Co-sleeping is only unsafe if you or your partner have issues with being able to wake up, or if you have too many blankets on the bed. Your daughter feels more secure when she's close to you, and you should be allowed to enjoy all that cuddle time now, because as she gets older and more independent, she'll need less and less of it! You go ahead and co-sleep, mama. There are tons of benefits to you and your baby... in fact, most kids who cosleep grow up to be solid, secure, and dependable adults because they had such support in the early years!

Brandy - posted on 02/12/2010

My son is going to be 10 months old and has slept with us since he has came home, he refuses to sleep in bassinet or crib, we have to hold him to go to sleep and even when napping I have to hold him or he will wake right up, no I don't like the idea of him sleeping with us but I have tried everything else.

Cassandra - posted on 02/12/2010

Newborns don't just cry to cry. They cry because there is something wrong. If you put her in her packnplay and she just screams, then she obviously doesn't like it! So make her happy and let her sleep with you. I love sleeping with my 7 week old at night. we cuddle up and it just makes me feel better knowing she's with me and safe, and i know it makes her happy, too. so what if you have to break a habit when she's older? it's the same thing with bottles and sippy cups and diapers and numerous other things you're going to have to deal with later on. as long as she's happy now, what does it matter?? only YOU know what's best for you baby. if you don't mind sleeping with her, then you should do it. don't worry about later on. :) good luck!

Cher - posted on 02/11/2010

well my child is now 2mths and his doctor says that he was suppose to sleep in his crib from his birth, but he likes to sleep under me also ans also cries if i dont hold him or lay down with him, i say if u dont mind ay continue of course persons may say dont cause u will suffer in the long run, but for me i LOVE my child and would like to keep him close to me, everyone has their own answers!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sara - posted on 02/11/2010

I think that part of the reason there are so many replies to this is that each family has found the solution that works or them, and you should do the same. Co-sleeping can be done safely and we've had our 2 month old in our bed since he was born. He sleeps well and often does not wake to nurse- he finds the breast in his sleep or I notice him wiggling and help him find it. We are all well rested and are confident that as he grows, he will transition to his own space whn the time is right. Again, choose what works for your family :)