Hitting 12 Month Old?

Destiny - posted on 03/21/2011 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I am a proud SAHM with my 11 month old daughter. I also watch my best friend's 12 month old daughter 3 days per week. I love her daughter and think the world of her but I have noticed a problem developing between the two girls. Her daughter has showed increasing signs of aggression towards my daughter and I'm not sure how to discipline this behavior because they are so young. She does everything from hit, push, pinch, and steal toys from my daughter. Anything my daughter is playing with is suddenly the toy she wants and any time she is upset, tired, or for no reason at all my daughter becomes a target. I am of course always present in the room with them and move her away from my daughter immediately & tell her sternly "no" and set her away from my daughter but I'm not sure if this is getting through because no progress has been made even though I have done this consistently. I wasn't as concerned before today but earlier this afternoon she pinched my daughter on the arm so hard it left a mark & nearly broke the skin (she's even pinched & hit me before so I know from experience that this little girl has amazingly strong hands!). I did the same stern "no" and this time I placed her in the pack 'n play (as a safe time-out area). But as soon as I took her out the minute later (its a minute for each year, correct?) She went walking back over & I was watching her as she went to do it again. My daughter does nothing to antagonize her or even draw attention to herself and I am unsure what to do at this point. My daughter is usually playing by herself when these things happen. This is nothing I want to come between my friend and I but I want my daughter to feel happy & safe in her own home. I'm really not sure what to do. ANY suggestions at this point would be very helpful! Thank you!!!

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you need to talk to your friend, and the time out is a good thing, everythine she does it, put her in the time out, and evenutally she will get it, and stop. we used time out for my son from the tim ehe was 12 months, and it's a great way to get him to learn what is and isn't ok.

Rebecca - posted on 03/30/2011

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It's a normal stage for children her age. Just remove her hands when she's hitting and say a firm "no" every time. Be consistent and it'll subside soon enough. As long as you're keeping on eye on it, your little one will be just fine.

Kathy - posted on 03/23/2011

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It does sound like behavior that is within the realm of normal. Stay consistent and stay calm (negative attention is better than no attention in a toddler's world). Try to use positive correction - explain that "hitting hurts" (although this concept may not be understood for a while) or that "hands are for hugging/gentle touch/high fives/whatever you think might work."

I liked Happiest Toddler on the Block for some ideas about preventing and dealing with undesirable yet normal toddler behavior.

And talk with her mom. My son at around 17 months was in danger of being sent home from his daycare due to aggression, they told me and we cut back on the roughhousing at home and discussed on a regular basis as we went into daycare that we don't hit friends. Now, most days, he does pretty well.

Amanda - posted on 03/23/2011

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I agree with some of the other moms saying that its just part of the developmental stage. My son is 11 months old and likes to sneak in bites, although not maliciously, ever since he has been teething. At that age they don't understand yet that it hurts to slap,pinch and bite. I also agree that patience is the key to success, although easier said then done, I think she will learn eventually if you remain consistent with her. I don't think it would be a bad idea to talk to your friend about what's been going on either, maybe she could tell you what would work better for her daughter and you guys could work on it together.

Heather - posted on 03/22/2011

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At this age, they are pushing their limits to see what behavior they can get away with. Totally normal. My daughter went through the hitting/scratching thing when she was 11 months and now at 13 months we are over it. I was just consistent in taking her hand, telling her "NO, we do not hit/scratch people" and it eventually stopped. I also made sure to not give her any attention immediately following the incident. I would definitely talk with the childs mom to see how she would like you to handle the situation and how she herself is handling it at home. Good luck!

Brianna - posted on 03/22/2011

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you gotta just keep doing what ur doing being consitant is the key. the only thing is i also was following the 1 min for every year old for time out with my 16 month old daughter and well its just not long enough for her so ive been giving her 2min time outs and i found it works better. good luck

Karen - posted on 03/21/2011

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i'm not sure i totally agree with tyrae in the fact that she's "obviously seeing violence somewhere"... i think it comes with the age - my son is 18 months and has been going through a slapping/biting stage for a few months...and no, it's not because he's seen anyone else doing it. he began biting when his back teeth began to come in and seemed to just stop overnight once they broke though....and as for the slapping, he did it once and got a reaction (crying) from the other child and now he tries to sneak one in just to get the reaction. i find the best thing to do is watch like a hawk and distract with books/toys before the situation even begins. if you don't happen to catch it before it happens (lets face it, as much as we try, we can't keep eyes on them 24/7) then i tend to the hurt child first (this will teach compassion), then give a stern "no, (hitting/pinching/biting) hurts!" and a time out (you're correct in the 1min per year old). after time out i make my son go over and give a hug as a "sorry" because he can't say sorry yet. the key is just stay consistent and at this age it will seem like they're not understanding, but they are and one day it will just click with them. good luck!

Tyrae - posted on 03/21/2011

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I would have a talk with her mom, maybe there is something going on in the house that has shown her these ways to interact with people. Children learn from watching, so she's obviously seeing violence somewhere else, or maybe she gets spanked at home. I would also increase the timeout time. If 1 minute isn't working bump it up a minute. Also, maybe telling her why she is getting put there would work. A stern "no" by itself may not be getting through, she may need to hear "no hitting" or "don't hurt [your daughters name] it's mean". I hope this helps.

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