How do you have a healthy sex life with 3 young kids?

Melissa - posted on 08/07/2011

btw me and my hubby were having sex three weeks after i gave birth to my son via c section! i was finding him irrisistable for some reason! lol

Melissa - posted on 08/07/2011

i suggest getting your kids into a sleep routine so that they go to sleep on thier own at a reasonable hour so that you and your hubby have some alone time to unwind together at the end of the day, i have 2 kids under 2 and me and my hubby still make love about five times a week! Which is probaly why we have number 3 on the way! that said, i am not using any birth control - are you on the pill at all? i had zero libido when i was on the pill, without it i am up for some action on a regular basis! i also have three sessions with my personal trainer a week which makes me feel more energetic and really good about myself, which definatly helps libido! i think if you send the kids to bed at a reasonable time you will do alot better, its hard enforcing a routine at first and can take time to establish but you have to be adamant and not give in to them! For the sake of your marriage! good luck!

Varda - posted on 08/11/2010

It is normal, u are so tiered at the end of the day that all u can think of is how to get a dissent sleep.
Try to get some dissent rest before getting together for sex. u have to be relaxed and know that the kids sleep and u have at least 2 hours free. get a baby sitter if u can so u fill relaxed. don't try to force it, and always explain yourself to your partner it's so important .

Serena - posted on 08/10/2010

It is completely normal to not be interested in sex at this hectic moment. I have three under the age of 4, my babies are 9 months apart with the youngest at 4 months. So having a moment to do anything is often hard.
I was once in a sexless relationship (before I met my great husband and our children) and I know the toll it took on my self-esteem and our relationship, so I have always made an effort to keep our sex life going now. I find that even if I'm not in the mood before, I usually feel better that we did it after.
Sometimes flirting can go a long way...like greeting him with a real kiss when he gets home or just a playful butt grab when he passes by, can get things going. I read somewhere that as females we are less horny by genetics but the bonding that we do with our children (which is great and I'm not saying anything bad about it) releases serotonin which makes us feel great but at the same time decreases our testosterone which makes us horny. So little "sexy" things throughout the day wouldn't hurt like the above mentioned about kissing...
Good luck though and eventually they will all have a sleep routine that will give you time with your hubby alone (or turn 18 and move out right LOL)

Susan - posted on 08/10/2010

Your youngest baby is only 4 months old!! I am impressed that you will let him come near you. Bear in mid that your libido reduces for a period of time after any baby is born to protect you from getting pregnant again too quickly and on top of that your babies are all very close in age. The other Moms are right. Try to get as much help as you can from your husband, the wider family or paid help. Try to get some time alone with your husband and encourage him to do the romantic things that put you in the mood and it will all fall in to place. You deserve a medal - hope all goes well!

Lady - posted on 10/23/2009

you probably feel like you are giving so much to everyone all the time that you just can't give any more and if you don't really feel like having sex then giving it to your husband is just one more thing. i saw something on oprah and told my husband about it and it helped us. you have so much on your plate everyday that if he can take something off your plate like the shopping or the dishes or bathtime routine then there's much more chance of sex being put on the plate. you need to be taken care of and feel loved and that's how he can do that . men on the other hand feel loved by you being intimate with you so they need that closeness. hope this has been of some help good luck.

Shirley - posted on 10/22/2009

of course it's normal. you're tired. but you're still a woman and he's still a man. i have 3 kids and a very healthy sex life. how else did i have 3 kids, lol. start a bedtime routine that puts them to bed earlier. take time for yourself during the day. make their nap times coincide so you have some quiet time to take a bath or read a book and use that time for you. housework can be done when they're awake. not easily but easier than you time. if you take care of you then you are better equipped to take care of everyone else. and if you take care of hubby he's more likely to want to help out with the kids to give you some free time.

Jocelyn - posted on 10/21/2009

I take a maca root supplement to help increase my energy and one of the other effects is that it helps increase sexual energy as well. It was originally marketed to men to help increase their sexual energy. It is plant based and completely safe to take while pregnant and breastfeeding. It's from a plant similar to a potato lol. Might be something to try :)

Jessica - posted on 10/21/2009

Thanks for the comments. It's hard to put the kids to bed early cuz they don't fall asleep until me and my husband do. So that's the hard part, when I lay down with them I end up falling asleep and I hate being woken up.

Christa - posted on 10/21/2009

I have five children (10 & under).....however, I was a wife before I was a mother and without their father I would never have been a mother. I think it is very important to remember our priorities. Finding time to be intimate even with five children is not a problem. They all go to bed at night!!

Amy - posted on 10/21/2009

I also felt like this after having our first baby in May...so you're not alone! I've found that if I get some time alone with my husband (leave the baby with friends or family) and just have time to catch up with each other and have some meaningful conversation, I am much more likely to want the physical intimacy as well. His work schedule is crazy, so we've found that going out for breakfast once a week really works for us. Do you have anyone you trust who can watch your kids for a while? Just getting some alone time makes a huge difference. Try to remember the reasons you fell in love with him in the first place! Good luck!

Ann - posted on 10/21/2009

Totally normal. Who has the energy? But before it takes a toll or your marriage I suggest talking to your husband about it. Also, see if you can have a day to yourself where you dont have to deal with the kids all day and the housework to top it off. Everyone needs time to themselves. It'll revive you. Try putting the kids to bed early and spending time with your hubby alone.