How much does your husband help?

Judy - posted on 02/17/2013 ( 44 moms have responded )

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How much does your husband help with changing diapers, bathing, feeding etc? Just curious. Was wondering if it's normal for moms to do more for the baby than dad...

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Mercedes - posted on 03/09/2013

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My husband will basically only help if I ask him to several times or if he is left alone with the baby while I need to run an errand or something. Most of the time when I ask him though, he takes his sweet time, so I usually end up just doing it myself. (No, the baby can't sit in a dirty diaper for thirty more minutes so you can finish what you are doing.) I think he probably has it worked out to do this because he knows that I am impatient, so he gets out of it.
We are expecting #2 now so I am hoping he will step up a little more this time. I know he is tired after working long shifts, and they alternate from night and day so his sleep schedule is always screwed up, but it is annoying when I am expected to do all of the housework/laundry, do the budget and make sure the bills are paid (though he goes to make the money), and care for every need of his and the baby's when I am pregnant and need to rest from time to time myself.
Blah. Sorry, I vented a bit there.

Gisele - posted on 04/30/2013

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My husband does a lot, and it still sometimes seems like I am doing more. I just think parenting is a completely, and utterly different experience for men and women. We are emotionally invested in a way that come the end of day is exhausting. My husband, changes diapers, reads bedtime stories, bathes, combs hair, he is as hands on as I could hope for.

Reri26 - posted on 03/11/2013

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My bf helps when I ask him too as well. Most of the time though, I do everything by myself.

Leah - posted on 03/07/2013

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Generally speaking I feel like Moms take care of the child's needs. There are those few and far between SUPER FATHERS, but not many.

In my case, my husband works long hours to provide for us. I ask him to do little things when he gets home so he feels important and involved. I make sure he is a part of bath time, play and of course diaper duty. I just started pumping and now he will be able to feed my son as well. I think it's totally normal for Mom's to do most of the caring for, I know I do!

Shellee - posted on 03/08/2013

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My husband helps all of the time.Who ever is near our son when he becomes a stinker is most likely the one to change him. When my husband has off he will feed him a bottle and lay him down for his afternoon nap. I am a stay at home mom, so all of the daily and wake up night baby needs are met by me, but one thing that I love is that every night after dinner my husband will get our baby poor ready for his bath as I clean up the kitchen. We still get to bath him in the sink because he still fits. After we bath him my husband likes being the one to feed him his last bottle of the night. He tries to make up time because he was at work all day. If my husband is off for a day, he will get our lil one dressed for the day if I didn't get to him yet. He will entertain him as I cook breakfast and clean up. He does a pretty good job at making me feel like I have a teammate to help with daily baby chores. We work well together, I'm glad when we were planning to have our son we spoke about what we expecting out of one another and who would do what and how we would juggle task together as a team once our son was born. I think that help give us both a lot.

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Stesha - posted on 05/29/2014

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I think moms do more because it comes as second nature to most us. I also think it depends on the husband, his experience with baby's and his confidence level. Some husbands are more hands on while others just rather the mom do it because the lack confidence.Since my husband has some experience, he is confident with feeding, burping and changing diapers, however when they need comfort he gives them to me because he feels he's not good at it yet....

Diana - posted on 05/28/2014

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As soon as my son was born I realized my husband was just not equipped to handle the infant stage. I think a lot of it had to do with his lack of confidence. My son cried A LOT and I feel that my husband was ashamed of the fact that he needed my help to calm down our son and that he couldn't do it on his own. I remember my husband would always volunteer to do diaper changes, because I think he knew he could complete that task successfully. I tried to give him as much encouragement and confidence as I could. During the night, we tried switching off to take turns to get up with my son but every time it was my husbands turn, I would remain awake watching the video monitor just to make sure he was doing everything right, so it completely defeated the purpose. The next day I ended up with two cranky boys in addition to my own crankiness. So my husband and I came up with the solution that I would handle every night waking and then as soon as it hit 6:00am it was his turn and I slept in until my heart desired. :) It worked for us but then again we do not have traditional work schedules so this would not work for everyone!

Cynthcarines - posted on 05/21/2014

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We are both in the academe, full time. After work, i come home straight and take over after the sitter. I catch-up with my daughter for the day, cook, tidy up the house, etc., sometimes i wonder where i get all the strength to do it. I feel my body is deteriorating, i get stressed, i get lbm, i get dizzy a few times because i lack rest. My husband comes home late, and because he works in the city, he gets tired from commuting. He gets home says he's tired, lies on the bed and sleeps through the night. We got into a huge fight when i complained about this, and he told me i get really whiny, that i am overreacting. He could even afford to play basketball with his friends after work "to spend a little time for himself" according to him. "Karrot" is right. No more babies until something changes.

Karrot - posted on 07/12/2013

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I have a 26 month old, 14 month old and I'm 34 wks prego. My husband does practically nothing around the house and very little childcare. I can count on two hands or less how many times he has done the dishes, laundry, baby baths, gets up at night ect. That is all inclusive. He will change the babies every so often, but that is it, and most of the time I do it, unless he is forced to. He does play well with them, but not long enough for me to get anything done, and if i ask, we get in a huge fight. He is a great provider, but I also work 1-2 days per wk, but he doesn't veiw that as really working. He complains about the house if it is messy, but creates a lot of the mess. i cook, clean, laundry, grocery shop by myself, pay bills, budget, clean garage, outside work, except mowing, and practically everything else, except bring in the majority of the check. This is the first year he finally started mowing the yard, but only bc my mom told him I shouldn't do it while I'm prego. I still do all the trimming, weeding ect. My mom comes about 2x per month for a few hrs, but that is all the help i have. im going to start hiring help. No more babies from me for him unless something majorly changes.

Ess - posted on 05/07/2013

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He helps out a great deal. He makes bottles, changes diapers wet & gross, loves bottle feeding and is very awkward with spoon feeding. He has no problems with running her bath, bathing her, lotion, diaper rash cream and dressing her. He even washes her hair, but leaves the combing and styling for me, although he will occasionally take it upon himself to rub argan oil through it; which makes me laugh. But of course I do more than he does, we ALWAYS do!

Jovelyn - posted on 05/02/2013

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my husband does help me a lot with my two babies.. when he got home from his work he will get the baby and snuggle and play with them. He also change and wear the diapers.. But I still have a lot of time taking care of them than my husband.. I believe Mother's touch is still the best. :)

Vanessa Michele - posted on 04/30/2013

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my husband works from 6 am until 4:30 pm
so I do almost everything as is but if I ask "will you change our son's diaper?" first words out of his mouth are "guh, why cant you do it?" same with feeding and bathing but then he realizes that im not in the mood for him actting that way so he do it after 5 to 10 mins later then I asked and by that point ive already done it and he will say I was going to do that

Catherine - posted on 03/12/2013

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Mei, I completly agree it is way easier to have my hubby hang with baby while I clean. I can get the dishes done atleast 1/2 an hour quicker than he can!

Mei - posted on 03/10/2013

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Hi KP, I understand, sometimes everyone (hubby/grandparent) have their own way of doing something and sometimes I can get too authoritative in my tone (I try to sound nice! :)) after all, everyone's the interest of the child :)

KP - posted on 03/10/2013

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My boyfriend usually takes care of our six-month-old in the morning and I take care of her in the afternoon and at night. He changes and dresses her (I have to put her outfits together if I want him to put her in something that matches!), and then he takes her for a walk while I sleep for about 30-60 minutes. DD is exclusively breastfed (she never liked bottles), so I have always done all of the feedings and gotten up with her at night. (But she recently started solids, so I'm hoping he'll help more with feedings.) BF also takes care of DD while I plan for the class that I teach part-time. After I get off work, he goes to school full-time. I take care of DD while he does his homework. He doesn't work or do ANY house work, but he's pretty good about taking care of DD while I do it. I change more diapers than he does, and we are about 50/50 when it comes to bathing her. I usually have to remind him though, and then he tells me to "stop commanding" him. Pfft

Mei - posted on 03/08/2013

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Hi Chloe,

A little at a time and I find that dads sort of have their good points, in fact, I once read that they playing rough a little helps with a more all rounded development for the child :) anyone knows anything about this?

Chloe - posted on 03/08/2013

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He only helps when I ask him to do something, he never uses his initiative and will often make very dangerous mistakes with our son. I wish he was a more 'hands-on' dad, but some men just find it harder than others and if are shown how to do something they will try.

Christina - posted on 03/07/2013

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He helps a lot. I work 3 nights a week so he does it all when Im working then is good about helping when Im home too. It is more common to see mom doing more but no reason the dad cant. I am very thankful for my husband.

Mei - posted on 03/07/2013

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In my case with an infant with eczema, I think even doing less chores is already more than non eczema kids for my hubby, imagine dealing with the constant itch n scratching.. We only managed to eat without stress at one year old!

That's why I devote so much time to helping other eczema families via eczemablues :)

Stephanie - posted on 03/07/2013

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When our baby was first born, my husband was a huge help. He would take her at night until she fell asleep so I could get some rest. Walk her outside when she wouldn't stop crying, even in the snow. He is a great husband and father.

Mommy - posted on 03/07/2013

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My ex-boyfriend was lazy as hell. I had my first daughter in 2010 and once we came home from the hospital, he still expected me to do all the house chores on top of taking care of the baby. He would do his part in taking care of her, but he would be so mad if he came home and I was taking a nap or the dishes hadn't been washed. Even if the BED hadn't been made! F*cking ridiculous. The same went for our second daughter. And I had MORE on my hands then! She came a year after my first was born. Needless to say, I am no longer with THAT loser anymore!

Catherine - posted on 03/07/2013

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Stephanie, glad to see im not the only one out there with a good man. My husband changes allthe diapers when hes home. Hes an underground electrician in the coal mines and he works midnight shift. When he gets home in the morning he comes and gets Baby and changes him then usually he brings Baby back to me to go back to sleep but if I havent slept much or if the baby kept me up fighting sleep through the night then daddy will take him with him and take care of him while I get some rest. then I take care of him all day and when daddy gets up in the evening he takes over diaper duty while I get chores done or make dinner. It works for us :) oh daddy also gives him his bath. and if he could he would feed him too but I breastfeed so that ones all me!!! When i manage to pump daddy will feed him while i shower or just have alone time in general
.

Serena - posted on 03/07/2013

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I am pretty lucky my husband is all hands on deck. As soon as he gets home from work the first thing he does is goes straight for the baby. I don't even need to ask. He will help in the night by getting the baby for me to feed him and he will change his diaper. If I am tired he will stay but with the baby so I can sleep. We try to take turns if I need to.

Mei - posted on 03/07/2013

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Wow Stephanie! Yours sound like an excellent schedule, and I can sense you're happy with him :) resentment is something I have to guard against, easy to feel that way if i dwell and calculate too much ;)

Stephanie - posted on 03/07/2013

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I think it is normal for moms to do more, just because baby usually wants mom more. My husband does help a lot, though, I am the one who says what goes concerning the baby, most of the time, just because I spend so much more time with her.
I am a stay at home mom and when my husband gets home in the afternoon, he plays with our 14 month old until dinner time. If any diapers need to be changed during this time, he takes care of it. He feeds her dinner, now she can kind of do it herself a bit more, but he handles all that and cleans her up after. And then after dinner he either plays with her or I give her a bath while he does all the dishes and cleans up. You heard it right, he does the dishes every night. We have kind of a combo effort in getting dressed for bed, but I do most of that.
I spend all day with our little munchkin so on the weekends my husband will play with her and feed her breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Unless I say I will do it, he does it. We split the poopy diaper changes about 50/50. Also, he loves to hold our daughter when we go out places, I usually suggest the stroller, he says no, unless we are going to the mall.

Mei - posted on 03/06/2013

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My hubby helped as much as he can, we both learnt very last minute after delivery in the hospital, and right away did everything on our own. It's possible, I've a baby with eczema and lots of attention required, even though I was stay at home mom and he's working, I didn't feel like I'm doing it on my own :)

sometimes, it's the spirit of being together in it, rather than calculating who did what? :)

Mei of EczemaBlues

Serena - posted on 03/06/2013

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My husband is fantastic, he does everything I couldn't ask for a better partner.

Morgan - posted on 03/05/2013

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With my first two my husband helped when he was home with diapering and bathing, but he NEVER got up with the kids at night, not even on the weekends. He said since he worked and I stayed home, I should get up everytime. We had our first 2 sons 11 months apart, so when Luke came I was getting up all night with him and then getting up with Caleb at 7 in the morning. Of course they babies didn't nap at the same time either. I guess my husband forgot that while he was at work, I was working too, only at home with our CHILDREN. We just had a baby in November and I don't know if it's from the nagging I have done for the past 6 years, or because my husband has finally grown up, but he has been wonderful with this baby. I probably get more sleep than he does ;)

Laxmi - posted on 03/04/2013

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In our society till there is a gender discrimination. The household works and the baby have to look to the wife and the husband looks the financial transaction. But I am a lucky wife as my husband help in all the caring of the baby. Saying frankly me than my husband take care of my little baby who is just 2.5 years old. Before married I'm afraid that whether he looks or not the children after giving birth n my sister in law used to told me that husband don't look the children. All the caring of child goes to wife. But this is not true. Husband also love to the babies as wife does.

Penelope - posted on 02/28/2013

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I usually have to tell him, or he'll expect me to do it. But, he does the laundry and cleans everything, so I guess it evens out.

Megan - posted on 02/28/2013

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i joined this site looking for answers to this question.

you should check out my post and see if it's relevant to you as well. i'm in need of help too :(

Catherine - posted on 02/28/2013

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My husband helps when hes awake. we live on different shifts Im days and hes nights so when hes up he helps me with whatever I need. Hes an amazing man.

Chasity Faith - posted on 02/28/2013

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well he helped at first but we didnt have a place i was living with my grandma and he stayed with us for about 2 weeks after our son was born he was a major help but then again he had to be i had so many problems after having our son that i couldnt even hardly hold him when he was a month old we finally got moved into our own house and everything went down hill from there i mean yes i understand i dont work im a stay at home mom but our son has been a hand full colic rsv allergy's i mean tons of reasons to make me sit up all night with him and he didnt help much at all because he "worked" our son is now 15 months old and i still cant get him to help much he will play with him but no help with anything around the house or dinner or laundry or bathing changing diapers getting ready bed a whole lot of nothing unless i ask then he has an attitude he promises he will be better when our son is old enough to actually play and is more independent and he has got a lot better since he was born but we are both young new parents and it is a HUGE HUGE adjustment its exhausting but well worth it!! and i have faith and know that things will only get better :)

A - posted on 02/26/2013

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My husband is a great help though I think when considering whether he is helping or not you have to think about the learning curve involved rather than just assume maybe he doesn't want to help. I work from home and am with our little guy until my husband comes home in the evening. As soon as he walks in the door he takes the little guy from me and plays with him, feeds him, changes his diaper, bathes him (if needed) and gets us situated to put him to sleep. We are a great team. My first sentence has to do with my own experience with my husband. I had to let go of control and allow him to take care of our son the way he wanted to/with some guidance from me rather than get him so scared to take care of the baby that he would not want to do so. There are times when I do have to remind him of times to do certain things i.e. bedtime, but he is learning and doing great. I'm very lucky he wants to be there for not only our son but for me as well.

Lana - posted on 02/26/2013

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He does everything equally except bath, feed(breastfed). Hes a joy to have. He even changes morning diapers and brings me coffee!!

Nina - posted on 02/25/2013

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Since I don't work, I do all the work at home including taking care of the baby. Wake up at night for feeding, change diapers, bathe, etc. He plays with him and an occasional diaper change but other than that, I do everything. Sometimes it makes me frustrasted because I feel like he isn't bonding with his son but I know he's tired when he gets home from work.

Jacki - posted on 02/24/2013

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My husband did not help much with any of our children when they were little. I was the mom and I thought my job was to take care of the kids. They are all grown now and we have grandchildren who are frequently in our home. My husband was 'forced' to care for the youngest baby boy, changing him, bottles, naps, etc while our daughter worked and as a result has developed a close bond with him. Now we know that we cheated our kids out of that closeness with their daddy! Tell your husband to cherish every moment he is able to help with the care of his children...he will never be sorry!

KC - posted on 02/22/2013

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My hubby helped a whole lot with my first baby. This time with our new baby girl, he seems to stay tied up with our five year old son and taking care of his share of the housework. I appreciate what he does, but I find myself resenting him for not spending as much time with this one. We argue about it a lot and he has started doing more. I feel like the housework should take a backseat to our new baby and our son is old enough to do more on his own because he is older and very independent. Sometimes I feel like he wants to take the "easier" jobs- so he doesn't have to deal with the crying baby- which can be super stressful! Does anyone else feel this way??? Am I wrong for the way I feel?

Elfrieda - posted on 02/21/2013

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With our first, it was equal when he was home. I would wait to bathe our son until my husband got home so that we could fumble through it together. It all seemed very hard and like everything needed two people. We both had some form of PPD and the baby was colicky, so it kind of did need two people to function about as well as one person!

Now with the second baby, I pretty much take care of her all the time, and he takes care of the toddler. In a day, he'll hold her a little, but maybe not change even one diaper. (if she goes while he's holding her, yes, that's his good luck, but he kind of forgets about things like changing her before putting her in the carseat, etc) It's interesting how we slipped into that "traditional" role, but I think we just have a lot more going on and we've got to divide the work to get things done!

Rebekah - posted on 02/21/2013

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I think it is normal for a mom to do most of that part of child care. My husband was a huge help to me the first few days after our baby was born. I lost alot of blood having my baby. It was 3 days before I could walk without passing out. Daniel was a huge help with our baby.

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I generally take care of the diaper changing, bathing and feeding, he will help only if i ask him to, but for the most part it`s just me. He plays with her more than anything. He does help me more around the house though.

Amy - posted on 02/17/2013

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When my kids were younger my husband helped more than he does now but now we're going through a divorce so I'm sure that plays a major factor. My husband and I worked opposite shifts when the kids were younger so he was home with the kids during the day, and I would have them at night. So essentially it was like we were both single parents each of us dealing with our different stressors. When we were home together he would usually do one of the middle of the night feedings, he helped with baths if I asked him too, and always did diapers. Usually whoever had the baby when the diaper needed changing is the one who did it.

He was never great at doing laundry or any of the house cleaning, so that fell mostly on me!

Kalynn - posted on 02/17/2013

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My husband helps when I ask him to. He offers at times but he mainly just waits for me to ask and helps out with the chores around the house.

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