Husband that thinks My Job is Easy

Chrystal - posted on 11/12/2010 ( 44 moms have responded )

419

25

47

OK Ladies. Anybody else have this problem or am I alone in this situation. Me and my husband have a 4 month old baby. She is a great baby and so easy. Really only cries when she's hungry, tired, or needs a diaper change. I'm a Stay at Home Mom, and my husband seems to think that my job is so easy and if we could he would trade jobs. We have been fighting a lot lately pretty much since she was born. I feel like he doesn't help at all with her. I feel like I'm expected to do everything for her even when he gets home from work because I chose to stay at home with her. If I hadn't stayed at home all of my paycheck would go towards daycare and health insurance. So we decided it would be best for me to stay home. Now last night, I asked him to pick her rattle up of the floor b/c she kept throwing it and it was funny. Keep in mind that I had picked it back up for her like 4 or 5 times. It was about 8pm at night, so I was exhausted by that time. He threw the biggest fit and caused a fight over a rattle. I really don't understand what his problem is and why he thinks that my job is so easy and doesn't see how I could be so tired by the end of the day. Not only do I take care of our baby, I also clean, do laundry and cook, and take care of our dog and 2 cats. This job is really tiring and exhausting and I feel like I never have a break b/c he never offers to help me w/ anything, I have to ask him, And I feel like he gets irritated when I ask him, but it's his daughter too, I just don't understand. Don't get me wrong I love our baby girl more than anything and would do anything for her and love the fact that I get to stay home w/ her, but I just don't understand why he feels the need to try and make me feel like my job is so easy. And then when we fight, he tried to turn it around on me and make me feel like I treat him like crap all the time blah blah blah. I just can't take it anymore! Anybody else feel this way or have any advice for me. Thanks:)

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Sally - posted on 11/03/2012

963

14

8

He doesn't get it and honestly he won't be able to until he actually sees what you do.

The gentle way to show him is to keep a detailed diary of what you do all day at work (5 a.m. feed baby, 6 am wash dishes, etc.) Have him do the same at work and compare. He'll see that you are probably doing a lot more than he is and will hopefully straiten up. If not you have to bring out the big guns.

On his next day off, play "work". Hand him the baby, turn off your phone, and disappear for 8-10 hours. (It will be the hardest 8-10 hours of your life as you'll spend it wondering if he's taking good enough care of the baby, but it's a necessary evil for him to learn.) When you get home, completely unleash on him about every single thing he didn't do. Every dirty dish, every toy on the floor, every spot on the baby's bib, etc. When he tries to defend himself, remind him that your job is "easy" and he'd rather do it than his. If he can't even handle it for one day, why does he think you should do it alone every day?

Good luck

Alison - posted on 11/19/2010

2,753

20

466

It is obvious that he does not have a clue how challenging it can be to be a mom and he needs some help in that area. To be fair, most of us were probably a bit clued out before becoming a mom. But he also needs you to understand him. Becoming a dad is a huge adaptation and in some ways it is more complicated than becoming a mom. A man who is uninvolved in his baby's life may be dealing with some serious insecurities. Try to take the time to understand where he is coming from and what he is dealing with. He is complaining about the way you treat him. That doesn't mean you are treating him bad, but it does indicate that he is feeling neglected and left out.



Try to put your own issues to the side long enough to listen to his side of the story. Try to help him identify what you could do to make him feel more appreciated. At that point, he will be in a much better position to hear your side.



These are normal/typical struggles. Don't get too discouraged. Turn to your girlfriends for understanding and encouragement when you can't get it from your husband. There are a lot of things that most men just don't get.

Krystal - posted on 11/29/2010

55

22

3

My partner is exactly the same. My son is 8 months now and is getting around more so my job is a lot harder. My partner would complain if i get him to change more than 1 nappy or feed him once. He is like Ive already done this. Well I go your his father so you can do it more than once. I look after our son pretty much 24/7. Then complains if I havent done 1 thing around the house. He always says that he will stay home and look after him but he doesnt realise that there are other jobs that have to be done. Sometimes when I go out at night and leave him with his dad he gets thats it a lot of work but doesnt change the way he thinks.
I dont ask a lot just to help a bit. The only time my partner helped was actually when I was breastfeeding our baby but that was only for the first week.

[deleted account]

I agree with Holly. If you can, leave him to look after your baby for a few hours. He'll soon see how much work, especially little babies, are. You could also point out that caring tasks such as changing nappies can be a real bonding experience and he should look at it as spending time with his daughter and not helping you out.
My husband works and I stay home but he still changes nappies when he's at home and gives our daughter her breakfast every morning. He loves it. It's their special time together.

Holly - posted on 11/12/2010

2

0

1

I had the exact same problem with my partner when our daughter wad born 6th march 10 he never helped me either I did all the night feeds from the day I came out of hospital even tho she could breast feed so she had to have a bottle I asked alot of friends who had babies how I could make him realise that a baby is 24/7 not just 9-5 so I told him that I was goin to have my hair and nails done then do a bit of shopping hav lunch wiv some friends and that he would be lookin after scarlett for the day by the time u got home he was so sorry for his past behavior and since that day I never hav to ask him to do anything for her and he has a fantastic bond wiv her now and he can see the change in my mood and our relationship is back on track! Hope this helps x

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

44 Comments

View replies by

Lisa - posted on 11/05/2012

58

27

1

its a very common problem, especially with fathers of new babies. My husband used to be exactly the same, couldn't understand why the house wasn't as clean as it was before I had this tiny little bundle to look after as her unsettled crying all the time stage was during the day while he was at work! I went back to work on a Saturday when my daughter was 8 months old and when I came home, the baby was fed, clean and happy and the house was spotless. I felt so inadequate, I couldn't figure out how my hubby was managing to do it all and I couldn't, til I found out his mum and dad were coming round every Saturday about half an hour after I left for work and staying most of my shift! His mum was looking after my daughter while he did the housework! I had a word with my mil, and the next shift they stayed at home. Funnily enough the house was a tip when I got home, daughter was quickly handed back to me and he doesn't complain about the mess or how "easy" my job is anymore, especially as I now have 2 gorgeous little people to look after while he's sitting at a desk for 8 hours a day ;-)

Eileen - posted on 11/04/2012

3

0

1

Did I write this? My husband and I just had a fight over this exact issue this morning. I slept in for an extra hour today b/c I've been so exhausted. He doesn't understand why I'm so tired and said that I have it extremely easy.

I agree with the other moms that you should leave him with the baby for an extended period of time. I want to do it, but my baby won't take a bottle...so as soon as he does I'm having a girl's day:)

A - posted on 12/16/2010

38

7

0

I had the same problem when I just had two kids (I now have 3) and we would fight about it. I would leave him alone with the kids to do some running around but when I returned home the kids and the house would be a disaster and he was on his computer chatting with friends. I finally left him when I was 4 months pregnant with our third child cause my two were learning from him that they don't have to do anything. Now he only sees his kids once a week (his choice, as i have an open door for him to see them whenever he wants) because he's too busy with his social life and he still tells me 'It's not hard to take care of the kids, your just lazy". When he has the kids at his place for a weekend one of them always comes home injured (my oldest son cut himself on a razor and on a seperate weekend he fell down the stairs there). Some guys never get it or they just don't care. If his behavior doesn't change you need to consider the example he and you are setting for your child. Do you want your daughter to believe that your job is not really a job and that you are just being lazy? Good luck, hope you two can work this out.

Danielle - posted on 12/08/2010

915

38

38

You are not alone my friend. I think this is a fairly common problem. Men (not all of them but a lot of them) just don't understand how hard it is to care for a child when they get an 8 hour break from them every day and 8 hours of straight sleep at night. I'm sure if we could all afford a night time nanny and got a solid night's sleep we'd find it a lot easier too! Not to mention when you have a baby to look after (even the easy babies like your little sweetheart) days seem a lot shorter when it comes to the number of things you need to get done in a day. It's hard to get dishes done, laundry washed, dried, folded, and put away, garbages changed, floors swept and washed, get groceries, organize and pay bills, clean the bathroom, and get dinner on the table. We haven't even begun to factor in baby's needs yet. And when you have more than one child the list of things that needs to get done just gets longer. Since men don't have to do this, they just-don't-get-it. In my fiance's mind, I think some sort of cleaning fairy flits around our house and keeps everything in order. I have to admit my fiance has gotten better since we had our second child. With a 19 month old and a 3 month old there's no way he could ever call my job easy. Something I've figured out with men also is that with a lot of them, they'll help if you ASK. My fiance basically let me handle everything with our son until I said "listen, I'm going to have a melt down, you gotta help me more!" I still do the vast majority around here but if I need some help he gives it to me. I also feel the irritation coming from him but I don't let it bother me or feel guilty about it anymore because it takes two to make a baby! One thing I can promise you is as your daughter grows older he will become more hands on. When she's running around and playing he'll actually want to spend time with her because it becomes fun and less like something you have to do as a responsibility. Lastly, most couples go through a rough patch after having a baby. Neither of you are in the right state of mind between lack of sleep and stress to evaluate your relationship. Just take it one day at a time. It will get easier.

Christyna - posted on 12/01/2010

9

14

1

MY number one thing to say is PUT YOUR KID FIRST! i understand your husbands probably came first, but your babies can not fight for themselves!!! i agree leave him home with the kids but if you have one ounce of a doubt that your child will be cared for, its not worth it!!! i guess im really blessed! i stay home, my husband works full time and we arent wealthy by no means. but he says that the money he makes is just as much mine as it is his. he pays the bills, i do the grocery shopping, and he doesnt care if i spend the rest regardless of what it is. however it hasnt always been like this, when we first had our daughter in august of 2009, he didnt want to help wanted me to work and be a mom and clean, etc, and i left him. i told him if i was pretty much going to be doing it all by myself with him, what was the point of staying, i already knew i could do it alone although it was really hard. we split for about a month and a half, and he came back begging bc he realized how much i did. ever since, he helps me clean even after working, he wants me to stay home, watches our daughter while i go out with my friends, and even watches her some days when hes off work and lets me sleep in ♥ just think of your kids first and dont let your men walk ontop of you, we are in a new generation, we are equal now!

Tara - posted on 12/01/2010

3

16

0

I agree with letting him do the parenting for an amount of time that's comfortable with you.

@Kimberly Please get out of that situation as soon as you can. I understand it's hard right now, but as soon as you get that opportunity, GO. He sounds like a very insecure control freak.

To everyone else who has fights start after the baby is born, it almost seems like the daddy is getting used to not getting all the attention, he's got to split it 10/90 now. I might be a bit generous on that one. Guys seem to misplace a lot of anger, it seems.

Sit down, talk to them, it's your best form of communication. As much as we'd love them to be on the same wavelength with us, it's just not in the biology most of the time.

You might have to repeat things a million times a day. You might have to do it for days on end. Sound familiar? I often refer to my husband as my 4th, much older child, because I have to treat them the same way sometimes when things need to get done. We can't all be Super Mom. For those who are, please, share the energy! The rest of us could really use it!

My husband used to take his stresses out on me. Not physically or anything like that. He'd just get frustrated really easy, and I was home all the time, and we never really went out, so he never got to get rid of his pent up anything but at home. I realized what was going on, and just talked to him about it, and bring it up every time I notice it. it does tend to shut him up and make him say sorry.

You aren't alone, many have been in your situations before. 95% of the time, they end up the same way too. If things don't change within a few months or years(or go back to the way things were in a couple days/weeks), depending on your patience, they probably never will.

I'm a pessimist at heart. =p

Stifler's - posted on 12/01/2010

15,141

154

597

It's actually not your job to look after him. How did he survive before he was with you??

Chani - posted on 11/30/2010

34

16

2

My partner is the same, we have 3 children and it is soley my job to look after the kids and him, i have a lot of resentment building, he says he understands and appreciates what i do but as much as he 'would like to', wont change. I even worked night times when i was pregnant with our 3rd child and was still expected to do all the cooking and cleaning and all the other mum jobs. I often think as soon as the kids are old enough to be able to fend for themselves it would be easier to split, i do love my partner and we do get on well, it's just his womans/mens roles mindset that i would like to bury in the back yard.

Tracie - posted on 11/29/2010

79

36

4

I loved the answers here, and so interesting to see the similarities amongst the men! I suggest you copy and paste your question and ALL the replys to it, into one giant e-mail for your hubby ;-) Haha, all jokes a side though, it takes dads a little while to come round to being a dad- it's not so paternal for them, pay your man some more attention- it's amazing what they'll do for us if kept 'happy' :-) (even though it's the LAST thing on your mind! lol) My man helps do heaps of housework at night time so i have more time for himself and I...

Elicia - posted on 11/28/2010

20

6

0

Talk to your husband and if he agrees set aside one day a month (at least) when he has the day off where he will have your daughter all day and you go out. go to a movie with your friends or dancing. whatever you and your friends want to do. take a little bit of time for YOURSELF also.

Shannon - posted on 11/27/2010

1

24

0

I think that most women have this same problem with their partner i know i did and still do to a degree and our ddaughter is 15 months old now

Gina - posted on 11/27/2010

16

0

0

hi i feel the same way and i am in the same sititions sorry cant spell it because men are all selfish it only because he fetchs the wage pack home he thicks he has a hard day at work when probs they ar sat on there arses doing nothing at work all day we are grafting i have cut down on cooking cleaning etc/ and i have started being on the selfish side a bit have you got family close by go and stay with them for two weeks thats what i did had he has started helping out now when he comes home from work hope it helps hun x

Jenni - posted on 11/26/2010

24

5

1

I completely sympathise with all on this post as my husband is exactly the same!! And it was him that wanted me to stay at home with our daughter..... We've never had so many arguments as when our daughter was born and he actually expected the Health Visitors to look after me, not him, when I was diagnosed with mild postnatal depression! I think he thinks we just play and watch tv all day as when he works from home that is pretty much what we do as I can't do anything else when he's using the house as an office! Oh and he plays this damn World of Warcraft game all the time... I have left our daughter with him and he knows she's not all giggles and smiles all of the time so he changes for a bit afterwards - think it might be time to do that again! ;) Sometimes I think they need a kick up the backside and made to realise that this 'job' is SO much harder than a 9-5 job where you can come home and relax and have 8 + hours uninterrupted sleep a night. Can you imagine if it was men that went through pregnancy etc and stayed at home afterwards?!! We'd never hear the end of it!!!!!

Carolyn - posted on 11/25/2010

16

18

0

I think many woman can relate! Unlike our hubbies, they finishe work at 5pm, while your work NEVER ends! Just because you're home with the baby, doesn't mean you have it easy. I suggest going out for a girls day, and leaving your husband at home with the litle one for a few hours...see how "easy" he thinks it is then!

Andrea - posted on 11/24/2010

12

9

0

@ Christina
I so agree with you about making Dad take the little one shopping ! What a pain that is !! :-D

Andrea - posted on 11/24/2010

12

9

0

I started laughing when I read your Posts heading...because I totally get what you are on about! Like some ladies have suggested, leave your little one with him for a few hours, it really does work ! ;-) It's always nice to know that other Mom's are going through the same stuff hey...
I left our little one with her Dad while I went into the city by train to go and watch the new Harry Potter on Tuesday. Our little one had a very late nap (16:00 to 17:00) Her Dad 'took over' at 17:00 and I headed out the door, only to return around 23:00. Sooo, he had a rough night because of the late nap, and she is a bit sick at the moment too (hahaha!!). Try and take some 'me-time' when you feel its getting to you. It works for me.

Cindy - posted on 11/24/2010

2

45

0

I know what you mean my son is only 3 months old & i stay home with him my husband thinks that its so easy doing my job too he is off on the week ends & i try 2 gey him 2 help either around the house or to either change or feed our lil boy but i have to do it all ''its a womansjob to cook clean and take care of the family besides this is my day off i need to relax'' he says

Christina - posted on 11/23/2010

1

16

0

I didn't have this issue with my husband until my daughter was about 6 months old. I did what everyone has suggested, leaving my daughter with him while I go out but...there is still everything else that needs to be done. (he wont do the other stuff when you go out..thats why they still think it is 'easy')

It was difficult to make him understand so I went about it a different way. I encourage him to take our daughter our with him (to the store or to his friends) so he can see how much work it is to try and get out of the house and have some fun before nap times. He realizes the emotional strain now mostly because you have no time for yourself and usually don't get to do everything you intended. I recently quit my job after being back for a year and am doing a baby-sitting co-op with the neighbours. We exchange kids so we can get time to ourself, sometimes I go out...sometimes I do chores (a lot faster I might add).

My daughter is two now and it took a while to realize it's not about what he understands, its about me being able to look after me and then every one else. Once you take care of you, it may be easier to get him to understand.

Shawna - posted on 11/23/2010

9

24

0

I've had that same issue and it does get better. My first suggestion is stop arguing about and just ask him to do it. I know it sucks that you have to ask but you have to do what you need to in order to keep your sanity! I hated having to ask my husband but it got the job done. Look at the bigger picture. Also my husband really didn't want to do much with our daughter because she was small. She is 14 months now and he is more interactive with her. You could also give him one job to do like give her a bath. that will build up their bonding time and give you a chance to relax. Be sure to go out with your friends and leave him at home with the baby to figure things out too! He will see how easy it is then too! You're doing a great job, he'll come around!

Janice - posted on 11/23/2010

1,890

18

63

My husband also thinks I have the easiest job ever. I stay at home with our 1 year old but I am also a full-time student at night. Thankfully my hubby does take care of our daughter when I'm at school he feeds her dinner, bathes her, puts her to bed ect. However, when I have a lot of major assignments the housework gets behind and he throws a fit. Trying to read 3 novels a week and writing papers and taking care of our daughter and a few loads of laundry easily fills up a day. I even feel guilty that I don't get enough time to really play with my daughter as much as I would like. On nights when I come home and its been a rough night I think my husband would understand how hard my "job" is. But it doesn't matter he still thinks I'm a lazy POS. Since he does help with her I just ignore his house cleaning comments and try to get done what I can.

Imani - posted on 11/21/2010

23

33

1

I went through the same things and sometimes i still do but now he at least feeds and bathes our son. I come from another continent and so when things really got very bad, i traveled home to my mom and took our baby with. We stayed away for four weeks and when we came back he just couldn't let the baby even play alone. He had 2 days off work and just spent every minute of it with our baby when he was awake. I realized that four weeks without Jd changed his mind about his role as a dad.

Maybe giving my husband the taste of how life would be without me and our son made him realize how spending time just holding him and even just reading him a book made him happy. It really changed him. Now he appreciates more when i do things in the house and even does some house work himself when he is at home.

Ashley - posted on 11/20/2010

7

17

0

I have to say after a few weeks of my husband doing that, I had enough. I told him if he wanted more children that we would take care of the one that we have. I think it was like that because he just got home from basic and tech when I had the baby and she scred him because she was so little. We now have 2 daughters and he is great, he does any house chore that I ask him to do that I havent gotten to yet or play/feed/change diapers if needed. I am truley blessed that my husband changed!!

Summer - posted on 11/19/2010

20

12

1

my husband is the same way! with our first child (now 3yrs old) it was really bad kinda as you described things fighting over ridiculous things claiming i sat around doing nothing all day all that madness!! but things did get a lil better for the most part, now we are on our second child she is 1 1/2 and he still no matter what i do to prove how difficult my job is he still does not get it, every once in awhile he'll go on a rant and point out everything i dont do ( ex: if i dont get around to changing the garbage or something that day) he wont notice everything that i do get done (which believe me is alot ...lol) and we'll argue he'll agree and apologize then do it again a few wks to a month later, i dont think there is any way of changing it, they jus think they bring in the money so everything else is up to us! but good luck and if you figure out how to get thru to your husband let me know how you did it :)

Samantha - posted on 11/19/2010

12

14

1

I have an 11 week old son with my fiance, and we are going through the same thing! We fight constantly because he says I don't do anything. Ever since the baby was born I have done everything. He has not even once got up with the baby at night, not even in the hospital when I could barely get out of bed let alone walk. When he comes home from work he plays video games (typical guy stuff). He will hold him but when he starts crying he's all mine to feed him, change him and put him to sleep. Don't get me wrong I love taking care of my son so it doesn't bother me. I just don't understand why he doesn't enjoy taking care of him as much as I do. And it really makes me laugh when he asks questions like "why does he stop crying for you?". Like really? If I asked him to watch the baby for a few hours he would laugh at me and probly have his mom watch him. He doesn't understand why it's difficult for me to get things done around the house during the day. When I try explaining to him that when I put him down for a nap he only sleeps long enough for me to make food and feed myself. If he would just take the baby off my hands for a couple of hours in the evening I might be able to get some things done. But that will NEVER happen. He will put him in his bouncer or swing and go about his business. I'm sorry but that is not spending time with him. Why won't he understand that me being a stay at home mom is 24 7 with no breaks unless someone gives me one.. It's not like his mon-fri 8-4 job but he still insists on telling me the baby is MY job. Apparently I got myself pregnant to..ugh men! I could go on and on for days! But needless to say your not alone. I'm not so sure how this will help you but I feel better now that I got that off my chest.

Kimberly - posted on 11/18/2010

3

20

0

I feel your pain times 10. Our daughter just turned 2 and I have basically been a single parent since she was born. We live together an are supposed to be a family, but because I'm a stay at home mom, he has become very emotionally and mentally abusive because he brings home the money while I sit home "jacking off all day having fun." (his exact words). In the 2 years and 2 months out daughter has been alive, he's been up with her 2 nights. He too feels that his day ends when he comes through the door from work and mine never does. He's prepared a quick meal for her once since she's been on solids, and that consisted of chicken nuggets and potato chips. He's never given her a bath, and he never been alone with her for more than 3 hours, due to thinking his time off is his since he actually works. He probably watches her once a month for cpl hours while I'm out at an appt that she just can't go to with me... Most appts, of any kind, she's with me. He's told me that I'm lazy, even though the house is cleaned everyday, shopping done, daughter cared for, dishes done, appts done, etc... He even limits the gas I'm allowed because he says since I don't contribute to the income, I don't deserve to have the same kind of freedoms and don't need to go anywhere. Now before anyone goes thinking I'm crazy for staying... I'm not. My hands uve been very tied financially for a while due to me staying home and my car being in his name which he has threatened to take I I leave, but I'm hopefully gettin out soon. He was NOT like this when we met, or else I wouldn't have gotten together with him. This all happened after baby was born and his resentment built. I've tried talking to him, tried counseling, even cried many of times, nothing has worked... Some
Peoples minds you just can't change, and you have to realize they aren't worth your time trying to change. You know what you do, and that you have the hardest, most important job there is, so, value yourself and the care you give your child(ren) each day and forget his negative degrading ignorant views.

Michelle - posted on 11/18/2010

79

23

0

Sheena - did he feed himself?
Is he otherwise a good guy?
Because that kind of neglect (and that's what it is) would cause us to be having some serious words.
I am lucky - my Dh is pretty damn wonderful. But frankly I wouldn't have married him if I'd had any inkling he wouldn't be hands on in raising his own children. But then again - as my mother says, she didn't marry an alcoholic with a disabled child - but that's what she got.
There is a view that I hate, and I don't know if it's colouring the men's thinking - I find if Dh is looking after the little'un people say he's 'babysitting'. Drives me nuts. You don't babysit your own children. You parent them. I also feel you don't 'help out'. You do things that are part of your job as a parent and partner. Dh doesn't help with housework. He just does it, because he lives here too and it's his house. He doesn't help with being a parent - he is a parent.

Lois - posted on 11/18/2010

86

25

13

I don't know what to tell you! My husband is the same way and has been since my son was born almost 6 years ago!! I stay home with the kids(almost 6 and 2years old) during the week and work part time on weekends, when my husband is home. As long as I'm home he does nothing to help, and when I'm at work he's great with the kids but I'm lucky if he vacuums and tidy's up! Never does any major clean up around the house and lately can't even help clean up the kitchen after the dinner I made. And I can't remember the last time he every cooked, it's been years!! We've been through marriage counseling and although our relationship is better, like how we talk to each other and connect, it seems nothing will help him to help me out around the house. But he is a very active and loving father to the kids. Hopefully you and your husband can work it out but mine will always think I have it easy staying home with our 2 children any day. That's how he was raised by his old school parents and it's hard to change someone once it's hardwired into their DNA!

Sheena - posted on 11/18/2010

1

15

0

I dont know what to tell you. You guys must have great husbands or something. I tried to leave him alone with out two kids, and he didn't feed our kids all day. Someone please tell me what is going on with him. Or if you had something like this happen?

Michelle - posted on 11/17/2010

79

23

0

Another point that I made to my Dh is that I'm always emotionally on call. There's no time out from that. Someone always needs be to be aware of what's happening and ready to respond. That in itself is exhausting. It's as if he was working a full week (with overtime), then on call the rest of the time, with a high likelihood of a callout. Exhausting and makes it very hard to get other things done. And that doesn't even begin to cover it.

Inge - posted on 11/17/2010

4

8

0

Get a time off and leave the baby with him .. so he knows that it's a tiring job ..
and mention to him, that taking care baby is a 24/7 jobs .. no annual leave, no sick leave, no public holiday .. so .. he'll start thinking ...
I told my hubby that to make him realize ... and from then on .. it works perfectly .. :)

Destiny - posted on 11/17/2010

2

10

0

ugh i get that to!! im a stay at home mom and my fiance thinks taking care of our son is easy and that hes the one who really suffers cuz he works outside of the house but everytime he helps out, he gets frustrated really easilly and even tho he realizes its hard, he wont admit it.

Michelle - posted on 11/17/2010

79

23

0

Jenessa - Wow. You must really love your husband. I don't think I could have coped with that at all. That kind of behaviour would be a dealbreaker for me.

I agree leaving him with the baby is the way to go. Let him know where everything is and what to do - no need to make it impossible, since you are the one who knows that stuff. But also don't make it just one day. Go out both days on a weekend for a good few hours at a time. Because if it's just once chances are you'll have an angel baby that day and then it'll be much harder to prove your point!

Erin - posted on 11/16/2010

33

5

0

Wow I can't believe that so many men think that the Mom's job is easy! I am so thankful that my hubby isn't like that! He works 14 hour days and then comes home and does laundry or will feed our baby for me so I can rest for a while. I need to remember to thank him more often! I will pray for your husband, hopefully he will soon realize just how much you do and he will learn to appreciate all that you do.

Jenessa - posted on 11/16/2010

13

0

0

My son is three and I've had the same problem since his birth, my husband thinks its okay to leave our son watching TV all day or a movie. Now that are son is potty trained (not that he helped when he wasn't) he doesn't ever make the attempt to wipe him after he's finished. He doesn't make any attempt to get him breakfast or lunch or dinner, he doesn't brush his teeth or give him his vitamins he does nothing unless i ask him to do it and i just shouldn't have to. honestly i don't mind doing it all but why play the role of a single mother if i'm not one, you know.. its frustrating and i simply don't know what to do anymore. he throws a fit because he doesn't behave but wont put him in time out then hes mad at me when he does do something for him but its wrong and i try to correct him. like for instance he instigating a hitting match with our son and then told him to sit in timeout, i'm like really no hes not going to time out your the ass who started it, i mean i told my son it was a no no but you can't punish a kid for doing something you were doing with him. He should have never had kids, simply put. I know he loves his son but he needs parenting classes or something, he needs to realize us stay at home moms do a ton! The second we sit down we're up again for something crazy so as it is we never really get comfortable enough to rest. Men....

Nicole - posted on 11/16/2010

181

4

38

I had the same problem with my husband but not quite to the extent you're having. It was a "You stay home all day and with someone who sleeps all the time-how hard can your job be?" I was always the one who got up in the middle of the night and then took care of our daughter for the first 4 months. I was getting really frustrated until he lost his job and I went back to work. He became a SAHD and suddenly his attitude changed about everything. I think I had it easier being at home because she was immobile and still drinking straight formula. By the time he stayed home, we were starting solids and she became mobile with him. Needless to say, he bacame a great father and better husband. Trade jobs for a week or month and your husband might get a clue. It's harder then it looks/sounds. Good Luck.

Lydia - posted on 11/14/2010

432

14

46

if he says he wants to trade jobs, do it for one day! let him take care of her for one day, leave him a list with a few easy things he should get done in the house for that day. believe me, his opinion will quickly change!

Gemma - posted on 11/13/2010

51

17

2

Likewise. He kept saying I should go back to work and he'd stay home as I earned more but I wouldn't have it as I'd still have to do all the ousework etc. He couldn't even manage that when I was working. It'd take him all day to do what i managed after work. I solved the baby bit my sitting upstairs all day and leaving him to deal so I was on hand in an emergency. He lasted 4 hours! Now there is no question of him staying home and he even comes in from work and offers to look after the baby for an hour while I have a bath.

Brianna - posted on 11/12/2010

1,915

22

329

ya my hubby thought my job is easy so i left him for a day with my daughter and the a list of chorse i do on a regualar day.. sure changed his mind fast haha.

Jennifer - posted on 11/12/2010

45

2

5

I agree with the other ladies. He needs to stay home with her for a few hours or a day alone with her while you go out.I stay home with my daughter during the day and I work part time at night so my husband watches our daughter while i'm at work. At first he found it to be exhausting and now it's gotten better but some days i come home and he wants to pull his hair out....I love being home with my daughter but it is a 24/7 job and these guys just don't get it sometimes. Good luck and hopefully he will ease up on you!!

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms