I NEED HELP NOW!!!!!! PLEASE HELP ME

Rachel - posted on 05/30/2009

babe i no how you feel. every one here does. its hard . bt it will pass. your not used to it. your still adjusting. your bf. shudnt be reactin de way he does.. bt i gess his jus really tired frm work. bt he shud reconsider helping you on his days off. so you can hav some rest..
mayb yu friends. or family can help you fo de week.. .
babe jst make sure wen ur son if sleepin yu are too. get as much rest as you can. and if its too much for you just let him cry walk out of de room. calm your self.. down and den comfort. him.

Natalie - posted on 05/29/2009

oh my goodness, don' feel bad babe ! my daughter got to about 4 weeks and just wouldn't sleep at night, i slept for 5 weeks in the living room (because i didn't want to disturb hubby) and one night it was so bad i told hubby to go to his daughter (who was crying) and i locked myself in the bathroom and cried !!!!

it is tough when they are that young, they are demanding and there is no let up and your trying to figure it all out, i don' think men get how tough it is in those first few months (it does get easier) the on bit of advice i wish i'd listened to earlier on was "sleep when the baby sleeps' really ! i didt i would feel too guilty and think oh i'll just put that wash on etc .....DONT .....really,sleep when he does, no delaying !!!!!

i would also seek out other mums in the area, this is so invaluable, real women who are there to talk and laugh about it ! we also got given a graco rocking chair thing and it was a life saver in the early weeks, got her to sleep when nothing else would.

i do hope it gets better soon for you,

Danielle - posted on 05/29/2009

First of all your BF is a jerk I hope he at least helps on his days off if not that is awfull!! And do not feel guilty at all everyone has those moments where you feel like screaming ...I find a pillow to be the best muffler. What helped me the most was as soon as my husband got home I took a nap. I tried to make sure dinner of some sort was ready and as soon as he got out of the shower I handed him the kid and crashed. Even if it was only for an hour, it made a big difference. Also take up those offers for babysitting, have someone stop by so you can get your housework done uninterrupted or take a nap. I had a good solid month of sleepless nights and I finally called my husband sobbing and after that he was good about getting up with him during the week and especially on his days off. It will get better soon cause he should start sleeping for longer periods of time. I get 4-5 hour chunks now, it feels like 8 compared to the every other hour business. I hope everything gets better for you!

Amanda - posted on 05/29/2009

It is ok, this is normal. you are a new mom and you are overwhelmed. This is not your fault but it is also not your babies fault. By you posting this it shows that you love your son, you want to get help and that is good. I think you may have postpartum depression, this is so common and normal and can be treated with medication. Please talk to your doctor and tell them how you feel. They will not think you are a bad mom and they will want to help you right away. they may refer you to a counselor that can just listen to your feelings. And as far as the boyfriend thing well he is selfish, I suggest maybe he go talk to someone as well. do you have an older brother that can give him a kick in the ass for being such a dick head (sorry for the language) You just had a baby, you are tired and probably not feeling your best so forget the jackass boyfriend and just focus on you and baby. don't worry about cooking jack ass dinner if he is hungry he can make it him self. Remember to try and sleep during the day when the baby naps and try to get him on a schedule. The first few months are the absolute hardest but if you get him on a schedule things will get much easier I PROMISE! another thing although it may cause a fight is you have to tell your boyfriend that you need help and make sure he listens, remind him that you need sleep in order to care for the child you both created.
Forget about the housework to, give some friends or your mom a call and see if anyone can help you out. I know not everyone has their family around so they have no choice but to do it alone. that was my situation but on the other hand I had a supportive partner.
I wish you luck and if you want to help just message me

Sam - posted on 05/29/2009

the 1st few weeks are hard and it doesnt hep that ur bf isnt being very supportive. its not ur faultg its a big change for them everythin seeps so big and overwelming at first hell get past it soon enuf. try sleep when he sleeps.

Cathelijn - posted on 05/29/2009

I think everyone has felt this way especially if you don't get any help from your partner. When i was pregnant lots of people told me that everything will come naturally and you will know what to do and you won't mind when they cry at night! Ha werethey wrong I really struggled in the beginning there were times she woke up for the 25th time that night that I just cried and begged her to go back to sleep.. I was breastfeeding so there was not much my husband could do not that he was that bothered anyway. There was a stage my mum was thinking I was getting depressed but for me it was just so HARD I had no idea what I was doing I was so worried I was doing things wrong and most of all I wanted to SLEEP! my family was living in another country so it was just me and her all day... It took me some time but I think around 10 weeks we settled in to a routine and things got a lot easier my husband still does NOTHING but I know it will come back to haunt him. Also with me it helped to leave the house with the baby just take the baby in the pram and go to the park and sit on a bench now the weather is nice most babies are a lot easier when they are out and about. You are not alone just try to put it in perspective it will pass and then you will look back and think why was I so crazy :-)

Helana - posted on 05/29/2009

I know it would be hard to do especially since your so tired but i would make sure your sone stays up say from about 5o'clock on. Just bug him even if your making him mad and he's crying. You will make him exhausted and then come 8 or 9 when you lay him down he will sleep a good chunk of time. I know alot of people will disagree but i put a little rice cereal in my sons bottle before he goes to sleep and he was sleeping from 9 till 7. I mean of course sometimes he would wake up in the middle of the night but it would only be once. My husband doesnt help me at night either so i know what your going though.

Have you talked to your doctor about postpartum depression? if not you should because with my first i felt terrible every day for a good 6 months. You should tell your doctor about what your feeling. Its normal and its okay to get help for it.

Cynthia - posted on 05/28/2009

AAAAHHH! those men! they all need a dose of being a mom with the hormones to truly understand. they never can nor will. some try but most, like pretty much all men, can just never think like a women, thus they can never get it. therefore we need to tell them. my husband had NO clue how tired I was with our first and I was trying to be supermom. keep a clean home, feed everyone and then take care of the needs of our newborn and myself. it just doesn't work out at first and it came to a very fatigued, hormonal, emotional head. I can only say that reaching out to friends and family will help you feel more connected and a little better to ask for support, but the most supported you will feel is when you can let you bf know how wiped out from being a new mom you really feel. let him know you are now thinking for two ALL day long, from trying to figure out who's hungrier you or baby, to if baby needs to be changed or is sleepy or is gassy or a multiple other reasons to keep your baby satisfied. it is all encompassing. when he gets home he needs to help out by taking baby from you so you can think for one person (yourself) for a period of time and so he can have some baby bonding time. You need a break at that point to get an hours worth of rest or go lay down and he take baby out for a walk. anything that forces him to have some one-on-one time and you get some alone/rest time.

Otherwise during the day, sleep when baby is sleeping. This will help with all the sleep you miss at night. it will take the edge off of being so angry (speaking from been there and really don't like the souvenir T-shirt). Take heart, you are loved and this will pass. reach out, as you are doing now, and ask for support. you are not a less than lacking mom for asking for help, if anything you are a very smart woman who knows her limits. yours, as many others are reaching a breaking point. your bf needs to step up and be supportive. if you have any girlfriends who have kids or even like kids it will give you a break to have them over for lunch or anytime so they can watch sleeping or active baby and you can rest.

otheriwse family is just a call away, vent with them as you are doing here and get there support. if they can help out by watching baby for an hour so you can have some you time or they can come over to take baby for a walk and you be home sleeping...lots of options if you have the people. just call and lay it on the line that you need help. you are a strong person and have made it this far. it will get better.

if baby is not sleeping anymore in the morning, just go about your day. go grocery shopping, pay bills, go to the library, or a walk around the mall. just get out. for every person you talk to whether it be a cashier a saleperson, a librarian or another mom at a park you need to make connnections to keep you grounded. it all helps trust me.

take time for yourself, in turn it will all get better. you are in my thoughts and I think you have a very beautiful baby. take care.

Tracey - posted on 05/28/2009

You are not alone, I felt very resentful in the beginning too. I know everyone says it but it will get easier with time. My baby was about 8-9 weeks when things began to get better for me. After you are recovered physically and mentally from the experience things will get easier. Now my husband and I do every other night with her when she wakes up. He works FT and I PT but I still need the help, I still have to take care of that baby everyday when I am not working and I need energy and a clear head for that. Just hang in there.

Mel - posted on 05/28/2009

sorry i couldnt talk to you much yesterday hun i hope you got some sleep, i am generally home all day on appear offline so if i see that you msg me i will be around. take care

Michelle - posted on 05/28/2009

1st; It's not your fault.

2nd;Sounds like you bfneeds to grow up.

3rd; I think you need to call in the friends.

It's not much, but do you have a friend that would be willing to visit you and just hang out? Just having someone more your age can help a lot. If it makes you feel any better; I have days where my sons drive me up the wall; but I still love them very much.



Try this: may seem mean but it might give your bf a better idea what you go through. When the baby wakes at night let him hear the crying, make enough noise that your bf also wakes. Then make sure to do something to wake him when you go back to bed.In other words. Make a mess of his sleep. A couple of nights like that and you should have a more understanding bf. I wish you the best

Tonya - posted on 05/28/2009

Nikita, I want to start by saying that I completely understand. There were a lot of complications with my delivery and I was in the hospital for 2 weeks following the birth, I didn't get more than an hours sleep a day, because people were visiting and then my son needs fed, and then the nurses had to wake me to administer my meds, So by the time I got home from the hospital with my beautiful son, I was exhausted. And to top things of my bf had used up all his time off and had to go back to work, so he wasn't able to help me. My son was extremely colicky to top things off.
What I found worked for me, was to nap, or at least rest while he is sleepy, and until he can roll over you can even let him sleep in your bed beside you, which make early mornings easier, because he won;t cry as much if he sees you there right away.
Also, if you find you are getting upset, you will not be able to comfort your son, so lay him in his crib and walk away for 5 minutes, have a cup of tea or something to calm yourself down. Also use a sling or a moby wrap, that allows you to have free hands, to do whatever, and keeps him close. Most of all remember that colic ends. It usually one lasts between 3-6 months.
And if you ever need anything or just want to vent, feel free to email me at tonyaandcole@gmail.com and I will definitely respond.
I hope things get better for you Nikita.
Tonya.

Sarah - posted on 05/28/2009

Quoting Brittany:

Does your area have a hotline that you can call when you feel angry when the baby is crying? I recieved a lot of pamphlets on Shaken Baby Syndrome with one. I'll give it to you it they didn't. I know how you feel. My fiance can't wake up to the baby cry and it becomes very frustrating for me.

theres something called the crysis line or something that might help.

Brittany - posted on 05/28/2009

Does your area have a hotline that you can call when you feel angry when the baby is crying? I recieved a lot of pamphlets on Shaken Baby Syndrome with one. I'll give it to you it they didn't. I know how you feel. My fiance can't wake up to the baby cry and it becomes very frustrating for me.

Melissa - posted on 05/28/2009

Hey do you have any local family who could possibly come stay and help you its not fair that your bf will not help you but may be een if you get your family to help until you come up with a plan. Right now the baby is feedig alot especially if you breast feed do you? Anyway when you do feel angrt put him in the crib go have a quick snack or uice something to take your mind of it and there is nothing wrong with telling you local ealth practitioner about how you feel and ask if there is anything they suggest maybe they can add some support I really do hope the best for you

Sarah - posted on 05/28/2009

hey hun. you've come to the right place. we all feel like that sometimes especially in the first few months .. my son has just turned 4 months old and i constantly feel like i can't cope .. he suffers from a lot of trapped wind and has reflux so he screams constantly .. drives me up the wall .. especially when i'm on my own (like right now though he's in a good mood) as i don't live with my boyfriend and my mum works long shifts .. sometimes i just feel like crying but then again you got to think that they can't tell you what they want they can't speak.

i think your partner is being selfish .. sometimes you just have to give the baby to someone else to cope .. i do it a lot helps keep you sain .. i'd never harm my son but being able to give him to someone helps ..



i've been through the same thing as you when my son was tiny .. he wouldn't stop screaming so i text his dad who'd been out all weekend so had no sleep either .. anyway i was crying as he wouldn't shut up and i broke down and he said what do you want me to do i'm tired .. we fell out .. he came round and i got everything out in the open which helped .. sometimes you just need to have a break down to get everything out into the open i know its bad but sometimes its the only way you can get people to listen.

about his sleeping well the only thing i can suggest is trying to sleep when your baby sleeps.

Sarah - posted on 05/28/2009

What might help a little bit is finding a young parents support group. It does not help with care or getting up when you can't even stand, but it does give you a place where you can vent and relate to others that are going through the same thing. Also if you have a parent or someone you trust that could help and give you a break here and there. That seems to do soooo much. Good luck.

Erin - posted on 05/28/2009

I don't think you can ever be fully prepared for how overwhelming those first couple of months are, and I'm sure most mums have moments where they wonder how they're going to cope. I sure have. My daughter's 15 weeks and only yesterday I had one of those moments! She's just had a virus, is 'pre-teething' and just started rolling over both ways so is VERY unsettled. Add to this the fact that she's always been a very loud and intense baby and you get a VERY stressed out Mum. Me. I'm also single so that makes it extra hard, but when I know I need a break, like I did last night, I called my Mum and she came over (ofcourse by the time she got her my daughter had finally gone to sleep). I agree with the other posts that you need to ask for some help. Obviously the person who should be helping you is your partner, and he needs to know that you're struggling, but if he still won't (and that's a whole different issue) don't be afraid to lean on others. Friends or family. I'm very lucky that I have lots of support. And I have used it. I would encourage you to aswell. And don't think that feeling drained and overwhelmed means you don't love your son. The way I see it is the reason we get so exhausted is because we try so hard to be good mothers and do the best for our kids. Motherhood is hard. And it's not fair that you're not getting the help you probably expected. But you will get through it, and you will start to enjoy your son again.

Beki - posted on 05/28/2009

aww, poor you. The first few months are hardest because you are pretty much running on empty. The lack of sleep really is one of the most hardest things to deal with. It does sound like your baby is going through a growth spurt though if he is grumpy and sleeping less. Is he finishing all his milk? Perhaps he needs a bit more? My daughter had a couple of weeks like this when she was about 7-8 weeks old and it will get easier.

I think you need to remind your boyf that you are still recovering from the birth and that although he works you still need help. Please try and sleep when your baby sleeps even if that means getting a couple of hours in the middle of the day. you need it. Is there not anyone that could come over to see you in the day and maybe take the baby for an hour or two so you could get a nap? Perhaps your mom or something? I hope so cus it can be so isolating doing it on your own.

Hang in there, the baby will start to sleep through the night soon and you will be able to start to enjoy him more!

Sarah - posted on 05/28/2009

hi Nikita. the first few months are SO hard, especially if you aren't getting enough support from your partner! i had pretty much the same thing with my eldest. the thing to remember is that this doesn't last forever, and you DO love your baby it's just pure tiredness that getting you so cross!! try to sleep when baby sleeps, i know it's hard, but when he naps, even if you can't sleep, just lay there quietly and try to rest. Melissa's idea of getting family and friends to help is a good one, don't ever feel bad about asking for help! talk to your health visitor or doctor if it gets any worse. most mum's feel like this at some point, so please don't feel bad about it. and remember, it won't last forever!! hope this helps, feel free to msg me too if you like. xxx

Mel - posted on 05/27/2009

your bfs behaviour is disgusting, and please dont ever feel guilty, some people will try and tell you on here you are so wrong for feeling this way etc but your not. I was just the same resented my daughter got angry used to leave her out here when she couldn go back down in the morning. she would get up and i will be so worn down from the night time id leave her out in the lounge shed cry and scream throw up and it would just make me angrier. you are completely normal honey almost all women go thru this according to my counsellor. if your bf is being this unsupportive he obviously is not ready to be a dad and i truly feel for you. have you got some family or friends who can give you a break, ask them to stay over and help you out or ask your mum to come over for a few hours in the day so you can sleep. you do love your son its just hard right now, i used to feel like i hated mine to ive said to her so many times i hate you, but i dont i love her now shes 14 months and honey it gets so much easier. that first 6 months is hell, and yeah im scared of doing it again but its a part of time. tell your bf he needs to step up to the mark and if he cared about you he would! add me to fb or msn if you need to talk i will be here or personal msg me molehead09@live.com.au