I need some advice....I'm a new mom, and...I am so stressed out it's unbelievable.

Dee - posted on 06/01/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I'm a new mom of a 2 week old. I currently am living with my fiancés parents because we're waiting on our trailer to get fixed up a bit before we move (we just bought it). She is driving me completely insane....
She is CONSTANTLY giving me 'advice' on how I should raise my daughter and what I should do for what...and when my baby cries, his mom grabs her and tries to calm her down. Lady, leave my kid alone. I know what I'm doing. I catch her opening our bedroom door at night to check on MY daughter. Every time she leaves the house she asks me "are you going to be okay with Lily (my daughter) if I leave for a bit?" Um.. Yes I will be okay with MY DAUGHTER if you leave for a bit. I am fully capable of handling my OWN daughter. Thanks. The other day I had a friend visit me from out of town. My friend has a 5 year old, and she was helping me with Lily a bit, My fiancés mom looked at her and said "Now, you just need to stay with them a couple more months to help with Lily" I was like holy crap, did she REALLY just say that? I responded with "I know what I'm doing" in an offended tone. She started to laugh like it was a joke and said I know you do, but you'll never be able to teach Kyle. (My fiancé) ...She basically called us both bad parents. Yesterday they were talking about bringing Lily into public. I said no, I want to wait awhile because there's no rocking chairs in public (my daughter cries...A LOT) I was making a joke....Lol. She started laughing like it was the funniest thing she's ever hear, and said "You need to learn how to handle your child"....Excuse me? Now, my daughter I'm pretty sure is colicky... She cries and cries and cries, and I try to soothe her, I do everything. I use white noise, (Which helps significantly), I try to swaddle her, (most of the time she freaks out and tries to get out of the swaddle) I rock her, sing to her, put her in her bouncer, put her in her swing, I try everything.... She is just a crier... And sometimes I ask his mom to help and watch her at night because I NEED sleep. Or in the morning. I can't go like this forever. The longest has been 5 days before I asked for her help again. Because I needed it. Bad. I went 5 days because I was trying not to ask her for help at all because I wanted her to see that I'm fully capable of handling my own daughter, but then she started to complain that I never let her hold her. Ugh Speaking of people holding her....There have been 5 different people come over this week to meet my daughter (That I did not know about; That I did not ask about; That I don't know)...and they ALLLL want to hold her. I told his mom that I did not want these certain people to hold her, she said "I don't want to hurt anyones feelings" Then she said "I will let so and so hold her" Oh. Oh,.... YOU will? YOU? Excuse me, but is she your freakin' daughter? No. She is mine. I will let her hold her if I want to. Not YOU. Which by the way, they're over here right now. She walked in the door, the first thing she said was "let me hold her" I've met this lady once... She's family, I get that. ANd I feel like a jerk for not letting anyone want to hold her, but...this is the 5th person this week to come over. Leave me the f alone. I want alone time with my daughter. Please. I'm already stressed out enough about his mom and my forever crying baby I don't need the stress of dealing with strangers. I already have social anxiety....all of this together is just driving me nuts. I do not know what to do. I want to leave but there is no where to go. Anyway, she said "Let me hold her" I told her that she's sleeping she said "I don't care, I WILL hold her" I was like.. Are you freakin' kidding me? I know, I know. I need to grow some balls, and if someone that I don't want to hold her wants to, I should tell them no. But I'm living with my fiancés parents, and they're family...I can't just say NO....Man, I'm just...I've had it with this family. If one more person treats me like I don't know what I'm doing and tries to tell me how to raise my daughter I'm going to flip on them.

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Kimberly - posted on 06/01/2013

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I feel your pain! Until 2 years ago I was a single mom to 3 kids. I had to live with my dad and stepmom and they treated me like a child and like I didn't know how to raise my kids myself! I've been a mom since I was 17, 11 years! I haven't screwed up any of them yet!! Lol I moved out of their hose 2 years ago and moved 5 hours away and thought I had finally gotten away from them and their constant critizing but I was wrong!! I am 28 years old and have been raising my kids just fine but they always have to put their input in on everything I do especially when it comes to my kids! Just last week I had made a post on Facebook about how I had to make a hard choice as a parent and I didn't know what to do (my son has ADHD, oppositional defiant disorder, and OCD (he's 7) and meds aren't working and he's getting worse to the point he's harming himself and others, so I needed to decide wether to try new meds or send him to a hospital for children like him and have him evaluated and they would fix his meds and counsel him and me) anyways lol my step mom sends me a message on fb that says," your daddy says quit putting your business on fb and you BETTER NOT put him in that hospital because he will hate you forever" so for once I stood up for myself and sent them a message that said," I am 28 years old and what I choose to put on MY fb is my business and its my business and my kid so I will discuss it anywhere I see fit. I gave birth to him and I take care of him. I am the one that deals with his fits, violent outburst, and deal with him hurting me and breaking and destroying everything in MY house, not you! I will do with my son what I think is best and your opinion is not needed or wanted! I need your support not you telling me what to do with MY kid!" It felt so good to tell them off and tell them how I feel after keeping my mouth shut for so long! They didn't speak to me for a week but once they did I apologized for being so mean but I needed them to see me as an adult and a mother instead of their little girl who needed their help and advice all the time. I say stand up to her and tell her that this is your child and if she doesn't like the way you do things with her then to not look! Lol and you need to make her understand that you are her mother and it is your job to raise her and make sure she is ok, that its ok to help every now and then because sometimes we need parenting advice but she needs to let you be a mom! Sorry it was so long but I honestly feel your pain. They will never stop trying to raise our kids for us or thinking that we are doing everything wrong just because its not the way they would do it but eventually she will have to realize that she had her chance to parent and now it's your turn! Stand up to her and tell her how you feel or she will continue to do this to you! Good luck hun and let me know if things get any better for you :) ill keep you in my prayers. I'm always here if you need to talk or vent to someone who has been where you are now.

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