i really need someone to talk to :(

Melissa - posted on 01/08/2010

Hi Samantha, my bf was the same way during the end of my pregnancy and for a while after we had the baby. I don't know what caused it, stress, fatigue, if he was less attracted to me, but all I can tell you is that the more I talked about it, the worst it got. I finally stopped talking about it, being so busy with the baby I kinda forgot about it, and all of a sudden he started wanting it ALOT ! lol. I don't know, I think it's probbaly a biological/hormonal thing for some men. It's like their sexual urge is turned off to let you care for the baby or something? Have some fun by yourself till things get back to normal so you can let go of that sexual energy in the mean time !!! So, I don't know how long ago you had the baby, but your hormones might be driving you crazy, hormones can be unbalanced for months after giving birth, and when you stop breastfeeding hormonal changes can also make you more irratable and maybe even increasing your sexual urge...Try not to make any harsh decisions if you can.

Carley - posted on 01/08/2010

Also just ask him how he feels, have a good heart to heart, try not to get emotional and just let him speak ;) You'll soon see..

I had my daughter not long after we were married we had problems for the first three years... But now that I've learned more about him I understand how he feels, and that he isn't trying to hurt me he just has weaknesses (we also had a problem with porn, he used to look at it all the time! I hate pornography and I see no excuse for it, and ofcorse I cant compete with that!)

He really loves me! And he would be devo'd if I had left him or fell for another man...

We really are great for each other, if I beleived in "meant to be, this is it"

Hope this helps ;)

Have a great day ;)

Samantha - posted on 01/08/2010

well i would really understand if this was because of the whole i just had a baby thing but i should have mentioned earlier that my son is 11 months old now. but thanks so much for replying i really needed to hear some encouragement from other mammas

Carley - posted on 01/08/2010

Hey thats really sad to hear :(
I also have problems with the simmilar situation... I have issues with abandonment and I have allot of distrust in people, course of my life has left me this way...
But I really wouldn't concider packing it in yet!...
I'm sure you and your boyfriend are just going through a drought (thats what I call it anyway)...
I've been in love with my husband since I was 13, we got married when I was 17 he was 23. I've been compleatly crazy about him the whole time... We live in a hot climate and so he constantly walks around with his shirt off, and you wouldn't beleive I'm still not over it! I'm wanting him 24/7! Preggers or not, this is just the way I am (only with him though)...
And when I get to my third month of pregnancy hormones change my body temperature, and make me feel really hot. I don't notice it but he certainly does! So for the rest of the pregnancy we are in drought, I'm constantly asking and getting rejected... I used to get really upset and think that he doesn't love me... We have had problems in the past with other younger girls trying to push me out of the picture, even though my husband and I are married!!
I went through feeling allot like you are, and there really was girls horning in on our realationship... When I wasn't around they would be throwing themselves at him, It looked really bad for him because sometimes he was dishonnest about where he was and what he was doing... I was incedibly hurt, we argued heaps and I threatened to leave him!
Truth is the whole time we've been married he never cheated on me! And I know that this is true.. He has stuck by me through everything, he has saved my life a few times! He was just missunderstood, just trying to have some freedom because he was so young and it just made him look bad.
But what I have learned throughout our time together and this now being our third pregnacy together he really does love me and care for me, and he adores his little girls. We couldn't do without him! I would never recover If I had of left him I'd regret it for the rest of my life, I would've lost him for good.
After the pregnancy hormones wear off (give it at least 6 months after birth), I'm sure everything will be fine! Give it some time... Also birth does freak most guys out, give him time to recover..
After all I bet you have a great story to tell of your love for one another, I mean you did choose to have a child with him, you must've intended to be with him for life ;)
Think of all the wounderful times and times yet to be had..
I'm trying to do this too! I have 6 days tillour baby's due and all I can think about is our wedding anniversay in June cause we are going to get BUSY!
Hope my experince has helped you some, think of your little one you'll know how to deal with it. ;)
Celebrate this time, have an awesome day ;)

Sophia - posted on 01/08/2010

Hey hun, I honestly would keep your chin up, I'm telling you this because I literally went through the exact same thing!!! I'm not sure if you are pregnant or if you have a newborn but your body does screw up your hormones pretty good when you are pregnant and they can stay that way for up to A YEAR after baby is born so you will feel different things, I know I did, We went through the I went through a dry phase and then he went through it, my baby girl is now over a year and things are back to normal, something in my head just clicked on day and I was back to being so in love with him just like that so I figured when my friends said it's just something your going through I now believe them, Try to work out a date night and keep it!! No matter how much you or he doens't want to go try to keep it and make yourselves have a great time!! We did it and it worked out for us, I hope this helps, message me if anything else, Hope you feel better soon:)

Ramona - posted on 01/08/2010

well girl I know what your going thru so if you wanna talk I'm her 4 ya!!!!

Kirsten - posted on 01/08/2010

It's fairly normal for men to be less interested in sex just after their partners give birth. Having seen that area in a whole new light can really gross some men out and turn them off to the whole idea. Plus with a baby in the house he is probably tired more than usual and distracted. I think the best thing to do would be to talk to him about how you feel and ask him why he thinks things have changed for him. Maybe talking about it without any pressure will help both of you understand better what is going on and come up with a solution. Good luck!