I've heard a lot of negativity towards having only one child. Any thoughts either for or against it

Lauren - posted on 09/15/2009 ( 69 moms have responded )

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I've heard a lot of negativity towards having only one child. Any thoughts either for or against it.

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Jennifer - posted on 09/15/2009

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there is no right or wrong number of children one person should have. If you only have one, than thats whats ment to be for you. No one can choice that for you. I want lots of babies. And when i hear that someone wants none or just one, i have no opion. Other than to the ones who dont want any, i tell them that there gonna miss out on a whole new world!

Sara - posted on 09/15/2009

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i have to admit, when i say to alot of people that i dont want another child, one is enough, they tend to look at me a bit funny. Even my partner says we have to have at least 2 kids, else the one you have ends up spoilt. i have to say i dont agree, if your gonna spoil your children you will do it regardless to how many you have.



so i can safley say, you can happily go along in life with just one. i just tell people now, i am happy enjoying my daughter at the minute, which is true, but i dont want anymore, they dont have to know that though.

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Signe - posted on 03/11/2011

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Whenever someone asks me if I plan on having any more children after finding out I have just one child, I give them the same response. I don't plan on having any more kids, but if God decides to give me another one, I will have another one. Then I tell them that I'm an only child.

Aideen - posted on 10/27/2009

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As an only child myself I have to say there is a plus side to being 1 of 1. I wouldn't say i was spoilt but I was able to have a very close relationship with my Mother which was great and of course piano lessons etc weren't such a huge strain for one child so i got a chance to try all those things out. (maybe a little spoilt in that regard, but not lots of toys). In contrast my partner is from a large family (10kids! ) and I feel he really missed out on that closeness to his parents and he followed his own path in life with little guidance from his family about career etc. I always had great support in those practical things...morgages, bank a/c... and talked about quite grown up topics at home so I think I was better prepared for adulthood.



Now as an adult (29) my parents have passed away relatively young and I have to say that I miss not having any very close family...besides my own kids and partner that is. I'm close to my cousins but a brother or sister is different really. To be honest I'd find it very difficult if I hadn't my own family started by time my parents passed away....I feel completely alone at times. This is one of the reasons we had our second child but it wasnt the only reason, it suited us.



I would try to ensure that an only child is close to some cousins at least as family relationships are for life regardless of most circumstances. I wouln't go so far as to say my parents should have had 2 as that was not practical for them and I am very appreciative of all the time I was able to spend with them and the support I received down through the years and the interest they were able to have in my life.



I's a tricky decision as we cannot predict the future...u could have a second child to avoid this being alone as adults and they might not get on as adults or live very far apart. Who knows!

Donna - posted on 10/27/2009

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I've also hear nothing but negative comments about only having one child. I've been told that it's not fare to my daughter not to have a sibling. But is it fare to bring another child into the world and not being able to provide for them.Everyone thinks she's going to be alone but will be growing up with friends kids and family that are the same age. People need to learn to keep their comments to themself. I don't think there is anything wrong with only having one child.

Shayna - posted on 10/24/2009

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I love children, I love being a mother, I love having a family. However I came from a large family and although I enjoyed the company I never wanted that for myself. My hubby & I have a son together, and that's all we plan on having. I don't care what people think of me in any way. I want to travel the world with them, pay for his full education and many other aspects of his life, while living mine to the fullest.



I did have a miserable pregnancy being deathly sick and alot of complications. I also had a miscarriage after having my son, that is when I drew the line and decided I would not let myself go through that again, and I'm perfectly fine with that.

Trich - posted on 10/11/2009

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My Partner and i have had very long dicussions on this subject.



we have a beautiful baby boy who is almost one..



we have both decided that we are not ready to have anymore children at this stage, and arent too fussed if he is our only child but we havent completley ruled out other children.



I have a younger brother and there is only 20months between us, but yet my partner has an older sister who is 9 years older. so he pretty much grew up as and only child.



i honestly think its one of those things that has to be decided between the family, and if people have an opionion on that well.... as long as a family you are happy then it doesnt matter what other people say and do....

S - posted on 09/22/2009

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I am an only child myself, and I can tell you from experience, it is not bad at all. Actually, it was lots of fun!



My partner and I have decided to only have one child and we get a lot of criticism because of it. You know, the whole concept of a nuclear family (2 parents, 2 kids, etc) is a fairly new concept (less than a 110-yrs old). Family is what you need and want, and if that means 10 kids (granted, need to make sure you do it responsibly, and you can provide for them, not only financially but psychologically) or 1 is completely up to you and your husband, not the rest of the world.



Only children don't all turn out to be spoiled brats that cannot fend for themselves, or whatever else people like to think. It is up to you to make sure your baby has a balanced life and that's about it. I cannot imagine my life with a sibling, so I guess my parents did a good job, and I hope I can do the same for my daughter.

Lindsey - posted on 09/21/2009

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I think it is a personal choice however you have to think someday you are going to be gone and do you want to leave your child alone? Cousins and other family dont compare to a brother or sister. I too only wanted one child until a family member with no siblings told me why they wished they had a sibling.

Lacey - posted on 09/21/2009

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Of course, everyone is different and what works best for you in your family situation may be different than what would be ideal for others. Both my husband and I are only children, so we've definitely decided that we didn't want our son to be an only child and we are planning on having at least one more. Each family situation has its pros and cons. Talk about it openly with your partner and list the pros and cons you see with a single-child family situation and with a multiple-children family situation. Only you know what will work best for you.

Sam - posted on 09/21/2009

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Quoting Jennifer:

there is no right or wrong number of children one person should have. If you only have one, than thats whats ment to be for you. No one can choice that for you. I want lots of babies. And when i hear that someone wants none or just one, i have no opion. Other than to the ones who dont want any, i tell them that there gonna miss out on a whole new world!



i absolutely agree. there could not be a better response to that question. how many children you have is a personal choice.

Denise - posted on 09/21/2009

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I am an only child. I am 52 years old and both my parents are deceased. When I was growing up I saw how my firends argued with their siblings but also how they were there for each other and always wanted that. I was always allowed to have friends go places with me and stay over night but it's not like having a sibling. When my parents were ill I would have loved to have someone to talk to about it and help me deal with things. Now I have no one in my family left except for MY family I have with my husband. I was never spoiled and very much loved but sometimes lonely. I see alot of posts on here about what is best for the PARENTS but are you also thinking about what is best for the child you have. I agree though it's a personal choice and if you can't afford to have another one then please don't The picture on my profile is of my 2 children

Ashley - posted on 09/21/2009

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i would definitely consider having at least 2! my husbands uncle and aunt only had one and he is off the wall and totally spoiled and doesnt know how to share! also when he has children, they wont have any cousins! and personally, i had alot of fun playing with my sisters growing up, i dont think that anything could have replaced that. also, it gives you a break, they will always have a playmate!

Lauren - posted on 09/21/2009

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I personally want to have another child because I grew up with 2 brothers. We were all very close and it was like having a BF living with me my whole life...However, who cares what anyone else thinks, you have to do what YOU want.

Ayla Chanel - posted on 09/21/2009

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Having one child can be a pro and a con :)
I am an only child myself so i can tell you an only child can be abit spoiled, but its good in someway as well because we are closer to our parents.. I am very close to my mother, if i had of had a sibling i wouldnt be as close i see this now.
It depends what sort of family you have too . My mother was a solo mum so this worked better for us.

Shannon - posted on 09/20/2009

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I just had my first baby in June. In about two years we are going to try for one more. I think having 2 kids is a good thing, because I don't think one kid should grow up with out a brother or a sister, because they will always have someone to be with them, when me and my hushand are no longer here, I have a sister and I am so happy to have someone to go to if i need someone to talk to, I don't know what I would do with out a sister,

Jennifer - posted on 09/20/2009

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I'm an only child - I don't really mind being an only child but I will never understand the bond that people with siblings share which is something that would be nice to experience in a sense but I was fine growing up on my own. One of my cousins lived with us off and on and I didn't like sharing my mom with them sometimes, lol. My mom and I have a really close bond and I feel lucky about that - maybe I wouldn't be as close if I would have had a sibling - who knows. I agree with Sara - I mean, I know I was spoiled (to an extent) but it's true - you will spoil your kids regardless of how many you have. I say, do what makes you feel happiest and what you think you can handle. It's what you think that matters - you have to raise them!

Kelli - posted on 09/20/2009

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Well Iam the youngest of 7 children so I love the idea of a big family, and couldnt imagine being an only child. but I think as long as your child is surounded by lots of people that love him and are close to him through out his life then it doesnt matter if he is an only child. Dont listen to other people if you only want to have the one then just have the one and dont feel bad about it.

April - posted on 09/20/2009

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I am 27, my husband is 29, and we're just now 6 months pregnant with our first. I don't know if we will have another or not, but the subject gets brought up, always by others in the form of "well, when are you going to try for another?". And, honestly, that question irritates me a little. We tried for over 2 years to have this one, and it was a long, stressful, emotionally draining process, and if #2 would be the same way, I want no part of going through that again. I plan to spend as much time as I can loving this one and devoting our lives to making his special. If we choose to have another one, that will be later and I wish others would let me enjoy this one before badgering me about another one. People can be very rude when they think they know whats best for you and your family. I find a polite, "I'm not sure yet, I want to enjoy my first before I worry about another" usually works. Just brush them off, love the one you've got and if your life brings you another one, love it too. :)

Ammie - posted on 09/20/2009

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Quoting Michelle:

im 32 and just had my first... i do not plan on having more and i get the same response...but all the people who volunteered to help with him have been M.I.A. so their opinions are just that.... opinions



 



You know what iam 31 and i have 3 wonderufl daughters but that is my choice and iam going to have a couple more if i can and trust me i get that same thing with 3 and want more but it your life and not nobody else..Opinions and that is right that is all it is..





 

Ammie - posted on 09/20/2009

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Quoting Lauren:

I've heard a lot of negativity towards having only one child. Any thoughts either for or against it

I've heard a lot of negativity towards having only one child. Any thoughts either for or against it.



 



I have 3 wonderful daughters but haveing one child isnt so bad because then you can have a lot of one on one time but if you got help like a husband or bf then i gess haveing a nother one for a play mate isnt so bad.But that is your choice..





 

Lisamarie - posted on 09/20/2009

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I was a one of 5 children n I enjoyed growin up wiv siblings. I always wanted four children and my hubby wanted 2 so we've compromised and are going for 3. My daughter is 2 and a half n my son is 10 weeks. I think it is down to personal choice. My babies are perfect they both started sleepin thru the night at 6 weeks and are very calm through the day, although my daughter is going thru her terrible twos, I love being a mummy and nothing makes me happier. We pay for our children so we're not 'scrounging' off the tax payer and they are both well looked after.
I do not agree that children with silblings share better though, my daughter, an only child until recently is brilliant at sharin everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) but my 3 nephews (All siblings aged between 6 months and 3 yrs) are terrible at sharing and do not let my daughter play with anything of theirs and she just does as shes told, bless her. lol
I think whether you have a second child depends on your first, my daughter was brilliant so I had no qualms about having another, but if I had my oldest nephew (born four months before my daughter) I don't think I'd have anymore but they went on to have two more and want more! So it jus shows it comes down to how many children you, your body and your wallet can take. :)

Deanna - posted on 09/19/2009

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oh, yes. My husband and I had only one child for 5 1/2 years before I had my second child, who is 8 1/2 months now. My husband and I started trying for a 2nd child when my first child was 2, it just took us about 3years? I've noticed people looked at us like we didn't have a full family, even though we felt like a full/close family. Everyone around us had at least 2 kids, which seemed to make our family the odd one out. People would always reference how an only child doesn' t know how to share as well as children with siblings even in the same setting when my child was clearly sharing better than theirs? No matter what, it seemed like having one child wasn't good enough. This is not true, it's how you raise them. My only son went to a pre-school/day care center since he was 18 months old and did well at sharing with other kids and with mom & dad because we tought him. He still shares well to this day. The only child gets a bad name, unfortunately. I believe the only child is sooo lucky because they have the individual attention of both parents (in our case). We could spend all of our time with him when we wanted. You tend to have more time and more patients with one child. After having our 2nd child, it seems like our love in our family has grown even more. It's amazing to see the children's love for eachother, I wouldn't change that for anything.

Ruth - posted on 09/19/2009

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Bill Cosby always said that you're not a real parent if you only have one child because you always know WHO DID IT. But all jokes aside, I think it is a good thing to have more than one child if it fits into your plans and lifestyle. I am a mother of 5 children (4 boys and 1 girl). My sons are very close and see each other as friends not just brothers and for the most part my daughter is included in that too. However, being the only girl gives her the experience (on a minor level) of being an only child. There's only so much togetherness for her with her brothers. But I definitely think it is better to have at least 2 children health permitting.

Sandi - posted on 09/19/2009

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Bottom line.....it's the choice of the parents. Some people only have one child cuz of the health risks that come with having another child or are unable to have another child. Other people just prefer to just have one child. Either way no one has the right to judge you for the amount of children you do or do not have. Just remember that their opinions are just that......opinions. I hope this helps!!

Timbrel - posted on 09/19/2009

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i do not think that how many children you have decides if the child is spoiled or not...it is the parenting...yes i know a lot of kids who are an only child who are spoiled but once again thats because of the parents...i am one of 7 siblings and yes i was a spoiled brat!

Emma - posted on 09/19/2009

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well think if it this way if you have one thats older and one thats younger the older one will be able to do more like stay up latter and have more firends over and stuff like that and the younger one is going to ask you so many questions like why cant i do that and wine untill they can do the smae

Mandi - posted on 09/19/2009

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I'm 31 and expecting my first baby next March. Up until now, I was not interested in having any children, but I firmly believe that we would all be alot happier if we cared less about what "other" people say/think and did more of what really makes US happy. My advice is: If you are happy with one child or several, Kudos, you're ahead of the pack! Just enjoy what you have and be grateful.

Jackie - posted on 09/19/2009

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Its your body, your family, your home and your sanity. If one is all you want that's all you should have no matter what people say. There is nothing more wrong with having one child as there is having 18 children. The reality of the misconception of single children is from post war times. People were encouraged to have more children since the war was over and needed to be encouraged because they were scared to have more children. In Canada they began paying parents to have more children with "Baby bonus" which I might add we still get to this day. Its all propaganda and about population control. Don't allow people to make you feel guilty for your choices and do whats right for your family. Think of it this way.. what if only one is what you can have and it wasn't a choice would they be saying those things to you? Of course not they would be saying "Enjoy the one you have" "Be grateful you have one".

Theresa - posted on 09/19/2009

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I think that decision. I have four, and a lot of people would say that is too many. some people say that you should at least have two. My thing is that if they are an only child, god forbid that you and the father passed away, who would they have. There is nothing like having someone to be there for you like a brother or sister can.

Rachael - posted on 09/18/2009

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I have one child she is 18mnths and iam considering having another child altho my daughter is perfect... and everything we could have ever wished for. My partner works alot and we are renovating our home so i think now is not a good time for us to have another. Im only 24 but my partner wants to be a young parent so he may only want another one in the next few years. Its deff up to choice, everyones circumstances are different and i think its important to consider how you are going to raise your children and provide for them. Im going to have to go back to work soon but have loved being a stay at home mum. If i have another i would want to be at home with them for as long as i could aswell. Mothers are judged too much its like everything you do has to be accepted by everyone else.... . People should just be happy for you and what you decide... because it is YOU that has to do the work and live your life :)

Heather - posted on 09/18/2009

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I don't think it's a terrible thing...I know plenty "only child" children. 1 can be blessing enough. However, I do think they miss out on a lot not having any siblings. I have 3 children and for what they share with each other is incredible! Their cousin is an only child and he doesn't have or will never have the closeness that siblings share. It's unfortunate, I believe.

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Who can afford a bunch of kids these days unless you marry into money! (or win x-lotto) It's a drain on Centerlink and whoever pays taxes. It's true that the average size of a family these days has declined- either through marriage break ups or simply because they cannot afford to raise six kids like our parents did! If you are happy with having one child that's great. Your child wont be any better off being an only child compared to one that has 5x brothers or sisters. When they all get to year 1 at school I am sure they will be able to walk, talk and wipe their own bum regardless of how many siblings they have or don't have! Do what you feel is right for your own family. Don't worry about what everyone else thinks. So what if you can only afford or want to have one child...just be lucky that you even have a child as some people can't have kids.

Amanda - posted on 09/18/2009

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i only want one child im only 20 and people tell me all the time that im going to change my mind but i feel one is enough and it will be easer for me to provide for one as aposed to multiple because i am only 20 and single and by the time i would consider my son will be so old i dont want that big of an age gap

Sara - posted on 09/18/2009

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My husband and I basically had the same conversations you and your husband did as well. I, too, had an amazing pregnancy and loved being pregnant and the whole experience. Then when I I say that, and then I say that we are not thinking about having more children, they look at me like I am nuts. So, I just smile and try to remember that people are entitled to their opinions and they don't need to affect me if I don't let them :) Easier to write than to do, I know.

Sara - posted on 09/18/2009

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Quoting Debbie:

My husband and I have decided we only want one. When people hear this they assume that we do not like being parents. I had an amazing pregnancy, delivery and my daughter is pretty easy going. We chose to only have one before we even had her. I love being a mom. Also, alot of people tell me that I have plenty of time to change my mind as I am 24. We have really thought about it and while I never say never, we have decided that one suits us perfectly. My family feels complete. I am completely happy. Besides, in this economy who can afford a bunch of children. I want to be able to provide my daughter with a good life, and unfortunately this involves having money.


 

Jennifer - posted on 09/18/2009

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There nothin wrong with havin one child. Alot of people have one kid. I do too. Its your choice no one else.

Katie - posted on 09/18/2009

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I have a4 month old daughter and i am only 20 years old, but i have been thinking alot about whether i do actually only want one child or two, (two being the maximum i would have) I would like to look at it from my perspective and say that one is enough and easier for me, but when i look at her i dont ever want her to be lonely, i can imagine if i were an only child i would want someone closer than i friend that i have known either all of my life, or all of theirs. I have heard that having a sibling and having monitored peer and social activities will help keep the child in line (as in, not getting into bad things in their teen years, because they wont be forced to always look to their friends for company)

Elizabette - posted on 09/17/2009

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I only want one...I'd rather do my very best with one then try to struggle with more, and I feel that I couldn't add anymore to my plate. But...we'll see...

Amanda - posted on 09/17/2009

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Let me say as a only child growing up, it sucks! It's lonely as a child and it is now as I am the only one to take care of my mother as she gets older. It is very tough.

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I just had my first five months ago, and while I see peoples' points as far as having a playmate for my son, I think that in the corrupt world we live in, with all the drugs, sex, and voilence, it takes everything a parent has to raise their child right. That's why me and my fiance decided to just have one. We're going to focus on raising our son right, and hope he makesgood choices in life. It's all up to the parents, not anyone else.

Lizsa - posted on 09/17/2009

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I am one of three kids.. a younger and older brother... and before kids I always wondered why people would want just one kid... but after having my son, i realized how fulfilling that one child is to you.... having said that, I also believe that having siblings brings so much for your child.... growing up, of course, I fought with my bros and hated them both at different times in my life, but I also remember all the fun I had with them... and now I feel so close to both of them and they have given me so much more -- b/c experiencing being an Aunty is also a great experience.

But that is definately your choice!! If you truly only want one then have one.. if you are on the fence... just think about how much a sibling will bring to each of their lives and yours!!

Good luck!

Angela - posted on 09/17/2009

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I will be honest, I do not completely understand only wanting one child, I do understandhow that can happen. My husband and I wanted two children but I had started college classes and we were not sure how a second child would fit into our lives. If it was not for the fact that I unexpectentantly got pregnant, I am not sure if we would have done it. I now realize that it really is up to you and your lifestyle. Kids are expensive and if both parents are working I cannot imagine how hard it would be to have more then one.

Kristi - posted on 09/17/2009

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one seemed easier, but now i have 2. i found out that i kinda spoiled my first when it was just him--thats easier to do with just one. i think that is why there is so much negativity, although i know some people who werent onlys that are just as spoiled. people tend to steriotype only children as spoiled rotten brats, but that is really only a steriotype, like all blonds are empyheaded, and all redheads have bad tempers (although that last one may be true :) )

Lori - posted on 09/17/2009

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I think its a personal choice. I personally would like to have more than one child because I grew up with siblings and enjoyed the companionship. However, my husband was an only child and he turned out just fine!

[deleted account]

Personally its yoru own choice, if you only want one then only have one, but to me, i know its weird but i think a minimum of 2 is good, cause at least if something happens to the parents, although there would be plenty of people to love and care for the kids, at least they would have each other to get through it, its not the same, coz there wouldnt be anyone else made up of the same as them, think im proberly confusing you more than anything but do you get what i mean........

Carla - posted on 09/17/2009

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I am an only child and I LOVE IT!! I had it all, attention, love, support everything!!! I would never change it!! I am extremly close to my parents and I think it is a wonderful thing to have one child! I am 7 months pregnant and I too am planning on having just one child and am excited about that! So.....cheers to being an only child!! ;0)

Tammy - posted on 09/17/2009

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I just had my third baby. I had a boy and a girl, ages 6 and 5, and now gave birth to a girl. We totally love our kids. We may not be able to spoil them like some people do, but kids don't need that much, if you spoil them too much they get a distorted view of life and won't know how to cope if they're put in certain situations. I think all children need a sibling for companionship. On the first day of school for my son, my daughter who is 1 year older, took him by the hand and helped him through the day. They tell me they play together at recess and sit by eachother at lunch. At home they fight like crazy, but when they'r on their own, it's like it's them against the world. It's nice to see that. It's just my opinion, but you may miss out on certain things you wouldn't otherwise experience.

Toni - posted on 09/17/2009

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I dont think theres anything wrong with only having one child, though for me personally, I really wanted my little girl to have a brother or sister, so now she has a brother.... the only thing I will say is he is 4 months and she is just gone 2 and its pretty hard work, no one told me !!!!!!

Erika - posted on 09/16/2009

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I'm 21 and my daughter is going to b 9 months and i do not want more!!! i'm a single mom and there is no way no how that i want more!! i keep telling my mom that i'm going to get my tubs tied and she cries because she wants me to have more but i dont want them! dont let any one ever tell you that it's bad to only have one! Have one do the best job you can and know that you did the best job you could! you may change your mind tho once your baby is like 7 or 8 and is able to help with a new baby and really likes being an older sibling!!

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