is it bad to be a stay at home mum??
MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Erin - posted on 02/22/2012
Trust me being a SAHM is the hardest job you will ever do. And probably get the least appreciation for. I love being a stay at home mom. I can spend time with my little ones and do all the things i consider need to be done to run the house smoothly....If i worked (with 3 kids) my pay wouldn't even cover childcare.
There is nothing wrong with being either a stay at home mom or a working mom. We each provide something special and unique for our children.
I always thought I was going to be a working mom. The idea of staying at home with kids sounded boring and unfullfilling. But the second my daughter was born, I couldn't even think of working. The idea of leaving her for 8 hours a day made me uncomfortable. It helped that we couldn't afford for me to work. The money I'd bring in just wasn't worth the cost of childcare, gas/bus, extra food, clothes, etc.
She's now two and I'm finding that most of my days are rather busy (despite not having a car avaiable to us). There are those boring days, and those days where I want to pull out my hair and wonder if I've gone nuts. But they are few and far between.
Bonnie - posted on 12/22/2010
I think there is something really wrong in society when a Woman asks is it bad to be a stay at home mum. I think during the struggle for equal rights women were done a dis-service in the home. The truth is that women are the fabric that holds society's together and this starts in the home. It is perfectly natural to want to stay home with your children and raise them. Although some women may not feel this way that fact does not negate your feelings. In-fact there are many benefits to staying home with your children & if you look back on history woman have stayed home with their children. Our current standard of women working until they give birth, then rushing back to work after the child is born is absurd. You can't work full time and be a full time mother. We want it all but it is truly impossible to give your full attention to both. We do what we need to do in order to thrive and survive as women. However, if you have the blessing to take time and spend it with your children do not hesitate. I implore you be proud of being a mum, a woman and bask in that God given right to raise your children.
Dawna - posted on 12/18/2010
I was thinking that it was a trick question.... OF COURSE, it is awesome to be a stay at home mom!!!!!! I prefer to raise my own children! I gave birth to my baby and it is MY responsibility to raise her. I personally believe that the reason we have children with behavior issues is because parents leave their children at a day care for 40+ hours. Be proud! You have a very important job! Never forget that.
This conversation has been closed to further comments
Megan - posted on 02/21/2012
Its not wrong. If you feel its a good option for you and your family, then its not wrong. Never feel bad for making a choice like this, especially when you take your family into consideration.
Anyone making you feel bad about it can bug off.
Carissa - posted on 01/01/2011
i am a stay at home mom as well.. altho i work downstairs i still get to see every thing in my daughters life and dont miss a beat!!!.. i have only been away from her for 2 nights and she is 1 1/2...lol its great i try to tell all new moms if they can afford it or can work from home to go ahead!!! its so nice to spend time with them... find things to do tho.. GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!!!... i found myself becoming a bit of a hermit some weeks but pushed myself out to mommy and me play dates and swimming once a week!!!
good luck and have fun with your bundle of joy!!
Danielle - posted on 12/23/2010
Very normal to find it hard to go back. I'll be honest with you, I didn't go back to school and my son is now 20 months old...and I got pregnant again and had another baby 3 months ago. And here I am, I still haven't gone back to school. My advice is to try your best to go back. Being a stay at home mother is a wonderful thing but I always wish we had more money so I could give them more. If I would've stayed in school by now I'd be working making $20/hour. I'm going back to finish in September. I'm sure by then I'll say it was worth it to be home for the first year of each of my babies' lives but it wasn't without financial struggle, let me tell ya.
Shereen - posted on 12/23/2010
the best thing you could possibly do with your time is stay at home and raise your children! trust me, i stay at home and look after my children and i feel my children are going to be raised properly and to be honest i feel my children are in the safest enviroment possible. its not bad, its good. stay at home and teach your children right from wrong and let them be use to you being at home instead of always working!.
Fiona - posted on 12/22/2010
I love being at home with my daughter. I work from home so yes it is the best of both worlds. My husband now only works 4 days per week and although it is a pay cut we wouldn't have it any other way because we just love being with our daughter. They are only this age once and we indend on being there for all of it.
Lynne - posted on 12/22/2010
There is no right and wrong. You do the best you can in whatever situation you find yourself. Kids are pretty adaptable and if you have to work you can still raise a well adjusted and happy child if you are careful about daycare and are organized. But I believe it is easier on the child if you can stay home, and you aren't worried while you are away. You know exactly what is happening and what influences are coming into your child's life all the time, and that can make for better communication and bonding. At times you will miss adult conversation and the challenges of work, but if you make time for yourself I believe it is better to be at home, and if you can manage the household and dad comes home to a peaceful and happy environment instead of a rushed one, the marriage could benefit as well, and you may have more family time.
Hayley - posted on 12/21/2010
no way i've been a sahm for the past 4 1/2 years my daughter is off to school next year when i'm due to have the next bub. i'm lucky my husband and i agreed very early on that i was going to stay home and raise our kids. i sometimes feel guilty about not contruibuting to the fiances but then i think i'm doing the most important job in the world and he agrees. i'll go back to work when our next bub goes to school.
I'm the same and i plan to stay at home. Children grow up so fast, i don't want to miss a moment. Plenty time to work when they start nursery. Those 3 or so years will fly bye. You will have no regrets i'm sure. I feel as i've worked since in my last years at school. I deserve this time with my baby! x
Kyla - posted on 12/20/2010
I'm a stay at home mom for now im going back to work in the new year and I have mixed feelings about it, I'm going to a job that I love and its only unitl baby number 2 is here and than I'll be a stay at home mom for as long as i want, there is nothing better than being able to raise your kids and seeing everything but they also need social interactions too.
Michelle - posted on 12/20/2010
Is it bad for you or your bub? It is not wrong at all for your bub, as long as they get to go out and meet other children and socialise. Personally - I would go nuts! I'm home 1-2 of the working week with my 15mth old son, and I enjoy that time, but going to work as a school teacher is far easier for me than staying at home with him trying to keep him occupied and amused. I'm having my second child in 4 weeks and I'm at my wits end thinking about how I am going to entertain my boy while being sleep deprived - thank God he is going to childcare for 3 days of the working week.
Being a stay at home mum is hard - so I applaud anyone that can do it!!
Laurie - posted on 12/18/2010
It is not wrong to stay home. I too always worked. When I had my son, I planned on gooing back to work right away. I had even received a promotion the week before I went into labor! When my maternity leave was up, I went back to work. I knew that first day that I had to be a stay at home mom. Money is tight, but we are making it just fine. I get to spend all my time with my son.
I do miss working sometimes. I miss the people and the projects, but not enough to return. I'm lucky enough to be able to afford to stay home. I admire women who do work and have children. That must be so hard, working all day and coming home and being a mom.
I've discovered that it's all a personal thing. If you want to work or have to work, then do so with no guilt. You are doing what is best for your family. If you want to stay home, then treasure each moment you have with your child. All the good and bad!
Sequoia - posted on 12/18/2010
i love being a stay at home mum-its so rewarding seeing every little thing they learn, and knowing that as her main influence she has picked them all up off me. I would say though that the secret is making sure you have lots of other mum friends...this might mean that you dont see your existing friends as often, but after your little ones have had breakfast/nap/lunch etc it can be difficult to fill the afternoon with fun stuff everyday...thats where other mums come in. Try find a local playgroup/surestart/mums centre just to get you and the kids out the house a couple of times a week...and it means you can have adult interaction but with people that do similar things.
Kayla - posted on 12/18/2010
There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom, and nothing wrong with going back to work. I think most of us would like to stay home if we had the opportunity to, because it is hard to leave our kids. I am a stay at home mom although I go to school, but it's more because financially we have to. Whatever decision you feel is best for your family will be the most important thing. There's no right or wrong and other people's opinions don't really matter in that decision. It's what you feel is right.
Krystin - posted on 12/17/2010
I think being a stay at home mother is the most honorable job there is. People dont understand how difficult it can be at times. I dont want to be mean but I do have to disagree with a few on here. I went to college, graduated and am a stay at home mom(tho I did work my way thru college and dont have student loans). If I did work I would make twice what my husband makes, not that he doesnt make more than enough to provide for us. Hes in the military and im fortunate enough to be able to stay at home with our two boys (2 1/2 and 9 months) and be financially great. I have no desire to leave my children until they go to school. I feel like its the most important decision ive ever made to be home. Do I think its bad to work-NO WAY! Its probably the most unselfish thing you can do as a parent in all honesty. Being able to bring in income and provide a more financially stable life for you child is key in this world today. But im selfish and have to stay home :) I just cant leave them!!! ;)
Liz - posted on 12/17/2010
Nope. I hope not anyway because I am one! I left work to have my 3 year old and never went back, and now I have an 8 week old. Its not wrong to be a working mum either - its all down to what suits you and your family. Anyway being a mum IS a full time job. :)
Laura - posted on 12/17/2010
Not at all, I find being a mum a full time mum job in its self. I sometimes wonder how the house would stay tidy and a health meal would be put on the table if I were to work too!! I think it's healthier for the child's development to have a parent around instead of strangers caring for them.
Tine - posted on 12/16/2010
Being a mother to the next generation of children is the most important and most undervalued job on earth. You should be proud to be so dedicated and such a loving mum that you want to stay at home and raise your child. I think that children thrive the most when they have a parent around to love and guide them.
I am a stay at home mum too. I have been all sorts of things, including high school teacher, social worker, stablehand and lab technician, but the very best job in the world is the one I have now, and I wouldn't give it up for anything!
Be proud, you're doing the most important thing in the world! xo
Kathy - posted on 12/15/2010
Kelly, thats the way I feel.... to a "T" only difference is I am not a SAHM unfortunately. But I am stressed, mornings suck, its get up get ready, get her up get her ready, I try to work it so I have 10 minutes with her thats snuggle time, then get home and make supper, bath and her bedtime. I spend my days at work missing her, wanting to cry because I don't get that time with her. The (hopeful) good news is my hubby is starting a new job and if it goes well I might get my wish... but till then I don't have much choice :( I say if you can be a SAHM do it, I feel it would be so much easier on both mommy and baby... how many kids really need to get up at 6 am anyways?
Kelly - posted on 12/15/2010
there is nothing wrong with being a stay at home mum - i think being a mum is the most important job a person can have. i would hate to be working and missing out on all the little milestones i see every day. Also if i was working I would be soooo stressed, i'd be rushing my son in the morning to get him ready, rushing to bath and feed him when we'd get home then he'd be ready for bed and I'd have no QUALITY time with him and there would be someone else raising him and instilling THEIR values, etc in him and no doubt it would be in a group environment where he wouldn't get the same one-on-one time that i love to give him. Being a SAHM is the most important yet under-rated job imaginable and the most rewarding (albeit the worst paid LOL)
Momof1 - posted on 12/15/2010
Before I had my son, I thought I would want to be a SAHM mom until my kids started kindergarten, but I always wanted to go to college. That's the only way to get ahead in life, unless you already have the person you are going to marry and they have money or make enough to support you and your future kids. I'm not trying to be mean. All I'm saying is this first year being at home was great, but yeah, I also wished I could work/finish my degree so I can help provide and give my family the best life. But even if my husband was a millionaire, I would still either work or do lots of volunteer work. I know now, that I'm not cut out to be a full time SAHM. That's not a bad thing. I love my son so much and I want to make sure he has a great life. Other moms maybe never wanted to be a SAHM, but once they had their kids, they changed their minds, that's fine too. Maybe it was just the way I grew up, but I don't like to feel like I'm living off somebody. And yes, he is my husband, but I feel bad he has to pay for everything. I want to help out. (Sorry, I know this was a rant, but nobody really understands why I feel so strongly about me (not anybody else, but me) wanting to work.)
It's not bad to be a SAHM, as long as it is affordable and it is much easier to breastfeed long-term that way. But you can only make so many sacrifices. I HAVE to work weekends. Know way around that and we don't have the latest greatest things. If I could, I would work Saturday - Wednesday. That way Bryce would be home with dad on the weekends, 3 days of daycare (where he could learn to interact with kids) and 2 full days with me.
Christina - posted on 12/14/2010
I have been a Homemaker for 3 1/2 years now and I won't lie, sometimes I do get cabin fever and want to escape every once in a while but when I think of the alternative, feeling cooped every once in a while is NOTHING compared to being able to raise and train our children one on one. I even started a home business. I sell Tupperware for fun and make these: http://www.antinacrafts.blogspot.com/ It's just for fun but it does help for those cabin fever moments.
Merry - posted on 12/14/2010
"My opinion is, I don't really understand about women who go to college, graduate, have to pay off student loans, only to become a SAHM"
My sentiments exactly Jeannette! Which is why I decided to not go to college, my family is all about the 'what it's but I don't want to spend all my time, effort, and money on a degree I plan on not using!
My sband is in college, we both work part time jobs for now, and long term he will bring in the money and I will raise and teach our kids.
If you want a degree, go for it, but if you want to stay at home, and your husband is capable and agreeable, then don't waste your money on a degree you don't want!
Momof1 - posted on 12/14/2010
I think it is totally up to you and your situation. I was lucky enough/still am able to stay at home and only work weekends. But at times, I would like to work more. For me, staying home all day with my son is hard. I would like to be able to work more. And I also like helping to provide for my family. I know that taking care of my son is the most important thing, but money is important to. My opinion is, I don't really understand about women who go to college, graduate, have to pay off student loans, only to become a SAHM. I am still trying to work my way through college and I have loans to pay back.
I'm not saying to pass your kid off to person after person. And if you are able to financially afford to stay home, go for it, if that's what you want to do.
Merry - posted on 12/14/2010
I think babies do best with mom home to care for them, they need that first bond with mom so their brainwaves develop into being able to bond with others, babies who are passed around from mom and dad to grandparents friends daycare etc never get that one special bond that sets them up for good bonding.
So unless the family desperately needs to have mom work, and she can't find a job where she can keep baby with her, I think stay at home moms are the absolute best choice.
Girl no!! u should feel blessed that u even can!! In this day and age its hard usually both incomes are needed i kno right now we are dong fine makin it by however it wouldnt hurt to have some extra money. I graduated in October so i am enjoying my lil break off cuz i kno soon i will have to go to work. Enjoy being a stay at home mom and all those precious moments with baby. I kno i got pregnant when i was in school i tried to get as much done so i could grad early and be with her. I had her took two weeks off and went back let me tell i cried the whole time knowing i would have to leave her i didnt want to!! but i made the right decision for me ended up graduating early ( two months later) and got to be home!! however if i had longer than that then it wouldnt have gone down the same. do whats right for u!! and dont ever feel guilty about ur decision!!
Lydia - posted on 12/11/2010
i started working when my daughter turned 7 months and after a month i quit because I couldn't stand being away from her... I love to be a SAHM and there is nothing wrong with it. If you don't absolutely depend on your income, just do what your heart tells you. You could also try to find a way to get a little extra income from home...
Amanda - posted on 12/10/2010
I am a SAHM, and to tell you the truth, my husband and I really can't afford it. My condo is being foreclosed on, my husband went back to school, and I am working a little from home, but it is so hard to find a good job from home! It is frustrating that we have had to move in with my in-laws (who really have been great but are ready for us to go). However, I love knowing that I am here for my child for EVERYTHING-the good and the bad. I pretty much get to see everything he does right away. No one else can say that! I am also here for all of his bumps, bruises, and earaches! It is marvelous. Number two is on the way, and I am so excited, even though I want our financial situation to improve! I have been working since I was 19 years old, continuously. I am 33, and I stopped working when the 2008-2009 school year ended-at least outside of the home! I wouldn't trade it for the world!
Kuhn - posted on 12/10/2010
i love my son and spending time with him.
i have stpped working when i was 3 months pregnant. i wanted to take care of my child and the house. my husband was ok with that but now that my baby is one and half i want to do work also. i know that somw women would like to spend also a lot of time with their children.it is a great opportunity but i fell myself sometime dependent of my husband and it makes me really sad and gives me frustrations
Renae - posted on 12/10/2010
I'm sorry... what??? No way!! How in the world could it possibly be bad to be a stay at home mum. Your child is being cared for by the best person in the world to care for them - their mother. Working is not bad either... but its definately not bad to stay at home.
Kristy - posted on 12/10/2010
No, there's nothing wrong with it if it suits you and your situation. I didn't plan on going back to work, but I did when my baby was 7 months. It was more a money thing than anything else, but I was also goinga bit nuts at home. When she's not with me, she's with my partner so I'm happy about that.
Brooke - posted on 12/09/2010
If you can be a stay at home mum then that is great, unfortunately there are a lot of women who can't anymore because of the economy. I know at the moment I cant stop work to stay at home unless I go on what lttle benefits I could get of the goverment. Plus at the moment being 13 weeks pregnant and in a part time position I think i am better off to stay working and go on maternity leave and when I can no longer be paid then yes i will be taking benefits off the goverment to stay at home with my babies. I say this because at the moment i pay tax, so I believe im in rights to take some time and help to raise my new baby.
Kathy - posted on 12/09/2010
I wish I could be a stay at home mom. My mom was at home, so to me it was something I wanted to be to, and it was something that I valued greatly. But we can't afford for me to stay home right now, so I work, and I miss my daughter greatly while I'm working. But my hubby is starting a new job soon that if all goes well might mean in the future I might get to stay home with my 14 month old!!!
Iysha - posted on 12/09/2010
everyone has their preferance....I have a friend that absolutely loves being a stay at home mom. She is great at it too. i personally hate it. i have been a SAHM for 10 months, since my daughter was 6 months, and i felt like i was losing my mind. i have worked for 6 years and am now 22 and I just find it hard to get motivated to do what needs to be done around the house and feel like I had cabin fever...like I said, everyone has their preference and mine is to work outside the home. It is good for some people and not for others.
Sarah - posted on 12/09/2010
I'm a SAHM & I wouldn't have it any other way! I worked full time at a hospital before I had my son and when he arrived, I decided that staying home with him was more important to me than anything. I think that if you have the means to stay home & it's what you really want to do, then go for it! :)
Kathy - posted on 12/09/2010
I stopped working when I had my son 18 months ago. Thankfully, my husband has a fabulous job and makes more than enough to support our growing family (we're having a lil girl in 4days!). I love being a SAHM. I miss going to work sometimes but I think its just the cabin fever occasionally lol. I do not think it's wrong to be a SAHM. Babies and children need their mother more than anyone else. Plus, you get to see all the milestones that you would miss while at work. If it's ecomonically possible for you, I totally recommend it.
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