Kinda personal but i need help

[deleted account] ( 10 moms have responded )

So I am only 18 years old and i have a 5 month old son. I never really got along with my mom or my sister and now my family doesn't not respect the rules i give them when around my son. For example my mom is a terrible smoker so i told her that she couldn't smoke around him and she had to wait a bit after each smoke to hold him, however she never once followed that rule. There are many other examples but, what can I do to get my family, especially my mom and my sisters to follow my rules about my son?

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Amanda - posted on 08/08/2010

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Please dont read this as a nasty comment, its not ment to be in any way, but your mom might have the idea in her head that its "my house, my rules" and she might also think of you as you didn't listen to my rules so i'm not gonna accept yours. So here's some of my advice, if your sons dad is around talk to him and see what he thinks of this whole situation and make a plan together. If his family is better about things maybe see about moving in there. If possible sit your mom down alone and have a rational conversation with her, and tell her your not going to argue so if it gets heated walk away and tell her will try again when things are calmed down. Stand your ground no matter what, your his mom. Remember too that your son is getting older so if he sees your family disrepecting you, he will grow up doing the same things to you. I hope this helps in some way. I wish you the best of luck and if you need anything else let me know

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10 Comments

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Varda - posted on 08/11/2010

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it's very difficult to change habits of people - don't expect to change them. this is your son and your 100% right to demand the best for him, try to explain your way and stand up to your way, it's important , they'll have to accept it at the end because you are the mother and what u demand is correct, I'm sure they know deep inside your demands are for the benefit of the baby

Allee - posted on 08/10/2010

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put your foot down girl. tell her, them, NO. you will NOT hold my son until you don't smell like smoke anymore. my mom waits.. if they care about their grandson/nephew they'll respect you, until then, tell them no.

Mah - posted on 08/10/2010

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I think you kinda have to put your foot down.

It may lead to an uncomfortable and a bitter debate/discussion but remember it's for your child. It's worth it.

Amanda - posted on 08/09/2010

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It sounds like you are still living at home, so I am sure that makes things difficult. This may seem harsh, but if your family is not respecting your choices for your son, then I suggest you withhold him from them until they can get it together. It doesn't matter if you are 18 or 38. He is your child, and YOU get to make the choices for him just like your mom made the choices for you. If they don't like it, they can lump it!

Nicole - posted on 08/08/2010

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Hopefully she doesn't smoke in the house. I grew up with both parents smoking in the house, it was torture!!! You just have to take control of the situation, so it's not a rule she is able to break. When she smokes, remove yourself and your baby from the situation. Do not allow your child to breathe it in. He is only a little baby and cannot speak for himself, you have to be his voice. Pick him up and leave the area and say we will be back after you have finished. Also, do not let her hold him until she washes her hands! My ped. warned me about that with my mother! the smoke will stay on their hands and babies love to put your fingers in their mouths, especially when they are teething!

You just need to express that although you may only be 18, you are a mother and your rules about your child need to be respected. If they gave birth to him, they could have it their way. Ask your mother how she would feel if her mother or siblings ignored her rules about you when you were a baby. Maybe they DID ignore them, then ask her to remember how horrible it made her feel at the time. Try to have this conversation when you are NOT angry, that way she won't feel as though she is "being attacked". (My mom loves to use that one). If you are calm, having a genuine conversation with her, odds are she will see you as more mature and maybe will finally see what you are trying to say. Good Luck!!! :)

[deleted account]

Enforce those rules yourself. If your mother fires up a cigarette... pick up the baby and take him to another room. Tell the baby while you are moving him, "we will come back and visit with Granny when her cigarette is done." (so Granny can HEAR you say this.) I wouldn't make a big fight of it... I would just do what I have to do to protect my child... no matter what the situation may be.
My mother loves to see my boy eat. ANYTHING. I keep catching her with the baby in the high chair and he's covered in chocolate... or pancake syrup... or ketchup.... I don't say a word... I take him out of the highchair, end her "MEAL" abruptly, take him to the bathroom and clean him up. Bring him back in the living room and get him interested in his toys. I don't talk about it with her, I don't bring it up. But when I find him in the highchair tearing up some Cheetos... I take him away from her. No argument... no words. My baby, My way.

Mihaela - posted on 08/08/2010

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i would tell that the best idea would be to move out... but how that's not always possible i guess you should make the things very clear, on and on again, untill they understand or just comply in order not to hear your "speech" again... another thing will be to be really firm on your position. as an example : if you say " don't hold the baby and smoke" then the baby should be "off limits" for at least half an hour after the cigarette is over. It may sound drastic but maybe is the only way for them to see that you really mean what you say ... good luck !!!

Cathy - posted on 08/07/2010

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There is plenty of literature around about the dangers of smoking and young babies. Maybe if you gave that to you mum and told her of your concerns she would understand where you are coming from. Sometimes older parents think that new mums are paranoid and they dont know the risks etc I would give that a try and see how you go. Good luck

Sasha - posted on 08/07/2010

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i have had some similar issues with family. you need to pull them aside and sit them down and make them understand that yes you may be 18 but you are a mother and that little boy is yourson and if they want to be apart of his life they need to understand and respect your rules. i know it might seem mean and hard but you need to be firm and agressive to get people to take you seriously when your a young mum. i hope that helps.

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