Letting grandparents babysit?

Morgan - posted on 03/15/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I am 25 years old and my first daughter is 8 weeks, my mom keeps pressing me to go out with the Hubby for dinner or to a movie so she can babysit, before she was born I thought I would have no problems leaving her with my parents, they did ok with me.....
but I find my mom seems a little nervous with Addilynn, I know its been 25 years since shes had to care for a baby but the way she holds her and moves her around constantly makes me nervous!!
I would love to go to a movie or anywhere alone with my Hubby and I am running out of excuses why I cant!!!! but how can I tell her without hurting her feelings that she needs to be more confident with the baby for me to feel comforatable leaving them alone??

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[deleted account]

I'm in the same situation but with my mother-in-law! It's tough........I just told her I'm not ready to leave her alone yet and I'm trying but I feel badly because she knows that my mom and sister-in-law have both taken my daughter before!

Elisa - posted on 03/16/2010

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Honestly, Just tell her! She's your mom, its not going to hurt your feelings (as long as youre not rude or mean) It will benefit you both to just stop using excuses and just tell her! That way she can spend quality time with her and you can have quality time with your husband!! Good luck!

Jodi - posted on 03/16/2010

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I know exactly what you mean! I felt so bad because I had no problem leaving our son with my fiance's parents, but my mother has a lot of anxiety, so I was really nervous leaving him with her. When we were in the hospital just after I had him, she was holding him and he started gagging, and she panicked and said "JODI!!!"...i had to say "relax mom, just pat his back." So after that I was really reluctant to leave her with him. Not because she wasn't capable, but because I know that if there was ever an emergency, she would panic! She would always tell me to go out and do stuff, and I started running out of reasons to say no, too. I could tell it was starting to hurt her feelings when I told her he was over at his other grandma's, so I started asking her to just watch him for a sec, while I ran here, or there, or had a shower. I started out with just little time frames, but still the longest he's been with her has been 2 hours, and he's stayed the night at his other grandma's a few times. And I flat out told her if anything happens don't be afraid to dial 911 lol. It's getting easier as he gets older! Good luck.

Susan - posted on 03/16/2010

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Hi there
I was fortunate that although I am in Switzerland and my mum is in the UK in that my mum was willing to come look after me for 2 weeks when I gave birth. I did not have the same problem as you as my mum took to holding Amber as though it was only yesterday that she was doing the same to me (and not 38 years ago!). However I was very nervous the first time I just went to the shop and left the baby with her 'Oma' (she objects to being a gran or grandma but likes the Swiss term). All was well and you do need some time away from baby. The person who seemed most uncomfortable holding the baby was my partner. Now he finds it much more easy to do but at first he was very stiff and uncomfortable.
Let your mom know you are not ready to leave your baby yet and tell her why, ask her if she is nervous and not confident - if she is offering to baby sit whilst you are not there she must feel up to the job?
If she does feel that nervous then ask her to be patient and tell her why - she is your mom and wants the best for you and your baby xx

Jane - posted on 03/16/2010

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Mmm that's a hard one!

My situation was made easier by my folks coz they were the same way, but they readily admitted it early on, as really they hadn't looked after a baby for a long time ( especially at night by themselves ), and they both actually told me that they were unsure and nervous about it !!

I kept prompting them to take my lil boy more often ( when I was with them ), and now they can't get enough of him, and readily look after him while my husband and I go out.

I would just be honest with her, and tell her your concerns. Surely your mum will understand.

If you are worried about upsetting her, maybe tell her that YOU aren't ready to leave your daughter alone, and give her more time to become used to her !!

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[deleted account]

Just tell your mam you're not ready to leave her alone. Do you mean for a couple of hours on an evening or actually sleeping over?

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