My baby is two months old. When do I let him just cry? His diaper is clean, he is full, and I have given him gas drops. When he is held, he quits crying. I guess I have spoiled him already. Help!

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Emily - posted on 05/28/2009

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He's 2 months old, cut the kid a break. Its impossible to spoil a newborn. You never just let a baby cry, never ever.

Brittany - posted on 05/31/2009

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Quoting Barbara:

You can't spoil a little baby by loving him. At 2 months, he has no concept of "she'll be back later." He has no sense of hope. When he is alone, he is hopeless. When you hold him, all is right with the world. He's not manipulating you, he's trying to tell you that he really needs you. When you teach him to "cry it out," you are teaching him that he cannot count on you to meet his needs. Throughout most of the world, leaving a baby alone is inconceivable. Throughout history a baby's place was in loving arms at all times. Our babies expect this at birth, and they don't know that we've changed the rules on them. Keep holding him and you will see how healthy and independent and trusting he becomes because he knows that you are always there for him, and it will give him a better outlook on life that will last him throughout his own.



I don't understand this, maybe my daughter is more advanced but she does think about what she's doing. She was like the OP's baby. She would cry until we picked her up. We'd hold her when she was awake or asleep and eventually we couldn't NOT hold her. We would hold her until she went to sleep and then lay her in her crib. She would wake up and cry immediately. We would try giving her the pacifier, checking her clothes and diaper, we knew she had been burped. When we put the bottle to her mouth to see if she was hungry, she would start sucking on it and when we picked her up to feed her she would exhale deeply, stop sucking, and just look around. She was only 4 weeks! She's 5 now.



 



She does have the concept of "they'll be back." Now, if she wakes up from sleep hungry and we're not immediately there because we were downstairs, THEN she will panic and you can tell by her cry that she thinks we've left her. At those rare moments it takes her a moment to calm her and assure her we're here. But I've been playing with her and my fiance walked out of the room. I noticed she kept leaning and looking out the corner of her eyes. I followed the path, she was looking at the open door. I moved her where she could see it better and she kept her head turned towards it. I layed her on the bed where she could still see the door. After a minute it sounded like someone was coming up the stairs. She started moving her arms and legs. It wasn't daddy and after a minute of him not coming in, she started crying until I took her to him. As soon as I put her in his arms she was content and just looked up at him. She's definately going to be a Daddy's girl.



 



At 5 weeks old, my daughter anticipates the bottle when she sees it and she even anticipates kisses. When she wants kisses she opens her mouth wide kind of like rooting but she won't take the pacifier or a bottle. I've played with her since she was born my kissing her mouth and it would make her open her mouth wide. I'd mimic it and now she'll look at us and open her mouth wide and move her head around until we give her kisses. Then she stops and gazes at her.



 



Maybe it's because children are different, but my daughter really seems to understand a lot. I just understand that 5 minutes to us is forever to her. I let her CIO once and now she's fine with it, it hasn't caused her not to trust us or be upset as long as it's not more than 5 minutes. I found that it was much harder for me than it was for her, but I have schoolwork and household duties to take care of also and I'm going to be going back to work soon so I figured I'd better get her straight now.

Jennifer - posted on 05/30/2009

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My child started to almost sleep through the night at 8 weeks. he is 4 months and for a month he has slept 10-12 hours straight. Why? Because we did let him cry it out, to a point. We started him sleeping in the crib from day one so I think that has helped alot. When he started to fuss at about 4am, we would get close to him and talk quietly to him and let him know he was okay. After a couple min, we would put a hand on his head, or tummy or feet so he knew we were there. Than if that didnt work, we would pick him up. but we never got to that point! But none the less, he went back to sleep.
before bed we would give him a bath, bottle and then when he was comfy in our arm, before he would sleep, we would put him in the crib still kindof away so he could see he was in the crib and that it was night night time. The first night he cried for 5 min, and then he was out. And from that day, its been pure bliss.

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Brittany - posted on 05/31/2009

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Quoting Tara:

Hello Jodi, I have only looked briefly over some of the responses. I guess I can put my 2 cents in. I do agree with most of them. I have a 6mo old little boy. YES he IS spoiled. Like everyone sayd every baby is different and I feel like some you CAN spoil!! I slo have 3 girls, 12yrs, 10yrs and 7yrs. All Of them slept through the night at 7 weeks old. Now on the other hand Eliab my boy is my last so of course I hold him and tend to his every cry. My doctor also said aww it is ok he will turn around and you can't spoil them, bull. He is spoiled. I love doing it but it is soooooo hard. I can not get anything done and he still sleeps with me cuddled in my boobies, he has to have them and wakes all night long just to be sure I am there. I have tried OLNY ONCE to let him cry it out ya that didn't work it was 1hr 45min later and he was still going strong and it broke my heart. He just is not one of those babies who will fall asleep crying or work it out. He know!!!!! eventually I will get him. You should start in little intervals letting him cry. 5min then 10 min and so on. Now with Little man I put him in his crib to fall asleep at night but I still have to sing to him and be right there till he falls asleep. When he wakes the first time I just put him in with me (my bad) but I am to tired. I will eventually start soothing him and putting him back in his crib to spend the rest of the night. Little baby steps. But my girls were all perfect. Never needed to be held, etc... But you constantly need to entertain Eliab or all hell breaks loose. But he is still PERFECT!! Let me know what you try and how it works for you!! Tara



I agree with you. My daughter was the same way. I would hold her as she was falling asleep. She would actually open her eyes just a tiny bit and look at me out the corner to see if I was still there. She would do it a few times before she fell asleep and thsi was BEFORE I ever thought about CIO. I did it because my mom and cousin told me I needed to. My cousin said she knows from experience with her 3 boys that if I didn't I eventually wouldn't be able to go to the bathroom without her. I was already at the point where if i laid her in her bouncer awake to use the bathroom she would scream.



 



I also have the bad habit of just letting her sleep in our bed after nightime feedings and I'm trying to break it.

Brittany - posted on 05/31/2009

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Quoting Tara:

Hello Jodi, I have only looked briefly over some of the responses. I guess I can put my 2 cents in. I do agree with most of them. I have a 6mo old little boy. YES he IS spoiled. Like everyone sayd every baby is different and I feel like some you CAN spoil!! I slo have 3 girls, 12yrs, 10yrs and 7yrs. All Of them slept through the night at 7 weeks old. Now on the other hand Eliab my boy is my last so of course I hold him and tend to his every cry. My doctor also said aww it is ok he will turn around and you can't spoil them, bull. He is spoiled. I love doing it but it is soooooo hard. I can not get anything done and he still sleeps with me cuddled in my boobies, he has to have them and wakes all night long just to be sure I am there. I have tried OLNY ONCE to let him cry it out ya that didn't work it was 1hr 45min later and he was still going strong and it broke my heart. He just is not one of those babies who will fall asleep crying or work it out. He know!!!!! eventually I will get him. You should start in little intervals letting him cry. 5min then 10 min and so on. Now with Little man I put him in his crib to fall asleep at night but I still have to sing to him and be right there till he falls asleep. When he wakes the first time I just put him in with me (my bad) but I am to tired. I will eventually start soothing him and putting him back in his crib to spend the rest of the night. Little baby steps. But my girls were all perfect. Never needed to be held, etc... But you constantly need to entertain Eliab or all hell breaks loose. But he is still PERFECT!! Let me know what you try and how it works for you!! Tara



I agree with you. My daughter was the same way. I would hold her as she was falling asleep. She would actually open her eyes just a tiny bit and look at me out the corner to see if I was still there. She would do it a few times before she fell asleep and thsi was BEFORE I ever thought about CIO. I did it because my mom and cousin told me I needed to. My cousin said she knows from experience with her 3 boys that if I didn't I eventually wouldn't be able to go to the bathroom without her. I was already at the point where if i laid her in her bouncer awake to use the bathroom she would scream.



 



I also have the bad habit of just letting her sleep in our bed after nightime feedings and I'm trying to break it.

Brittany - posted on 05/31/2009

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Quoting Barbara:

Letting babies "cry it out" does result in them sleeping in their crib and seeming to tolerate being left alone without their protectors for longer periods of time. It also tells them that their need to be held and loved is not right. Then they get an unshakable feeling that they themselves are "not right" and they may have to deal with the emotional reprocussions of this for a long time.
We are bigger and stronger and know more than our babies. But this doesn't mean that we should deny them the respect that they deserve. Things would be different if they could force us to do things we don't want to do in the way that we can force things onto them. But they can't. That's why they are given parents that automatically love them and can't stand to see them upset. Be there for your babies always. Don't leave them all alone to cry and cry until they just can't do it anymore and they give up. Remember, they're giving up on YOU.


Wow! How do you know that babies who are left to CIO feel like something is not right with them. Have you researched it and tested both ways on different babies or something? Interviewed them?



My daughter is fine. When she's awake, she's usually held, but she can tolerate about 10 minutes of being left alone. I'm just not going to hold her 24/7 because she won't sleep anywhere but in my arms.



When my daughter is always held, kissed, hugged and talked to. If it's not me or her father it's my cousin, her husband, or one of ther sons that we live with. I plan on teaching my daughter to be independent, but we plan on showing her love and attention too. I will make sure my daughter knows that mommy and daddy love her very much.

Brittany - posted on 05/31/2009

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Quoting Barbara:

You can't spoil a little baby by loving him. At 2 months, he has no concept of "she'll be back later." He has no sense of hope. When he is alone, he is hopeless. When you hold him, all is right with the world. He's not manipulating you, he's trying to tell you that he really needs you. When you teach him to "cry it out," you are teaching him that he cannot count on you to meet his needs. Throughout most of the world, leaving a baby alone is inconceivable. Throughout history a baby's place was in loving arms at all times. Our babies expect this at birth, and they don't know that we've changed the rules on them. Keep holding him and you will see how healthy and independent and trusting he becomes because he knows that you are always there for him, and it will give him a better outlook on life that will last him throughout his own.



I don't understand this, maybe my daughter is more advanced but she does think about what she's doing. She was like the OP's baby. She would cry until we picked her up. We'd hold her when she was awake or asleep and eventually we couldn't NOT hold her. We would hold her until she went to sleep and then lay her in her crib. She would wake up and cry immediately. We would try giving her the pacifier, checking her clothes and diaper, we knew she had been burped. When we put the bottle to her mouth to see if she was hungry, she would start sucking on it and when we picked her up to feed her she would exhale deeply, stop sucking, and just look around. She was only 4 weeks! She's 5 now.



 



She does have the concept of "they'll be back." Now, if she wakes up from sleep hungry and we're not immediately there because we were downstairs, THEN she will panic and you can tell by her cry that she thinks we've left her. At those rare moments it takes her a moment to calm her and assure her we're here. But I've been playing with her and my fiance walked out of the room. I noticed she kept leaning and looking out the corner of her eyes. I followed the path, she was looking at the open door. I moved her where she could see it better and she kept her head turned towards it. I layed her on the bed where she could still see the door. After a minute it sounded like someone was coming up the stairs. She started moving her arms and legs. It wasn't daddy and after a minute of him not coming in, she started crying until I took her to him. As soon as I put her in his arms she was content and just looked up at him. She's definately going to be a Daddy's girl.



 



At 5 weeks old, my daughter anticipates the bottle when she sees it and she even anticipates kisses. When she wants kisses she opens her mouth wide kind of like rooting but she won't take the pacifier or a bottle. I've played with her since she was born my kissing her mouth and it would make her open her mouth wide. I'd mimic it and now she'll look at us and open her mouth wide and move her head around until we give her kisses. Then she stops and gazes at her.



 



Maybe it's because children are different, but my daughter really seems to understand a lot. I just understand that 5 minutes to us is forever to her. I let her CIO once and now she's fine with it, it hasn't caused her not to trust us or be upset as long as it's not more than 5 minutes. I found that it was much harder for me than it was for her, but I have schoolwork and household duties to take care of also and I'm going to be going back to work soon so I figured I'd better get her straight now.

Brittany - posted on 05/31/2009

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My daughter is 1 month and I've aleady started it at night. She got the hang of it after the first night.

Barbara - posted on 05/30/2009

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I would keep picking him up he needs you. I went through it with my daughter I didn't let her cry until she was about 7 months she is now a year and sleeps pretty good from 730pm till 530 am

Natalie - posted on 05/29/2009

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Quoting Barbara:

You can't spoil a little baby by loving him. At 2 months, he has no concept of "she'll be back later." He has no sense of hope. When he is alone, he is hopeless. When you hold him, all is right with the world. He's not manipulating you, he's trying to tell you that he really needs you. When you teach him to "cry it out," you are teaching him that he cannot count on you to meet his needs. Throughout most of the world, leaving a baby alone is inconceivable. Throughout history a baby's place was in loving arms at all times. Our babies expect this at birth, and they don't know that we've changed the rules on them. Keep holding him and you will see how healthy and independent and trusting he becomes because he knows that you are always there for him, and it will give him a better outlook on life that will last him throughout his own.


barbara, you put that so beautifully, that was everything i wanted to say and just didn't get round to !!! totally agree with you. well said !!

Natalie - posted on 05/29/2009

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Quoting Barbara:

You can't spoil a little baby by loving him. At 2 months, he has no concept of "she'll be back later." He has no sense of hope. When he is alone, he is hopeless. When you hold him, all is right with the world. He's not manipulating you, he's trying to tell you that he really needs you. When you teach him to "cry it out," you are teaching him that he cannot count on you to meet his needs. Throughout most of the world, leaving a baby alone is inconceivable. Throughout history a baby's place was in loving arms at all times. Our babies expect this at birth, and they don't know that we've changed the rules on them. Keep holding him and you will see how healthy and independent and trusting he becomes because he knows that you are always there for him, and it will give him a better outlook on life that will last him throughout his own.


barbara, you put that so beautifully, that was everything i wanted to say and just didn't get round to !!! totally agree with you. well said !!

Natalie - posted on 05/29/2009

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personally i don't think you've spoiled him, remember your son has spent most of his life attached to you, your all he knows, if he wakes up, cry's and wants a bit of comfort I think you should comfort him, personally I think they haven't got a clue about anything, they don't even know where their hands are !!!!! so thinking a baby is just crying for attention is a big no in my head, they obviously need your comfort and warmth, they have no idea about manipulation at such a young age, my daughter is nearly 6 months and is only just realising if she yells or screeches from her cot she gets a response and we go to her ! she seems most amused by it !

however all that said i do think if your son is happy and content try and put him down when he is awake as much as poss, does help to teach them to put themselves to sleep, but like i say, only if he is chilled.

Emily - posted on 05/29/2009

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Quoting Diane:






Quoting Jenn:

I see a lot of different advice from picking up a crying baby equals spoiling to pacifiers, etc. As far as building trust and a bond with b aby, it is necessary to comfort baby. Now, this is not to jeopardize your sanity by any means, but don't feel bad if you have to leave him in a safe place and let him cry while you take 5 minutes to finally go to the bathroom or brush your teeth or 10 minutes of putting a dent in the pile of dirty dishes or laundry that have been avoided. You can guage how long of intervals you let him cry, there is no set time, but you shouldn't exceed 30 minutes.After 30 minutes if he is still crying, attempt to sooth again also checking diaper etc. and put him down again if you need to.
Whatever you do make sure you have a little take for you in all that give...
If you have someone that you can trust to not go off the deep end with a fussy baby, get respite. Go on a date or get groceries without a screaming baby.
If you don't have respite available, look into a state or fed funded respite center...in UT we have some places that are set up as respite for parents for free. It is designed so mothers or even parents don't get so overwhelmed that they...well, we won't go there... If you are in need of that and don't know where to look, the health department, hospital mother's center, the welfare/medicaid center and possibly the day cares or colleges may know one.
Good luck...






 






 






 









 






I think you nailed it perfectly here. I let my daugher cry it out at 2 months (i posted on this once before) and it lasted 15 minutes and she was asleep. Now I have a almost 3 month old son and we tried it the other night. After 20 minutes I rechecked him (diaper and that) and held him until he calmed down. His schedule right now, he get fussy every night at 6 and it last until 9. If I don't put him down and let him cry I wouldn't be able to get anything done. My daughter is now 2. I can't expect her to make herself dinner and put herself to bed.






 






Babies are little people. Even as adults most of us have a time or two when we just need a good cry. If your baby is fed, clean, and in a safe place there is nothing wrong with letting them cry for a bit so you can get stuff done or just mantain your sanity. They can also get overstimulated when you fuss over them so much, thus putting them down and letting them cry may just be what they need.





 



 



You let your 8 week old infant cry himself to passing out from sheer exhaustion so you could get things done!? maybe you shouldnt have had kids then if you're THAT busy.

Esther - posted on 05/29/2009

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I didn't read all the posts above so I'm sure I'm being repetitive, but you definitely cannot spoil a child that young. As for crying-it-out, I personally don't believe in it at all at any age (there are ways to teach your child to self-soothe without having to resort to that) but for a baby that young, I think it's nothing short of cruel. The only means of communication your baby has at that age is to cry for you. He needs you for everything. Responding to his cries just teaches him that he is secure, that you are there for him and that communicating works. I have never let my son cry (other than during tantrums now that he's older) and he is completely secure when he wakes up whether I'm there or not, started speaking early, is very good at communicating his needs and rarely if every cries. It's every mother's choice to make, but I feel like you often get presented with (and pressured into) the false choice between either letting them cry or never teaching them to be OK on their own (i.e. self soothe). That's just untrue in my experience.

Brandi - posted on 05/29/2009

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i kno its hard my daughter is two months old too.and im the same way. what i do is i put her in the crib and let her cry for 5 to 10 min. if she doesnt stop and start...i go and check her.

Diane - posted on 05/29/2009

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Quoting Jenn:

I see a lot of different advice from picking up a crying baby equals spoiling to pacifiers, etc. As far as building trust and a bond with b aby, it is necessary to comfort baby. Now, this is not to jeopardize your sanity by any means, but don't feel bad if you have to leave him in a safe place and let him cry while you take 5 minutes to finally go to the bathroom or brush your teeth or 10 minutes of putting a dent in the pile of dirty dishes or laundry that have been avoided. You can guage how long of intervals you let him cry, there is no set time, but you shouldn't exceed 30 minutes.After 30 minutes if he is still crying, attempt to sooth again also checking diaper etc. and put him down again if you need to.
Whatever you do make sure you have a little take for you in all that give...
If you have someone that you can trust to not go off the deep end with a fussy baby, get respite. Go on a date or get groceries without a screaming baby.
If you don't have respite available, look into a state or fed funded respite center...in UT we have some places that are set up as respite for parents for free. It is designed so mothers or even parents don't get so overwhelmed that they...well, we won't go there... If you are in need of that and don't know where to look, the health department, hospital mother's center, the welfare/medicaid center and possibly the day cares or colleges may know one.
Good luck...



 



 



 





 



I think you nailed it perfectly here. I let my daugher cry it out at 2 months (i posted on this once before) and it lasted 15 minutes and she was asleep. Now I have a almost 3 month old son and we tried it the other night. After 20 minutes I rechecked him (diaper and that) and held him until he calmed down. His schedule right now, he get fussy every night at 6 and it last until 9. If I don't put him down and let him cry I wouldn't be able to get anything done. My daughter is now 2. I can't expect her to make herself dinner and put herself to bed.



 



Babies are little people. Even as adults most of us have a time or two when we just need a good cry. If your baby is fed, clean, and in a safe place there is nothing wrong with letting them cry for a bit so you can get stuff done or just mantain your sanity. They can also get overstimulated when you fuss over them so much, thus putting them down and letting them cry may just be what they need.

Diane - posted on 05/29/2009

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Quoting Kathryn:

When he is held he quits crying because you are soothing him. It's probably a good time to start letting him self-soothe. It's hard before 12 weeks because most babies still have their fussy 2-3 hrs a day and of course its hard to listen to them cry. If you haven't done it yet put him down and let him cry. You might be surprised he may go to sleep within 15 minutes. If he doesn't, soothe him then put him down again. Its hard when they're this little. You'll find it will be easier in a month or two. My first sleep well. My second only wanted to be held. He had an issue with sleeping on his back. Babywise was a really good book that helped me realize sometimes they are happier and fall asleep quicker once they learn to self-soothe.



I agree. The first time I let my daughter cry it out was when she was just about 3 months old. She was full, clean, and all that stuff. She just wanted to be held constantly. We laid her down and she cried for about 15 minutes and passed right out. It was rough. Hearing her cry just about killed me but we've never had a problem getting her to go to sleep on her own since.

Ez - posted on 05/29/2009

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People told me I was spoiling my daughter by holding her so much when she was brand new. They told me I'd create a monster that I'd never be able to put down. And at times it can feel like that, when you get overwhelmed by how much you're NOT getting done, or when they cry the entire time you're in the bathroom or doing a load of washing. Even so, I never let her cry. Couldn't do it. If she was just grizzling I'd run around like a maniac to finish whatever I was doing, but as soon as she was actually upset I dropped everything. I don't really see any other way. Yes it can be hard, but guess what?? Now my daughter is nearly 4 months and actually cries for me to put her down on her mat and leave her alone lol. She knows I'm not far away and I believe that confidence comes from the fact that her every need was met immediately as a newborn.

Mel - posted on 05/27/2009

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i see this post is very old from 2008 but honestly you need to let them cry otherwise they are always going to want to be held. i spoiled mine when she was that age (everyone told me to but i couldnt see it) then i had to teach her i wanst going to pick her up all the time. now she stil wont go to certain people and still holds her hands out for us but getting so much better, plus she plays by herslef on the floor. i dont need to be there with her or holding her she just enjoys making her own fun

Kala - posted on 05/27/2009

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You're not spoiling him. He needs the comfort of his mommy. Try putting one of your worn t-shirts where ever he sleeps so he has your scent to self-soothe.

Alisha - posted on 05/27/2009

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Quoting Veronica:

Let him cry. Just stay with him and talk to him. Tell him "Mommy's here its ok" this way he doesn't get use to being held everytime he cries and the sound of your vioce will soothe him. You can spoil an infant. They start to think that crying gets them held insteed of getting them what they need!! Good luck!!


No, that is NOT true, you CANNOT spoil an infant. They were use to being snuggled nice and warm in the womb , and they should have the same when they are born. They cry for a reason and it is neglect not to tend to a crying baby.

Alisha - posted on 05/27/2009

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I am mom to a 7 month old. You cannot spoil a baby.. especially one that young.. Look it up on the net and you will read that. I have a 6 year old as well so I do know from experience. We always pick up my son when he cries. It is not right not to. It is their way of communicating that they want comfort, love or just to be held. My son also has no problem going to sleep on his own. He knows he is loved and we will come when he needs us. We always put him to bed awake and he always goes to sleep on his own, so obviously he isn't spoiled by us picking him up or holding him.

[deleted account]

Not sure where people are getting their information from but the World Health Organization (WHO) recommends that self-settling (cry it out or controlled crying methods) NOT be sttempted on an infant younger than 6 months of age.



You CANNOT spoil a baby...they NEED cuddles so they can learn that they are loved & they certainly don't need to be left in their cot to cry when they are just 8 weeks old.

Toni - posted on 11/12/2008

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Ok - Somebody mentioned about a recall on gas drops then said she couldnt find info. There was a recall and just google infant gas drops recall. Thought I'd share!

Toni - posted on 11/12/2008

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Ok - I'm going through some of the same problems and I appreciate all the advice everyone has written. I don't feel so bad now!

Breanna - posted on 11/11/2008

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my daughter use to be like that to a little she would kind of fuss when i put her down so i would just let her fuss and cry til she was really crying and not just a fake cry which she seems to do alot now. once they get older it gets so much easyier she soothes her self and everything is fine. just give it time.

Jenn - posted on 11/11/2008

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I see a lot of different advice from picking up a crying baby equals spoiling to pacifiers, etc. As far as building trust and a bond with b aby, it is necessary to comfort baby. Now, this is not to jeopardize your sanity by any means, but don't feel bad if you have to leave him in a safe place and let him cry while you take 5 minutes to finally go to the bathroom or brush your teeth or 10 minutes of putting a dent in the pile of dirty dishes or laundry that have been avoided. You can guage how long of intervals you let him cry, there is no set time, but you shouldn't exceed 30 minutes.After 30 minutes if he is still crying, attempt to sooth again also checking diaper etc. and put him down again if you need to.

Whatever you do make sure you have a little take for you in all that give...

If you have someone that you can trust to not go off the deep end with a fussy baby, get respite. Go on a date or get groceries without a screaming baby.

If you don't have respite available, look into a state or fed funded respite center...in UT we have some places that are set up as respite for parents for free. It is designed so mothers or even parents don't get so overwhelmed that they...well, we won't go there... If you are in need of that and don't know where to look, the health department, hospital mother's center, the welfare/medicaid center and possibly the day cares or colleges may know one.

Good luck...

Laura - posted on 11/11/2008

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You cannot spoil him. His self-soothing mechanisms aren't in place yet. He needs you to soothe him. Babies soothe with the S's Swaddling, Sucking, Swaying, Shooshing. In utero he was swaddled, you were moving, and he heard the sounds outside of you in addition to all the noises inside amniotic fluid moving your bowels. After three months old he will start to develop his own self-soothing mechanisms but right now he needs you. He will only be baby once enjoy holding him while you can.

Sonja - posted on 11/11/2008

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Hope you are coping OK. I agree with the comments about not just leaving him to cry it out, he's too young to understand and needs to feel secure. If a cuddle stops the crying, that's what he needed, its not always feed or nappies, sometimes they just need to feel your touch.

Also remember that you can't always stop the crying but its important to still make he knows you are there for him. Just rocking a bassinet or patting can be enough to let him know you're there.

Good luck and remember - they grow so quick this will pass really quickly, enjoy the cuddles why you can.

Katy - posted on 11/11/2008

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The nurses at the hospital told me that babies younger than 4 mos old are not neurologically developed enough to cry it out - that they do not have the ability to soothe themselves (that is where we come in : ) . I know it is tough - but one way to look at it is - they are only this little for such a short time when they want to be held and cuddled - in no time they will be squirming out of our arms. I am in the same boat - my daughter, 3 1/2 mos old, only goes down if she is already asleep - and only naps for about 35 - 45 minutes at a time. My pediatrician says she is a catnapper - she takes a short snooze between every feeding. Good luck!

Nathania - posted on 11/11/2008

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As many have mentioned, there is nothing wrong with holding your baby and comforting him.



I also believe there is nothing wrong with letting them cry a little. As I mentioned in my previous post, you can do a modified crying it out but going in every few minutes to comfort them and reassure them that all is good with the world. This teaches them to go to sleep on their own and we all know that rested babies are happy babies.



At this age, I agree - you can't ignore their cries for a long period of time. But even letting them cry for a few minutes gives them a chance to learn how to self soothe.

Joni - posted on 11/11/2008

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He isn't spoiled! I have 4, and I've tried different things with each. They cry for a reason, and you need to find out what that is. I'm not saying never let him cry it out a little, but what if you just felt alone, bothered, upset or scared and just wanted to be held...how would you feel if you were left in a dark room alone? It's tough, but it's proven that babies that are attended to when they cry and not left to cry it out, especially this young are much better off when they become toddlers. They understand when you need to let them be. A baby of this age, or even 6 months, doesn't understand. They only know they are being left. Sometimes babies just need to feel closeness. They were in a nice warm womb for 9 months, and now they are being left alone. My youngest has had the least amount of "crying it out time" and she is the happiest of my children by far. I know some will disagree with me, but understand that each child is different from the start and some do not like, or handle well, being left alone. They will be all grown up soon enough, enjoy this time to snuggle them!

Shawnie - posted on 11/11/2008

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2 months is too young to try crying it out. Most experts recommend if you are going to try that method to wait until at least 4 months (preferably 6 or later) until their sense of trust and security is established. If he quits crying when he's held, guess what? You just did the right thing. Nature gave babies a cry so they can communicate with us. A baby stops crying when he is held to tell mommy and daddy, thank you, that is what I needed!

Tara - posted on 11/11/2008

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My doctor said the same thing. It builds confidence and so on. Well I did do it and let me tell you if I had other small children or if I myself were not so attached to my little boy I would be in A LOT of trouble!!! He is 6mo and he is just terrible!!! I love it though cause he is my last and I am sooooo attached to. But it is SUPER hard!!! I think you just need to feel your own baby out. I would maybe start teaching him by 3 or 4 mo that it is ok to be set down. Mine is totally a mamas boy. Others were able to hold him too just as long as he was held but it is getting worse, now he sees me when others are holding him and he starts to cry. Oh-no!!

Meagan - posted on 11/11/2008

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I have read, that you should always pick up and sooth a crying baby at this age. It builts trust and confindence. Not until they are will over 6 months does the "spoiling" start. But the doctors say you can't spoil a baby at this age. So wouldn't let him cry.

Erica - posted on 11/11/2008

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Hey it sounds like your son is spoiled lol. My daughter will be 2 weeks thursday and i think i have spoiled her already. she likes to lay on my tummy and go to sleep and when i lay her down she wakes up most times. Good luck.

Tara - posted on 11/10/2008

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Hello Jodi, I have only looked briefly over some of the responses. I guess I can put my 2 cents in. I do agree with most of them. I have a 6mo old little boy. YES he IS spoiled. Like everyone sayd every baby is different and I feel like some you CAN spoil!! I slo have 3 girls, 12yrs, 10yrs and 7yrs. All Of them slept through the night at 7 weeks old. Now on the other hand Eliab my boy is my last so of course I hold him and tend to his every cry. My doctor also said aww it is ok he will turn around and you can't spoil them, bull. He is spoiled. I love doing it but it is soooooo hard. I can not get anything done and he still sleeps with me cuddled in my boobies, he has to have them and wakes all night long just to be sure I am there. I have tried OLNY ONCE to let him cry it out ya that didn't work it was 1hr 45min later and he was still going strong and it broke my heart. He just is not one of those babies who will fall asleep crying or work it out. He know!!!!! eventually I will get him. You should start in little intervals letting him cry. 5min then 10 min and so on. Now with Little man I put him in his crib to fall asleep at night but I still have to sing to him and be right there till he falls asleep. When he wakes the first time I just put him in with me (my bad) but I am to tired. I will eventually start soothing him and putting him back in his crib to spend the rest of the night. Little baby steps. But my girls were all perfect. Never needed to be held, etc... But you constantly need to entertain Eliab or all hell breaks loose. But he is still PERFECT!! Let me know what you try and how it works for you!! Tara

Archana - posted on 11/10/2008

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Hi Jodi... my baby is 2 months too... what works for us is a nice rattle... the baby is quiet and does a lot of exercising when we play the rattle for her... worth a shot!! also maybe you should try babywearing... babies like to be held all the time!! u can never spoil them by holding them

Jenn - posted on 11/10/2008

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Ok. I think I made a liar out of myself. I can't actually find the information on it. So, I apologize.

Jenn - posted on 11/10/2008

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Just for your info...I heard today that there is a recall on infant gas drops. Just something to point out. I know there is information on this site, if it helps... ksl.com

Gabrielle - posted on 11/10/2008

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I would recommend getting the book Healthy Sleep habits, Happy Child by Dr. Weissbluth. It talks about healthy sleep patterns for children at every age. It gives reccomendations for how to get your newborn into a napping scedule during the day. It does not recommend using the "cry it out" method until four months old. Don't worry about spoiling your baby right now. You are just bonding with him and establishing trust when you respond immediately to his crying at this stage.

Barbara - posted on 11/08/2008

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Letting babies "cry it out" does result in them sleeping in their crib and seeming to tolerate being left alone without their protectors for longer periods of time. It also tells them that their need to be held and loved is not right. Then they get an unshakable feeling that they themselves are "not right" and they may have to deal with the emotional reprocussions of this for a long time.
We are bigger and stronger and know more than our babies. But this doesn't mean that we should deny them the respect that they deserve. Things would be different if they could force us to do things we don't want to do in the way that we can force things onto them. But they can't. That's why they are given parents that automatically love them and can't stand to see them upset. Be there for your babies always. Don't leave them all alone to cry and cry until they just can't do it anymore and they give up. Remember, they're giving up on YOU.

Judy - posted on 11/08/2008

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You CANNOT, repeat CANNOT spoil a child. When you pick a child up while they are upset, they are learning that they can rely on you. This is a time when your child needs to be learning trust, not independence (that will come too soon!). When your child knows they can rely and trust in you, they actually take the steps to independence with much more confidence and self assurance. Your maternal instincts are telling you to pick him up for a reason. Babies weren't given to us to be left in a crib to cry. Pick him up. Human contact is a basic need, just like food and dry clothes.

Alisha - posted on 11/08/2008

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Under 6 months you are not supposed to let them cry it out. They will trust you more if you quickly respond to them.

Kimberley - posted on 11/08/2008

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Hi,

my son is 6 1/2 months old. Before he was born I decided that for the first 3 months (at least) of my baby's life I would respond and pick him up anytime he cried. I felt we needed to estblish trust and security. I followed advice from the book 'happiest baby on the block'. I thought I was pretty clever when I learnt how to sooth Lucas in an instant and 'jiggle' him off to la la land. Well, little did I know, I was training him to rely on all these soothing techniques. I became a slave to bouncing him to sleep. He was and still is a terrible sleeper. He has never slept through the night. The rare nights when he only wakes up twice are a godsend. Usually he is up 3 or 4 times. I had to resort to cry it out at 5 months old as I was so desperate for sleep. By the way, we didn't co-sleep because Lucas would rarely settle and go to sleep, and if he did, I couldn't sleep. We have had limited success with cry it out. My message is this: don't listen to what anyone tells you about what your baby will do, if you do such and such, or if they tell you they will get better at a certain age.... In my opinion, babies are all different and have very different personalities and temperments, just like adults do, and you have to get to know YOUR baby and figure out what is going to work in your household. When Lucas was really little I kept holding my breath for all those magic moments people told me about, first they said at 6 weeks things get better, than it was 3 months, then I read that at 6 months their daytime sleeping pattern matures (yah right!)... for us things just slowly and gradually improved, but I would still love to have him sleep better, day and night (naps are bad too). Just try to accept your situation and lower your expectations so that you don't get so frustrated, and do what feels right.

good luck!

Mary - posted on 11/08/2008

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Everyone is different, but we practive attached parenting. My baby is two months old and when he crys we respond. He can't tell us what he needs. Crying is the way that he communicates. The way we got him used to playing on the floor or being set down while we did something is we would put him down but stay with him. Leave our hands on his stomach or back, make sure he knew that we weren't gone. And now he plays on the floor or sits in his bouncy seat with no problem.

Jana - posted on 11/08/2008

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There is no such thing as spoiling a baby. My baby is just starting this phase at 7 months. Does he like to be swaddled? I had a vibrating crib that soothed my baby. Have you tried that? Good Luck!

Heidi - posted on 11/07/2008

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Karilee - I agree with you and would love to hear how you did it. I'm having the same problem (during the day mostly). My LO will sleep in her crib at night until 4am and then wants to be held to go back to sleep. Did you just let you baby cry it out? How long did it take?

Karilee - posted on 11/06/2008

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Ok, I've read all the replies and I just have to post something. Since birth, I held my son and had him sleep on me (on his stomach). He slept amazingly well and was sleeping all night by 2 months. I soon discovered my big mistake. Because I did this, he would not sleep ANYWHERE else but on me. No carseat, no bassinet, no swing, and definitly NO CRIB. I realized I was in big trouble. I was at the Dr. for his 8-week well-check and they told me I needed to let him cry it out starting at 10 weeks. They said a baby at that age should be sleeping through the night at this point unless they are really small. They gave me a whole process to follow that wouldn't "psychologically" damage him. The first night was hell and it only got better after that. My son is now 3 months and is sleeping from 7pm-8:30am in his crib and getting a feeding at 10pm and 6am. Whenever he wakes up, he just soothes himself right back to sleep. It's amazing!



I know plenty of moms who didn't do it that way and maybe think that is "mean' (every mom does it their own way). You do what your momma gut tells you. My sister-in-law thinks I was crazy, but her 4 year old still sleeps with her and her husband and her 1 year old is still getting rocked back to sleep. NO THANKS!

Christian - posted on 11/06/2008

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I have a 6 month old and I am just now getting to the point where I will let him "work it out" but I NEVER let him cry more than 5 minutes or if there's a change in his cry. It's worked out pretty well. If he cries longer than 5 minutes than I know that he's probably hungry or wants rocked back to sleep...You cannot spoil a baby. When they cry, they want something. Until they get to a certain age, they aren't trying to train you. Love on your baby...he's only this little and cuddly once! Also...check out babycenter.com. I get emails weekly from them about what my son may be doing during this week of his development. Plus it's an overall great website! Hope this helps you. Good luck :)

Nathania - posted on 11/06/2008

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I had the exact same problem as you. My son is now 10 weeks old and was so inconsistent in his napping. He would always fall asleep in the sling or Baby Bjorn but when put down for naps by himself he would cry. Before 2 months of age, I wasn't willing to let him "Cry it Out" but we had reached a point where we were both ready to do some "sleep training". Just as others have mentioned, you let them cry for a few minutes and they go comfort them. It generally takes three days (I really didn't believe it would get better because they cry A LOT those first three days). After 3 days - a week you will see major progress.



Now, it's not perfect but it's SO much better. He never skips naps anymore. I usually don't even have to pick him up to soothe him anymore, I just smooth his cheek and tell him it's ok.



Another thing I learned was I might have been keeping him up too long (sometimes people think if they are sleepier, it's better. Nope... it makes it harder for them to fall asleep. My guy now goes down between 45 minutes - 1 hour of wake time (you time from your feed... so if you started feeding at 7:00 am, he should go down no later than 8:00am. this helped immensely)



And dont' worry, you aren't spoiling him... just comforting him.



It will get better. This too shall pass. :)

Tanya - posted on 11/06/2008

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I agree with everyone, you cannot spoil your baby. I had the same problems - all you have to remember is that this is a stage, it will pass and another stage will begin. If he is crying, pick him up, keep trying to soothe him then put him down or in a chair, if he cries, pick him up. It's hard sometimes, but it will pass.

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