Erica - posted on 05/23/2010 ( 12 moms have responded )
Making The decision to Move To Florida
Brett and I had kind of played around with the idea about my daughter and I moving to Florida throughout our relationship and he had told me that he’d help me get back to Minnesota if things ended up not working between us. Which I figured it wouldn’t be for a couple years yet if we stayed together long enough long distance. We never set any date until I found out I was pregnant. I had, had second thoughts about moving at that time since all my family, friends and such were here. I had daycare lined up and everything here, but I felt an obligation not only to Brett but my unborn son to at least try. Not to mention he made it sound as though if I didn’t I was automatically a single mother once again but with 2 children. So I stayed true to my word and moved with the mind set he’d help me get back if we did not work as a couple as he had once stated before.
Living With His Family
When we first moved to Florida my daughter Angel and I moved into Brett’s mother’s house with him and his mother and a distant relative Pam. He’s never moved out of his parents house at almost 27yrs old.
Within the first day or 2 I had asked his mother this is your home what are you expecting of me to keep things running smoothly while we stay here. All she said was, “ Just clean up after yourself and don’t leave dishes in the sink I hate that. This is your side of the house do as you please.” While gesturing to the left side of the house. And I respected that and did that. Yeah once in a while not often! I did forget a bowl in the sink in the morning when Angel was being pokey and we needed to get out the door for school.
They really didn’t allow us anytime to adjust to our new move away from everything we had ever known. There was SO much for just Angel and myself alone to adjust to. Karen (Brett’s mother) wanted a picture perfect model home at all times. It definitely wasn’t what my daughter and I were used to. So there was definitely some needed room to adjust right there.
Within the first 2 weeks his mom took me out and asked me if I were depressed and that she wanted me to vacuum her house every 2 days because she worked all day and didn’t want to come home and do it herself. How Brett worked all day in the hot sun and I needed to have dinner one the table ready for him when he walked in the door and how he was the man and I needed to let him make all the decisions in life so I didn’t hurt his pride. Which I thought was rather rude. Had she just asked me politely to vacuum every couple days I would have been more than happy to do so. I also didn’t appreciate her telling me how I was to run my life. I would prefer to wait for Brett to get home to talk about dinner together, because he did work the first month we lived there, and there were just times I didn’t feel like cooking. He was a big boy and made himself food before I arrived. I figured it wouldn’t kill him to do it himself once in a while. I’m not exactly your 1900’s housewife.
It was always about catering to Karen and Brett’s needs and wants. Living with his mom was rather tough… she had a very nosy, bossy, controlling behavior, and I always promised myself I would not allow anyone to try and control me and order me around like a mindless creature or what not. She had tried to order me around on when it was ok to make my appointments so it didn’t interfere with Brett’s business although it was ok for his sister to interfere to watch his nephew the first week he started it. Then I ended up watching him. Which I made appointments at the time that I did so that he could come if he chose to, because he was usually home by that time. She’s gone as far as reading my mail without my permission and ordering me around on what to do about it, even though I had already taken care of it. Yes, it was open already but it was stuck back into the envelope.
My daughter and I felt very out of our element from the beginning. It didn’t take long before I found a very good friend in Erin Wilson. Which you could tell Karen and Jolene (Brett’s sister) did not care for since Erin and Jolene had a falling out right after I had moved down. Erin understood how his mom and sister are. I ended up spending a lot of time at her house with Brett and my kids trying to escape the constant feeling of every move my daughter or myself made being judged and ridiculed. I figured the less we were there the less they had to complain about and pick at. I didn’t confide in Brett with how I felt with his mom or the things I didn’t appreciate since it was his mom I didn’t want to make him feel like he was stuck between a rock and a hard spot, even though I had felt that way. It didn’t take long for his mom to start nitpicking at everything I did or did not do. In example: Brett had made a frozen pizza, Brett got done first and started to wash his own plate then Angel and then started her homework in which she asked me to help, finishing my piece of pizza I walked over to help in the mean time Brett had grabbed our dishes and washed them well evidently that was a huge problem with his mom. He cooked so I should have done the dishes.
Angel had left a couple of dolls in the front room once and we went to Erin’s not noticing they were sitting there on our way out, and when his mom got home she called Brett and flipped a lid that they were still there, then stated we needed to get home and pick them up. From that point on I told Angel just to play with her toys in her room or mine and Brett‘s room. Well then it became that Angel’s room was always a disaster which I cleaned myself a couple times a week but it was not good enough, and was usually just her closet she‘d throw her dirty clothes on the floor of her closet.
I was told by Pam that when we’d leave Karen would snoop in our rooms and bathroom and check on how clean they were. After a while I just really started to recent her for being the way she was towards us and not appreciating the sacrifices my daughter and I had made to come there to be a family. We are very close to our relatives in Minnesota.
She would barge into our room at whatever time in the morning yelling at Brett for something. I’d go to our room to feed Brandon for a little privacy cause I breast feed and so I didn’t have to put a receiving blanket over him (I’ve never really cared for that, I can’t stand having a blanket over my head I didn’t want to do that to him if I didn’t have to.) and she would just walk in and stare at him eating which I always found to be VERY uncomfortable. One time Brett had forgotten a dirty bottle on the counter and the trash was full from the night before. Well she came busting through our door just as I was waking up about to get dressed, with Brandon still asleep in there in his crib, screaming. Sometimes it was hard to understand her since she has a deep raspy voice. So I went out to the kitchen, not noticing right away Angel was following right behind me, I asked her what was wrong. She kicked down the garbage can and chucked the bottle across the room and started screaming that the house was a disaster because of those 2 things with my daughter standing right beside me then started slamming stuff on the counter. I immediately walked away with my daughter. I felt Angel could not be a 6 year old child there, and I did not like it. Not being comfortable there Angel and I went to Erin’s a couple streets down often, and Brett usually attended as well.
The first week I was there they would get on me about going out and driving around to find my way around. In which I thought was kind of pointless and a waste of money and money we could not afford to be wasting. I’m not the type to drive around aimlessly with no destination I figured I’d learn my way around as I went, or when I was with people that knew where they were going, and I also have a GPS so when I did need to go somewhere I didn‘t have a problem finding it. They took it as I was depressed and/or lazy and had no ambition.
I was told of being disrespectful by Karen because I washed the dishes myself and my daughter ate off of during the day and left her coffee cups, no it wouldn’t have been hard to wash those too but if figured she’s the one who said she hated dishes in the sink and left them sit there, I figured I was doing my part and she was a big girl capable of cleaning up after herself as well I did not move down there to be her live in maid. She had complained that after eating once I opened the dishwasher and asked if the dishes were clean and she told me yes that I closed it again to wash the dirty dish in my hand. I guess I was supposed to put the dish down and empty the dish washer first.
His sister and nephew Jereme moved in the last 2 weeks to a month we lived there and things only got worse. Jereme is 10 years old and I was in my room putting clothes away and I could hear Jereme down grading Angel. She asked him how to spell toy and he just went off on her telling her how stupid she was for asking such a stupid question she was in first grade she should know how to spell toy, and he just wouldn’t drop it. He kept going until she started balling. I went out there to stop it and there Karen sat in the kitchen and listened to the whole thing and never said a word to stop it or anything. She just walked around going about her business pretending she didn’t hear any of it. He was known to be a bully to her and other kids, and just kind of bad behavior in general. Before I moved down Brett was always talking about having to go get Jereme or watch Jereme cause he had been suspended from the after school daycare or suspended from school. An acquaintance Nikki witnessed Jereme punch her 3 year old son Owen in the face, and when Jolene was told about it. She said he’d never do such a thing and that was the end of it. I myself witnessed him hit Angel, I corrected him telling him I would not tolerate hitting and that it was wrong to hit girls. He just looked at me so I asked him, “Hasn’t anyone ever told you that before?” and he told me no. So I asked him to apologize and he did. Well Jolene caught wind of it and got all huffy with me telling me that he never hit her and that Angel was a liar, with her standing right next to her, and that if he did do it why would she still play with him. Then snapped, “ Maybe they shouldn’t play together anymore.” So I told Angel to stay clear of Jereme for a couple days until things seemed to calm down, because I was afraid she’d go to play with him and Jolene would rip into her for it, as I did not know her very well at all. Then that turned into a fight that I was wrong for telling Angel that, it had hurt Jereme’s feelings, yet it was ok to do what Jolene had in front of Angel, calling her a liar and all. And that nothing would ever cool down there with my attitude…I’d like to know what my attitude was I was just trying to keep the piece not once did I spout my mouth of to anyone in that house.
The whole 7 months we lived in her house it was the house vs. me. After awhile I attempted to confide in Brett here and there about the things that was bugging me at his mom’s house. Well that didn’t do much he just tried to justify everything she did as trying to help, and didn’t even try to see it from my point of view. I begged Brett to get out before Brandon was born, because I knew it would only get even more worse. And it did. Everyone was concerned how much Brandon spit up and that he cried so much and he was in such great pain, which it was not a painful cry it was more of cranky thing if anything it was him sensing all the stress and tension. You could tell the difference between cranky or that I’m in pain cry, and not only that he would be fine all day when we were at Erin’s house it always kicked in when we got home, and for a while he had a fussy period at night from like about 8:00PM to around 9:30PM anywhere in that time frame he’d get cranky and fight sleep. But I ended up making an appointment and asked him about it, his doctor said he was gaining good weight he was healthy. Well that wasn’t good enough for them they wanted me to make another one and I told Brett to come with what was the point of me going by myself again when they didn’t believe me the first time. At first he refused but then finally gave in the next day. The doctor prescribed an antacid to try and see if it helped, which there was no change so I stopped giving it to him and they told me I was wrong for that. I told the doctor that his mom was trying to get me to quit breast feeding and he strongly suggested against it he said don’t let anyone talk you into that, that breast milk was best for him, and Karen and Jolene still kept pushing formula telling me its better for him, always making me feel insufficient as a mother. Brett would often take what his mother said to heart over what I said or felt even with the back up of his pediatrician all because she was a nurse (that worked in senior livings) and had 2 children herself.
Angel started to pee her pants EVERYDAY at school and at home the last couple weeks we lived there. I didn’t catch on right away. I thought well maybe it’s an attention problem with the new baby and all, but then Pam pointed out that it may be due to stress with the house hold. Karen had said that I was nothing but a lazy bitch and she could not stand looking at me and that I was trying to come between Brett and his family. With the problem Angel was having and the last big fight in the house. I told Brett I was taking Erin up on her offer to stay with her until we could get on our feet whether he came with or not I was not going to put up with it anymore. I hardly shared how I felt or experienced with his mom because she was his mom, and I didn’t want any hard feeling or for it to come between Brett and I. We started moving things out and we got what we could done for the day, this was a Saturday. I was going to wait until Monday to start getting the rest of our things, because I didn’t want to see his mother. Before I had the chance his mom took liberty of going into only Angel’s room taking all her things breakables and all throwing them into garbage bags. With no consideration of my daughter’s things and set it all outside. Didn’t go into our room at all. Then Brett said our door was locked (as if she didn’t know about the little keys that sat above every door frame in the house….) and that she was just trying to help and she didn‘t have boxes available… Angel’s favorite Ariel lamp that my grandmother had bought her got broken. Her class picture was all wrinkled….DVD’s out of their cases just thrown into the bags… I was so furious with her after that. You don’t do that to anyone’s things never mind a six year old‘s …
Then Brett wanted to take the kids over to her house 2 weeks later and I refused after what she had done. I had no respect for her after that. Well of course that turned into a big fight with Brett and I, in which he threatened that he almost hit me. That was the only time I refused to let the kids go with Brett over there although I didn’t care for the idea, I just didn’t want it all to come between Brett and I. Before we had moved we had let his mom take Brandon to the nursing home she worked at a few times and the first time Brett went with and it was while my family was down to visit for a week and a half and it just couldn’t wait… well anyway, the second time, she came back and his car seat was not fastened properly she acted like it was no big deal. Then she wanted to take him a third time and I told Brett make sure you make her fasten it properly and watch her do it, I reminded him of the last time, and he got a little defensive but he said he would. Well she brought him home and once again his car seat was not fastened properly and not only that she did not fasten the car seat period! And once again she acted like it was no big deal and neither time bothered to call either one of us to make sure it was fastened properly or to even to come get him. Brett and I got into a fight about the kids being with his family alone I was not comfortable with it when it came to Jolene it was always how they all talked about how vindictive and jealous she was of Brett, “She’s always had it out for Brett since the day he was born.“ is what all have told me. I didn’t know her well enough to know what she was capable of. I never seen or talked to her much… my gut just told me no…
Karen, Brett and Pam expected me to buy everyone in the house food with my food assistance. Brett said its free money it was the least we could do staying in a brand new house with no rent which she was not paying either she was letting her house go. First of all his mom wanted us to stay there to get on our feet but at the same time at first wanted 600 a month for rent when Brett was working. Second of all we were broke that’s why we had the food stamps they weren’t meant to feed the whole house they were for “our” little family. I told Brett I don’t know how many times I didn’t want to be rude but the ebt card was meant to feed “our” family that would could not afford to feed the whole house. We needed to make sure food was put into the kids bellies before theirs’, they had jobs and were capable of feeding themselves. My family had come to visit and Karen wanted to make them dinner and said she’d call when she was ready for everyone and I said ok we’d be there. Then she demanded my ebt card to buy the food for everyone. I was just dumbfounded and with out even thinking I handed her the card and I told her I only had about $200 to last the whole month. She said she wouldn’t come anywhere near that. We came for dinner I asked what she spent with the card… she spent $170 on groceries for her and the dinner with my ebt card! When I still had to buy groceries and things for Angel’s lunches for school. And Brett couldn’t understand why I got so angry.
Brett’s help with the kids and financially
Brett has hardly helped me with our son Brandon. Which I’m sure he’ll try to tell you I wouldn’t allow him which is not even close to true. I never denied him to help I either just did it my self or asked for him to pitch in frequently to share the experience and he just wouldn’t put any effort in so I’d take over or he‘d say no he didn‘t want to do it. While we were living with our friends Erin and Cris Wilson he got a little better by feeding Brandon baby food when I’d ask now and then. But even while we stayed there Erin gave me more relief than he ever did.
Brett only really worked the first month we moved down there, but yet all throughout my time in Florida EVERYDAY Brett had some where to go to and left me home with the kids, and when he was home he’d sit down and play Xbox Live all the time or sit in front of the TV. Yes, he’d ask first and I said it was ok, but he acted as though cause I said yes I couldn’t bother him to help with Brandon or Angel. I used to joke with him when Brandon had a messy diaper and hand him to Brett (when he was actually home) and say your turn! I never had the option of someone else changing the diaper with my daughter so I took advantage of it when I could just cause I could. Not that it bothered me to change a diaper, because it didn’t, and he’d get mad and told me I needed to ask him politely to change his diaper.
For the most part I had to push him to help. Yes, he did help pick up Angel from school but only when I asked. Which wasn’t often at all. When I did it was usually cause I’d give him the option of going to get Angel and Caleb from school or staying home with Brandon, and he chose going to the school. In the beginning I could not take Angel to school without Brandon. I ended up begging him to keep him home with him while I picked her up, cause I had to sit in a line of cars for at least 10 minutes or so before Angel actually got in the car and he was usually screaming by that time and there was still 15-20 minutes to get home. Even when he did keep him home so I could get her he complained that he cried the hole time and he didn’t know what to do with him and I would always find him crying frantically in his crib or he had already cried himself to sleep before I got home. One time in particular he called me very upset with Brandon crying frantically in the background telling me I had to hurry up and get home before he killed him and he was ready to leave him alone and take off in the truck. That’s when I started giving him the option I just mentioned previously. He could not handle him on his own. I have at LEAST 2 witnesses hear him say that if I left the house Brandon left too. I was not allow to leave without him. And that’s how it was too no where did I go without the kids except when we moved to 14th pl Angel’s school was only 5 minutes up the road so he keep him home once in a while in the morning if he didn’t give me a guilt trip about waking him up to do so.
I could not go to the store without taking him and I asked him if he’d at least come with to help me that it was difficult to go grocery shopping with a small infant, and he always refused. He told me there are millions of single moms in the world that have to do it alone I could do it too. So I ended up having Erin go with me in the beginning just to get some help until he got to the age where you could play with him and he‘d interact with you. Or just to get out of the house by myself for once I had to bribe Brett with 2 hours of Xbox Live uninterrupted.
Brett would not take him to any of his doctor appointments nor attend them with me except the 1 appointment I talked about previously, and still refused that one to begin with. And I have asked him many times if he’d take him to the appointments where he has to get shots its painful as a mother to have to watch him go through that. He always told me that he wont remember it and its over before you know it, I’m not doing it. He acted as though it was no big deal for him and knew it hurt me to watch it but would still refuse to do it for me. Told me it’s a mothers job to take the kids to their appointments.
After we had moved out of his mother’s he would only take the kids over to his moms like once or twice a month that was the only time he took them anywhere by himself and he was only gone for maybe 1 to 2 hours max, and Brandon was usually crying when he got back. It got to the point where I’d just bring Brandon into the shower with me cause EVERYTIME I got out of the shower Brandon was crying and I would have to rush to get my clothes on to go and sooth him. All way up until the day I left I had to do that.
I’d ask Brett to come get Brandon out of the kitchen while I was going dishes or cooking because he sat there pulling at my pants crying, and all Brett was doing was watching TV and he always refused. He told me what’s the point he’s just going to go back out there. He wouldn’t even pick him up and play with him or see what was wrong with him so I could finish what I was doing. His solution to everything with Brandon was just let him cry. Brandon never went to Brett when he needed something whether it was a diaper change, hungry thirsty, or just to be held or played with. He always came to me, and Brett’s said it himself several times its cause I always pick him up to see what’s wrong with him. He never tried to see what may be wrong with him first l always had to put down what I was doing and tend to him.
He acted as though because he worked one day a week for MAYBE an hour with his lawn care business, it was my responsibility to do everything else with the kids and the house. And I mean EVERYTHING. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, bathing, homework, appointments, shopping, taking Angel to and from school, taking care of the kids all day everyday alone, you name it, it was up to me in his eyes. Well he started to do laundry when we moved to 14th pl. only because we didn’t have a washer and dryer there and he washed them at his moms. He always argued it was MY duty as a mom which don’t get me wrong it IS but last I checked it was a father’s as well. I signed up for 2 kids with a partner and provider what I had was 3 kids… He would throw clothes on the floor, pee in the toilet and leave it, stack things on the dresser and it was ok I was supposed to clean it up. But if I or the kids left something somewhere and I happened not to notice or clean it up right away he told me he’d just leave it sit waiting to see how long it took me to pick it up. Even when it came to laundry he told me that he never used to put his clothes away before I came, they’d sit in a basket in the bottom of his closet, but yet it was SO important for me to fold the laundry and put everyone’s clothes away right out of the dryer. Cause yes I had a tendency to get a little lazy once in a while, and not fold the laundry right away out of the dryer.
I bought him clothes… shirts, shorts, boxers, and socks. I bought his food he ate in the house. I’ve given him money for his bills when he was short a couple times. He pitched in once in a while for food not much. While he played with his money and did what he wanted and paid his bills. Ok, he bought 2 boxes of diapers and wipes, and his latest car seat. And when I actually spent it on things that wasn’t exactly needed it was a problem like a movie or toy for the kids. I pretty much supported all of us. I bought almost all the food. Whether it was my ebt card, my debit or cash. Rarely did he pitch in and when he did it was small amounts. I bought him and the kids clothes. I paid for all the stuff we needed when we moved out of Erin’s, dishes, kitchen utensils, etc. Oh excuse me he bought some cleaning supplies and a vacuum. Yes he did help me with some car repairs but I more than paid him back with a brand new flat screen TV that he wanted.
For the last month his uncle had come down. Now granted, yes, I did say have fun with him while he’s here, I’d want to do the same if any of my family were here, but I wasn’t expecting him to be gone nearly as much as he was. I thought it’d be something like when my family was visiting. We all hung out together Brett and my family. I saw his uncle twice in the month he was down and Brett was gone with him everyday all day even on my birthday from sun up to sun down. There was also an overnight trip once. I would have spent my birthday alone with my kids at home if an acquaintance Kelli hadn’t come and took me and the kids out of the house. He never took any of the kids with him when he’d hang out with his friends just left me home with them. Never invited any to come over much. I even called him once when he was out with his uncle and he was at a park with what I think were his uncle’s grandchildren, and he didn’t even bother to invite us to go along.
Mine And The Kids Relationship With Brett
Everything always had to be his way there was no compromising. He would nag at me about me smoking cigarettes and how much I drank soda all the time. Not saying that either one is healthy for you but he would always point the finger at me. Yet if you tried to bring up how he did chew tobacco or how much he drank alcoholic beverages he wouldn’t want nothing to do with the conversation or even get really defensive. He drank beer everyday at least 3-6 cans or bottles. Then he stopped buying beer and went to mixed drinks with vodka, and would have at least 3 tall glasses.
He never really showed me much affection once I moved down to Florida. I mentioned to him a few times I’d wish he’d cuddle before we’d go to sleep, but he always said what’s the point we’re going to sleep. Yes, he told me he wanted me to come on to him more but again that was kind of where the cuddling came into play. There was no romance. The only complement I ever got was on my breasts. He was always commenting on how beautiful another woman were that he saw.
He could get very insensitive. While Erin’s husband Cris was still in the marines over seas. She was having trouble with some kid and some neighbors messing with her house since Cris is a police officer. And there was one night during the summer Brett had left Erin’s before me. I stayed behind a little bit to watch big brother with Erin. Well on Brett’s way out he noticed a suspicious character walking towards Erin’s and called us to lock the doors. Well Erin ended up calling the police and had another officer Josh Wilson come and check things out. Well I asked Brett if he would bring me some more diapers so I could stay with Erin she was scared to be home alone. He told me no I needed to get home what could I do if someone broke in. I tried to explain to him it wasn’t even about that it was about being there and supporting a friend. Then there was when an acquaintance that lived across the street from Erin had come over just as I was about to leave telling us how her dog she had for 14 yrs had just past away the night before and she was very upset about it. I stayed for a little while longer to talk to her about it with Erin. I felt it would be very rude just leaving, and Brett got angry with me telling me it was just a stupid dog and I needed to get home.
He had a tendency to get pretty verbally abusive. With Brandon he would called him a “little fucker” fairly often when he actually did change him and he was not wanting to sit still long enough to get a diaper back on or clothing. At first Angel would get excited and run and give him a hug when he’d get home, but it didn’t take long and she stopped. He’d get up set every time Angel would ask for a random hug or kiss and just randomly tell me she loved me and not him. But that was something I started with her when she was really young and we still do to this day. He always yell at Angel for laughing too much. Telling her she had a weird sense of humor and laughed at stupid things. I must have gone to the gas station it was about the only place I went without either kids, and while I was gone Brandon had spit up on Brett and Angel laughed at it. When I got home Angel was just balling in her room I don’t know what he did exactly but he punished Angel for laughing cause Brandon spit up on him. Angel the very few times he helped her with homework he down graded her telling her she was stupid, you should know this what grade are you in, what do they teach you in school. Just always yelled at her and made her too nervous to think. There was one time Angel was talking about moving back to Minnesota that she missed everyone(she would talk about that all that time) and Brett told her go ahead we have your brother, and made her cry then got made at me when I got after him for saying something like that to her. Then also refused to apologize to her. When her room was messy and we told her to clean it up and yes she was bad at poking around with it and getting side tracked but he’d get right down in her face and scream at her. Making her scream in terror and cry frantically. He would make me feel insufficient as a mother. Telling me that forgetting diapers at the changing table was dangerous that if I could forget something that simple how could I possibly remember the important things. Told me because I smoked I was toxic to my son, for a while made me change shirts every time I smoked but wouldn’t for anyone else. Which Erin and I had researched it and with as much as I did smoke it was not nearly enough to effect him in anyway. Told me he’d kill me if anything happened to him cause I smoked cigarettes.
It got really bad when I confronted him about an Amanda I saw him calling in his phone. I decided to look in his phone when I started catching him in small lies the last couple of weeks. Stuff he had no reason to lie about. The night before I checked his phone he was gone all day left about 8 or 9AM didn’t come home until around 10:30PM, I hadn’t heard from him all day. I was just turning out the lights when I called him to see when he’d be home and he just arrived. So I continued to go to bed and he said he’d be right behind me shortly. Well I must have dosed off right away but I woke up right as he was coming to bed and I looked at the time which was right before 1 am but still asked the time and he tried to tell me that it was only 11 pm. I corrected him and asked him what he had been up doing, and he said oh I was up talking to Scottie (his cousin) for an hour. Well things just didn’t feel right to me so I decided to check his phone the next morning. He had talked to Scottie for an hour but he failed to mention talking to an Amanda for an hour right before Scottie. I have never witnessed a phone call with this girl. I once witnessed a conversation over the computer with her but he was being shady about it would not look at what she had written or respond to her until I walked away.
Once I confronted him about it he got angry and all the sudden it was about what I don’t do. Right down to not noticing some cobwebs behind the toilet. Which he had been starting to nitpick at me more frequently everything I did wasn’t enough or appreciated it was just my duty. No, the house wasn’t always perfect when he got home. But towards the end after everything that has happened in the last year and him being gone everyday I just started feeling very run down. Even when I was pregnant with Brandon it was always you don’t eat healthy enough even if I told him I had 1 to 2 apples every day. He’d just say oh wow an apple. Which I’m not trying to say that I ate perfect but I tried, and if you ask me there are not too many people in the world who do eat perfectly. He’d complain that I drank too much soda but didn’t want me to drink water from the faucet or the water from the fridge it wasn’t bottled water. If I told him I’ve been drinking a lot of juice lately it was always oh but you did have a soda today or you don’t drink it until the soda is gone. But he could sure drink beer vodka and soda himself. He drank quite heavily and still when he was home, every day he had at least 3 of some kind of alcoholic beverage. He didn’t like how much soda I drank but would encourage me to drink alcohol which I don’t really drink I’ve had 3 or 4 beers on separate occasions since I’ve had my son. Little by little he got more controlling. He’d complain that I was always on the computer, which yes, I do get on it often, but if you ask me it isn’t much different then sitting on your butt watching TV. Brett was usually watching something I didn’t care to watch, so I’d get on the computer. Never did I put the computer before the kids needs, and I wasn’t constantly on the computer I’d go back and forth from taking care of the kids and doing some house work and what not. I might have been signed on all the time but I wasn’t always there. I just never took the time to sign out when I left the computer.
The Decision To Leave Florida
I had mentioned to him about moving back home with me and the kids that there was more support and options to help us get back on our feet and he told me he was not going to even conceder it, and that I didn’t have good enough reasons to want to go back, and that I wasn’t even trying to make it work down there. Then after the whole Amanda thing I decided to write him a letter because he had gotten really distant with me and anytime I tried to talk to him about anything anger and frustration would set in before we could ever get anywhere, we really lacked communication. I wrote about how I felt about his relationship with Amanda and once again about moving to Minnesota that I did not want to leave without him but we were not getting anywhere. Neither one of us had hardly worked in a year. From August until we moved into 14th place in late January/early February I watched Erin’s son Caleb after school, took him to and from school with my daughter for some extra money. When we finally started to talk about it, it was like a flip of a switch made me out to be the worse mother to ever walk the planet, told me he could not believe that he bred with someone like me. How everyone he knows has been telling him that I’m a piece of shit and he needs to let me go. Which I’d like to know how they’d know anything at all about me good or bad. I was hardly around his family even when we lived at his moms I made a point to be gone when they were home most of the time. All of his friends I’ve only seen enough times to count on one hand. He never took any of us with him when he’d go see his friends. He told me I never did anything with my daughter like he was ever home to see. EVER! I’d always do stuff wit her the only time I spent away from her was when she was at school no we didn’t always sit side by side. But I’d play with her on the computer, go for walks with the kids and the dog, just sit down and watch TV or a movie. Bake cookies. Made confetti and glitter eggs for Easter. I would usually read a story or two her before bed, Brandon started going to sleep or getting really cranky around Angel’s bed time and Brett threw a fit if she didn’t go to bed right on time. Once in a while I’d just lay down with her and Brandon until she went to sleep. I did my shopping with them. Erin, Kelli and I would take the kids to the beach every weekend before Brandon was born we stopped that cause Brandon was too young for the beach. Erin and I had taken the kids to Sun Splash. When we went to the circus, and some other carnival thing that was Christmas themed. Just most things required money and we didn’t have that most of the time.
When I told him I refused to work nights full time I wasn’t going to abandon my daughter like that I was the only blood she had left and she had been through enough changes and adjustments, he just freaked out on me and told me I never did anything with her which is total bull! I tried telling him yeah the house isn’t always perfect when you get home but no matter what I do its never been good enough for you. I asked him did you ever think that maybe I’ve been getting depressed. And he just snapped at me and asked real nasty what do I have to be depressed about. He told me I didn’t make him happy and that I didn’t excite him.
His business wasn’t going anywhere he had jobs thrown his way and wouldn’t take them. Discouraged me from doing cosmetology cause I’d have to work during the day after Pam and I had put all my contact information to the school’s site. I was looking for work online. I did research and contacted people on starting an in-home daycare but then I started thinking we were living in a house that I was told was going into foreclosure and had a for sale sign in the front yard. I wasn’t going to waste 300-400 dollars for the license that we didn’t have to waste and not get any kids, he told me that I was just making excuses, and even before that I asked him if he’d help getting Angel too and from school so I could get more kids and he told me he couldn’t because of his business.
I asked him to come home with me and the kids. That I wasn’t happy there. He told me I didn’t have good enough reasons to want to return home. I was tired of living broke we were both on the verge of loosing our unemployment. I wasn’t going to sit back and loose everything. If he wanted to go down fine but he was not taking me and the kids with him. He wasn’t really there for any of us financially, emotionally, and more or less physically as well when we moved into 14th Pl. We lived in an unstable house, not knowing when it was our day to leave with money running out and no where to go in Florida. The day I left I tried to see where his mind set was at and asked him if we were giving up or going to try and fix things after everything he had said to me. He just acted real nasty towards me and said it was up to me. So I asked him what do you want from me, what are you expecting from me. In a mean tone he said you’ll figure it out soon enough. Then kept repeating that I wasn’t going to leave the state with Brandon. We came for him he is what brought us to Florida, I knew and had no one if we didn‘t work out. Erin and I weren’t talking anymore because of Brett. Kelli lives with her mom. I had no where to go with 2 children there. I told him not only do I have our son but a daughter that isn’t yours to worry about with no one here where are we to go? He told me it wasn’t his problem I better figure something out real quick. So I did…
After Returning To Minnesota
Even now after everything he’s done and said I’m still trying to be nice and comprise with him and he’s still being selfish like he always has been. I never know what’s going to come out of him next. One minute he’s fine and the next its how its all my fault and gets nasty with me. I’m not sure why, even with him threatening me and calling me names and such, I’m still trying to make him feel better about the situation, and trying to sugarcoat things for him. In all actuality I feel much better without him, the kids act as though he was never there. If anything Brandon is doing better. He’s always been a smiley and happy baby but he’s progressing better in other areas. I’ve asked Angel if she misses him at all and she says “A little when he wasn’t being mean.” She had heard most of what was said from her room the morning we left, and she was very angry with him for being so mean about it all. Angel has been a lot happier since we’ve been home seeing all of our family and our old friends. She doesn’t even talk about Florida at all unless I ask. I’m not trying to keep the kids from him I just want certain behaviors of his to be watched and for things to be taken slow for Brandon’s sake. I feel he is more worried about what everyone else is going to think about him not having Brandon than he actually is about not having him. He plays this story that it hurts him so much and he misses him so much but he wasn’t really there for him when we lived there nor is he willing to move here, which I have asked him to do several times. I’m sure he’s sincere to a point but, it just baffles me that if he were so important to him he’d make that move to be closer, and be able to see him more easily and frequently. I feel its more of a control issue more than it is about Brandon, or that his mom is being a little birdie on his shoulder whispering in his ear, since he wont make the move. Just please take everything I’ve said into consideration and deicide cautiously. I love my children with all my heart, they are my world! I just want to make sure they are cared for properly.