Need Help, Has anyone lost friendships after having children?

Melissa - posted on 09/21/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I have a 6 month old son who has changed our world. We are the typical 1st time parents....so all about our LO! Unfortunatly our friends dont care! I understand fully that they just dont get it or have a clue what it is like....but is that any reason to treat us so terrible?
The friends I am speaking of are 2 husband and wife couples that we introduced to each other and they quickly bonded...great for them. But now I feel they have both turned on my husband and I. They have not been there for us, got upset when my husband couldnt play softball with them when our son had just been born. One of the wives, the wife of my husbands Best friends for over 15yrs, started blatenly ignoring me when we were all together. I made it a point to not talk about our son and she still ignored me so I asked her what was going on and if there was anything I could do to changes things, she started insulting me and falt out sadi I dont care and dont have anything to talk to you about....I was clam and respectful towards her the whole time...so I just said this isnt healthy and I am cutting her out of my life....Well now all of the sudden the other couple is upset with us and not speaking to us with no warning or anything. We are unable to make it to thier weeding because it is 10hours away and would cost us $450 to attend, I thought they understood but apparently they are so upset with us about it they ignore our calls and havent spoken to us in over a week.
Oh I forgot to mention the wife that told me she didnt care, her husband is the God father to our child. He acts as though he is not honored and could careless as well! It sucks! I should mention that hey have had a miscarriage and we have tried very hard to be understanding and there for them...but it has got to the point were Im like that is no excuss to be disrespectfull and plian hatefull towards us...if you cant deal then tell us...why is honesty so hard? I feel as though they have strongly influenced the other couple....when I look back this has happened before to them but we were the bff couple and her other friends were getting the terrible treatment....
It hurts me so bad, I feel like an emotional horrder. I am christian so I have been praying about it am trying to move on but it keeps me up at night and just flat out hurts! Any advice?

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Aicha - posted on 09/22/2010

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sounds like these are people you don't need around if they were your true friends they would understand cut your losses and move on , I have been in the same boat and it is just easier to cut you losses and move on make new friends who understand what it is like to be a parent

Hannah - posted on 09/21/2010

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I'll be honest, you should just move on....I don't mean that to sound rude but it just seems to me from what you are saying that they dont want to be your friends which really sucks! This isnt to say that you can't talk to them at all. Let them come to you if they ever want to talk. Don't chase them. If they don't talk , then that shows that they never really were your friends in the first place, remember learning that as a kid, same applys for an adult ;) I really hope that you can all connect again and come to peace with things. Sometimes, when your life changes, people also change. It's just one of those things you cant control unfortunatly :( Good luck and I hope that it all works out for you in the end. ;)

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Melissa - posted on 09/22/2010

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Thanks guys! Cuttin my losses mo more piity party for myself...Moving on!!
Andrea wish we were in the same town...I cant imagine doing this alone but there are so many of you who do...That makes you amazing!

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that is sad but seems to be one of those things a mother faces. I am 27 and have 3 kids and I am doing it on my own. The only real friends I have seem to be my online friends. All the others have disappeared. It was like as soon as I had kids they were to good for me. Or maybe they thought it was contagious or something! LOL Now I just direct all my energy to my kids and to my life. I try to connect with the mothers at my children school but I get shunned being the single mom. I understand your pain. But once you are able to move past it and refocus your energy you will see it was definitely worth it.

Melissa - posted on 09/21/2010

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thanks ....i agree i have tried to talk to them but i was told i am a teenager and drama...so i immediatly let that one go..im 34 no one has EVER spoken to me like that i looked for a camera cause i thought i was on an episode of real hoousewives..lol! i am sensitive and just need to move on..makes me sad though!

Tiffany - posted on 09/21/2010

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I know it really sucks that you have to go through this. Some people take it really personally when they can't get pregnant and you probably had no problem. Unfortuneately most don't like to tell people because they feel the blame is put on one of them and people think they're incompetent. I really don't understand it either. However, sounds like there's some kind of misunderstanding there. Talk to them and if they continue to blow you off then forget them. They're not acting like friends should and really don't deserve to be in your family either.

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