Need some advice someone supportive and helpful?

Lyssa - posted on 01/27/2012

you did not do anything to change or ruin his life. sounds like he needs professional help, don't you dare let him make you feel guilty! you need to focus on taking care of that little girl and being a mother, not being HIS mother!

Jessica - posted on 11/12/2011

I dont think I could ever imagine what your going through but I am also dealing with a guy who is somewhat on the rude side. Sometimes men dont always understand how what they say or due can hurt us, which my boyfriend does, try and turn it around. Put him in your shoes for a little bit. If that doesnt work maybe he's just not ready for the responsibility yet. From what you said it sounds as if he is taking out his unhappiness on you and thats not fair, you need to be strong for your daughter and think to yourself, if he continues to talk like that how will she feel if she ever hears that. You need to think and decide wheather he is really worth having around. What he's saying isnt right and I would personally not worry about it anymore and send him packin, obviously he doesnt want to grow up and put others before himself which is what he should do with you and your daughter.

Rachel - posted on 10/30/2011

i would think that once he met the baby and spent time with her his views shouldve changed. he should even feel stupid for suggesting the alternative wouldnt u think? i know u wanna make it work but it sounds like he still has resentment and id be nervous to have him around the baby. its one thing to say i love the baby but we probly shouldve waited a little longer and another to say y didnt u get abortion. im happy ur babys doing better and for now i would just worry about her and leave him alone till if ever he grows up.

Kate - posted on 10/23/2011

My boyfriend when we found out i was pregnet wanted me to have an abortion but after talking with friends and family and getting the support he needed changed his mind we now have a one month old baby girl i think he should talk with someone to get his emotions and feels straight bc some saying he wants to off him self is asking for help in his own way plus you dont want your daughter to feel unwanted by your ex when she is growing up help him get the help he needs but if things dont get better you should think about you and your daughter his words are hurting you as much as they will hurt her when she is older

Ania - posted on 10/16/2011

He has to resolve his problems. He does not know what he wants. I can't believe he would say something like this even when his daughter is in this world...I don't know what you should do, but...personally I don't think I would want to be with him after hearing words like that from him. Do not think of him think of your daughter and yourself and what are your ideals in life

Katrina - posted on 10/14/2011

Oh bless ya, u have had a rough trot of late :( Your ex is indeed giving out mixed signals. On the one hand he says he loves u & your daughter but on the other hand he is 'angry!?' because u didn't 'help' him by getting an abortion!? Sorry if I'm being baby brain blond but that just doesn't make sense. It takes 2 to make a baby, u decided to keep her, he wanted her aborted but he resents u for making changes to his life............sounds a tad selfish on his part, how much does he think your life has changed? No one is holding a gun to his head, if he doesn't like the situation then grow a set & move on Mr don't just stay round making u feel bad and/or guilty. He's unhappy with his life well, coming from someone who had a nervous breakdown, the only person who can change that is him & he has to want to change. he's not being fair darling, he needs to decide what he wants instead of just dipping his toe in the water & using the whole I told u to abort as an excuse for his anger/unhappiness. U say you've done pretty much everything alone anyway so that proves you're a strong woman & can no doubt cope if he was to leave, at least if he left you'd know where u stood as opposed wandering round in limbo. If he is 'the one' & u truly want to make it work then try councelling but no one should be made to feel guilty for someone elses unhappiness with their life. I know it sounds easy but you've got to decide what's best for you & your daughter, & he has to decide what he truly wants. I really hope it works out hun, better the devil u know n'all but is he worth it? Can u see yourself growing old with him? Maybe best to cut your loses, hard in the short term but infinitely better long term as u could meet someone who makes deserves u & wont send u on a guilt trip. My children are my world & I would give my last drop of blood to them. Good luck hun xx

Kirsten - posted on 10/12/2011

I agree with you, how can he say he loves her but regrets her existence because an abortion would have helped him?? How would an abortion have helped him? Sounds like there were issues before the pregnancy. Also, if he is unhappy with how you have helped him, maybe your views on life are too different? I think counseling sessions will help get you talking about your issues because it would give you both a neutral ground to speak your minds.

Kudos to you for handling your baby's surgery solo!

Becca - posted on 10/03/2011

Make your beautiful baby girl your priority. She is all that matters. If he gets better, let him come back. You and yourI baby deserve to be celebrating your lives together.

Louise - posted on 10/02/2011

I think he needs to seek councelling for this. You as mum can not allow your daughter to be brought up in a situation that her father is saying she has ruined his life by being born. Your child needs stability and love and he is not going to offer her that.

Deep in your sole do you really feel comfortable with him saying this now she is here and loved to bits. The answer is no he has to snap out of this and fast and if he can't there is no other option than for you to be the strong one and walk away from him. Protect your daughter she is helpless, give her the life she deserves and not with somebody who needs a kick up the arse. Sorry you may love him but you will have to choose between them if he continues to do this. Tell him as bluntly as that. Change or bugger off!

Geraldine - posted on 10/01/2011

possibaly talking to a couples or family councler

Bernadette - posted on 10/01/2011

oh wow, I don't really know how to respond to this other than to say congratulations on your daughter, and good on you for keeping and loving her despite not having support. A lot of people don't see an unborn baby as human life - it is not disposable, it is precious and if the parents don't protect it, who will? I saw a quote recently that went "an abortion doesn't make you unpregnant - it makes you the mother of a dead baby". I thought that summed it up really well, and I guess it goes for fathers too. Point out to him that if he really loves your (and his!) daughter, then he how could he wish her dead? Because basically, that's what your child would be if you'd followed his wishes. It wouldn't make her simply "not exist". She would still exist, she would just be dead. Ask him if that's what he really wants. Also, he thinks you didn't "help" him by getting an abortion? What about you, and the effects that killing your child would have on you? So many women who go through abortions end up with all sorts of emotion problems as they try to deal with the after effects of what they have done. You would never stop wondering - would my baby have been a boy or a girl? What would it have looked like? What would it have grown up to be? And every year, my baby would be this old by now... It would eat away at you, and possibly destroy your mental health, and he's angry with YOU for not helping HIM? Perhaps you could research the effects of having an abortion on the mother, and give him some articles to read, explaining just how an abortion could have affected you if you'd gone ahead with it - especially if you only did it because he pressured you to, and not because you wanted to yourself. Or try looking for a Right to Life or Pro Life group in your area who could give you some advice, and offer counselling for both of you? I hope that you are able to work it out, because your daughter needs to grow up knowing that her father loves her, not that he wanted her dead. If he can't change his opinion on this, then you may need to take your daughter away before she is old enough to understand because knowing that her father didn't want her to exist will have a life-long effect on her emotional well-being.

Janice - posted on 09/30/2011

First - Congrats on your daughter. I'm glad she is better now.
It sounds like he has some very severe mental health issues and needs help. Someone who is depressed can have crazy thoughts. I know because I myself have been depressed. I am willing to seek help for myself. It may e harder for you to convince another person to seek help. If he really loves her he should be apologizing for trying to abort the pregnancy not still saying he wishes it happened. Some men are stubborn though. It may seem like giving in but maybe if you can explain that by choosing to have this baby you did help him. You gave him the gift of a child. My daughter was planned but y husband was reluctant about fatherhood. Now he talks about how much he loves her and how it really was the best thing!
Give him some time and hopefully he will consider the help of a counselor. But dont wait forever! If things don't improve be prepared to move on. You can not having him telling your daughter she was a mistake. That is not acceptable.

Keli - posted on 09/28/2011

i strongly suggest councilling,what if he made those kind of comments around your daughter when she is old enough to understand what he is saying....imagine the world of hurt she would be in...clearly he has some resentness towards the baby. not saying he doesnt love her but he obviously hasnt accepted the reality.

Hayley - posted on 09/28/2011

to me his giving you mixed signals and it seems he dosn't really know what he wants. i know you say you see a future with this man but anyone who tries emotional blackmail to try and get what they want is taht really someone you want in your life and your daughters. your lucky to have a beautiful baby as many people would love the chance but can't your priority should be to you and your baby if this man truly loves you both then he need's to stop with the emotional crap he's dealing you. also if he truly want's to be with you guys try suggesting counciling if he refuses then to me there's your answer. you should maybe also seek counciling for yourself as it sounds like you've been through alot. goodluck my thoughts are with you.