new mom needs advice
MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Dana - posted on 07/17/2009
Please do not listen to all the advice to let him scream. It's barbaric. He's six months old not a toddler hitting the terrible two's. My son is going to be a year old in 9 days and when I say No, he shakes his head no, but he doesn't actually comprehend the full impact of the word and consequences. It's not until the age of two that they fully grasp the concept.
Kylie - posted on 07/17/2009
He's six months old! give the guy a break..if he isn't allowed something because its dangerous, pick him up when he gets upset, comfort him and show him something else interesting that he is allowed to touch and explore, You cannot spoil a baby, give him everything he wants , crying is basically his only means of communication. Babies that have their needs met 100% grow into confident, secure children.
Vicki - posted on 07/17/2009
[quote]Posted by Katie Coldren (5:04 pm)
I agree. Let him scream he's testing his limits to see what he can get away with and what he can't[/quote]
Disagree. A six month old is not testing anything. He just wants what he wants and he wants it now. He also thinks that when an object is not in sight, it is gone forever. I also don't agree with letting a child scream, or "cry it out." There is nothing he will learn from that, besides that his needs are not being met. I'd be angry too. Think of a child drawing on a wall, you don't just say no, you also show him he can draw on paper. Demonstrate an alternative. The same applies here.
Ivonne - posted on 07/18/2009
Always remember that babies are new in our world and find EVERTHING interesting and exciting.
Your baby is curious and very smart. As long as he is not holding a dangerous object allow your baby to explore the item (under your supervision of course) and you'll find that they were just temporarily interested. They will be ready to move on to the next item, quickly!!!
Rule number one, with all babies, be calm and patient (always)
and have fun with your baby exploring this amazing world!
All the Best!!!!!!
Leah - posted on 08/13/2009
I'm not a fan of just letting my daughter scream. Maybe at 2 years old when kids understand what no means, but at 6 months they can only talk to you by crying. So when they cry, something is up! Even if its just the point where they are over tired, just giving them a 2 minute cuddle can make all the difference to them!
With the toys, I'd just try and replace it. I do that when my daughter gets frustrated with one thing, move her onto another! It normally works for around half an hour, and if worst comes to worst and that isn't helping, normally a cuddle will do the trick!
I don't really believe that cuddling/picking up your baby when he/she cries will do any harm. They're only 6 months old....they don't have the ability to think up such devious plans as "when I cried last time, she picked me up". Do what you think is best!!!
Brenda - posted on 08/13/2009
I just read the rest of these responses....put the baby in the crib and shut the door and let him scream? Wow...can we say not good at all... I'm sorry but this is totally inappropriate. All it teaches an infant is that the parent is going to put them in solitude, and yes they quit crying because they figure out the parent isn't going to do anything to help them. When a baby this young cries it is for a reason, and to them it is a real reason. You cannot give an infant too much love or attention. What happens is they start crying because they have had an item taken away, then they continue crying not because of the same thing but because they are upset. They have forgotten about the item they wanted, but because their body is giving them cues that they are upset (increased heart rate, blood pressure, various neurochemicals) they continue to cry until comforted. This is why distraction is key, giving them another item or comforting them helps reduce the biological distress cues that the infant's brain is registering. Okay, off my soapbox.
Brenda - posted on 08/13/2009
Wow, lets see, no you don't let him scream. Why? It causes stress hormones to rise and leads to infant anxiety. Humans don't like to get upset, no matter the age. Babies are cognitively not ready to understand why they cannot have something, but they are distractable. If you must take away something he cannot have, replace it with something he can have. All a baby at six months will understand when you take away something and let them scream is that they are having things taken away. They don't know what they have, and they certainly don't understand why they can't have it. Until the age of nine months, infants are simly not cognitively able understand this kind of stuff. letting the baby scream accomplishes nothing except reducing the trust bond you have with a baby. Babies cannot manipulate you at this age. Sorry, from a psychological prospective, they are incapable of such actions.
It is acceptable to take something (a pen or pencil for example) and explain to him that he cannot have it because it is "dangerous" (A good word for babies because it sounds unlike any other word people use and should be reserved for things they shouldn't have), and then give him something else or pick him up and comfort him and say things like "I know you wanted that, and I'm sorry, but you can't have it." The tears will stop and you'll get his mind on something else.
Leah - posted on 07/22/2009
Sorry, but some of the people who say to let him scream on here are wrong. He does not necessairly understand why you took it away, just the fact that you took it away. Get in the habit of explaining yourself to him, in time he will learn. He is only 6 months old, he hasnt quite figured out how to manipulate you!
Leah - posted on 07/22/2009
he is testing you, just part of him growing up! Just tell him, I am sorry hunny but you cant have this because it is not safe. You would be surprised what an infant can understand. Explain to him that he is feeling mad. Like I said you would be surprised what an infant can understand.
Patricia - posted on 07/21/2009
OMG ppl he is just a baby. I agree take it off him if it is harmfull too him but if that is the case it shouldn't have been in reach of him in the first place. He is far too young for "tuff" love. Jasmine distract him with your love and attention make sure he has plenty of things around him that he can play with. Nothing can be gained from watching a baby scream when they do not understand nor have the capability to understand why they can not have a certain thing.
Claire - posted on 07/20/2009
I read somewhere that when your kid chucks a tanty its best to not do anything( unless they are going to hurt themselves or someone else), as it just reinforces their behaviour because u have reacted by either getting cross with them and setting boundaries, or giving them what they want.
if u do nothing, they will then learn that thier screaming/demanding achieves nothing...
but if its a drink he wants as long as its a healthy drink, then give it to him.
I was really upset when i worked in a childcare centre last year and a girl asked for a drink on a hot day and cause i was new, i asked where the cups were and the boss said that i couldnt give her water cause all the other children would want one too and it was NAP TIME. any way 45 mins later when i had finished covering the staffs lunch break, they were calling the girls parents to come get her cause she was grizzling, wouldnt sleep and had a temperature!! all coulda been avoided... lol had to get that out! hope it helps!
Candis - posted on 07/20/2009
Hi I am candis I have 3 kids of my own with my first I let her have whatever whenever it was very hard on me. So with my other 2 I didn't let them get away with anything or let them have whatever they wanted and it was much easier.
Tasha - posted on 07/20/2009
well my 11/2 does the same thing i just take it from him and if still screaming i just put him in his room until he stops crying because you have to let them know who the boss is because if you give stuff to them everytime they cry they expect you to do it everytime they cry. Then they will just start crying just to get stuff. honestly i never heard of a six month old doing it and i have four kids 5, 4,11/2 and a 8month old . My 8 month oold only crys when i dont pick him up or if he is hungry.but i hope the advice i gave you helps.if you have anymore questions just let me know.
Sarah - posted on 07/20/2009
Try to distract him with something else that usually works. try not to lose your cool if that doesnt work,just let him wine. he will understand after a few times. remember babies just want your attention and thats ok they are learning.... give him lots of love!
Melissa - posted on 07/20/2009
I think this is a very common issue and sounds like your on the right track! My daughter just passed that phase...I took a bit of a different approach. I wouldn't give in but you don't have to be so harsh either. I would just pick him up and let him play with something else...also if he cries wait for a pause then sit and play with him, he will soon pick up on the fact that if he stops crying he will get some positive attention. If he doesn't cry wait about a minute and reward this behavior with some one on one time with him, he will soon pick up on crying gets him nowhere and behaving gets him mommy time.
i so agree with everyone. let him cry, show him you are more stubborn then he is. do it now show him that your the mom and what you say goes. DONT GIVE IN. i am a stay at home mom as well and because my husband could not handle my kid crying, she knows that when he is home she can have anything she wants, all she has to do is whine. my husband get sick of hearing her whine and cry and he gives her what she wants. when he is at work though, she does not do that cause she knows i wil NOT give it to her.
Rachel - posted on 07/20/2009
babe same like my daugther. she's 7 months. she loves like my fone. bad etc.. and cries weneva i take it away from her. bt i do it anyway. sometimes i give in. bt not all the time.. i usually pick her up .. and go for a lil walk to the kitchen or something to get her mind of the item.
Alyssa - posted on 07/19/2009
Try diverting his attention when you take whatever he's playing with at the time. Take a different toy and get him interested in that. My son isn't old enough to do that yet but my sisters some wants anything that looks like a bottle and when the bottle is not for him he screams so instead i try to give him something to chew on and divert his attention. If that doesn't work then he's just gotta cry it out he will forget sooner or later.
Jela - posted on 07/19/2009
Yes I totally agree with most everyone! Let him scream it out. He needs to know your the boss and he cant always get what he wants. But sense he is still young try to distract him with something else. Might not always work but he will start to get the hint :) good luck!
Christy - posted on 07/19/2009
He's only 6 months old I would give him a break. I don't mean give him back whatever it was that you took away but trade it. My daughter is a year old and I sometimes have the same problem...what I do is pick her up tell her no she can't have it then I give her something she can have and she will look at it for a minute then jump down and start running to play with whatever I gave her. But I never give in and giver her back what I took away.
Rachel - posted on 07/19/2009
I've tried to give my son something that he is allowed to play with instead and he is slowly telling the difference between what he's allowed and what isn't a toy. Letting him cry never hurt a baby either though so try some tough love.
Amy - posted on 07/19/2009
i have 3 boys plus i am a retired nanny. Crying or screaming is a form of communication don't let it stress you out. remember he doesn't no why you have taken something away. even though he still 6 mtths youcan tell him why he can't have it and offer him something else that he can. As some other mums have already suggested a distraction is excellent! As for him screaming until you give in try just ignoring what he wants eg a biscuit and give him attention like sing a song. i hope it helps :-)
Charlene - posted on 07/19/2009
i would let him scream i no its hard but he is relizing if he screams enough then he will get what he want and it will only get worse. he will learn tht he can not have what he wants all the time try giving him a toys or something to calm him down.
Cleonie - posted on 07/18/2009
Distract your son, don/t give in just so he stops screaming, this will become a bad habit that will be hard to break.
Distraction is great if it doesn't work you will have to ignore his screaming.
Hope this has helped, easier said than done I know but believe me have been there and done that.
LaTeisha - posted on 07/18/2009
yeah you should just let him scream. you don't want him to think that he can get what ever he wants. It's best to just start showing him the thing that he can do and the things he can't do. and once you take something from him don't give een because he will think your always going to do that and then it with become a worse problem
Jodi - posted on 07/18/2009
I was there with my daughter!! She is 5 and still demands her own way. Usually she doesn't get it!! My best advice is to read The Strong Willed Child by Dr James Dobson. It gives wonderful advice on how to deal with those kids who think they rule the roost. I have read it a few times and will probably read it several times more as she gets older. It is a challenge but at the same time know that some day that temperment can keep him out of a lot of situations that "followers" get into. Good luck. God bless. I will pray that you have the wisdom to know what to do.
Cyrese - posted on 07/18/2009
Yep, I agree with everyone else. My daughter is 6 months old too and when I take something from her that she can't have I have found that giving her something that she can have usually distracts her and keeps the screams to a min. Good luck!
Kearsty - posted on 07/18/2009
I am also a stay at home mom from when he was a newborn and now he is 10 and a half mon. My so would do the same thing and what i learned to do because they always want something they arent supposed to play with, so I would find something else that is interesting to him that he can play with or just like some other moms said, i would put him in his crib and shut the door and let him cry, but that usually never happens. But for u he is only little and doesn't know the difference, so if u give him something else he can play with that u know will be interesting to him they usually will always be just fine.
Cari - posted on 07/18/2009
As long as he is fed and has a dry diaper it is okay to cry. You will eventually get used to it and it will not bother. I must say I agree with the other moms, try distracting him to another toy that he is interested in. Babies change their minds quick
Rachel - posted on 07/18/2009
I think babies communicate with sounds (incl screaming). When he screams and you do what he wants, your actually teaching him that this is the way you (want him to) work. It will take a couple of long days / weeks, but he'll get the message if you dont give in to him.
What you can also try is, teach him that you do respond to cute sounds and movements..
Becky - posted on 07/17/2009
I agree let him screem. When you start giving in he will use it every time.
That is however sometimes so much easy to say/type than put into practice and i for one have been known to give in! You see we are only human and sometimes say at 3 in the morning when you have been up with them since midnight it is easier to give in.
Whatever you do as long as the majority of the time you don't give in you will have a well balanced child.
I think distracting them with something that they can have is a good idea.
Candice - posted on 07/17/2009
yup, let him scream and walk away. if you give him everything he'll learn that all he has to do is scream until you give it to him. it's a stage. my daughter did it too but soon learned that once it's gone, it's gone, and she gives up on the screaming pretty fast now.
Laura - posted on 07/17/2009
When you take something away make sure that you replace it with a toy that he hasn't seen in a while(within the past day or so) it will automatically give him something else to focus on and forget about what you took away. It helped with my son who has quite a temper. Don't let him scream, that actually causes issues later.
Melissa - posted on 07/16/2009
new mom needs advice
i'm a stay at home mom and i have a 6 month old son. i've noticed that recently whenever i take something he shouldn't have or don't give him something he wants he'll scream until i do. any advice?
it's cuz u give in...never give in...stick to your guns
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