Rough nights

Lisa - posted on 06/23/2009 ( 12 moms have responded )

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So I'm not really sure what is causing this but recently in the evenings between 5pm and 11:30pm or so... Kalynn doesn't want to be put down... she wants more food and when she falls asleep it only lasts for 5 to 10 minutes. I should say that during the day Kalynn has no trouble being put down in her crib or alone in her chair, but in the evenings if she is asleep the minute you put her down she wakes up and cries. Or if you put her down while she is awake the scream is like that of total abandonment. So Bill (her dad) and I spend the evening juggling her back and forth between the two of us as our arms (and in his case shoulders) ache. But almost on the dot each night at 11:30pm she goes to sleep, we put her to bed in her crib, and then she is out until 3am or 4am when she wakes up for me to change her diaper, feed her and then she falls right back to sleep quickly and stays asleep until morning. However, I have had insomnia most of my adult life so after her 3am feeding I usually can't get back to sleep until morning when Bill gets up for work.



During the day, every 3 hours or so she eats... at times every half hour she needs her diaper changed. This has started to bring me to the point of exhaustion. Please understand I am not complaining. I am a mommy and I will do whatever it takes to make sure my baby is ok. I'm so grateful just to have her in my life! And if I hear one more person say welcome to motherhood I'm gonna scream!



When Bill leaves for work I seat belt Kalynn into her bouncer chair and put it on the bed next to me and I sleep. If I put her in her crib when she wakes she screams... if I put her in her bouncer chair, when she wakes, she sees me there and usually just sits there, unless she needs something. I have woken a few times and she is just giggling and cooing and just hanging out. So I usually sleep between 7am and noon and then Kalynn and I hang out together. Sometimes I get an afternoon/evening nap but not always.



I'm just curious about the personality change at night. Why is it she doesn't just hang out with us anymore? Why does she have to be held? Why does she want so much food at night? I understand the need for more diaper changes... she is eatting more... but what do I do? I can't hold her, it's killing my arms and back. But I can't bring myself to put a two month baby down and say suck it up kid you don't always get what you want.

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12 Comments

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Ashley - posted on 06/24/2009

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Quoting Lisa:

@ Samantha Kalynn has dysphagia... in other words she aspirates what she eats, to prevent this we have to thicken her food and yes we use Dr. Brown's level 3 nipple and still she sleeps for 5 to 10 minutes after she eats. She has only spit up two times in her life both times when we say with confidence it was our fault because we pushed her to eat more.

@Karen On my way to Walmart to buy a swing right now!

@Crystal Ok I got the games idea... we will play! And her crazy 5 minute naps... it's hard to tell if she is going to sleep longer so I can sleep or if she is about to wake up.

@Ashley Wow, that was very useful. And it makes sense. I just don't know quiet how to do it. We bath her, and then feed her and rock her to sleep and the minute we put her down to sleep and she wakes up almost right away. Until 11:30pm then she doesn't wake when we put her down. So I think your 6pm routine is my 11:30 routine but until then I have a fussy baby. I'm not sure if that makes sense.


Hi Lisa,



My daughter was the same way...she would fall asleep quickly while being held and scream the minute we put her down. It eventually got to the point where she would fight sleep while I was holding her because I was too stimulating (even if I didn't even look at her while I rocked her!). Anyways, my sleep expert gave me a lot of great tips about babies sleep and crying and what it means at nap/bedtime. She gave me age-appropriate guidelines of what to do when she cried when I set her down that really helped. I personally felt I had no choice but to let my daughter cry to sleep (which she only did for about 20-25 minutes for a few days). Not sure how you feel about that. But now she sleeps wonderfully and has since she was 3 months old. My husband and I have evenings together, I can actually eat dinner instead of spending 3+ hours trying to get her to go to sleep. I didn't think it was possible, but the sleep expert taught me a lot. I would be happy to share any and all of the knowledge I gained from her, just message me and I will pass it on. I've helped about 3-4 other mom's with this similar situation and it has worked well for them in just a week or two. Anyway, good luck either way!

Candice - posted on 06/23/2009

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my daughter has reflux and it keeps her from sleeping...but she slept better in a car seat or any inclined position (like being held). once we took care of the reflux, the sleep improved. although, i'm writing this at 12:40 am, so there are still other reasons she wakes up...like gas. i'd pay good money for a decent night's sleep.

Lisa - posted on 06/23/2009

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@ Samantha Kalynn has dysphagia... in other words she aspirates what she eats, to prevent this we have to thicken her food and yes we use Dr. Brown's level 3 nipple and still she sleeps for 5 to 10 minutes after she eats. She has only spit up two times in her life both times when we say with confidence it was our fault because we pushed her to eat more.



@Karen On my way to Walmart to buy a swing right now!



@Crystal Ok I got the games idea... we will play! And her crazy 5 minute naps... it's hard to tell if she is going to sleep longer so I can sleep or if she is about to wake up.



@Ashley Wow, that was very useful. And it makes sense. I just don't know quiet how to do it. We bath her, and then feed her and rock her to sleep and the minute we put her down to sleep and she wakes up almost right away. Until 11:30pm then she doesn't wake when we put her down. So I think your 6pm routine is my 11:30 routine but until then I have a fussy baby. I'm not sure if that makes sense.

Lynlee - posted on 06/23/2009

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It sounds to me like she is having a growth spurt which is very common at three months old and all the feeding in the evenings is cluster feeding. How long has it been going on like this? If it is a growth spurt, there is nothing you can do about it except keep feeding her when she is hungry. It's also pretty common for babies to be fractious at this time of night but she also sounds like she could have colic - I don't know much about it but check with your doc.

Ashley - posted on 06/23/2009

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Hi Lisa. I can help out with this, as my daughter did the same thing around this age and I didn't know what to do. I hired an infant sleep/nutrition expert to help me get a handle on this so all of us could get on a schedule and sleep a little better. First of all, she wants to be held between the hours of 5-11pm because she is tired and being held and walked around is soothing and helps her fall asleep. Nearly all babies' brains have a circadian rhythm that works on a 6pm-6am clock. So at 6pm the baby's brain signals to them that it is night time and time to go to sleep. At 2 months she may certainly still wake up at night for a feeding, but her bedtime routine should have her down for the night at 6pm. Then you can let her wake you when/if she wants a feeding at night. At 2 months most babies can only handle being awake for around 1.5 hours at a time and they need about 18 hours of sleep in 24 hours. Motionless sleep is much more restful for the baby than being rocked, sleeping in the car/stroller/swing/sling/ etc. When my daughter was this age I would begin a bedtime routine around 5pm or so and give her a bath, and then either a bottle or breastfeeding and then straight to bed by 6pm. After her bath I kept the lights low and I fed her in her room so she was not stimulated by anything else and she knew it was time to settle down for the night. Then she went straight to sleep and if she woke up at night I would feed her in the dark, etc and straight back to sleep. She's 7.5 months now and has always gone down between 6-6:30pm and sleeps until 6-6:30am since she was 10 weeks old. It certainly is not realistic to expect a 2 month old to do that just yet, but keeping a bedtime routine and a consistent bedtime will really help her and you sleep better. Then let her wake you when she's hungry at night, she will. Good luck!

Crystal - posted on 06/23/2009

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Games: Peek-a-boo, tell a story, sing songs using lots of hand motions, Pat-a-cake, Little Piggy toes... My "baby" is turning a year old and that's all I can remember for 2 months off the top of my head. LOL I have sleep/insomnia issues as well, so I'm with you there. Just try to sleep when she sleeps. The first few days will probably be the hardest. Don't push the feedings then. But if she needs to eat more often, that's pretty normal.

Karen - posted on 06/23/2009

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I know it can feel guilty napping during the day but it is needed here as well. My 11 week olds new thing is to wake for her usual 10-11 pm feeding and want to stay awake and play for 2-3 hours. I end up staying up until the feeding she usually has around 6 am and then strap her in her boppy and lay her in my bed with me with pillows all around. Then we nap for 2-3 hours in the morning and mommy feels so much more patient and refreshed. did u try a swing? My daughter hated it until recently but now she will coo contentedly for an hour or 2 in it. Plus it is not hard for her head to rest against and ours had a moving mobile for her to watch. (Fisher Price swing, some kind of jungle theme lol) Plus it has music and jungle sounds. I know last night in particular I was GRATEFUL for the swing for an hour to lay on the couch even if you are not sleeping. She is not upset and I can rest my arms :) Good Luck!

Samantha - posted on 06/23/2009

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Quoting Lisa:

@Samantha Kalynn is 2 months right now almost 3 months. I can't keep her up during the day. She has a strange feeding problem... I have to thicken all her formula so she doesn't aspirate it and it makes her tired to suck the thick formula so she sleeps on and off all day. But I really do like the idea of the fan thank you!

@Diane I'm the same way I just can't stand to listen to her cry. I'm a big baby myself when she cries. We do have a boppy and I never thought to use it like that. What a great idea. I got it to nurse but I can't nurse (doctor's orders) so I wasn't using the pillow anymore. Now I can justify having it again. Thanks!

@Crystal Yes she sleeps while she is held. This is going to sound stupid but what games do you play with a 2 month old? Monopoly? Just kidding! I did discover she really likes being in the bath tub and splashing with her feet. I was going to get her a kick toy but I haven't gotten to the store yet. She eats about 4 oz per feeding and we have tried a few times to increase that amount and that's when she gets fussy and if we push the issue... the two times we pushed her to finish the 5 oz she puked. The only times she ever did that. And I don't think we have a schedule that works for me either... lol ... it's just with insomnia you never know when you can sleep. I feel bad because I should be awake during the day with her doing things... I know that will help but I'm so tired. I'm trying to day to stay awake... we'll see how long I can do it!

Thanks for your help


Why do you have to thicken her formula?  There are three different nipples for bottles.  If you get the one that opens like an X the formula will come out a lot better.  Does she spit up alot?  She could be gassy at night.  My baby is fine during the day and a little fussy at night.  I try to make sure she burps and I give her Gripe Water to help with her tummy.

Lisa - posted on 06/23/2009

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@Samantha Kalynn is 2 months right now almost 3 months. I can't keep her up during the day. She has a strange feeding problem... I have to thicken all her formula so she doesn't aspirate it and it makes her tired to suck the thick formula so she sleeps on and off all day. But I really do like the idea of the fan thank you!



@Diane I'm the same way I just can't stand to listen to her cry. I'm a big baby myself when she cries. We do have a boppy and I never thought to use it like that. What a great idea. I got it to nurse but I can't nurse (doctor's orders) so I wasn't using the pillow anymore. Now I can justify having it again. Thanks!



@Crystal Yes she sleeps while she is held. This is going to sound stupid but what games do you play with a 2 month old? Monopoly? Just kidding! I did discover she really likes being in the bath tub and splashing with her feet. I was going to get her a kick toy but I haven't gotten to the store yet. She eats about 4 oz per feeding and we have tried a few times to increase that amount and that's when she gets fussy and if we push the issue... the two times we pushed her to finish the 5 oz she puked. The only times she ever did that. And I don't think we have a schedule that works for me either... lol ... it's just with insomnia you never know when you can sleep. I feel bad because I should be awake during the day with her doing things... I know that will help but I'm so tired. I'm trying to day to stay awake... we'll see how long I can do it!



Thanks for your help

Crystal - posted on 06/23/2009

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Is she sleeping while she is being held? Maybe she needs more stimulation. Try playing some games or giving her some fun things to look at, etc. How much is she eating at each feeding? Often babies will eat more often in the evening (cluster feeding) and then they won't need to eat as often during the night. Perhaps you can try getting her more on a schedule for sleeping during the day. Sounds like you have a routine in the morning that is working for YOU, but it might not be working out for your family if the result is a fussy baby in the evening. A predictable schedule might be just what she needs now. Hope that helps. Good luck.

Diane - posted on 06/23/2009

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My daughter (she's 2 now) did the same thing when she was about 2 months. My husband and I were just plain tired and sore. I swear I almost got carpeltunnel from constantly patting her back. Finally we just had to put her down and let her cry. Alot of people don't like to let a baby cry it out, it all depends on how you feel about it. With my daughter we made sure she was fed and clean, then put her to bed. She cried for about 15 minutes (we'd go in every couple of minutes and check on her) then passed right out. So you may want to try it if all else fails. Personally I can only stand to hear a baby cry for about 15 minutes then I try something else.



My son is about 4 months and we tried it with him and it didn't work. I hit my 15 minute limit then realized it was the perfect time to put my IPOD to work. I'll lay in bed with him and put him on my chest. Then put in the earphones and crank up the music so I can't hear him cry. Pat his back and sing to him and he falls right to sleep.



Babies go thru phases. Like the first month my son would get fussy between noon and 2. Then his second month it was from 6 to 9. He''s nearing the end of 3 months and it's been every night at 9 he starts crying. So we do things like at about 8:30 we give him some gas relief drops and start bouncing him in his bouncer seat. Usually it helps us avoid the fit.

One last thing that may helps save your back and arms. If you don't have a boppy, think about getting one. I got one with my son, didn't have one for when I had my daughter. It's the greatest thing ever. I can get my son propped up on that in my lap and hold him all day without getting that back ache. He's happy all cuddled up to me and i get my hands more or less free to channel surf and drink a glass of iced tea. Good luck and if all else fails keep in mind she'll grow out of it real soon:)

Samantha - posted on 06/23/2009

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How old is she? Try to keep her up and alert more during the day. Keep noise, light and movement around. At night, tone it down. Try bathing, reading, a warm bottle. My son sleeps better now that we put a small fan in there on "high" for some white noise. You can try that too.