Sex after childbirth...

Rebecca - posted on 08/15/2009 ( 50 moms have responded )

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Hey there, I know this is a sensitive topic but just wondering how others have found their sex-lives change after having babies? And how their partners feel about it? And any suggestions for keeping your relationship on track when it is sometimes the last thing you feel like!

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Betsy - posted on 09/15/2009

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I have no sex drive what-so-ever, and my baby is 7 months old now! My hubby on the other hand, would have sex every night if I was willing. I think a lot of it is that I'm uncomfortable with my body, and I also don't want to get pregnant again!

Yve - posted on 08/15/2009

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I had a c-section 3 weeks ago and Im mentaly ready but cant do anything because of the stitches and bleeding.
We always quite romantic & intimate towards eachother with out having sex, and i believe thats the first step towards getting back on track.

Sheena - posted on 09/29/2009

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Well my sex life has slowed down a lot! But my husband got hurt at work and has two knee surguries. On top of us having a 6 y/o 2 1/2 yr old and a 7month old. so lifes a little hard lol

Terili - posted on 09/29/2009

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Our sex life has not faltered at all. I am more in love with Eric now than before. Now that we have two children we make an effort to get alone time. After 9pm it is our time. Even if we don't have sex we tell each other sweet nothings or just hold each other. You need that closeness to stay sane.

[deleted account]

i had a emergency c section and we lasted 2 weeks and 1 day before i buckled and couldnt hold out any more haha. my hubby tryed to make me wait til my 6 week check but as always i got my way and we ended up doing it.

we have always been a pretty affectionate couple. we kiss and cuddle alot and slow dance in the kitchen when he's cooking dinner... and we kept that going right through the pregnancy... so it wasnt really any different when bubba was born.

only thing that has changed is that its only when the baby is asleep now haha.

the important thing i think is that sometimes you just need to do it for one another... if one of us isnt in the mood but the other is and it has be a day or two... we usually just say yes and after some kissing and cuddles we are both reved up and its on like donkey kong! we both know its an important part of our relationship so we make the effort!!

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Stephanie - posted on 10/01/2009

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i had sex a month after daniel and it was brilliant, we had sex nearly every night and somtimes durn the day, i heard your sex life goes out the door after birth but it never bothered us

Tabatha - posted on 09/29/2009

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Well my sex life is still going good.Were both full time students.We still find time to have a little fun.

Michelle - posted on 09/29/2009

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My doctor has always said to wait 6 weeks to give your body time to heal. After that go for it. My husband and I have maintained an excellent sex life and we have 2 kids (almost 2 and 7 months). You have to make time for each other even if it's just sitting around cuddling and talking about your day. It gets easier when the babies get old enough to have a bed time. Try not to stress yourself out about it. It helps if you can get a little rest. I have to say waiting that first six weeks was not that hard for us because we were both exhausted. Around 6 weeks both times things got settled down and we had an okay routine going so we were getting a little more rest and we just kind of picked up where we left off.

Melissa - posted on 09/29/2009

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You have to make an effort! after my 1st son I think we waited a week, then with my 2nd it was the next day with my last son we waited 2 days I believe. It will be uncomfortable but it will never get back to feeling the way it did before if you dont try. My husband was very understanding we talked about it you have to be very open and intimate. take it slow and if it hurts to much stop!!! it may piss them off but it wasnt there body that went through that amazing and somewhat tramatic event! You do it on your time and you have to take into account if they watched you give birth they make think of you a lil differently down there! Good luck:-

)

Betty - posted on 09/16/2009

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To be perfectly honest with you it is still possible to have a sex life. My husband and I have been together for 10 years and we have 3 boys. You and your partner will have to make time for the first year. Send the baby to grandmas house or someone you trust about twice a month if you have to. Sex in your relationship does slow down a bit but it is still the same even after child birth. Give the 6 weeks it takes to heal then go ahead. Truth be told you can have sex as soon as you feel up to it. I had normal labor and child birth with all three of my sons. I had sex two and a half weeks after my youngest son was born. Everything was back to normal just remember to do your kegal exersices. To get your muscles back in shape. Note you have to make time for yourself and your partner.

Betty - posted on 09/16/2009

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To be perfectly honest with you it is still possible to have a sex life. My husband and I have been together for 10 years and we have 3 boys. You and your partner will have to make time for the first year. Send the baby to grandmas house or someone you trust about twice a month if you have to. Sex in your relationship does slow down a bit but it is still the same even after child birth. Give the 6 weeks it takes to heal then go ahead. Truth be told you can have sex as soon as you feel up to it. I had normal labor and child birth with all three of my sons. I had sex two and a half weeks after my youngest son was born. Everything was back to normal just remember to do your kegal exersices. To get your muscles back in shape. Note you have to make time for yourself and your partner.

Elizabeth - posted on 09/16/2009

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Im right there with you, our baby is 17 weeks and we still havent, I am just so scared that it will be painful, and Im so tired we by no means have an "easy" baby but hes so worth it

Jessica - posted on 09/16/2009

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sex life still goin strong.. i have two kids.. oldest is almost 6 n youngest is 3 months.. no joke my husband n i have sex every night but were still newly weds too..

Beverly - posted on 09/16/2009

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mine has not changed after the 6 week waiting we could not waite to do it. just try and get the sleep when you can you know when baby is sleeping u sleep and when you not in school my days of from work i sleep and when my hubby gets home baby is sleeping we have together time. And to keep things on track just always conversate and intamint is not always sex take a shower together back rub things like that even watching a movie together when baby sleeps

Nikita - posted on 09/16/2009

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My sex life has practically disappeared. I was really depressed for the first few weeks of my son's life because i just felt so grose looking, i wouldn't let him touch my body or look at my body, even i didnt want to look at it - my son is nearly 2 months old now, and to be honest i'm kinda of putting sex off myself, i just don't feel like it anymore - i no hes getting really tired of it, but u cant help the way u feel can u.

i miss feeling sexy and i miss how great our sex life was before. but theres always room for improvement so that is what i intend to do - iv got myself on a diet, and im exercising daily whilst my partner watches our son :)

if u dont have sex because you don't feel like you look good enough for him then do something about it or get over it :)

hope u sort things out babe z
x

Ashley - posted on 09/15/2009

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I will be honest My sex life with my husband almost doesnt exist....... we are lucky if we have sex twice a month. My husband is not happy about it but there is nothing he can really do if my son needs me. I feel bad like I am not being there for my husband but by the time i get our son to sleep it is late and my husband has to work the next day and I am tired from being up all day with the baby, I am on BC and I try to take it at the same time everyday but i do forget and that plays a part to. right now we are just trying to work through it. good luck

Larissa - posted on 09/15/2009

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I have the problem that I havent wanted it much since I had my baby almost five months ago. My bf and I try to at least once a week bc I know its important, but hes been very good about not pressuring me because he knows I deal with a lot. As far as the relationship you two just have to support each other and communication and trust are very important.

[deleted account]

I hear you monica give me a hot bath over sex any day. lol.



My poor husband is such a lovely man and have never put the pressure on me or made me feel bad for not being interested, he says he understands and will wait as long as he has to. My baby is nearly 5 months old and we have done the dead a total of 2 times... Poor guy!



Despite this our intacimy levels have increased greatly, we cuddle, kiss, hang out and talk, we have even dragged the baby out on a date or two. We are closer now then we have ever been and to us that is far more important than sex.

Rekia - posted on 09/13/2009

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well i have two kids and after them both we waited maybe two weeks and then our sex life was back to normal....and we have sex like 4 to 5 times a week and the babies arent stoppin it but i did take alot of precautions because thats how my son got here by not takin precautions after the first but i love him dearly and wouldnt trade him for nothing in the world!!!

Monica - posted on 09/12/2009

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For whatever reason, I have lost my mojo. I don't know if it's because I'm so tired or that I'm just not interested anymore. Our sex life used to be exciting. Right now taking a hot bath is more exciting.

Soky - posted on 09/12/2009

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Gosh My husband knew it was very uncomfortable for me to even think about it because I had gotten stitches... but after I got my check up and the *green light* to go ahead boy was he the happiest man ever... not to mention that when you heal you feel "brand new" again.. lol... so it took lots of time for us to adjust to making love again. But after the pain gone away we still hump like bunnies like we always do! LOL There is so much passion

Tamara - posted on 09/04/2009

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Well I have yet to have the go ahead for sex yet from my dr. we are both getting pretty impatient for it. That being said our chemistry now is higher than it was during my entire pregnancy and almost as high as the beginning of our relationship. The real kisses and Not being able to stay away from each other is back finally. So i have a feeling our sex life might be better than before. Of course I've gotten lucky with my little one being such an easy baby to handle.

Thepmala - posted on 08/30/2009

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Quoting Alicia:

sex after childbirth....what's that!?? :(

our baby is three months old and we still haven't gotten it on yet. i'm getting depressed. if you find the answer please let me know.


I know how you feel girl. If you're getting depressed you're going to have to talk about it to your partner. He will have to try to understand at least a fraction of the all the things you're going through. I was getting depressed and overwhelmed with everything. Being a new mom, sleepless nights, slow healing process, looking at my body and knew it was take forever for my body to go back to pre-prego days, the thought of going back to work, thinking about making lunch and dinner, and bills. It was just too much. I think you know what I mean. The depression sometimes doesn't go away on it's own so first step is to get some help from your partner. If that doesn't help you can speak to your doctor. My husband and I are having sex again. We started on our six week after our son's birth. And now I think we average around 2 to 3 times a week.

I hope this helps.

JoAnna - posted on 08/27/2009

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I have a newborn and In some way I'm afraid that my sex drive has plumted. My hubby is definitley more ready then I am but I tend to push him away. I'm thinking about getting a baby sitter and bringing back the romantic things trhat brought us togethers.before the breastfeedings and flying baby food. My advice is to take the kids out of the equation for a little while.

Peggy - posted on 08/27/2009

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My hormones (I'm guessing) were all whacked out after my daughter was born in 2006. I didn't have a sex drive at all for the past 3 yrs, poor hubby of mine. But now I've just delivered baby no 3 and the hormones seem to have reset. No more depo provera for me, I blame everything on that horrible method of birth control. (I used it after baby no 2)

Donna - posted on 08/27/2009

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Patience! It comes back eventually. I have the most understanding husband ever! We didn't have intercourse for the entire pregnancy (I had numerous problems) and then after our son was born (long and hideous labour and birth!) it was at least 5 months. I was just SO off it! Now I think we are back on track (mind you my son is 11 months old!) We are no way as frequent as we used to be but tiredness defo takes its toll!

Colleen - posted on 08/26/2009

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Our sex life as of a couple weeks ago has somewhat returned to normal. I had an episiotamy when giving birth to Aidan, and the doctor did a hack job when stitching my back up and I've had some complications down there and still may have to get cut open again and restitched (yea... owww is right!). My doctor said that it was safe to try to have sex again, it would just have to be really gentle and my husband would have to be patient because it was going to be really uncomfortable for me. Well, lets just say he was right. I pretty much cried the first couple times at the attempt, but it has gotten easier and we've found different ways of making it less uncomfortable.

Aidan has been sleeping through the night for about a month now so we have all the time to try and have time to ourselves. I think a way to keep your relationship still strong through-out the "no sex" stage is being intimate in other ways. Get a babysitter and go to a movie and dinner, or have someone take the child(ren) over night to another house and have a night off to just lounge... Leave little notes for each other.... even if you really have no time for yourselves through-out the day try and have 5 seconds to just kiss passionately as if that was the last time you were going to see him/her.

That's what Matt and I would do when I was in the healing process and unable to find time to be with each other. It worked a lot for us so it might for you as well :)

Andrea - posted on 08/26/2009

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I had a second degree tear and stitches when my son was born, but by about 5 weeks I thought I couldn't wait anymore!!! I talked to my doctor, and did wait until week 6, but then we got back to it. I think what helped us is that we are big snugglers, just the g-rated kind, so we had maintained that physical and emotional closeness. As a resualt, my only concern was pain because of the stitches, but there was none.

To be perfectly frank, it has changed in 2 ways: we don't get to it as often, just because of working around Thomas' schedule; and since I am nursing, I am drier than I used to be, so we use a good lube (this was a suggestion from my doctor, and I would recomend it. once you stop nursing this goes back to normal).

So just relax, don't pressure yourself and have some fun!

Alesha - posted on 08/25/2009

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we waited 4weeks. midwife said it was ok then for me. it felt erid the first few times. before baby i had a higher sex drive then my hysband but since iv had baby his is waaay higher and he wants me more. he has NEVER pressuerd me, just trys it on. sex is sooooo important to your relationship and even if you dont feel like it just try and ull be glad u did, i always am!!! ps sex is even better now then b4 an i think its cos hubby is soooo obbsessed with my post baby body..i think he respects it more.. good luck!!

Kathryn - posted on 08/25/2009

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it was a couple of months before me and my partner had sex again the first couple of times t was strange but it got better. ou sex live is back to normal but we are very lucky as our little one is in bed by seven and quite often has a night at nannys!!

Nina - posted on 08/25/2009

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just be honest with your husband..he'll understand..just make sure that even once or twice a week, you'll make love with him..men do understand our situation but of course we must understand their needs too..at first, i'm too tired doing it, but eventually, i understood what he needs..as a wife, i must fulfill his needs..right? if you think you kept him waiting for long, then you can prepare before he comes home after work. let your child/ren sleep early then have a very refreshing bath..you can relax for a while & think of the pleasure both of you will have.. hope this would help you.. :)

Erica - posted on 08/25/2009

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Well first of all,it's good to be in the mood for it as well as feel relaxed,if your baby is unsetteld you'll probably don't even feel like it in the beginning but once the baby gets settled and you have things under control you can try and have special times with each other(you &your partner),and with speacil i mean getting ready for the romance,dress sexy,put some make up have some drinks or have a nice meal together,watch a movie etc. You can build it up like that...i mean sex doesn't hae to happen immediately,you can cuddle up nicely with each other and enjoy each other company,explore each others body,give each otehr massages etc. Some women can't have sex soon after as they have tears so it's nice to just enjoy each others company,make each other feel special and when your ready go for it. Althou having a bay takes so much time of you and you might be so tired to think about romance it is still importatn to think about that as it's important for your relationship. If your not in the mood or if you don't feel ready for it just explain to your partner how you feel as this will make it better for him to understand your mood. If you don't he might feel left out and take it negatively. You don't have to feel obligated to do it neither as giving birth makes you whole body go thru big changes and you have to give yourself time to get used to it all. Hope i was helpfull.

Sandra - posted on 08/24/2009

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My husband wasn't really understanding how I felt about sex after baby. He never does in that department. At first I hated having sex because I wasn't really ready, but the spouse wasn't happy. Once the baby was around three months, everything felt back to normal and it has been very good since then. Now I know next time I'll just let him sleep on the sofa if I feel pestered by him.

Kia - posted on 08/24/2009

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My husband and I have a wonderful sex life after having my son. The biggest thing is making time. When my son goes to sleep it is on. LOL. I feel it is very important not to neglect that aspect of your relationship with your partner. Yes you may be tired, but you will sleep well afterwards.

Ashlee - posted on 08/24/2009

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we didn't even make it the 6 weeks after delivery that you are "supposed" to wait. I think we almost made 1 month, but I had no tares or anything so I didn't have anything extra to recover from. We did/do have sex on average every other day before during and after pregnancy (that's probably why we're expecting #2 just over 3 months pregnant and our 1st is only just 10 months). There are times (though rare) that we go 3-4 days but we also have times when we have sex 2 or more times a day. If there are times when I don't really feel like it I tell him so or just do it anyway, I am sure there are/were times when he didn't feel like rubbing my feet or whatever and he did. Overall we are matched very well in the sex drive area which obviously helps. If it has been awhile try simple stuff like having a shower together (which we do whenever we can) or massages cuddling-there doesn't have to be intercourse to be intimate. Enjoy eachother

[deleted account]

My hubby needs to stay home all week with both kids and then maybe he would understand why I just don't want to. I don't have the energy or the desire after being spit up on, pooped on, peed on, and everything else during the week. Before children 3-7 times/week; after children, well, 1-4 times a month. Sad, but true. It does get better though, or so it seems. I wish I knew how to keep him from harassing me about it, but at the same rate, keep him happy without ANY kind of sex being involved. -- And I hate to just 'do it' to shut him up, but sometimes it seems like it's worth it. I love him dearly, but I just want to run away and hide sometimes. Good Luck to all!

Colleen - posted on 08/24/2009

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There really hasn't been much change. If anything, it's better because I'm currently not on hormonal birth control. We take advantage of nap times and early bed time!

Lisamarie - posted on 08/24/2009

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After I had my first child I was very sore for about eight weeks, but as soon as I was ready we tried it, it was painful the first couple of times but as long as your relaxed and want to do it you shouldn't have any problems. My second child we waited eight weeks and it was still sore but nowhere near as bad as i'd expected (considering how bad they said the tear was). As for your partner, if he loves you, he will wait, it'll be worth it in the end. Plus, there are other things you can do in the bedroom besides sex. :)

Andrea - posted on 08/22/2009

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Our sex life is super mportant to us - it really is how we connect. However, a baby can put lots of challenges on lifestyle: we were both TIRED so often would rather sleep. I also sufferd from post-natal depression whcih caused me to disconnect, or jsut be too sad. Also, my partner was tired so when we did have sex, it was more quick than before (which was okay cause I needed anap!). Now that my son is 6 months and finally on more of a routine, our sexlife is more like before as far as intimacy and closeness, but not as frequent (maybe evry second day now, before birth we would have sex up to 3 times a day (i don't know how we found he time!)

you asked for advice: maybe starting with connecting and intimacy - whatever that is for you (e.g talks, walks, massages, touches, ) and the sex will probably follow. From previous relationsips I have learnt that for me, the state of our sex life is a result of a cnnected or unconnected relationship with my partner.

Natalie - posted on 08/22/2009

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Hmm I have not had sex with my hubby since our baby was born(6weeks) I had a rather large cut and lots of stitches. He has been wonderful and understands that I have been though an emotional and physical thing and that we will do it when I'm ready.

Ashley - posted on 08/21/2009

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im glad u asked that cause i was wondering about it also i wanted to know about it.....

Emma - posted on 08/15/2009

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my little girl is 5 weeks old.

my partner wasnt very understanding at first i had stiches down below that were sore for 3 weeks but he always made me feel like its my fault or that i was playing on them finding excuses not to have sex, but now things are spicing up and i think he realises it wasnt just me saying no i missed it just ass much as him

User - posted on 08/15/2009

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its been 8 months since our boy was born and i could count the number of times on 1 hand....i hate it now...im not sure if i have a hormone issue or what but i jsut cant....not too mention my hubby isnt romantic at all and doesnt do anything and jus plays WoW contantly....

Jodie - posted on 08/15/2009

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We've done it about once a week if that since she was born in May, its not because we dont want to its because we dont get a chance, she sleeps in our bed cos she wont sleep in her cot even if its right next to our bed so its pretty much impossible for us. Plus alot of the time im exhausted from carrying her around all day.

Nubia - posted on 08/15/2009

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well my sex life changed we don't get many chances to have time for it with a 2 1/2 year old and an 11 month old but when we do it's great. My husband never found me gross looking or anything even though i feel huge since i gained a lot of weight and never lost it. But i would say it is good

Alicia - posted on 08/15/2009

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sex after childbirth....what's that!?? :(



our baby is three months old and we still haven't gotten it on yet. i'm getting depressed. if you find the answer please let me know.

Toni - posted on 08/15/2009

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the sex life...it was put on the back burner for 6 weeks with us, partially beause i was afraid that something would tear or something down yonder, and partially because we were both tired and over whelmed with becoming new parents, e only have 1 3 month old,, then after six weeks, and a few drinks by me ( im not breastfeeding) we tried it again, and it was no where near what i thought it would be, it was enjoyable again. now we are back on track like we used to be, main issue is finding the time and place to do it!

Stacy - posted on 08/15/2009

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Well the sex life I have with my hubby is still goin strong after 2 kids. Our youngest will be 1 in a few weeks and our oldest is 4. I had to have a c-section with both of them and cut up and down instead of across. I was supposed to wait 6 weeks to have sex, but only lasted maybe 2 weeks after the kids were born. We average 4-5 times a week for sex. We have been together for 7 yrs and married for 4. Maybe we just didnt have negative feelings after the baby was born. about what if we get prego again or i'm to fat and my body looks gross. All that should not matter as long as u take precautions. I think sex means more after u have kids because it shows that u are more in love and greatfull for your partner. Well that is my opinion anyways.

Topaz - posted on 08/15/2009

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uhm.... our sex life is completely out the door... and about 100 miles away.... neither of us just feel interested at the moment...

Melanie - posted on 08/15/2009

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What sex life!? No, it changed in the sense that I was pulling double duty going to school and being Mom so by the time I hit the bed I was exhausted. Their Dad worked sporadically so ofcourse he had the energy. At first he was seriously a jerk about me not wanting to have sex, he could look at me and see the wonderful changes that motherhood and breastfeeding had done and just want to jump me. For me it was more like stay away look at what you have done to me! Eventually I believe that I explained to him when I think of sex I think of more children and I can't handle that right now, what I need from you is not so much sex, but hold me, tell me that you love me not just that you want to have sex with me, bond with me on that friend level again, instead of just jumping right into sex I wanted him to reattach to me emotionally, especially since the baby had taken over the majority of my time and he was on the out.

I do have to say that eventually he got the point that for me to feel "in the mood" more things needed to be done for me around the house and in the bedroom it was more give and take than me just giving. Now after our third child, I can't say that we have sex any more, but I can say that when we do for me personally I feel a greater bond between the two of us emotional and physically and it doesn't matter how much time goes in between( one wk or three wks) he is more concerned with what we both get out of it.

On my part there were times when I just had to make myself, but it was easier to talk myself into it once he understood where I was comming from and how I felt.

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