Should Your Baby's Daddy Help out during the night even though they get up for work?

Amanda - posted on 07/23/2010 ( 135 moms have responded )

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I Have a Problem My Soon to be husband says to me when i get mad with him for not helping me in the middle of the night He tells me he has to get up and go to work Is that Fair?

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Monica - posted on 07/23/2010

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I think it's something the two of you need to work out for your particular situation. After my son was born, my husband woke up every time to help me because I was recovering from a c-section and needed assistance. After I recovered, we would switch on-and-off. Sometimes I would go to our son, and sometimes I would wake up my husband and he would go - especially after I went back to work. When both parents work, someone has to get up even though they are working the next day!

I do find that my husband has a lot less patience at night than I do, and would often get really angry and frustrated with my son when he would not go back to sleep easily. Now, my husband is out of work, being our stay-at-home dad for now, and I am the only working parent. I still get up 98% of the time with our one-year-old because I have more patience, and because I enjoy maximizing the time that I can spend cuddling with him.

If you need help at night, perhaps you can come up with a system where he will get up any time before, say, 2am, and after that you will get up so that you can both enjoy some uninterrupted sleep.

Try not to focus on what is 'fair' or 'unfair', but rather focus on how each one of you is contributing in a way that maximizes your parenting strengths and minimizes your weaknesses.

Mindy - posted on 08/03/2010

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I can see your point...but not all situations are the same. And using that excuse for men being unfaithful is a joke and an insult. Relationships are hard work. And unlike my husbands job....mine NEVER ends and he get times to himself ALL the time where I do not. Expecting your husband to help and give you breaks in his time off isn't a whole lot to ask. And if he acts like it then that is just sad. Its really great that your husband is helpful.....but a lot of men are not....they want the children but they don't want to do the work. My sister's husband lost his job so he is a stay at home dad while my sister works....and they take turns. When my sister comes home she takes the baby and tells him to go do what he wants to give him a break. I guess that is just the difference between men and women. Her husband says its a heck of a lot harder to be a stay at home parent then to go out and work. He has a greater appreciation for what she has done in the past.Yesterday was the first time I went out by myself with a friend since before I had the baby. My daughter will be 7 1/2 months soon. Stay at home parents need support and help from their spouses. It makes them better parents, husbands or wives and allows them time to deal with their own needs....which definitely get overlooked. I like to give advice on here but I always state that these are my opinions. In all instances people need to do whats right for them. It is hard to give advice or make suggestions on issues we may not know first hand. But if you feel that a woman asking her husband for help is nagging and may cause them to stray. I don't know what to say really cause relationships mean something to me and my husband can be hard to deal with as can I out of fairness but that should never be condoned or feared as a reason for being unfaithful. All circumstances are different, and my husband works very very hard and I DO appreciate him, but it is his child too. I could not sit by idly and watch my spouse in need and do nothing it just isn't in my nature and isn't right. As always I state that this is my opinion and are my experiences. Having a child means giving up your right to be selfish....and that doesn't go for one parent , it goes for both. Good luck and hopefully it will work itself out in the end = )

Sarah - posted on 03/02/2013

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I don't understand this "if he has to get up and go to work" aspect of the conversation. Being a SAHM is WORK!!! It's work out of the house but it is hard, exhausting, important work. A mom needs to get SOME rest SOMEWHERE, just as much as the husband does. I'm not saying 50/50 but a guy needs to roll out of bed for midnight feedings every so often to allow his wife to catch up on some sleep and remain useful to the family.

Tiffany - posted on 07/24/2010

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absolutely, my husband does, it is something he got used too quickly actually, it is part of being a parent surviving on a few hours of sleep. I take care of her during the day, and he gets up with me at night to help with diaper changes and bottle feedings,and after i have the things i need, he will go back to sleep, work should not be an excuse, caring for your child should come first no matter if you have to be at work in a few hours...

Amy - posted on 05/06/2011

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My husband builds machinery that could crush him. No way would I ever ask him to help out on nights where he has to work the next day. On weekends...no problem, here's the baby, mom needs to sleep!! I think it depends on how dangerous his job is, but if both parents are working, both should probably be up with baby.

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Lyn - posted on 08/11/2012

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Make a plan with him. Since he does work which is understandable could he let you go to bed early that way you could still get up. then on his off days he can take a feed or two and let you sleep. I had to tak care of my 1st born alon because his dad was in bot camp. But time I had baby # 2 and #3 (different husband) wwee had a long serious discussion on how things were going to be before the baby and what I expected in the form of assistance from them. I never had a problem.

Dalyna - posted on 08/11/2012

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once i had my daughter my husband would get up and try to help but he got paternaty (sp?)leave, once he went back to work i didn't want him to get up anymore. its a one person job anyways and i knew i would be able to catch a nap during the day but he could so i would allow him to sleep. if you feel like you really need to help and you just can't do it alone then you need to bring it up with your fiance.

Anastasia - posted on 08/10/2012

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Sometimes, when I have no patience left, I wake up my husband and tell him to help me. I am SAHM to two boys, one just turned 3 y.o. and other one 9 m.o. I also go to school,so I am always staying up late, at least till 2 am,but usually till 3am,doing my homework while kids and hubby are sound asleep. Sometimes my kids have sleepless nights and it seems like they are taking turns trying to keep me up :) My husband's excuse of working next day doesn't work when it gets crazy, because his lunch at work can last up to 2 hours,so he can take a nap there if he wishes. I do not have luxury of even 15 minute nap. But still, most of the time I get up, I wake him up when I start loosing it :) Sad thing, he considers my shook as a hobby, not something that will benefit our family in the future.

Ashli - posted on 05/06/2011

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yes and know. if he helps during the day then he shouldnt have to do it at night because he does have to get up to go to work to pay the bills for u and his new baby.

Miriam - posted on 05/06/2011

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with our first one 8 year ago i would go to bed when the baby went to bed at 7 or 8 he would do the next feeding than i would take over. we both work, now we have twins and when one gets up we both get up. Hes a police officer so he does need his sleep Im a teacher so I need mine as well. It wont last forever so for now we both have to suffer! sometimes if hes worked a double shift I leave him alone and take care of it on my own, but since its 2 babies than I dont sleep! :+(

Amanda - posted on 05/06/2011

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Nope that's not fare , it's his child too and he should be willing and wanting to get up to his child and to help u out!! That's not fare at all for him to do that!!

[deleted account]

I think it depends on when they have to go to work. My husband didn't help me at night for the first month our daughter was home because he started work at 5 am. In fact I stayed up until then with the baby then slept off and on per feedings until 1pm when he got home. He then would help out with her.

With our next one I suspect that he'll stay up with the baby until midnight (since he's up that late now), then all other feedings I'll take care of until I get our daughter up at 7. My husband's current job has him starting anywhere from 8 am to 1 pm depending on the day of the week.

[deleted account]

I think it depends on the particular situation -- you have to find a solution that's sensible and fair to you both.

I currently stay at home, breastfeed and co-sleep with our son, and my husband has a stressful job, so it makes little sense for him to be sleep-deprived too. But when I eventually go back to work, I expect things will change, especially since our son will be older. Who knows? He might prefer soothing from Dad than nursing at that point.

If your baby sleeps in a crib in a separate room, you could ask your husband to do a late-night dreamfeed with expressed milk or formula.

For instance, the baby goes to sleep at 7pm. You go to sleep at 9pm. Your husband stays up and feeds the baby around 11-12, then goes to bed himself. The baby wakes up next at 3am. You get 6 hours straight. Your husband gets 11 until whenever he gets up for work.

Theresa - posted on 05/05/2011

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If you're a stay at home and he works, then I don't think he should be getting up in the night. You can always take a nap when baby does during the day. i don't think hubby's boss would appreciate him napping during the day.

Lindsy - posted on 05/05/2011

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Maybe not the middle of the night but he better be helping and doing during the day. You are both parents and you both should be doing the parenting.

@Mary Renee~ My hubby tried to pull that 3 hour nap during the day thing too, needless to say it didn't last long.My advice to you would be not to tell him when he's going to "take care of the baby". Say something like "I feel like I'm hogging the baby" or "I feel like you are missing out and this time goes by so fast", then say something like " when would you like to have special daddy baby time with her?". Then when they take their time leave the house. Even if all you do is walk around the neighbourhood, it sounds like you definitely need some time away. Just remember that getting mad at him will just sound like judgement or criticism to him, make it sound more like you want to include him, and then do.(And whatever you do don't yell at the way he does things (unless it truly is dangerous) you'll only be shooting yourself in the foot.)Best of luck to both of you!

Elisha - posted on 08/07/2010

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My husband and I have a agreement with that through the I get up with the kids because he works when he gets home from work he pretty much takes over the kids and on the weekends he gets up with them and when i get up i take over, but that is what works for us. You guys will have to come up with some agreement on your own.

Mary Renee - posted on 08/06/2010

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Argh, my boyfriend never gets up. On top of that he takes like 3 hour naps during the day (my boyfriend...NOT the baby) I'm breastfeeding but that doesn't mean he can't help with the midnight diaper blow outs!! Sometimes she poops, wakes up, I change her, she feeds, and then she poops again and it's all over her PJs and the changing pad and then I have to change her and clean it up, while holding her (we co-sleep because it makes the breast feeding easier) and at these times I just spend most of the time GLARING at him wanting to kick his butt right off the bed.

But at the same time when she sees Daddy she thinks it's play time and he'll get her all riled up and won't think twice about turning lights on and when I try to tell him not to it's hopeless.

Then if she cries loud enough to wake both of us up and I'm already mid diaper change he'll be like "Awww, bring me my beautiful baby" and I'm like... are you serious? You want me to stop changing her diaper, bring her over to you so you have have your ten seconds of baby time, and THEN bring her back to change her diaper before feeding her when she's hungry? YOU CHANGE HER DIAPER!!!!!!

I am thinking though that next time he does the 3 hours nap thing and she does a blow out poop, I'll just put her right on top of him and leave the house for a few minutes.

Jenni - posted on 08/06/2010

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I would think so. I guess it really depends on the type of job he has too. If it's a hard physical job then i could definitely understand him needing his sleep. Or if he works long hours. My SO works 12 hrs at a job where he stands all day. However on his days off he would wake up and change my DS and bring him to me to nurse. However, with my DD he hasn't woke up once. But I dont need him to b/c she only wakes for one feeding and it's really no big deal to me. He helps out plenty with our DS on his days off. If he helps you in other ways when he's not working or just getting off work then i don't think it's too one-sided.

Kristen - posted on 08/06/2010

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My hubby and I just worked out a schedule that worked for us. We were both working at the time, but I was working far less hours, so I got the baby more during the week. On weekends he pitched in a lot more. I know I am super fortunate though, because even now that he is working full time he takes our older one (i am pregnant with number two) a lot when he gets home, helps with the house, etc. He also takes Saturday mornings with her (he still gets to sleep later than weekdays.) When the new baby is born next month we will have to figure out a new schedule, but I think that it is up to each couple to figure out what works for them!

Darci - posted on 08/05/2010

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I agree with your husband. Do you stay home with your baby? Is he your only child? You can take naps with him in the day your husband cant take naps at work. I never ask my husband to help me at night. When my son was way new like the first month my husband would get up and willingly help me sometimes and even as hes gotton older but I never ask him to. But yes ocationally on a really bad night i might ask for help but I feel bad that he has to get up in the morning and go to work so I try to not bug him unless I really need him. My son is 17 months and still wakes up every 2 hours and I get up with him all by myself.

Stephanie - posted on 08/05/2010

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I told my husband it does not matter if he has to get up for work...we both are her parents... that's it!
Understandable he has to work and you may stay home, but regardless staying at home all day is exhausting, especially with a new baby! I don't buy into that double standard...this is a new century!

Michelle - posted on 08/05/2010

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It's something you need to work out between you. I get up at night, because DH gets up at 6 for work, and he's just exhausted by the end of the week otherwise. I can take the morning nap with the baby so I can catch up on a bit of sleep. Occasionally he does get up if he knows I'm exhausted, but I consider that 'my job'. But that's what works for us. Every family is different.

Amanda - posted on 08/04/2010

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If my husband has to work the next morning I take care of her but if he has the day off the next day he jumps to get her. It also depends on if you are a stay at home mom or if you work. Like when I start school back up and I will be working part time he will probably help more because I will have a 50 hour week to his 35 so it all really depends.

Shelley - posted on 08/04/2010

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I think the husband should help simply because he helped make the baby in the first place. Lol. I am a SAHM. I needed to sleep during the night because my daughter would stay up crying all night until 4 in the morning. I couldn't handle it bc she barely napped during the day, and therefore, I barely ever slept. I don't see how harmful taking a 2 or 3 hr shift a night could be.

Plus, I even offered my husband to stay home and let me work and he got sooo offended.

Rachael - posted on 08/03/2010

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most of you are willing to say, he should try and stay home with the kid to see how you have it. but i haven't heard anyone say that YOU would try their job, to see how they feel. depending on his job, he would probably ask you what the heck you are complaining about. YOU are the ones who make being a stay at home mom so stressful. be positive and be grateful. cleaning it therapeutic for me! i love it! i would rather do that than be an ironwoker! screw climbing 30+ stories! and lugging heavy crap around all day! and seriously, is cleaning up more important than sleep?! take a nap! screw the dishes! so what if there is a little dust! do it on the weekend when dad is home and can play with the wee one! or do it while the baby is awake! its good for kids to play by themselves for a little while.

Jessica - posted on 08/03/2010

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Okay, all of you SAHM know that it's just as demanding of a job as it is to be out working daily. Why is it okay that we moms get 3 to 4 hours of sleep a night and he gets 7 to 8 hours? He helped make the baby, he should help care for the baby. Thankfully, my fiance and I have a great system where he gets up with her before 1:30am or after 5am because he has to be up at 6 anyway. I get the in between hours, and it works out pretty well. I'm usually too busy taking care of our newborn daughter, our two dogs, and cleaning the household to nap much during the day. If he has a rough day at work, I won't wake him up to get her at night. If I've had a rough day at home with a screaming baby, he takes her from when he gets me and lets me go take a nap for while.. He's a great daddy and we make a great team. As most of the moms said, just discuss it and work out a schedule that is fair to you both. If he doesn't agree, tell him to try being a SAHD and you can go work. Maybe then he will appreciate all you do a little more! Good luck!

Summer - posted on 08/03/2010

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if you're not then yes. He has to get up early I'm assuming while (even though your getting up at night) you get to sleep in/nap with the baby. But in all honesty its no big deal since babies sleep through the night around 9 to 12 months. so though it out momma!

[deleted account]

In a way I do understand his point of view, but he also has to understand that it is not just you doing the work, both of you have to do this together. It should not hurt him to help once in awhile. Take turns, make a night the were he can help out.

Rachael - posted on 08/03/2010

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its not selfish for a man to come home after a hard day at work and want to relax. i think women (stay at home moms) should make it as relaxing as possible for their guys. and men absolutely do stray because of nagging. i know from personal experience! i was a super bitch to my ex, putting him down, for not helping out. we didn't even have a kid! when he got home from work i would nag about spending time together and about cleaning. OH god was i annoying! i don't blame him for finding someone else! women's voices are annoying as it is. and depending on what the man does for work having kids and being a stay at home mom is the easiest job in the world! yes, i get stressed when she fusses, but i would rather be with her all day than working my ass off in the hot sun, lifting heavy ass stuff and being sore as hell when i get home! the last thing i would want to do after a hard working job is come home to a nagging wife! now if these men have an easy office job i would be a little more expectant to have him help a little more, but he is the one making the money, without our guys, single moms would have to work AND take care of our kids! lets give our guys some credit! i don't think you know what kind of stuff goes through their head, stressing about providing for their family! its a lot! you are lucky to even have a husband who is willing to go out every day and earn money so you and you child can have a roof over your head. single moms are the hardest working people i know! they would be thankful to have a man go to work to provide. my guy will tell you he is the absolute luckiest guy to have me. have me not nag the hell out of him when he gets home. to not have the stress of a dirty house, nagging wife and screaming baby. he even plays video games when ever he wants! so what?! if he really didn't give a crap about you or your child, he wouldn't go to work, he would instead sit on his ass all day and do absolutely nothing. then would be a good time to say its not fair that he doesn't help out. i know not being a naggy chicken head works, because i have a man who does help out with out even having to say a word! there is proof. divorce is so much higher than it was a long time ago, when the men worked and the women stayed home. if women really honestly want to be so equal to a man, then put your child in child care and go get the same job your man has. that is totally cool too. two working parents are great, they both work hard, they both appreciate each other and help each other out. i just don't think stay at home moms have it as hard as they think they do. they need to suck it up. if it is really that bad that they have to take it out on their hard working hubbys, then they do not deserve to be a mom.

Celissa - posted on 08/03/2010

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I do think it's fair if you're not working. Babies are hard, but as a stay-at-home mom you do have opportunities to nap that a working person doesn't.

Lindsay - posted on 08/02/2010

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no i dnt think so i think that hes should help either way i have the same issue and i make him get his butt outta bed

Rachael - posted on 08/02/2010

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if he works, no way should he get up. you dont work and get to take naps when ever the baby does. thats what is not fair. dont nag at him when he doesnt get up, he will just resent you . i know from experience. i dont give my husband a hard time about cleaning, getting up with the baby or whatever, cause he works his ass off every day. for me. for my daughter. i appreciate his hard work and in return i dont nag. in return he respects me and appreciates every thing i do for him. so much so that he helps me clean! i dont even have to ask him. he just does it! sometimes i have to tell him to stop and relax! girls, dont be nags, its annoying and the main reason men stray.

Mindy - posted on 08/02/2010

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This is a sticky topic for lots of reasons. I am a stay at home mom. My daughter is 7 months old. She had extreme colic up until about a month ago. She still does not sleep through the night but here is the kicker. I have a husband that works 12 hours shifts 5+ days a week, he works 7pm to 7 am has a 45 minute drive to and from work. He sleeps all day so you can imagine how hard it has been for me to try and keep an extremely colicky baby quiet during the day. I never sleep. I am a very light sleeper. And because of circumstances that can not be helped I have not had a chance to recover from a very hard pregnancy. I am mentally and physically exhausted...she cat naps during the day..I cant sleep during the day..plus when I say cat nap I mean 15 - 20 minutes then we are back at it again.The pressure I feel to keep her quiet causes me overwhelming stress and anxiety. When my husband is off work he guilts me into staying up with him to spend time with him. When he should be letting me sleep. Instead he keeps me up and I don't get any rest. I know this sounds bad. My husband loves me, I know he does, but men are selfish even if they have the best of intentions. I don't have all the answers. But I am practically a single mom. I have my daughter all the time I never get a break let alone sleep. I think in the last 8 days I have sleep ten hours total...two of those days I never went to sleep period. I completely understand how you feel. It is my opinion that unless you are working some extremely labor intensive job you have it easy. And If your job is easy and you don't help at home that is just wrong. There is a reason most people would rather go to work than raise their kids..its not an easy job by far.....or should I make that plural...jobs? My husband helps me more than most husbands help their wives but in my situation it just isn't enough. A stay at home parent never gets to clock out. Their job is 24/7...365...sick or healthy....sleep or no sleep. It is easy to run yourself into the ground. My husband keeps talking about having another kid and I just about break into tears I get so mad. I have gone without sleep for so long that I cant sleep anymore I just lay there for hours and hours and close my eyes cos they burn. My only suggestion to you is to make things very easy on yourself. Stay organized, take good of care of yourself. I don't have family to help me so if you do and you trust them ask them for help if you can't get any from your husband. Have them come stay they night with the baby. That was you'll get some sleep every now and than. I believe it should be 50/50 but not all situations let it be so. Even if he got up to take care of the baby once a week that is still better than nothing and if he can't agree to that ..I'm sorry to say that is selfish....Because you have a job to do to. You can't care for you child if you can't function at your job. Good luck

Kayla - posted on 07/31/2010

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Geez... My bf plays with baby.. and that is ALL!!!!! Day or night.
He might undress him before bath and bring him to me.. But other than that.,. HA!! When i ask him to do something... he has to "poop".. (He sits on the toilet playing games on his phone or listens to his MP3 player!!!) LMAO!!

Angela - posted on 07/31/2010

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No. My husband and I alternate. The first time my daughter wakes up I take care of her and get her back to sleep. After that, I wake his butt up. You don't get a day off, motherhood is a full time job with no breaks. Ask him to trade sometimes, I'll bet his job is a lot easier than yours!

Amelia - posted on 07/31/2010

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Speaking from experience. Although your soon to be husband is working and you are staying home, you still need a couple nights during the week where you can sleep. You are the one who gave birth and who is still recovering! I know with my first daughter my ex husband did nothing! When I say nothing I mean literally nothing! She was a colicky baby and didnt sleep night or day.(She still doesnt like to sleep and she will be 4). I would get up so exhausted with her in the middle of the night after taking care of her all day that I was delusional, and could not keep my eyes open. Sometimes you just need a little break. I think that if you can get one or two nights a week where you can just sleep, you will be able to function alot better and if your fiance loves you he will be able to appreciate that. My fiance and I are having a baby due in Jan and I know with the way he is with my girls he will be helping me in the middle of the night thank the lord! But I think its about being a team, give and take, thats why babies have two parents, when one gets to their utter point of exhaustion and cant do it, the other should pitch in and take the load. Good luck and hopefully he will start helping you at night! For your sanity lol :)

Stephanie - posted on 07/31/2010

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my husband went back to work after his paternity but he is still helping out at night whether it be feeding or just settling our baby girl. if i need to go to bed he will look after her while i get an early night and bring her after. so i don't think it's fair he is not doing anything. me and my husband have an arrangement that he does the first feed at night so i can get some more sleep to do the rest and he is not so shattered going to work. hope this is helpful

Nina - posted on 07/31/2010

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Sure! As long as you're not working let him go to work rested. But when he has a few days off work, he should let you get a full nights sleep too... And after work he should help out with the baby, cause that's a great way for you to get some rest and him to bond with the baby. =)

Christina - posted on 07/30/2010

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When I was on maternity leave I got up every night with my son. I was also breastfeeding for the first six months, so there wasn't anything my boyfriend could really do anyways. Luckily, he would just eat and go back to bed. Once I returned to work (and my son was taking formula) we started alternating, where one night he would get up to feed him and the next night I would. It worked out pretty good because I could at least get some good sleep every other night - it made it easier to get up when it was my night to be on duty too, lol.

There was one occasion where where my son got pretty sick and didn't eat ANYTHING for two days straight. He was up the ENTIRE night crying because the poor baby was so hungry. In this case my boyfriend and I alternated being up with him every hour or so so we could try to get some rest. It was a really tough night, and I couldn't have made it through without his support. It was nice because we didn't plan it out, it just happened that way, and we naturally leaned on each other. I would stay up with him until I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer, and then I would wake up daddy for his turn, and vice versa. Once we were able to call the doctor and make an appointment for him that morning we both stayed up. It's definitely not always that easy, but I know that when I really need his help, he's there.

I think if you are a stay-at-home mom it comes with the territory to get up in the evening. But if you find yourself not getting any sleep and don't have a chance to nap during the day, then you should make some type of arrangements with your husband. It doesn't do anyone any good to have a cranky mommy around the house. :)

Bethany - posted on 07/30/2010

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No he has to help take care of the baby at night too cause you need sleep to. and taking care of a baby during the day is just like having a full time job. i have the same problem .

Priya - posted on 07/30/2010

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I think husbands should help if necessary. Its all depends to the situation at that time. Some husbands are willing to help even though they have to be at work next day. But wives who are at home is stressed up and has lots of work to do as well but they still do their job at nights and day time. Its both husband and wife responsibility. Once you got child, both has the full responsibilities to help each other.

Cheryl - posted on 07/30/2010

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Do you work is my first Question? if you do not then It is not fair if he has to get up and work.... I did and still do it at night I have a 15 month old and a 5 month old .. I hope this helps

Amy - posted on 07/29/2010

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me and my husband kind of had these problems at that time. i had sympothy for him i know its tough for them but we decided that one night a week lets say friday night he would wake up with her during the night but i would let him sleep in the saturday morning. then i would wake up with her the other nights but one morning like sunday he would let me sleep in. so you get a little break and he helps a little too. it worked for us, most the time lol

[deleted account]

I haven't had a chance to read the other posts, but I think it should be 50/50. You do not sit around on the couch all day, you work too, children are a hell of a lot of work, usually without designated breaks. Everyone needs to do their fair share of the workload.

Kasmira - posted on 07/29/2010

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My fiance and i both got up to start in the beginning with our now 15mth old. i fed him and daddy changed his nappy, and i did most of the settling except if he wouldn't go back to sleep for an our or so. I am very lucky to have a guy who thinks he should be sharing the job of raising a child equally when he is at home, plus he loves doing it. Its the housework he doesn't like doing rather than anything to do with our child. But i think at the end of the day its about finding what works for you

Maria - posted on 07/29/2010

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My husband and I found a system that worked for the both of us. He was the only one working so I was home all day. So we decied to take turns. One night I would get up and tend to the baby all by myself. Then the next night my husband would get up and tend to the baby. This worked really well for us. You both need to find something that would work you both of you.

[deleted account]

omg! i'm a stay-at-home mom, but my husband still insists on getting up because it gives him time to spend with the baby. after a while, i really noticed it was wearing on him so i made him get plenty of sleep because his work is very physical and very tiring. now, i'm pregnant with our second and he is back to getting up at night when our 9-month-old wakes up. i'm so grateful to have a man who is willing to help out even though he doesn't have to! i agree, it's something every couple has to compromise on, but remember- it's not like he works and you don't- taking care of a baby and keeping house IS work. it's not going to kill your soon-to-be hubby to get up sometimes to help you.

Tara - posted on 07/29/2010

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I think all dad's should help in one way or another. I usually get up with my son during the night only because I'm the first to hear him. My husband will get up and help me when I need him to. Good luck.

Tiana - posted on 07/29/2010

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Not at all..whne my boyfriend had work he would always help me in the middle of the niqht yet my c-section cauqht an infection so i did need the help cause i was constantly in pain..yes after a while it qot to a point were only one of us were neeeded so we decided to swithc off i would qet him at say 3 am and then it would be his turn at say 5 am..its a cool buddy routine he came up with...it helps ALOT!..hope it can work for yu two =)

Jackye - posted on 07/29/2010

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no my boyfriend also does that to me... its not fair seeing as how the mother takes care of the child 24/7 its a full time job also getting up to change, feed, or sooth the baby shouldn't be a big deal

Kara - posted on 07/29/2010

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our unspoken deal is that, from the time he gets home from work to the time he goes to bed, Dad changes the baby and burps baby. Once baby starts bottle-feeding, Dad will help with that as well. If he happens to wake up baby while peaking at/saying goodbye in the early morning hours, then he will change baby before I feed baby.

Jill - posted on 07/29/2010

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I guess that depends.... How stressful is his job? Could his inability to concentrate effect others around him? Are you able to nap during the day? Are losing your "cool"/patience with your baby during the day or in the middle of the night? Would HE be able to keep his "cool"/patience in the middle of the night?

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