sleep deprived

Shawnell - posted on 03/05/2009 ( 63 moms have responded )

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How do I get my son to sleep all night, he is almost 6 mo old and still wakes up 2 and 3 times a night (every night). He eats every time cuz he acts like he is hungery, then goes right back to sleep.

I have tried giving him cereal and fruits but wants nothing to do with them. if you have any sugg. please help

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Stacey - posted on 03/18/2009

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Emily dont bother reading this because i know you are going to give me a negative reply. lol this is quite funny, been reading this and in a way i agree with letting baby cry it out but in a way i dont. My boy is only 7 weeks old i saw a plunket lady and she told me to let him cry, and i thought stuff you i cant do that. she also told me he needs to go to sleep on his own not being rocked in someones arms (he was 5 weeks old at this stage). If he is over tired and boy you know when a baby is overtired i will let him cry, studies say it is PERFECTLY safe to let a baby cry for 10mins, i wont, i let him cry for 8 and 90% of the time he is asleep before 8 mins is up. Teaching them to go to sleep on their own is a good advantage at night time, your baby may wake up look around and fall back asleep on his own. Your baby will rely on you picking him up when he cries and if you keep doing it you will be doing it for a very long time. Last night my baby slept 7 and 1/2 hours he slept through the whole night! i couldnt believe it its the first time he has done that unfortunately i didnt get to sleep until 4 hours into his sleep so i didnt benefit from his 7 and 1/2. Some mums cannot listen to their babies crying but it IS OKAY to let them cry for 10 mins, he will tire himself out and fall asleep, most of the time ;) letting your baby to cry does NOT mean you love your child anyless, i love my baby to bits, more than myself and partner, he is only 7 weeks old and his sleep routine is soo much better now.

Emily - posted on 03/18/2009

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hannah, really get a life. and stop obsessing over a stranger from the internet.

Hannah - posted on 03/18/2009

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Quoting Emma:



Quoting Emily:

There are PLENTY of studies showing that the Ferber method leads to behavior, social, and trust issues. You chose to have a baby, it is now your job to respond to the babies needs. A 6 month old is NOT trying to manipulate you. He is crying because he needs you. Making him cry it out is NOT teaching him to self soothe. He will stop crying and go to sleep eventually, yes, but only because he realizes that he alone and his mother does not care enough to comfort him. So yeah it works, but honestly, is that what you want him to go through? Thats horrible.






there are also hundreds of thousands of people who's baby are perfectly healthy both socialy and mentally even though their parents let them cry it out.. and how dare you say that iif a person leaves their baby to cry a little then they do not care for their child.. you crazy ,deluded, 'textbook', overpowering girl. i have seen many of your posts on many different subjects and you have never failed in insulting peoples parenting and making yourself look obsessed and crazed.. after all.. parenting is your passion, your hobby, your major, your life.. isnt that what you said.. it stuck in my mind because of how over the top you are.. doe everyone a huge favour and get of circle of moms or just keep you negative, unproven, crap to yourself.... i think i have said what many have wanted to say..





Indeed! Amen!

[deleted account]

Quoting Emily:

There are PLENTY of studies showing that the Ferber method leads to behavior, social, and trust issues. You chose to have a baby, it is now your job to respond to the babies needs. A 6 month old is NOT trying to manipulate you. He is crying because he needs you. Making him cry it out is NOT teaching him to self soothe. He will stop crying and go to sleep eventually, yes, but only because he realizes that he alone and his mother does not care enough to comfort him. So yeah it works, but honestly, is that what you want him to go through? Thats horrible.



there are also hundreds of thousands of people who's baby are perfectly healthy both socialy and mentally even though their parents let them cry it out.. and how dare you say that iif a person leaves their baby to cry a little then they do not care for their child.. you crazy ,deluded, 'textbook', overpowering girl. i have seen many of your posts on many different subjects and you have never failed in insulting peoples parenting and making yourself look obsessed and crazed.. after all.. parenting is your passion, your hobby, your major, your life.. isnt that what you said.. it stuck in my mind because of how over the top you are.. doe everyone a huge favour and get of circle of moms or just keep you negative, unproven, crap to yourself.... i think i have said what many have wanted to say..

[deleted account]

Quoting Emily:

There are PLENTY of studies showing that the Ferber method leads to behavior, social, and trust issues. You chose to have a baby, it is now your job to respond to the babies needs. A 6 month old is NOT trying to manipulate you. He is crying because he needs you. Making him cry it out is NOT teaching him to self soothe. He will stop crying and go to sleep eventually, yes, but only because he realizes that he alone and his mother does not care enough to comfort him. So yeah it works, but honestly, is that what you want him to go through? Thats horrible.



there are also hundreds of thousands of people who's baby are perfectly healthy both socialy and mentally even though their parents let them cry it out.. and how dare you say that iif a person leaves their baby to cry a little then they do not care for their child.. you crazy ,deluded, 'textbook', overpowering girl. i have seen many of your posts on many different subjects and you have never failed in insulting peoples parenting and making yourself look obsessed and crazed.. after all.. parenting is your passion, your hobby, your major, your life.. isnt that what you said.. it stuck in my mind because of how over the top you are.. doe everyone a huge favour and get of circle of moms or just keep you negative, unproven, crap to yourself.... i think i have said what many have wanted to say..

Emily - posted on 03/17/2009

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Hannah, i just finished not responding to you. didnt you see? i took your last sentence to heart. so stop responding to me! Man i hope the original poster turned off notifications for this post, lol.

Emily - posted on 03/17/2009

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No really, I didnt want to read your wall of text when all it said was "waaahhh waahhh" :)
stop being a ~martyr~ for circle of moms.

Alison - posted on 03/17/2009

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Quoting Emily:

tldr


 



You? Not read something? Its more likely you read it and had nothing to say, it was actually nice too.

Alison - posted on 03/17/2009

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Quoting Emily:

lol.


 



 



Glad you think you are so cute and silly.



Seriously though, I don't think anyone here has a problem with your advice. You obviously take a great interest in raising your family and have gone to great lengths to study all of the information that is out there. The problem, and if you can't get a clear picture by now then your helpless, is that your being ridiculously judgemental. Circle of moms is a discussion forum for mothers who also care about their children and are seeking more information OTHER THAN the information they have already obtained....the same way you did. Why is it so important to you, personally, that everyone follow the same rules as you? Does this help you sleep better at night? Do you feel better as a mother assuming no one here cares for their children "correctly?" There are plenty of adults that have been raised by alternate methods and are perfectly normal, functional, intelligent human beings.You cannot, nor can anyone else, know EVERYONE. Right? Because that would be a blatant farse.



The point: no one and I mean NO ONE has the right to tell someone else how to raise their child if assumably that child is safe, seeing a pediatrician and healthy. None of us even know each other. Also, I am not sure if you are taking into consideration that not everyone grows at the same rate. Much like all babies do not start to walk at the same age due to muscle development and coordination, not all babies develop the same. If a pediatrician recommends to a patient that they eat solids closer to four months (as most do recommend now) then it could be based on the child's individual development and key signs that doctor sees in the baby. Far be it from anyone to tell them over the internet how their child is growing.



Studies change every year, so I hope you realize that all of the information you are so stuck on very well could change within the next decade. New information, new studies. I know you are aware of that, so just entertain that thought.



Please continue to leave advice because different opinions are helpful, but please stop beating a dead horse saying the same information over and over again. Once is enough, we all know how to read. You can come off as being a smart girl withouth the sassy, snot attitude. Its a waste of your breath and energy as well as ours.



 



 



Shawnell,



To each his own on how to get your child to sleep better, I have all the same information available as anyone here.



One of our doctors suggested that if they are just fussing a little, to wait a few minutes and see if they put themselves back to sleep. Once the wailing starts, then get up and get that bottle. I think you should ask the advice of your pediatrician and see if there might be some sort of class you could stake (through a local network or hospital) that can offer you tips on how to get your son to eat better during the day so he sustains nutrition better at night. The only relief I can tell you is that my nephews and brother both started sleeping better at about 7 months and you have made it this far. Just think, in maybe another 6 months you will have a better verbal relationship with your son. And it will be that much easier.



 

Hannah - posted on 03/17/2009

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Quoting Emily:



Quoting Hannah:




Quoting Emily:

Blake, thank you!!! I thought i was losing my mind, haha. I cant believe the amount of crazy mothers on here that are having children and parenting them in the worst ways possible. I'm glad im not the only sane person in here!







 








-Im sorry to continue drama, however I have seen far too many ridiculous posts from you to leave it alone.








You are bullying other woman. You are not being helpful. 








After all the ensuing drama from your posts and  "craaazy messages" on your wall, do you ever stop and think..."Maybe its me?"








And in repy to your message to me-I have seen MANY post from you telling other women that they are WRONG and BAD MOTHERS.








Again-You are foolish. And I need to act like a "woman"? If you are the prime example of a woman I will stay a child.








 








    Shawnell, Im sorry to spread this drama to your post.








Your son probably just wants to cuddle and nurse, I see youve had other babies I dont doubt you are capable of raising your children. Just feel it out, try nursing him more during the day and feeding him some solids before bed time.









 






 






Oh good! Another internet stalker! I'll add you to my list. Creep #3. Get a life, and stop following from question to question.





Shame on you. You are awful.

Emily - posted on 03/17/2009

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Quoting Hannah:



Quoting Emily:

Blake, thank you!!! I thought i was losing my mind, haha. I cant believe the amount of crazy mothers on here that are having children and parenting them in the worst ways possible. I'm glad im not the only sane person in here!





 






-Im sorry to continue drama, however I have seen far too many ridiculous posts from you to leave it alone.






You are bullying other woman. You are not being helpful. 






After all the ensuing drama from your posts and  "craaazy messages" on your wall, do you ever stop and think..."Maybe its me?"






And in repy to your message to me-I have seen MANY post from you telling other women that they are WRONG and BAD MOTHERS.






Again-You are foolish. And I need to act like a "woman"? If you are the prime example of a woman I will stay a child.






 






    Shawnell, Im sorry to spread this drama to your post.






Your son probably just wants to cuddle and nurse, I see youve had other babies I dont doubt you are capable of raising your children. Just feel it out, try nursing him more during the day and feeding him some solids before bed time.





 



 



Oh good! Another internet stalker! I'll add you to my list. Creep #3. Get a life, and stop following from question to question.

Hannah - posted on 03/17/2009

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Quoting Emily:

Blake, thank you!!! I thought i was losing my mind, haha. I cant believe the amount of crazy mothers on here that are having children and parenting them in the worst ways possible. I'm glad im not the only sane person in here!


 



-Im sorry to continue drama, however I have seen far too many ridiculous posts from you to leave it alone.



You are bullying other woman. You are not being helpful. 



After all the ensuing drama from your posts and  "craaazy messages" on your wall, do you ever stop and think..."Maybe its me?"



And in repy to your message to me-I have seen MANY post from you telling other women that they are WRONG and BAD MOTHERS.



Again-You are foolish. And I need to act like a "woman"? If you are the prime example of a woman I will stay a child.



 



    Shawnell, Im sorry to spread this drama to your post.



Your son probably just wants to cuddle and nurse, I see youve had other babies I dont doubt you are capable of raising your children. Just feel it out, try nursing him more during the day and feeding him some solids before bed time.

Dora - posted on 03/16/2009

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Quoting Emily:

There are PLENTY of studies showing that the Ferber method leads to behavior, social, and trust issues. You chose to have a baby, it is now your job to respond to the babies needs. A 6 month old is NOT trying to manipulate you. He is crying because he needs you. Making him cry it out is NOT teaching him to self soothe. He will stop crying and go to sleep eventually, yes, but only because he realizes that he alone and his mother does not care enough to comfort him. So yeah it works, but honestly, is that what you want him to go through? Thats horrible.


I think that there are alot of different ways a baby cries  and "cry it out"  if by that you mean full blow screaming then no that isn't right but! My baby is 10 months old and would not sleep through the night and I had to let him cry!!!  but that was only after I nursed, rocked ,shushed, swayed ,cuddled and you name it I did it .... and nothing I did would get him to sleep on his own... So there are lots of studys and there are lots of things to try,   but not all studys are right... I don't think that crying a little bit is going to mess your kid up or have them become stunted or feel un loved ....My mother let me cry it out per say and I am fine... some time what you beleive in is what ya do, not all veiws are the same and you have to go with your gut and yes love love love them and respond with kindness and respect and that is all you can do.....what I did was this... I would go in to his room for a min pat his back wisper sweetly  to him and then go out.... it let him know I was still close by and that I wasn't abandoning him..  then I would go to 2 min then 5 then 10 and before you know it he was asleep and would go for 6 hours then wake nurse and go right back to sleep... I also use a noisy fan for white noise it seems to help, now he sleep through the night and he wakes up and whimpers for a second and goes right back to sleep... I got this advice from another mom on here and it worked so we are all different and that is a good thing... Hope this helps good luck

Emily - posted on 03/16/2009

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Quoting Louise:

could'nt of said it better myself, Emily have you a heart. Us mothers only want support and advise so share LOVE not hate. sounds like you have personal problems. dont be a hater all your life its not good for your child,he will grow up like you (Evil) and disrespectfull, im sure you dont want that for him, so change now before its too late. BE HAPPY. children are a reflection of their parents. im praying for that boy.


Louise, stop replying to me. You've already shown me how ignorant you are by spreading your hate all over my wall. I am not "evil" because I post good advice that you dont agree with. Sounds like you're feeling guilty about some of the parenting choices you have made. And dont ever talk about my son again. I have had enough of it. Your problem is with me, not my baby. This is the last time I am going to ask you to stop.

Stasia - posted on 03/16/2009

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If you decide that cry it out is not right for you (and boy I know it sounds tempting, Ive been there, only a couple of months ago) You could try to "set the scene" start with routine and then have the lights dimmed the same way (maybe a night light etc) a white noise machine is great, you could try introducing a lovey or blankey that he only sees at this time of night and then once he has all this around him try putting him to sleep a bunch of different ways. Rocking, walking, nursing or giving a bottle rubbing singing etc. Every night try different ways. Eventually your son will learn to associate this environment with sleep. Not with food. Right now he does not know HOW to get himself to sleep, so you must teach him.

I disagree with the comments that crying it out is the ONLY way a child will learn to self soothe because from my experience it is not so. WHen we turn the night light on and the air purifier or white noise sheep she has she knows its time for bed.

My daughter took a little longer than some who chose the CIO method to sleep through the night, but I know we made the best choice for us. Don't let anyone tell you that your child will be socially awkward or won't love you if you choose to let them cry, but also don't let people tell you that letting them cry is the only way. There are plenty of options and none of them are easy.

I hope you find the one that works best for you and your family, good luck!

Louise - posted on 03/16/2009

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could'nt of said it better myself, Emily have you a heart. Us mothers only want support and advise so share LOVE not hate. sounds like you have personal problems. dont be a hater all your life its not good for your child,he will grow up like you (Evil) and disrespectfull, im sure you dont want that for him, so change now before its too late. BE HAPPY. children are a reflection of their parents. im praying for that boy.

Caroline - posted on 03/16/2009

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Emily, I have seen many of your comments on different threads in Circle of Moms.  Where exactly have you managed, in your 22 years, to gain enough expertise to take the advice other moms are giving on here kindly, and slam them for it?  We're all just trying to help eachother out here, and quite frankly you add a very nasty and condescending tone to most conversations you are on.  You come off as a huge know-it-all with no respect for others.  I think Circle of Moms would be better served if people like you would either find a nicer way to share your experiences or just keep your opinions to yourself.  Your behavior and words on here are truly disgusting.  No one deserves to be treated as you have treated some mothers on here, especially when they are just trying to share their own experiences and help other mothers out.  What exactly are you here for?  To show how much smarter or how much of a better mother you are?  It's not a contest, honey.  We're all just trying to do the best we can.

Emily - posted on 03/16/2009

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Ashleigh, I read your last comment and personally I dont consider that CIO at all. For two reasons. one, your baby had colic. And like i said, a baby with colic will cry no matter what you do! And two, because you stayed in the room with him comforting him the entire time. I dont think thats CIO, and I think its a wonderful approach you took to help him sleep better through the night.
I know people arent going to always agree with me.. I'm pretty into "attached parenting" and not everyone can deal with that. But I AM just leaving my opinion (albeit strongly lol) on a post. And when people dont agree with me, they leave rude comments about my post. So I feel the need to respond. Or more commonly, leave craaazy posts on my wall, haha.

Ashleigh - posted on 03/15/2009

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I didn't do CIO until he was 7 months old ( he had severe colic, and sleep no longer than 30 minutes at a time, totally not exagerating either).  I was so over tired and couldn't take it anymore so I did some research and found an amazing book call the sleep sense program.  With this technique, you are in the room all the time with your baby.  I would pick him up if he ever got to upset and I would pat his back etc.  It was a miracle.  I found doing it at like 7 months was a good time because he wouldn't wak up at all when I did the sleep training to nurse or anything (of course if he woke up I would have fed him obviously).  I don't think I wouldn't do it any younger because they would probably be hungry etc.  but I found 7 months worked really well for me, and now he sleeps 12-13 hours straight, plus 2 two hour naps a day.  I knew he was tired before and needed to sleep, he was beyond grumpy etc., but nothing worked to put him sleep.  I had literally tried everything anyone has said or written about putting babies to sleep and this was the only thing that worked for him and it was amazing. 

Chantel - posted on 03/15/2009

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Not that I'm against CIO but how do you know that they aren't hungry? I let my daughter have a bottle at night until she gave it up herself at 9 months old. Why would she drink the whole thing if she didn't want it? Sorry I didn't have any suggestions for you Shawnell. I know moms that give their babies cereal before bed and that helps but if he won't eat it, then I'm not sure. Good luck;)

Ashleigh - posted on 03/15/2009

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Alison I appreciate the comments you made...just because you let a baby CIO, does not make you a horrbiel mother, which emily is constanstly saying.  Emily, we also love and care for our children, treat them with respect and compassion, so please stop being so hurtful and saying rude comments that no one wants to hear.  You have your opinion, that's great.  Doesn't mean you have the right to act better than everyone else with all of your precious studies you have read.  You are treating us as ignorant people and as if we have no clue what we are doing.  You think I haven't read everything I could get my hands on to also? Stop being so hurtful and self-righteous.  Not once have I said a rude comment towards you, and yet you continue to say rude things, calling parents who use CIO methods (not just the Ferber method, just so you know, because apparently that seems to be the only one you seem to know about) "crazy" and that we are parenting our children in the worst way possible.  How plain mean and rude could you be of a person to make such a horrible comment? And yes, it really had nothing to do with me, you said for me to mind my own business, but I used CIO so I feel it is my business if you are going to continue to say such hurtful things to people.   That's great that you don't agree with CIO, but it doesn't give you a right to say the horrible things you are saying about mothers.  You have no idea about everyone's different situations, and everyone approaches parenting differently.  We are here to help each other, and yet you still sit there acting like a know it all and treating everyone with absolutely no respect because it isn't what you would do with your children.  You need to stop saying such hurtful things about mothers, and grow up.  This is not the place to say rude or snide remarks.  Say your opinion and that's all you need to say! Im sorry if this sounds mean or rude, but I just can't take any of your awful remarks anymore without saying anything. 

Joy - posted on 03/15/2009

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babies wake at night, its normal. they have to learn to settle themselves back to sleep without help ie pacifier, milk etc....try just leaving ur baby for 10min to see if he will go back to sleep otherwise pat his bum till he sleeps....wont be long and he will sleep a lot longer for you. I got some really good help from the book Save our sleep.

Alison - posted on 03/15/2009

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I don't believe I ever made a statement about CIO, just about your ignorant and self righteous attitude. You might need to read that again. I don't have an opinion either way about any of your so called facts because I am not a doctor, nor a biologist. And if I understand correctly, you have not conducted any studies as of late so drop the act. Learn some manners. I believe when you become an adult, you will understand.

Emily - posted on 03/15/2009

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Fact is greater than opinion, hun. There are studies upon studies that support my facts, that CIO is bad. bad bad. I raise my child with love, respect and compassion. I am there for him when he needs me. I am an excellent mother. But thanks for your ignorant judgment.

Alison - posted on 03/15/2009

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Quoting Emily:

Blake, thank you!!! I thought i was losing my mind, haha. I cant believe the amount of crazy mothers on here that are having children and parenting them in the worst ways possible. I'm glad im not the only sane person in here!


  The irony in this statement is that you, yes you, are one of those that view everyone else as "wrong" and you as always "right" no matter how many intelligent people tell you otherwise. "Sane" is a relative term. I believe you are more of a narcissist than sane, but so be it.  At the end of the day you are the reason people should not have children. Clearly your parents did a horrible job. So why don't you go back to being self-important and then look up the definition of "OPINION" amongst your many many books of "I know everything."  I believe that will be a new term for you. Ok, thanks, bye.

Emily - posted on 03/12/2009

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Blake, thank you!!! I thought i was losing my mind, haha. I cant believe the amount of crazy mothers on here that are having children and parenting them in the worst ways possible. I'm glad im not the only sane person in here!

Blake - posted on 03/12/2009

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Quoting Sara:



Quoting Emily:

There are PLENTY of studies showing that the Ferber method leads to behavior, social, and trust issues. You chose to have a baby, it is now your job to respond to the babies needs. A 6 month old is NOT trying to manipulate you. He is crying because he needs you. Making him cry it out is NOT teaching him to self soothe. He will stop crying and go to sleep eventually, yes, but only because he realizes that he alone and his mother does not care enough to comfort him. So yeah it works, but honestly, is that what you want him to go through? Thats horrible.






Honestly, that's just your opinion.  I have yet to find one conclusive study stating that Ferber or any method like it leads to problems in children, and I have looked.  My child doesn't have behavioral problems and we used Ferber, so the proof is in the pudding as far as I can tell.  And don't say it's horrible just because it's something YOU chose not to do.  How would you know if you didn't even try it?  I was just trying to help this poor lady who is asking for help because she cannot sleep.  And by the way, there are PLENTY of studies that state that 6 month olds do display manipulative behavior.  They understand cause and effect.  They understand that if they cry and you come and pick them up, then they get what they want.






You are saying that your 4 month old is manipulating you to pick him up? That he is just getting what he wants? This is not a cookie we are talking about- he wants you , you are his mother, nurture him a bit! Is your sleep that important to you? These are 4 and 6 month old BABIES!!! We are here to comfort and nurture them not to teach infants to be self sufficient! This is nuts! I want my children to know I am there for them when they need me. My daughter is 3 and sleeps through the night and is very independent and we co-slept for 6 months. If she calls for me in the night I still go to her. to calm her fears and quiet her after bad dreams. That is what Mamas do.

Amanda - posted on 03/10/2009

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Wow i was just reading the other suggestions. People got angry WOW. I have 4 children two 13 one 7 and a 6 month old. I put them all to bed awake after 4 months if they would cry I would let them for 10 min. then go in and check give them a kiss then leave again. I only did that for a couple days and wow they were able to fall asleep all on their own. I didnt ignore them or shut them out I just didnt pick them up. All my children are wonderful and have NO behavioral problems. Well now just the typical teenage crap but thats normal. Im sure everyone on here loves there child. Why would they waste there time being on a mother web site when they didnt care for there children.

Amanda - posted on 03/10/2009

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My baby did the same thing but as hard as it was the doctor told me to let her whine it out. At six months old they should be able to go for at least 6 to 7 hours at night without a bottle. It took a couple of nights but now she sleeps threw the night. Well until 5 am I'll give her a bottle then she'll go back to sleep till 7 ish but hey I'll take that. She was waking up 3 times at night Thank Heavens not anymore since I let her fuss it out.

Steph - posted on 03/10/2009

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One things just popped into my head do you let him fall asleep in your arms every night or in his crib? If you do he may be used to it and every time he wakes up during the night he may only know how to fall asleep in your arms and doesnt know how to self soothe alone i had the same with my boy! Hope that makes sense! x

Ashleigh - posted on 03/10/2009

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I guess I got a bit defensive because I did use a CIO method, but not the Ferber one.  The one I used really was great and is a lot more gentle on your child.  Isn't colic horrible?? I had PPD because of it!! Shawnell, hopefully your baby is starting to sleep more for you!

Emily - posted on 03/10/2009

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First of all, no one asked you to get involved. But on the other hand, Ashleigh, I dont think you are a horrible mom. Your baby had colic, and colicky babies are going to cry no matter what. I know you tried your hardest, but sometimes that just doesnt work with colic. It sucks, I've been there! And I'm glad youre not going through that anymore, it's so unbelievably stressful.
I know i'm not going to magically change anyones parenting techniques over the internet. And no one will be able to change mine. It makes me angry when people dont vaccinate their kids, but I dont get all up in their business either. There are two things in the parenting world that really irk me. People who circumsize their sons, and people who CIO. It just makes me angry that someone would give the advice to cio on a perfectly normal baby, who is sleeping just like a baby does. Straight out ignoring your babies cry while youre in the other room is not a good way to parent. period. the end. But hey, thats my opinion. And whats done is done. Her child sleeps through the night now, so I guess in her eyes it was worth it. I cant change the past, but i can try and prevent another mother from using the Ferber method.

Ashleigh - posted on 03/10/2009

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There are different types of the CIO method, not just the Ferber method.  I think everyone should just stop fighting.  Have you done research on the other methods?   The method I used was not harsh and I find it very offensive that you keep saying that mothers just ignore their babies and let them cry.  I agree, the Ferber method is outdated and should not be used, but there are other methods of CIO that are gentle! Now, your opinion is that you don't agree with it, which is fine, but you don't have to slam and put down other mothers because you don't like it.  You have made your point, now let it go.  I think all babies should be vaccinated (just an example of an issue with babies) but I don't go around telling mothers who don't do it that they are bad moms and horrible and if their baby gets sick it is all their fault.  Shawnell asked for advice but instead people attack other people for their opinions, which I feel is just wrong and rude.  Emily you have your opinion, and Sara, you have yours as well.  That doesn't mean that you have the right to be rude and say mothers are horrible because they do something they feel is right for their child.  All im trying to say is that we are soppose to be here to support one another, and instead it seems we are the ones acting like children fighting over a method!

Emily - posted on 03/10/2009

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Sara, I just dont think you should give the advice to let a baby CIO. Its horrible advice, and its a method that should NOT be used. Its not that i simply disagree with it, its that there are TONS of studies showing that letting a child CIO can lead to a multitude of behavioral problems. I dont want anyones baby to go through that. So after i see an ignorant comment telling the mother she should just ignore her baby and let her cry, i HAVE to let her know that this method is a horrible way to parent. I know there are uneducated mothers out there that do this, and it honestly isnt the worst thing that could happen, but at some point i have to put my internet foot down and let people know that this is method is horrible, outdated, and plain cruel.

Sara - posted on 03/10/2009

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Quoting Ashleigh:



whoa I sense some hostility!! First of all, CIO works for different babies, not all, and second of all there are different methods instead of the Ferber method.   My son had severe colic, and woke up every half an hour to nurse until he was 6 months old.  I was tired, and frankly had enough and going crazy.  I did some research on different methods to get a baby to sleep. Trust me, I tried everything...our bedtime would usually start at about 10pm, with my son being swaddled, and me rocking (more like dancing haha) him for about an hour.  Then I put white noise on and put him in the swing and he would sleep for about half an hour.  Then the rest of the night he would either sleep on me or beside me, waking at 30 minutes intervals to nurse!!! I used the book "The Sleep Sense Program".  The first night he slept for 6 hours straight, and ever since then he sleeps 12 to 13 hours straight plus 2 naps during the day.  It is CIO, but a gentler form I find.  I was in the room with my son every single night.  And if his crying was too hard I picked him up etc.  (this method lets you do all of this, it really isn't as bad as it sounds).  Now when I put my son down, he's happy as can be and talks to himself until he goes to sleep.  All babies are different, and what works for one may not work for another.  I think as moms we should be here to support one another and not criticize what other mothers suggest.  If you don't agree with what one mom has to say, that's fine- we each have our own opinions about parenting, from formula or breastfeeding, co-sleeping or not, vaccinations or not to do them.  That doesn't mean we should attack each other and make each other feel bad for what we are doing as parents.  I love my son and would go to the end of the world for him!! I probably would have never done this method- but my son would not even sleep for an hour at a time! Something had to be done, and this was the best thing I have ever done for him.  Now he plays, and isn't as cranky as use to be (because of lack of sleep)!  Some babies learn to sleep right away, like Emily's at 4 months old, others aren't quite as lucky ( for me at least).  Just because I let him CIO does not make me a bad mother, does not mean I am not there for him and that I think being a parent is a "9-5" job.   Like I said early though, each child is different! I hope we can all get along :)






I completely agree with you Ashleigh.  I am usually pretty open to other people's methods on here because you're right, we are all different.  But when someone accuses me of being a bad mother, not loving my daughter enough or attending to her needs all because I use a CIO method, then the gloves are off!  it's rude and wrong to criticize someone else on that level just because you don't agree with what they are choosing to do as a parent, that's really hitting below the belt.  I would like to apologize to everyone on this thread (except Emily, of course) for lashing out and using this as a forum to have an argument, especially you Shawnell, since you're just a tired mom trying to make it like the rest of us!

Steph - posted on 03/10/2009

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Hi i found tanking ethan up before bed worked, he has a bottle of 7ozs every 4 hours 7am,11am,3pm then 2hrs later at 5pm and again at 7pm then i dreamfeed him at 11pm he is only 4 months and only wakes at around 5am and i put his soother back in and shh him back 2 sleep and within 15mins his off again i found he didnt want a bottle just a comfort suck and shh. Ive read babies gat into a habit if giving a bottle everytime during the night, also ethans on a good routine which has helped him recongnise the differance between day and night hope this helps xx

Ashleigh - posted on 03/10/2009

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whoa I sense some hostility!! First of all, CIO works for different babies, not all, and second of all there are different methods instead of the Ferber method.   My son had severe colic, and woke up every half an hour to nurse until he was 6 months old.  I was tired, and frankly had enough and going crazy.  I did some research on different methods to get a baby to sleep. Trust me, I tried everything...our bedtime would usually start at about 10pm, with my son being swaddled, and me rocking (more like dancing haha) him for about an hour.  Then I put white noise on and put him in the swing and he would sleep for about half an hour.  Then the rest of the night he would either sleep on me or beside me, waking at 30 minutes intervals to nurse!!! I used the book "The Sleep Sense Program".  The first night he slept for 6 hours straight, and ever since then he sleeps 12 to 13 hours straight plus 2 naps during the day.  It is CIO, but a gentler form I find.  I was in the room with my son every single night.  And if his crying was too hard I picked him up etc.  (this method lets you do all of this, it really isn't as bad as it sounds).  Now when I put my son down, he's happy as can be and talks to himself until he goes to sleep.  All babies are different, and what works for one may not work for another.  I think as moms we should be here to support one another and not criticize what other mothers suggest.  If you don't agree with what one mom has to say, that's fine- we each have our own opinions about parenting, from formula or breastfeeding, co-sleeping or not, vaccinations or not to do them.  That doesn't mean we should attack each other and make each other feel bad for what we are doing as parents.  I love my son and would go to the end of the world for him!! I probably would have never done this method- but my son would not even sleep for an hour at a time! Something had to be done, and this was the best thing I have ever done for him.  Now he plays, and isn't as cranky as use to be (because of lack of sleep)!  Some babies learn to sleep right away, like Emily's at 4 months old, others aren't quite as lucky ( for me at least).  Just because I let him CIO does not make me a bad mother, does not mean I am not there for him and that I think being a parent is a "9-5" job.   Like I said early though, each child is different! I hope we can all get along :)

Hannah - posted on 03/09/2009

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I bring my 7 month old in bed with us if she just cant sleep. Pick her up nurse her a little, thats just my method, works like a charm for us..

Emily - posted on 03/09/2009

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Quoting Sara:



Quoting Emily:

Sara, you have a 4 month old. You have no idea if he has social or behavioral problems yet. And i am appalled that your child is only 4 months old and you have used CIO. Even Ferber himself doesnt recommend using CIO until the child is 6 months old. If you're going to use an outdated abusive method, at least do your research. Even the AAP does not recommend the Ferber method due to the negative outcomes. I'm sure they didnt just pull that out of their ass.
And no, I would never try CIO. Because I love my child, and I take responsibility for him. I meet his needs. I respond to him with love and comfort. He has been sleeping through the night since he was 4 months old, and continues to do so now that he's a toddler.
If that's the way you parent, then so be it. Good luck with that.





You are so right.  I parent with no compassion or love, I'm not attentive to my child's needs, I am a bad parent.  I chose to do something with my child that I did no research on, and certainly something that was not suggested by my pediatrician who obviously has no idea what he is talking about anyway since he's also a medical school professor.  I'm going to start being completely rigid and believing my way is the only right way and that any other way is abusive to a child, and then i'm going to get on Circle of Mom posts where someone is specifically asking for help and trash all the other moms that are trying to help because they don't agree with me.  I'm going to say things to support my arguement that aren't true, but believe them 100%.   Boy, I'm so glad you opened my eyes to this!  Thanks so much! 





Honestly, I just hope the original poster has enough common sense and compassion for her baby that she doesnt take your advice on ignoring her kid. A baby is 24/7 not whenever you choose to take care of him.  Must be nice having a baby from 9-5 like a day job only. Poor baby. Thats all I have to say to you anymore.

Mary - posted on 03/09/2009

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Oh and we do have a routine as well....He gets a nice warm bath with bedtime bath in the water (best stuff ever)  and then he gets a rub town with bedtime lotion and a fresh diaper.  then he has some cereal and then we go into his bed room and I sit in the rocker and give him his bottle and some cuddles and off to sleep he goes.

Mary - posted on 03/09/2009

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I don't like the "let them cry" advice....it just seems cruel to me.  I am sorry to any of you moms who use that method...I don't mean any offence.  everyone is different and different things work for different people....I just can't see how leaving my child cry like he is scared out of his mind is right....Now there is two different "let them cry" methods though....The one I don't like is were you just leave them cry untill they cry themselves to sleep....that is just wrong.



I think most people would agree that you do have to let them cry a little...My son Jayden is 7 months old and he wakes up every once in a while....when he starts to cry I wait a couple of min cause sometimes he just whines a little and he is out like a light again....other times he will whine a little then let loose with the wails....thats when I get up and give him his soother and rub his back a little and he goes to sleep again....But my son also eats cereal and has an 8oz bottle before bed.



He wouldn't eat the cereal either at first so I had to make it really runny and then he ate it....every couple of days I made it a little thicker untill I was making it like the box said to....maybe that will help get him started on his cereal too

Sara - posted on 03/09/2009

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Quoting Emily:

Sara, you have a 4 month old. You have no idea if he has social or behavioral problems yet. And i am appalled that your child is only 4 months old and you have used CIO. Even Ferber himself doesnt recommend using CIO until the child is 6 months old. If you're going to use an outdated abusive method, at least do your research. Even the AAP does not recommend the Ferber method due to the negative outcomes. I'm sure they didnt just pull that out of their ass.
And no, I would never try CIO. Because I love my child, and I take responsibility for him. I meet his needs. I respond to him with love and comfort. He has been sleeping through the night since he was 4 months old, and continues to do so now that he's a toddler.
If that's the way you parent, then so be it. Good luck with that.


You are so right.  I parent with no compassion or love, I'm not attentive to my child's needs, I am a bad parent.  I chose to do something with my child that I did no research on, and certainly something that was not suggested by my pediatrician who obviously has no idea what he is talking about anyway since he's also a medical school professor.  I'm going to start being completely rigid and believing my way is the only right way and that any other way is abusive to a child, and then i'm going to get on Circle of Mom posts where someone is specifically asking for help and trash all the other moms that are trying to help because they don't agree with me.  I'm going to say things to support my arguement that aren't true, but believe them 100%.   Boy, I'm so glad you opened my eyes to this!  Thanks so much! 

Isabelle - posted on 03/09/2009

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I went to read about Ferber method. Don't agree with it. there is not a recipe to make a baby sleep.

like i said before, i cant personally wait so long, standing there and do nothing if hes crying. it goes against my instincts. i go in when he cries, comfort him (gives me a chance to check that theres not something wrong -like fever.,vomiting, etc..), but i dont pick him up. blancket, pacifer, passing my hand in hes hair, good night. 'im there for you, but its time to sleep now.'

someone talked about a bed time routine 'We have a bedtime routine - any meds and clean nappy - cuddle - bottle - music', yeah defenitly. and in the bed a little comforting objet, a blancket for example.

Isabelle - posted on 03/09/2009

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You have to go in and put him back to bed, lie him down again, pull back the blanket, pacifier, etc then leave. then he will cry again, and you back in do it all over again.. etc.. yeah; over and over again. after a few days, it will work. (do the same thing to put him to bed in the evening or if he gets up during the night)

We are going through this right now with our son (11 months). The first times i was staying next to the bed a few minuts before i left. now, i go in put him back to bed (he gets up in the crib) say 'good night now' and leave straight away. the first night was HORRIBLE, but the second it toke one hour, then 30 min, one night 5 minutes!! some nights are still bad, but in general he sleep through the night now.

In the begaining i felt terrible, what if there is something wrong. maybe he's hungry, maybe.. etc.. But it was soon enough that i realise that he's playing with me, hes fine, he just wants me to pick him up. and at one point that has to stop, at night we sleep!

how long you let him cry? i heard all kind of answer for that; 5 min, 15 min.. I just go when i cant stand it anymore, witch is never that long!! i think that whats count is to have a plan and stick with it.

Cynthia - posted on 03/08/2009

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ps. If this is your only child...SLEEP WHEN HE SLEEPS during the day. Your job as a mommy is take care of yourself too. taking those naps during the day will also give you the strength and fortitude to get up and feed baby at night. I totally slept when my first born was sleeping. it made all the difference in the world.

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