What are opinions of letting a baby cry?

Josette - posted on 03/09/2010 ( 75 moms have responded )

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How long is too long? Is baby too young to "cry it out"



My husband and I have a difference of opinion here and I was wondering about some experiences other moms have had. Our son is 4 months old.

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Trina - posted on 03/09/2010

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This is a controversial topic. I think it is wrong. This website http://www.drmomma.org/2009/12/crying-it... does an excellent job of pointing how how crying it out can cause brain damage. It also raises a babies cortisol levels (the stress hormone). I think the notion of making babies independent as soon as possible is not a good thing, because in reality that is never what happens. Babies will stop crying because they learn the parent is not coming to help or to comfort them. In an essence, they give up hope. Biologically I feel that all mothers are hard wired to nurture their infants, this includes answering their cries and night time parenting. Crying it out goes against nature, it goes against our natural instincts as mothers. Babies cry for a reason, and when they are that small a want is a need. The need to be held and comforted is very real, and it fosters a secure parent/ infant bond.



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Tracey - posted on 03/10/2010

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Best thing I ever did! I think it does more psychological damage to you than your child. Hayden hadn't slept through the night yet. I tried the method a month and a half ago. He started "getting it" in about a day. I would let him cry for 3 minutes and then go in and check on him. Then 5, then 7, and then 10. Within that timeframe, he put himself to sleep. You have to put them in their cribs while they are awake, though, so that they learn to go to sleep by themselves.



I believe that they aren't sleeping because they are needing YOU to put them to sleep with whatever method you are using. However, if you teach THEM to put THEMSELVES to sleep, they can then go back to sleep if they wake up in the middle of the night.



Seriously, it only took a day and a half and Hayden was sleeping through the night. Now, I put him in his crib after rocking him for a little while I read him a book. He stays up and talks for about 10 minutes and then goes to sleep. No crying anymore. It's wonderful.

Anneke - posted on 03/14/2010

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A babies way of letting its mother know it needs mummy urgently is to cry you nurtured a baby in you for 9 months and now baby is placed on its own with no comfort from mum, think about it how scary would that be!, why ignore that? so what if you have to put in a bit of work thats your job.

have a read at this/
The fact remains that “crying it out” simply does not work the way proponents of the Ferber method believe. An infant has not the faculties to cry hysterically, get it out of his system, and then lull into
slumber. No, he has merely submitted into exhaustion once it becomes clear that his caretakers are not coming to help him. In the mean time, his blood pressure and heart rate have soared excessively and needlessly because no one has opted to comfort him. Babies need physical comfort, especially from their mothers. It should be noted that Dr. Ferber, the king of “Cry It Out” has since revised his famous works to include an alternative method. That’s right, the inventor of Ferber-ization (sleep training through crying it out), has realized he was wrong.

A recent Harvard study shows that children who are left to cry themselves to sleep suffer long-lasting damage to their nervous system. As a result, they are more susceptible to post traumatic stress and anxiety disorders, including panic attacks. Responding to your baby’s cues when he cries does not spoil a child and it does not mean he will never sleep soundly on his own. In fact, a child who is comforted and nurtured will become more independent and healthy sleepers later because they know they have a dependable support system waiting for them when they wake up. Dr. Sears, world-renowned pediatrician, has done many studies on this. I would highly recommend reading about Dr. Sears and Attachment Parenting philosophy. Mothers will find it is much closer to what their natural instincts tell them.

My parents used to look me in a room to cry it out, they suggested I do it with my son. I have panic attacks and an anxiety disorder and a horrible relationship with my parents. And not to mention a lonely childhood where hugging wasnt allowed.

why put your child through that if you have a choice not to? even if you dont believe the effects it causes and there is evidence then why take a risk like that with your childs health.

Tracey - posted on 03/10/2010

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I totally disagree! My child has never been happier since we have done the CIO method. He was cranky and sleepy without it because he wasn't getting enough sleep. He now wakes up with a smile on his face.



As for him losing hope that we will come to get him and comfort him . . . I don't agree with that either. He is a very happy boy entertaining himself in his bed when I put him down and eventually goes to sleep on his own. He talks up a storm when we put him down. Now, when he cries, I know something is wrong. I always go up to get him. Usually he's dropped his boo bear or needs his butt changed.



My son has never been more rested and more happy since we have taught him to sleep on his own. The crying usually only lasts for about a day if you are firm on it. If you go in and hold him or pick him up, it will last longer. They are learning that they can cry and mom will come.

Jessica - posted on 03/14/2010

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I have always responded to my sons cries. I do not believe in "crying it out ". Many studies have shown that letting infants cry alone for periods of time is harmful. It can cause low self esteem and clingy poorly attached children later in life. When you promptly attend to your babies cries you help build a trusting bond between the two of you.

I get a lot of advice from people to let him cry but I just ignore them. I know what is best for me and my son. And it definately works for us. My son is a happy 6 month old with a funny little personality. He doesn't cry or fuss without cause. Good luck :)

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Angela - posted on 03/16/2010

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I dont believe crying causes brain damage. I had a nephew who was colic and he cried constantly whenever he was awake. It lasted until he was over 6 months old. It was horrible for my sister-in-law but there is only so much you can do for a colic baby. And he is now a healthy, happy 5 year old. As for the CIO method I had to do that with both of my sons so that they would learn to soothe themselves to sleep and get the sleep that they needed. But I didnt just leave them in their cribs to cry. I would comfort them and than lengthen the time between each time I would go in and comfort them. Within a short time they were going to sleep on their own and were happy, well rested babies the next day!

Shirley - posted on 03/16/2010

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Hi,

I think I will no doubt upset a few by what Im going to say. Firstly let me say Im a mother of 5 between 18 yrs and 9 mths with one on the way. All my children are well, thriving and wonderfully loving little/big people.

I have more of an old fashioned opinion on this... If my child was feed, dry, warm, not unwell (having checked temp etc), has been cuddled and entertained as per my normal rituals - then there is NOTHING wrong with letting little one settle and cry it out. I would routinely check on the child of course but I have just settled my 9mth old girl who wants held all day long - and let her cry it out. She is now blissfully asleep cuddling her snuggly.

We are all too eager as a culture these days to jump to the newest medical opinion or parenting rules and guides.

What I think people must remember is - Babies have been brought into this world from the start of time without all this so called "good advice!" and parents have followed instinct and nurtured their child as they see fit.

You are doing nothing wrong by following your instincts, REGARDELSS of what all the self help baby books and websites want to say - at the end of the day - those opinions expressed are just that - opinions.

Gd luck sweetie xx

Stephanie - posted on 03/15/2010

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I have a 7 month old daughter and I hate the cry it out method. My daughter wont sleep at night unless she is swaddled in a blanket nice and tight. I know its weird for a 7 month old to still be wrapped up like a newborn but she likes it. I tried the cry out method and I couldn't take it. My husband always says just let her cry, but it makes me feel bad because I know she is crying because she wants to cuddle. But I would try the swaddling. My daughter sleeps all through the night and takes naps on her belly during the day and doesn't need swaddled for naps....good luck

Toni - posted on 03/15/2010

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My son is 19 weeks and as I type my husband and I are at a disagreement about which method we should use to put our son to sleep. Up until a couple of weeks ago he was sleeping on his own in his bassinett, however, after his 4mo check up and shots along with signs of teething, he has not fallen asleep on his own since. His doctor recommends the revised Ferber method which I'm all for trying, however his livin grandmother diragrees...I have tried putting him in his bed awake, turning on his soothing machine and letting him whine while checking on him at 5 and 10min intervals. My husband on the other hand wants to let him CIO saying nothing is wrong with him and that he just wants to be held and that we hold him too much. I know he is still a baby and he won't stay this way much longer but I feel like i'm being pulled both ways...I'll hold my baby until he falls asleep but soon as i lay him down he's up. So frustrating!

Marina - posted on 03/15/2010

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My son went to his own roon at 6 weeks so it was an easy transition. He never had a problem but when he was about 6 months he got really sick and I let him sleep in the bed with me for a couple weeks and it ruined him!!! I'll be hones, I let him cry it out and it only took him 2 nights to get back on track. Now whenever the clock strikes 8 he bathed and fed with a clean diaper and I can lay him down (asleep or wide awake) and he don't make a peep. It's the best (but the hardest) thing I ever did!!

Becky - posted on 03/15/2010

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I don't believe in the "cry it out" method if you have someone there that you can pass the baby onto to allow them to help you out. I do believe if you are taking care of the baby by yourself and you have had enough and you yourself are frustrated then you should put the baby in the crib with some toys and a bottle and that a break away from the crying for a few minutes and then go back to the baby. You would not want to get to the point to where you are so frustrated you will do something you regret. It happens all the time in the world now a days. All people have to do is take a few minutes away for a break. Sometimes that actually makes you a better mother.

Terra - posted on 03/15/2010

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My husband likes the cry it out method and there is no way that I will ever let him use it lol. I can't stand to let my son cry. Yes it is good for their lungs, but no it isn't good for mommy's heart. I figure if I can put him to sleep in my arms after 5-10 minutes and lay him down then what is the point of letting him cry in his bed for 5-10 min or longer???? I think that it is a security thing.

Sarah - posted on 03/15/2010

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my only comment is a baby is all snuggly in mums tummy for 9 long months so why wen babys born mainly fathers think that they should be left in a corner to cry they are scared and all they need is a cuddle and u mite as well cuddle them as much asu can because they will not be this little forever... like it or hate it thats wat i think :)

Brittany - posted on 03/14/2010

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let a baby cry is ok but dont let them cry for along time give it enough time to help it wear them out but no long to where they stary gasping give it like 5-10 mins usually will help wear them out

FAITH-ELLEN - posted on 03/14/2010

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I think you can tell when he/she is really needing something and is trying to tell us an when they are just letting off some energy before they fall asleep... my son will fuss for a minute or so and then settle down I pat his back or sing to him and he'll fade off to sleep. If he escalates I know it is something else or he needs more help falling asleep. Crying is a way of communicating to us what they need, food, diaper, burp gas, bored, too much stimulation, hot, cold, uncomfortable, too noisy, bright, etc or if they have pain. If we ignore them when they need something what does that teach them? I try to figure it out while I hold and try to comfort him because he can't help himself with whatever he is crying about. I wouldn't want my partner to leave me in my room to cry about something I needed him to help me with until I fell asleep. I find changing the person holding him, walking outside, changing holding positions all help when I can't figure it out. His needs come first if he is upset.

M - posted on 03/14/2010

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We struggled with this one, too. Our son wouldn't go to sleep ( or stay asleep for long) by himself. We co-slept when he was newborn. However, he did not go to sleep or stay asleep in his bassinet, when we transitioned him at 2 and half months.
It was a living nightmare....he woke up 4-7 times a night. He wouldn't nap without being held ( and usually nursed as well). We went back to co-sleeping but he still woke up every 2 hours crying. I got so sleep deprived I did a modified cry it out method. We had a routine and then put him down and let him cry for 5 mins then checked on him and soothed him with a few words and a back rub. We would go in about every 10 mins after that until he fell asleep. It took about 10 days for him to fall asleep peacefully on his own. He woke up about twice a night after that and then started sleeping 11 hour stretches at about 6 and half months old. We did the same technique for naps and it worked much more easily- in just a couple of days.
I would never just put a baby down and walk away for good. If he is hysterically crying, then he is emotionally overwhelmed and needs reassuring. His dr also said that our son was probably not ready to "sleep through the night" because he was a bit underweight and needed nightime feedings.We found that sometimes when he woke up and cried he was wet or poopy or overheated or just ready to eat an 8 ounce bottle!
My advice- fine a balance between your needs ( sleep and sanity) and your child's needs ( also sleep and sanity!)

Samantha - posted on 03/14/2010

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me personally i hate the idea of letting ur baby cry it out!! its just point less!! unless they are at the age of having tantrums then i think its just dumb! and it annoys me that people think its right!! i know its just how people are but if someone could explain it might make sence!! and ive heard they say its so they aint so dependent but aint babies meant to be!! i think a baby is a baby and you should cuddle it etc.

Kerri - posted on 03/14/2010

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Oh yeh and there is a huge difference between letting your baby cry and neglect...i doon't believe allowing a baby to cry causes them long term damage at all..unless it's all the time and you haven't made sure they are fed, clean etc and everything else first. Sometimes babies just cry not a lot you can do! rocking always helps but i tend to find whenever i put my daughter down she wakes up and starts again bad times eh!

Kerri - posted on 03/14/2010

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i think it all depends on the age of the baby/toddler...toddlers know how to get their way and will learn mummy always comes if I cry which isn't a good thing...when my son was a baby baby I didn't leave him to cry at all. Second time round i'm used to it so I do let her cry and don't drop everything i'm doing to pick her up...bloody hell i'd never get anyting done if I did that! Saying that my daughter is only 12 weeks so no I don't let it go on for a 'long' period of time. If toddlers won't go to bed I think it's more than acceptable to leave them a good 15 mins if they won't sleep however distressing you may find it.

Tina - posted on 03/14/2010

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In my opinion, any longer than a half an hour is too long. I never allow my child to cry any longer than that.

Karen - posted on 03/14/2010

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When a baby cries at 4 months, that usually means that they need something. However, there is a type of cry that sounds more like a whine "waa waa waa" and it is the same sound and same tone... in that case, I have left my baby to mantra cry it out to learn to self soothe. That happened at exactly 4 months... it was 2 nights of mantra crying for 10 minutes and she stopped on her own.

Blair - posted on 03/14/2010

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Well as you can see over this 'TOPIC' many hae different opinions. Letting a baby,toddler,or child cry all depends on the situtation and though your child is 4mths yes he is still a baby but babies are really smart and they know how to already get their ways when as parents especially mothers we tend to SPOIL more and more so letting them cry as doctors will tell you isnt hurting them and actually helps their lungs and when they continue allow them to be comforted in their crib with a bottle or whatever may soothe them and allowing the baby to know that he or she is ok.

Lakisha - posted on 03/14/2010

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I'm in between on this issue. For 7 months, I had been rocking my son to sleep, which meant, whenever he got up in the middle of the night, I had to rock him back to sleep, or he was up. Our doctor advised us to start putting him down when he's still awake, letting him cry for a few minutes (which was painful!), but going in every few minutes and just patting his stomach or rubbing his head, but NOT picking him, just reassuring him that everything was ok. Two days later, he was falling asleep on his own and I have no problems when he wakes up in the middle of the night.

My fiance thinks I should let him cry it out, but I think that builds separation anxiety and heaven knows how long babies can cry. I think it's horrible, because it can give them headaches and hiccups, which makes it more difficult for them to fall asleep. If your husband wants to let your son cry it out in regards to sleep, maybe you can meet halfway. Maybe let your son cry for a few minutes, but go back in to his nursery, or where ever he's sleeping to soothe and reassure him. Then he knows Mommy always comes back, and he'll learn that going to sleep alone is ok!

Jenifer - posted on 03/13/2010

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I used it with both my kids it made it so much easier for us both they learn to self sooth and you get time to have a breather . I know this sounds horrible but i'm sure if alot more mothers used this the rate of child abuse would drop right down . It is so stress full for alot of mothers trying to do everything right not wanting to be looked at as a bad mother that mothers often forget to look after them selves . It's not hurting anyone to let your baby cry for 5 mins yet it could hurt your baby not to

Latasha - posted on 03/13/2010

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I was the one who always said "I would never let my baby cry"...When my daughter was 3 months old, she wanted to be stuck to me 24/7...I NEVER got a break, and I didn't want her to be like that, She never wanted anyone but me, so i thought, ill give it a try, I put her in her crib and let her cry 5 mins, walked in, talked to her, calmed her down, and walked out, she fell asleep 2 mins later, she has been going to sleep on her own ever since (she's now 2)...She just needed that reassurance that mommy was still there, just not in the same room, but every child is different...I think you should just "try" it out if anything, and if you feel uncomfortable with it, dont do it...I was accually surprised on how better she acted once she started going to sleep on her own, without my help...I hope this helps!! Good Luck!!!

Sara - posted on 03/13/2010

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There is a big difference between letting an infant cry it out and a toddler. The brain development and communication abilities are WORLDS apart. An infant's cries are the only communication tool they have to tell you something is wrong, and your prompt response is critical to helping them learn to feel safe, calm and secure.
That said, if you are really at your wits end... it's better to put your baby in a safe place and let him cry for a few minutes while you gather your thoughts and calm down yourself.
When your child is older and is more independant, and learning how to assert his will during toddlerhood... crying it out is a different thing, and can be an important part of them learning how to calm themselves.

Angelina - posted on 03/13/2010

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if he is crying when he does need anything let him cry it out, babys are smart if u always pick them up every time there crying for not reason ull 4ever be holding him

[deleted account]

With my 1st child we never let her "cry it out" and she was sleeping through at 5months. With the 2nd child he was sleeping through the night at 3 months old. But we did let them self soothe but there is a difference between soothing and crying. And it also goes on what you think is soothing or them crying. I personally don't mind the method of done correctly. As in let them cry for no more then 5 mins before pulling blankets back up and settling them then leaving the room again. But not for any longer then that as most babies work up fairly quickly to a scream.

Kathy - posted on 03/12/2010

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We never really had to do this, other than maybe a few minutes of her fussing when we put her to bed, shes always been good at going to sleep most nights, some nights not so much. If she's crying alot I'll go and snuggle & rock her to sleep. She's been good since the day we came home from the hospital and been in her own room since 6 weeks.

Amanda - posted on 03/12/2010

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For myself, I can't listen to my son cry for any reason, he is almost 6 months old and he has been sleeping thru since he was 2 months old. My husband has no problem listening to him cry, usually he is crying for me to rock him to sleep. Unfortunaltely daddy misses out on the nighttime routine of putting him to sleep and it is sad because I would love nothing more than to let dad put him to sleep too..sorry I just can't let my son cry!!

Amanda - posted on 03/12/2010

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I don't agree with the cry it out method either..we, as mothers, it is our god given natures way to have to tend to our babies needs..they cry for reasons only we know as mothers..please STOP the crying and comfort tiny souls..

DeShannon - posted on 03/12/2010

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The cry it out method has never been a favorite discipline for me. Crying is the ONLY way of communicating with his parents. Crying increases their heart beat, blood pressure, and overall is it not healthy for the baby. My daughter is 9 months, and she is experiencing severe separation anxiety,and if I leave the room for a second she will burst out in tears. Understanding your baby's developmental phases or stages will help you better understand what your little one is trying to communicate to you. I am a mother, my job is to protect, nurture, and love, not to ignore and abandon. I don't believe in CIO method. It hurts my heart to hear or even remotely see my little one cry. I can't stand it and my first instinct is to console her, which every parent is hardwire to do, unless you are a cold and bitter person. Love your little one. People often forget that babies are human beings that need to be treated with the upmost respect, dignity, and compassion. Do unto to others as you want them to do unto you. Key question: Would you want your spouse or love one to totally ignore you during your most vulnerable moments? Good luck and do what feels right in your soul!

Nikki - posted on 03/12/2010

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my son slept through the night @ 4 weeks and w/out us letting him cry it out, an extra ten minutes to rock him to bed and sing him a lullaby or read him a book shouldnt be a problem, We put him to bed when he is tired, not when we think he is and he falls asleep, some nights it takes a little longer but he just needs comfort and as a mom I adore giving him that comforting feeling so when he falls asleep he can have sweet dreams not nightmares of being alone in the dark, soon enough he will grow up and won't want any comfort, I just don't think we should be teaching a baby independance, they are a BABY!!!!

Vicki - posted on 03/12/2010

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My opinion? It's mean. Although God didn't give us this child (he came along because we had sex), I don't want to make him feel abandoned.

User - posted on 03/12/2010

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we didnt let our guy really cry it out until he was about 13 months old....it was much needed as he still woke up 3 or 4 times a night....we never let him cry for more than 55 mintues before checking him/kissing/cuddling him. then we would lay him down cover him up and turn on his music. i feel 6 months is way to young though.

Cassie - posted on 03/12/2010

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I see nothing wrong with putting your child in bed and letting him "cry it out". Yes it is hard and I cried the first few nights but he has slept through the night everynight since we started. My son is 9 months old and he has slept in his crib since the first night we brought him home from the hospital (there is nothing wrong with that either) I do not think that crying causes brain damage or any crazy thing like that. but everyone has different ways and beliefs on how to raise their children! You can take others advice but you should not depend souly on what they or the drs say. God gave this child to you! best of luck!!!!

Nikki - posted on 03/12/2010

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I agree with Lindsey 100%, I will never understand how people use the CIO method

Lin - posted on 03/12/2010

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i dont believe in it at all. a baby dosnt cry for no reason and so what if he crying for attention or a cuddle. youll blink your eyes and before you know it he will be too cool for cuddles and kisses and youll wonder where the years have gone. he only a baby once. before you know it he will be going to school and youll be begging him for a cuddle before he goes. if he crying at bed he not tired. simple and ask yourself are you putting him to bed for yourselves or because he wants to and the answer is simple that if he crying then he not happy and if your ignoring this he gonna feel like you dont care. see his life through his eyes. if your were told you to go to bed at 6pm and you werent tired youd lay there pissed off and if everyone was ignoring you how would you feel. pretty angry id say. i dont believe you can spoil a baby with love, attention etc. he crying cause he knows he will be left there to cry and he is dreading it. i promise you if you kept going in and gave him what he wants or took him out cause you realise he just not tired. he wont see bedtime as an upsetting experience and will be confident enough that your there when he needs you and will be secure enough then to go to sleep cause he knows your there if he cant.it that makes any sense. now alot of people have their own opinions but i really think at the end of the day what harm is it doing to just go in a pick him up. he wont always be like this. plus if you dont your left upset for the rest of the night and the poor little thing has gone to sleep in an awful state. it just sounds heart breaking for both of you.

Gloria - posted on 03/12/2010

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I don't agree to the cry it out method. My son is 10 months and I never let him just cry. If he is crying then there is a reason. However, there are some times where he is whinning- not crying. At those times I might let him whin for a little then go to him. But no more then a minute. Such times as if he wants me to just carry him. I end up carrying him but I wait a few minutes instead of doing it immediately. Also, I only started this after he was about 6-7 months.

Lise - posted on 03/12/2010

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It's not recommended before 6 months. Ferber says now that babies shouldn't cry longer than 3 minutes.

We don't do it AT ALL and neither my husband nor I think it's an option for us.

[deleted account]

Peronsally, 4 months is too young for crying for any length of time, even a few minutes. I have a 5 month old now and he's just next to my bed or in ebd with me as I'm nursing him at night. My toddler was not a good sleeper, at finally at 14 months we worked on it. The first thing we did was get him to fall asleep in his own crib by standing over him and patting and shushing. He kept standing up, fussing, and we'd put him back down and pat him. We never left him alone but after 40 minutes he finally gave up and fell asleep. Next night, we did that and it took 20 minutes. 3rd night I could not believe it, we put him in the crib and he right away plopped his head down and closed his eyes. i was in shock. Along with all this, when he'd wake up in middle of the night and I was sure he wasn't hungry, we decided each night to add 1 minute to how long we let him go. So, first night just 1 minute before we reponded, 2nd night 2 minutes... we never had to hear more than 8 minutes of crying before he figured out he could put himself back to sleep. But the key was to slowly build him up so that it wasn't too distressing to be left alone. at 4 months I don't think they're mature enough to connect all of this, and they are probably hungry if they are waking up in the middle of the night. Also, since my toddler relied on his paci to fall asleep, we had to wait till he was old enough to be able to find it by himself when it fell out in the middle of the night.
I agree with what some of these ladies said, that they're only this young once, and itn passes by so quickly. Give them as much attention and love as they need.

Linda - posted on 03/12/2010

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I never let my kids cry it out. They are helpless infants who need our love and attention.

Jennifer - posted on 03/12/2010

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Depends on the cry and your level of comfortability with it. I moved my baby to his crib when he turned 6 mos old and he cried. I checked on him every 15 min - lucky for me it only took once. it was a reassurance check for the both of us. I hadn't slept without him for a yr. Your husband needs to support your decision - you need to make it together. during the day - again, it depends on the cry, but let him hear your voice and see your face...get down on the floor with him and touch him on the hands and feet to help sooth, but not pick him up. if he's really upset and not calming down, then do what your mommy instincts are telling you to do, pick him up, snuggle him and cuddle him - mommy instincts are the best guide you have, just talk it through with your husband so your on the same page

Ivy - posted on 03/12/2010

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Crying Docs say strengthen the babies lungs...but i personally feel there r lots of other excercises to strengthen the lungs...just see to it that the baby is well fed and sleeping well...follow a regular routine of bathing him and putting him to bed...so that biologically he responds to the clock as well...a happy baby is much more emotionally stronger than a disturbed baby...

Amanda - posted on 03/11/2010

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my finance and I are the same when its time for bed cry herself back to sleep and sometimes we put her down to if shes crying and get her to relax its hard to hold a screaming wiggling baby.other than that i dont let her lay there and cry i couldn't bare it.

Ailey - posted on 03/11/2010

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I didnt let my son reallllly cry until he was 6 months and ready for the crib. He had colic for 16 weeks and acid reflux so he stayed with us in our room and bed from day one. Then it was time for him to move to the crib.

We did a mild version of the "Ferber Method" and it took him about two weeks to adjust and he now sleeps 7pm to 7am. I never let him get to the crying stage where he is hysterical and if he is hysterical its for a few minutes at the most. The first few days were like this when he started sleeping in the crib but it got easier each night. I would play with him while he was sitting in the crib so that he wouldn't associate it with a "bad place".

My child loves to be held constantly and we do because pretty soon he wont want to be held so I say take it all in as much as you can, but a little light crying in my opinion is fine. Screaming as if they are being tortured not so much. So you asses the cry as a mom and do whats best for the both of you. Always go with your gut! My mom let me cry it out much more than I would ever do with my son and I turned out pretty good ; )

Gabrielle - posted on 03/11/2010

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hi, i'm doing controlled crying, it helps so much. Baby is 4 months. Sorry about any typos i'm breastfeeding him on my right side! i was fully against any crying methods but i got to the point of complete exhaustion with him sucking on me to feed and to sleep then when i would go to put him down he would wake again. It was a vicous cycle that was driving me up the wall! A friend was having the same problem and gave me the advice of putting him on his belly and patting him. He went to sleep with minimal crying and now is such a happy baby. I would pick him once and settle him and then that would usually do the trick.

Celina - posted on 03/11/2010

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I am a mother of 6 and I have never used the cry it out method. I firmly believe that a baby cries for a reason wether it is hunger, being uncomfortable for whatever reason, maybe just being lonely but we as parents are supposed to be there for our children no matter what the problem may be at all ages and stages of their lives. So I would suggest hold your son, cuddle him make sure he knows he is the most important thing in your life because all too soon he will be packing up and moving out on you to rely on a new woman in his life. Enjoy the little time you have. God Bless :)

Melissa - posted on 03/11/2010

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Ive just done some of my own research and they mention neurological damage and ADHD, and emotional problems, but they are only talking about babies who were excessive cryers within the first 3 months of life. And arent necessarily linked to the sleep training method (CIO) I let my son cry no longer then 15 mins, he is happy, sleeps great and has since 2 months old, with no crying. When people talk about "cry it out" i think we need to define just how long were letting our children cry, so no one jumps down anyones throat and makes us feel like bad mother for allowing our children to cry for a bit. I say do what feels right for you and your child. If you do research your gonna find things that are for and against CIO, just like everyone on here we all have different opinions, and will say what we can to get the point across, or change peoples minds. There is so much contradicting research out there, honestly i think it gets us second guessing ourselves, when this doctor believes this but this doctor believes that. It gets too confusing to try and figure out who is "right" so i would just use your instincts and be confident in what your doing.
Good luck.

Trina - posted on 03/11/2010

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Whoa, you are totally defensive. I didn't personally attack you. Have you ever seen ezzo.info? I did all my research. I started out pro CIO and ended up being anti-CIO. When I researched it took me in another direction. This is interesting as well

http://www.booknoise.net/johnseabrook/st...

Polina - posted on 03/11/2010

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Tina, please do your research. Dr. Ferber NEVER recanted. He actually improved his book by adding more methods and addressing the issues that resulted from people misinterpreting his method. A four months old baby does not have nutritional needs to NOT sleep through the night, one feeding is fine for a breast-fed baby. Every doctor I spoke to and know would tell you this. No one is rushing to make the child to become independent. We do it to make his QUALITY of sleep better. You don't believe it works? Good for you. Every single parent who succeeded with this method will tell you how much better his child sleeps and feels.You can continue not believing. And guess what, the mommies who sleep more because their child can self-sooth and sleep longer and better are happier than the mommies who are sleep deprived and cannot give so much energy and attention to the child. And postpartum depression in many mothers are to blame the lack of sleep. And don't "OMG" the mothers who want their sleep back.

Indie - posted on 03/11/2010

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OMG, my baby is a little older than 4m. and we are having differences in letting him cry it out as well. Our doctor gave us a paper on how to get your baby if it is older than 4m to sleep through the night, pretty much crying it out. We tried to follow it or actually we both agreed to give it a try and like 3 days into his dad gave up and pretty much ruined a path we were making. I have not gotten over it yet, I feel that he needs to sleep and that noone is sleeping more than 4 hours a night because he is so use to getting up to eat, and not really eating, using the nipple of the bottle to soothe himself back to sleep. He won't take a nuk or suck his fingers, so than he has to cry, we soothe him like every 15 to 20min, when he is crying, but don't give him a bottle or try not to pick him up. His dad is having a harder time dealing with this than me, and it is hard, but I want my sleep back. I don't know what we are going to do, him and I are having a talk tonight about how he wants to proceed. I'm not going to continue just to have him give up a couple days into it..Only time will tell...

Trina - posted on 03/11/2010

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There are also no validity to the claims that self soothing actually works. It is a matter of opinion and research and simply which research you side with. Richard Ferber was actually one of the leading doctors who started the sleep training method. He recanted in 2005----> http://online.wsj.com/article_email/SB11... and he softened and changed his stance against his before opinions of CIO Dr. Ferber now says that letting children cry "was not meant to be the way to treat all sleep problems".


Self soothing depends on how you define it. A child who cries and falls asleep does so because he or she gets tired of waiting on an adult to come pick them up. Now if a child is sucking his or her own thumb in order to self soothe..that is a natural method. Babies simply were not created to sleep through the night. Their nutritional needs can vary so much from child to child and many infants will need feedings at night because they are growing and developing. As parents I am shocked that so many of us are so insensitive to our child's needs and we put our own need for sleep above taking care of our kids. Infancy is not a long lasting stage. There is no rush to push a child to become more independent because they have the rest of their lives for that. The baby stage really only last about 2 years so why not enjoy those two years, meet your child's needs, and love that time? Once it is gone you can never get it back.

Polina - posted on 03/11/2010

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The cry out method should be done carefully and right. And I think it's much easier on the baby when the baby is between 4 and 6 months old. I think it's the best thing we'have done for my son. He is a happy baby who has slept from 8 pm to 7-8 am since he was 4 month old, when we decided to train him to sooth himself! Now if he wakes up because of a loud noise or God know what, he soothes himself to sleep and wakes up only when he got enough sleep. He is always in a good mood. The downside is that because he gets a good quality sleep, he has SO much energy during the day, that we can barely keep up with him. But it's amazing that we are able to change him into his sleeping clothes, put into his crib, kiss him and walk out, and he would quietly fall asleep with minutes, sometimes seconds. Not a peep! And don't worry about any brain damage. That could happen only when the baby is truly neglected. And there is a huge difference in training the baby to sleep on his own when he KNOWS that he is taken care of and when he is being neglected for hours. I have posted a lot of information in a similar topic which actually proves that there is no validity to any of such claims so I am not going to re-post it here. And of course each child is different. If I felt that my approach did not work for my son, I would have tried something else or ended up being stock with rocking my big boy to sleep every time...Just use your common sense and mother's intuition.

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