What is it with MIL's? Semi-Rant LOL

Kellie - posted on 11/11/2011 ( 11 moms have responded )

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If you're a MIL maybe you can explain to me why you don't listen to your grandchildren's Parents .

My MIL is fricken crazy. My partner and I went to see Kings of Leon last night (totally awesome btw) and I get to my partners parents place to drop off our almost one year old daughter and she reeks of alcohol (she has a drinking problem and as the hubby had been out all day so she sat there drinking), it's 5pm n the evening woman and ffs you knew I was dropping the baby off and you couldn't refrain from drinking?

Then I tell her to give my daughter her bottle just after I leave as it's been ages since her last bottle. Oh you don't want me to give her her solids first? No I want you to give her her bottle. Why don't I wait for a while and give it to her when she's showing she wants it, by that she means crying her little heart out, I'm like No give her her bottle when I leave. I even get the fucking thing out and put it on the bench so it's right there for her to heat up.

So I leave thinking, fucking bitch for being drunk and I'm fuming (thankfully the FIL was home), and I bet she doesn't give my daughter her bottle and goes ahead and ignores me.

We get back after the concert and she goes, Oh I did't give her her bottle right away I gave her her solids and she ate the whole jar. I said I'm not surprised, she was starving, that why I told you to give her her fucking bottle when I left and her solids later.

Oh and we bathed her (she's also started bathing her, again this shits me as I don't fucking ask you to bathe her and it's also not necessary for you to bathe her). blah blah etc etc.

Then the FIL goes (after my partner asked him when she went to bed how'd that go) oh he goes, she cried but eventually she fell asleep.

YOU FUCKING LEFT MY BABY TO CRY HERSELF TO SLEEP? I cannot tell you how much I loathe CIO. It breaks my heart to imagine any child, let alone my own, left to cry their little hearts out until they realise no one gives a crap and no ones coming back.

So number 1. I asked you to give my baby her bottle and you ignored me. Number 2. You were fricken drunk. Number 3. You bathed my child for no reason and without me being present. Number 4. You left my baby to CIO. Number 5. I know you ignored me to get back at me for refusing to let you walk all over me and just invite your MIL to my daughter's first birthday (my MIL is a sneaky manipulator). Number 6. It's going to be a while before I leave my child with you again.

So MIL's while I get you have raised children before me I am also the best judge of my child and I parent differently to you, you need to respect this. When I ask you to give my child her bottle, I'm not asking for shits and giggles, I'm asking because I KNOW it's time for her bottle! And maybe instead of leaving her to cry herself to sleep you could take 5 freaking minutes to rock her to sleep. And you could also maybe LISTEN TO THE CHILDS PARENT ARGH!

So Why, why is it so hard for you to listen to your grandchildren's Parents?

P.S and If I ever find out in the future your using hitting (spanking) as a discipline method you will never be alone in the same room as my child again.

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Kelina - posted on 11/13/2011

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I won't be able to respond here without insulting you greatly so I'm not going to bother, but if you have that many issues next time HIRE A SITTER.

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Kellie - posted on 11/16/2011

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Actually holding my daughter while she goes to sleep has the opposite effect, She self soothes during the night and just last night and 2 night before that struggled to go to sleep on me or her Daddy so we put her in her cot and she went to sleep herself.



I find tending to your baby when they cry makes for a child ho rarely cries and holding her while she falls asleep makes for an independent self soother who happens to want/need a snuggle while falling asleep.



That a child will struggle to independently fall asleep if you cuddle them is a myth I have found. I have no doubt that fr the odd child this may be an issue, given that we are all different, but its been my experience it has the opposite effect.



This is why I will never use CIO, I think it's an appalling thing to do to an infant/baby/child. We, as adults, expect comfort from those around us and feel horrible if it's withheld yet we would do that to a baby? Boggles my mind.



http://drbenkim.com/articles-attachment-...



http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/07/05...



That's just 2 articles, ther are hundreds more.



Yes it's going to be a long time before the MIL will be watching my daughter again.

Michelle - posted on 11/15/2011

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I don't have in-laws. However, my eldest 2 daughter's grandma is fine and is happy to follow rules that their dad and me have set, although she does stray from them a bit but not in a way that is unacceptable. Then again, the same goes for my parents. I feel it is a grandparents right to spoil their grandchildren a little, providing they don't go over the top. My baby's grandma really doesn't have much to do with her. She cares about her so much that I've just found out she's moved house and hasn't even bothered to tell us. I don't leave my baby with her simply because my baby doesn't like her - she always cries when she's around.

As for your situation, you were obviously extremely angry when you posted this, hence the aggression and bad language. I think perhaps you shouldn't allow your MIL to look after your child if she has been drinking that much, though there is your FIL who may very well be capable of looking after your child. Yes I agree she should have given her the bottle if that's what your baby is used to BUT, I don't see that you should have a problem with bathing her - most babies love baths so why not? Also, it's not a bad thing to let a baby cry themselves to sleep. When you rock a baby to sleep every night it may cause problems in getting them to go to bed independantly when they are older - perhaps it's something you should consider yourself.

Yes sometimes in-laws, and parents, make you feel like they think they know it all and you don't BUT i'm sure they don't mean it that way. Calm down and ease up a little, allow them a bit of space to do things their way, within reason, when they are looking after your child. However, perhaps speak to your MIL and say you are not happy leaving your child in her care when she is drinking large amounts of alcohol (nothing wrong a glass or 2 maximum). Then look for alternative arrangements if she doesn't stop the drinking.

Kellie - posted on 11/13/2011

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1. The FIL is perfectly capable of watching his Granddaughter and supervising.

2, It wasn't a movie it was a concert and as Kings of Leon are an American Band they don't come to Australia very often let alone my little state and the tickets her $100 dollars each.

3. The MIL isn't a falling down drunk, she just stinks and repeats herself and doesn't listen, but that aside I would love it if she wouldn't drink when she's due to watch the baby and I do my best to avoid having her watch my daughter ESPECIALLY on her own.

4. My daughter loves her Nanny and Poppy, they are the only Nanny and Poppy she has as my idiot parents have been dead for many years now.

5. She does love the bath yes, however I have an issue with this for 2 reasons, 1, If she has to many baths in a row her skin dries out and 2, she's not old enough to teach her about her private bits and that no one should touch her there. No I do not think my partners parents are rabid pedophiles just waiting for the opportunity to abuse my child BUT I want her armed with this knowledge before people other than myself and her Daddy bathe her.

6. I believe in baby led weaning, My daughter is still having 4 full bottles a day and her main food source is still her formula which I do believe she is beginning to self wean from. I was pissed (and had every right to be) because I asked/told her more than once to give the kid her bottle when I left, I wanted bottle first solids second for that reason as well as the fact her nappies had been a little on the dry side and I wanted her to have the fluid from the bottle.

7. They know I do not believe in CIO and that I hold/rock/cuddle my daughter to sleep. I am quite vocal in my disgust of CIO and I have no use for it. They also see how I put my daughter to sleep on occasion.

8. The MIL usually listens, but when she's been drinking all reasoning and listening go out the window.

9. I also know something about being a parent, I know kids and I know my daughter. I am very confident in my parenting/mothering and I am a cook/kitchen hand by trade and also know a little about food. Times have changed from 30 years ago when they were having babies, so I think that last statement of yours goes both ways Kelina..

Kelina - posted on 11/12/2011

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I'm not even sure I should respond to this but i'll do my best not to sound like a bitch. First of all, i wouldn't have left my child there. I don't care that you FIL was there , it only takes one second of him looking away and your MIL getting frustrated for something to happen. she was drunk. I would have given up my movie, gone home and bitched to my husband then hired a sitter for some other time. I also wouldn't be leaving her there in the morning even if she's not drunk yet. Chances are she'll be drinking around your daughter and hung over from the day before. My dad's an alcoholic that's why he never sees my kids alone and never when he's drinking. Second, whats the big deal with the bath? So she didn't need one, if she's anything like my kids they love the bathtub. If I can't get them to stop driving me nuts they get tossed in the tub. tub=half an hour of time i don't have to chase them around and they have a blast. As for the bottle, personally I agree with your MIL. She's almost 1 she should be getting her solids as meals not her bottle. bottles are for comfort. It would have been more practical for them to give it to her right before bed to help her calm down. And at almost one she needs the nutrition from the jar of food. On top of that, it takes the same amount of time to warm up a jar of baby food as it does to warm up a bottle so who cares what she got first? She did get them both in the end. As for the rocking, s=did you ask them to rock her to sleep? have you talked to her about this is the past? And if this isn't the first time she's ignored you about how you want your daughter raised why would you leave her with her? It's hard to listen because they've raised kids using the methods and so they figure they know how to raise kids. I absolutely feel that our parents and in laws should listen to us when it comes to raising our kids but I also feel like parents have to be willing to bend a bit when it comes to certain things like food and be open to the fact that they might know something about being a parent.

Aniesha - posted on 11/12/2011

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Omg, makes me so very grateful for my MIL!! We've definitely had our differences, but I know she's always had my son's best interests at heart, and we're in a really good place now. Even if she doesn't agree with what I'm doing, she respects me enough to let me go my own way & not try & interfere. I consider myself very lucky, as we've always had a really good relationship, even when my partner & I first started dating.

Kellie, if someone did that to my baby (no matter who) I would NEVER leave them there again, she sounds like an absolute witch!

Olivia - posted on 11/11/2011

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I think that most MIL are in some way like this. Now what you say is extreme and I am so sorry you have to deal with that.

We are currently living in my future MIL's house long story short because she took in my dad who was with his sister about to be in a nursing home. She took him cause she wanted money from his SS check even though I told her that it goes to his bills. Needless to say she didn't hear anything I said even though I thought she did (stupid me) took him in quit her job then didn't want to be his nurse so I had to start coming every day. We where doing A+ with money so we had to move in. Ended up not being able to pay our last month rent on our lease of the house we where renting cause we where paying utility bills in her house and our house rent. Then 6 months later my dad ends up in a nursing home cause I just cant do it with a one year old and pregnant. And she constantly bitches cause she didn't get her last months rent from him. Now she constantly complains about how she should of quit her job (when I told her she should just because my dad was moving in), so she blames him for that. well that wasnt much of a short version I guess lol. WELL it is now over a year later and because she pretty much caused our money to drain and my fiancee wasnt doing to well on the job department at the time, we will be stuck here for another year or more.

The best way to describe her is a selfish co-dependent hypocrite that thinks she is always right and does things for others. When she ONLY does things for others if it benefits her in some way THEN she wants something in return. Yet "doing things for others" just "drains her so much". She thinks that "taking us in" she is doing us such a big favor and we should appreciate it to the up-most. She demands respect yet she doesn't respect my children in many ways. I am just glad that she doesn't spank them and at least once every few days holds them. I just wish it was MY mom here because we would have to pry her off of them and she respects and believes the way we want to raise our children.

And on top of all that at least she somewhat listens to us about our children but then again we live in the same house so I always see, and still have to correct her. She talks very put down like to everyone including the kids. I understand to some extent she really cant say anything nice so to sooth a baby she just says stuff so they hear her voice and calm down, it worked then. BUT now I have a 22 month old that parrots everything and she still does that to my 3 month old and it pisses me off because I dont want my daughter to learn she can talk like that. But she always say "I birthed 3 children and housed many many more (10+) I never harmed a child yet and I am not about to change my ways now"

Wow ok so this is turning into a rant so I am going to stop while I am ahead because there is just so much more I could say. BUT to answer your question yes MIL's are in some way or another like that. I wish you the best with yours, I know I am being to tolerate mine and ignore what aggravates me about her cause well I live with her and being constantly aggravated is not good for my children ^_^

Kellie - posted on 11/11/2011

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The only reason I left her there was because the FIL was there to supervise and I know he would never let anything happen to Rayne. I very very rarely leave her alone with the MIL and if I do it's during the day morningish time as I know she's sober then, never in the evening.

omg Marina, you have no idea. She's a sneaky bitch but is learning she can't manipulate me like she can her family so this is how she gets back at me behind the scenes.

Drives me crazy!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/11/2011

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DUDE! I would not let her watch my kid again.....it probably wasn't wise to leaver her there in the first place once you knew she was drinking. I don't get why they cannot listen to the parents. i am questioned by my MIL all the time like that....but in the long run, she may question the hell out of me....but she will do what I tell her to do. I love my mother in law, we can often get on eachothers nerves, but man if she EVER pulled the crap you just explain, the only time she would be with my kids would be under supervised visitation.

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