Why do I HAVE to hold him!?!

Danielle - posted on 12/23/2010

20 minutes at a time isn't that bad really. My daughter is almost 4 months old and she literally wouldn't go 5 minutes without attention until she was 3 months old. She didn't sleep good until recently either. Both my kids were born at 37 weeks, via c-section, due to my gestational diabetes. It's frustrating and hard, I agree but that's just part of having a baby sometimes. I let me daughter cry when I'm getting stuff done. If I'm doing the dishes and she has all her needs met, I let her cry until I'm done. Same with when I'm folding laundry. Or getting my 20 month old's lunch on the table. Doing this has led to her being able to handle more and more time independently. Cherish these moments my dear. Cuddle your baby. Other things can wait sometimes too. My 20 month old now doesn't have the time of day to sit on my lap for longer than 30 seconds! And once upon a time he was just as needy as my daughter is today.

Melissa - posted on 12/22/2010

Felicia its so hard when they are in pain! My son had Coilic I waited untill we knew he no longer had it before we tries the sleep training....What formulas have you treid? we used nutramigin...it worked great but ours had a milk protein problem! Good luck!

Stifler's - posted on 12/22/2010

I had a baby like that, exactly like that.

Felicia Neikolle - posted on 12/22/2010

Okay, forgive me because I feel like I need to defend myself some here. I do appreciate all the advice just need to clarify some things. He is my third child but my first to have the tummy issues. I can't just let him "cry it out" because it's not crying based on tiredness alone. He truly is in pain. I don't for one second mind holding my son. HOWEVER, when he's screaming at the top of lungs and crying regardless if I'm holding him or not and I STILL have to hold him ALL day ... it gets wearisome. He IS getting better. When I refer to holding him doesn't allow me to get things done, I'm not referring to vacuuming the floors ... I can't even pee w/o him screaming. Holding him constantly isn't as simple either as just holding him ... it has to be in a certain position that is not only tiresome but literally painful for me. He isn't lactose intolerant but the doctor has said that he has gastrointestinal sensitivity. We are trying to find him a formula that will work well with that. Thankfully one of his toys for Christmas was an exersaucer and he seems to LOVE it which allows me to do a few things. I mean, I can't very well hold him and get all the presents wrapped! We do co-sleep but sleeping on my back only causes me more pain and doesn't allow for me to sleep longer than 20 mins at a time so when that happens I'm extra stressed and cranky. Again, I appreciate all your advice and help. He does sleep very well at night (min 10hrs) usually and in his bassinet. I just need him to go back to the nap times he used to have during the day when I lay him down.

Lydia - posted on 12/17/2010

so true Lise, I never stressed to get my daughter to fall asleep on her own and she does now. at the moment she is having trouble calming down so i rock her to sleep often, but she started falling asleep on her own when i simply tried to put her down when she looked tired. but if she couldn't fall asleep i always soothe her. there is so much pressure for babies to sleep on their own, in their own room all night long... most grown ups even don't like to sleep alone so why do we expect babies to sleep alone after they're so used to being close to mommy 9 months in the tummy???

Lise - posted on 12/17/2010

Rachael, that makes PERFECT sense - but I personally wouldn't worry about it. Lots of people told me that I would "spoil" my daughter by holding her, or get her used to it... Has not been a problem. She slept on my chest (or my husband's) EVERY night from when she was born until a little over 3 months. Then she started rolling off our chests and sleeping in the crook of our arms. Now she scoots away and has fallen asleep on her own a few times, and sleeps on her own at times too. I would just go with what works - he'll be able to sleep on his own (and soothe himself) when he's ready.

Racheal - posted on 12/17/2010

i dont mind holding him and not getting things done...the house work can wait. im just scared that if it keeps up...its going to be hard to get him to learn to sleep on his own and soothe himself back to sleep. if that makes any sense

Lydia - posted on 12/17/2010

check out this website
http://www.babysleepsite.com/

Lydia - posted on 12/17/2010

My daughter had a time around 3 months where she slept through the night but no longer than 20 minute naps during the day... after some time it all got sorted out and she found her routine with 2 naptimes (1 hour in the morning, 2 in the afternoon). so the holding and 20 minutes sleep is maybe not really related. and we had times when my daughter practically lived on my arms... and i lived on the couch with the laptop next to me.
anyways, maybe you can use a sling to carry him around so you can get things done (i did that too but you can't do it all day long). also i watched my daughter for signs of tiredness and tried to put her down earlier. often she would go sleep without fuss, sometimes she wouldn't so i got her out and carried her some more... i wouldn't let a 3 or 4 month old cry that much, it may make it even worse. babies do have a real need to actually be held and cuddled, so it's healthier for him. believe me, as soon as he will sit up and crawl and walk he'll not want to be much on your arms. don't be so afraid of him getting attached to being held. they become so active and want to discover everything that they won't sit still anymore.

Lise - posted on 12/17/2010

I guess I no longer see the problem with holding the baby (now that mine is 14 months). My daughter was like that, and we just went with it. Held her all the time, never let her cry, wore her (carriers are a lifesaver!!!), etc. She had her weeks of wanting to be held, followed by weeks of independence, etc. We even held her all night and during naps.

My perspective was that 1) I wanted my daughter to sleep, and 2) I wanted to sleep - in that order. If she would sleep 5 hours while I held her or 30 minutes on her own, I'd choose to hold her. She hasn't been held at night since she was 3 months old, because she grew out of it. She started to roll away from me.

There is a lot of pressure for babies to sleep through the night (which under a year is 4-5 hours straight, not longer), sleep on their own, mold to OUR lives... This was never what it was like in the past. So we gave in and went with our daughter's needs and what worked for her, and now I find myself saying, "Baby, please let mommy hold you" as my daughter runs off to explore the world by herself.

Racheal - posted on 12/17/2010

melissa....how long did u let him cry it out? we have had day sleep issues from the start with our son...he will not sleep in his crib during the day..and often wont sleep for more than half hour...he will wake up and then we have to get him back 2 sleep. we used 2 b able 2 put him on the couch 2 sleep during the day but now seems 2 need 2 b held or will wake up after 10mins. also...he used 2 sleep 4-5hr stretches at night...but is now up after 3hrs max...needs 2 b put back 2 sleep...is down for an hour and then same thing.then after his 1am feed...he will sleep 4 maybe an hour is then up and wont stay sleeping unless held. he will b 3months old on dec 23rd.
we were also away from our home for almost 3 weeks visiting family....so he didnt have his own crib and so on...wonder if that has nething 3 do with it. i have tried the cry it out method awhile back and he got so upset,,,sounded like he was going 3 b sick..so i gave up. mu husband and i are at our wits end...both just exhausted and dont know what to do. any help from ANYONE would be appreciated

Melissa - posted on 12/10/2010

I know you dont want to hear this BUT Our son did the exact same thing at 3 months....I HATE to hear my baby cry but we tried EVERYTHING! The only thing that worked was the cry it out method...it hurt me to do it but in the end it took 3 days and was life changeing for both me and my son...He sleeps amazing now(except when teething of cours) but he went from being fussy all the time due to lack of sleep to being soooo happy and he immediatly went to a great nap schedule! It was soooo worth it! I reccomend trying it....Please research it and maybe even the other sleep training tech. also talk to your doc.... just know when people say they are crying for a reason one of those reason is from being flat out tired but is having a hard time falling asleep! The first day was so hard he deff. did the ugly cry but the next day he did great cried for 20 mins and fell asleep that happened a few times over the day or two untill he finally got it...he would cry himself to sleep only just a little after that now he sleeps like a champ! He went from sleeping a total of 11hours a day to 15 like reccomended! He is the happiest baby ever now!!!

Danielle - posted on 12/10/2010

At that age they are realizing who you are and that they NEED you in order to survive. I look at it this way: How would it feel to be left in a bouncer, swing, play pen, or on floor knowing that you can't do anything for yourself. It would be frightening. My son went through this as well, and yes it gets frustrating, but I would rather keep him attached to my hip so he knows I am there for him no matter what and has nothing to fear. It gets better, especially when they become mobile, they can entertain themselves for longer periods of time and just love exploring. One day they will be grown and won't want our constant love, touch and affection, so soak it up while you can. The housework and other tasks can wait :)

Heather - posted on 12/09/2010

My daughter is 8 1/2 months and is very similar. She was very, very clingy when she was younger and now will cry if I leave the room for more than a minute (sometimes all I have to do is leave her sight), won't even play near me or in her excersaucer or jumperoo sometimes.
The one saving grace that I have found is a good baby carrier. I started using the maya wrap with her when she was small, because I found that my husband's baby bjorn just got in the way. I recently tried out the moby wrap, which would have been my absolute favorite if she was a little smaller and still liked to face me, and a mei tei wrap. I loooove the mei tei - I put her on my back in it and go about my day. Sometimes she falls asleep in it but mostly she just hangs out and looks over my shoulder. I call her my little papoose - the Native Americans were on to something when they tied their infants to their backs! Now, she has finally started to want to play on the floor near me when I clean around her, but it has been a long, clingy road!
Just a note - all these baby carriers are super expensive and goodness knows I don't have money to throw around frivolously on a few yards of fabric - I have bought every one of my baby carriers from either a thrift store, like once upon a child (we got our $80 baby bjorn for $15) or ebay (wraps that cost between $70-$120 from the websites we have gotten for between $10 and $30). I love trying out new wraps, but if I bought them all I would have spent about $500 - waaaay too much!

Amanda - posted on 12/09/2010

I hope it gets better for you! Keep in mind that sometimes that is just the child's personality. My son was like that as a baby, and now at 6 he is still the type of boy that has to be touching you if you are within arms reach. It may seem harder, especially if you aren't a touchy-feely person. Keep in mind though that this is how he is showing he loves/needs you and WANTS to be with you!!! You could always try a sling, or give him snuggle time and then let him know you have to set him down to do something.

Elfrieda - posted on 12/09/2010

My son was the same way, although he was born at full term. I know exactly what you mean about not wanting to hold him all the time! Some moms go on and on about how lovely it is to hold their baby - so bonding, so wonderful - and I'm sure it was for them, but when you have to do it all of your waking hours or else listen to a crying baby, it sure does get tiring.

As for the light at the end of the tunnel, yes, it gets better! At 5 1/2 months, when my boy could sit with pillows supporting him, he got lots happier. He could be upright, looking around, and reach for the toys he wanted. After that it just got better and better. When he learned to crawl, he just went wherever he pleased, and didn't whine for me to bring the toy to him, but went and got it! He'll be one on Monday, and looking back, I'd have to say that life just got better and better, and the baby got happier and happier, the more time passed. Hang in there, you'll be okay.
I don't feel like anything helped all the time, but here are a few things to try:
Go to family gatherings or places where other people can hold him, if he's not shy, so that you get a break.
Use a sling so that you can still do the bare necessities around the house, or even eat in peace.
Go to a chiropractor, and get your husband to give you a massage.

Stifler's - posted on 12/09/2010

Sounds like my kid when he was 4 months and younger. He never stopped whingeing and wanted to be held. I almost went insane and left him to cry way too much so I could have a spotless house and regret it so much now. Who gives a shit about the house, spend time with your baby while they're still small.

Janielle - posted on 12/09/2010

dominic has days where he freaks out if i try n go to the bathroom, but other days he will play on his own for an hour n not realize if im still there! he is 10 months now, but has been going on since he was small! i try n give him a hug, n put him back to what he was doing if im trying to leave the room n hes upset, and talk to him! he knows your voice, and footsteps, babies are very aware!!

Troy Lizzie - posted on 12/09/2010

this sounds like our household just afew months ago. my son got so so clingy throughout the day that i could hardly cope. i couldnt get a thing done and found it much easier to just put him in our baby bjorn. there is light at the end of the tunnel...i promise. just hand in there.

Becky - posted on 12/09/2010

My son was the same way for a while, he has gotten better with age. The only thing I can suggest is pacifier, swing, toys...give him something to distract him. Im not sure if he uses a paci but if he doesnt like it try puting a little mylicon on it, they are harmless gas drops and they may get him sucking and realize he does like it! The sweet taste gets them sucking instead of crying and never closing their mouths. I hope this helps...if not try a baby carrier like PP suggested. It may just be a phase...if you dont feel comfortable letting him cry then dont do it...I tried that for a while and I about lost it..it was just too hard for me. Also- try turning on the vacuum, babies often like the loud sound, it calms them and reminds them of the womb. My son often would instantly quiet down and relax...if they start crying harder it may just be scaring them, then it's not working. Good luck mama! Hang in there!

ps...I accidentally clicked that your post was 'nice' haha..oops.

Serena - posted on 12/08/2010

My son was born at 31 weeks, He was the size of a 25 weeker, 900grams, he was in the neonatal unit for quite some time. He got used to being held and picked up all the time from the nurses and being my 1st child we just wanted to cuddle him and be grateful he was alive. etc etc... But he became very very clingy and it only gets worse if you keep doing it for so long ! Let baby cry for abit, get them to understand you cant pick him up all the time. We found that when we bought an electronic rocker it was great. Baby would swing in it and rock off to sleep and he got used to not being picked up

Kristy - posted on 12/08/2010

I hear you there is light at the end of the tunnel. Try getting a carrier that attaches to you and see if that works then gradually ween him off of that. But at least this way you can still get things done around the house and it also gets baby used to noises that may be going on around him at any given time. Eventually you will be able to put him down.